"Bring on the Potential Killers" A Season Seven Parody
Author: foggi (L@spookysand.com)
Feedback: Please.
Archive: Put it wherever you like, just email me first. I just want to know where it is!
Summary: A parody based on spoilers/viewings for 7.10-7.14, DOES CONTAIN SPOILERS!
Notes: Written by a Spuffy shipper, and a huge Spike fan. I don't know if that comes through so much in the fic, but I just wanted to warn you in case you really hate fics with that theme.
Disclaimer: Everything is Joss, ME, and sadly Marti's.
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Giles enters Buffy's bedroom with a somber look on his face. He touches NOTHING!!!! Buffy is standing by her bed looking very empowered and bloody.
BUFFY: Arrrrgh! I am so freaking powerful!
GILES: Buffy, you need to help the new slayers prepare for this...battle.
BUFFY: What? Can't you do that? I am busy being powerful.
Giles sighs, and walks over to Buffy's dresser...he touches NOTHING. Until he trips and smashes into the lamp by the dresser. So much for that *plot twist.*
GILES: Bloody hell.
BUFFY: Hey! Is that a scar on you head, Giles?
GILES: No.
Buffy looks at Giles suspiciously. Then shrugs her shoulders.
BUFFY: Okay!
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Anya and Dawn sit in a corner...they look very hot...which means they must be evil. All the beautiful people on this show are evil. Speaking of which...
BUFFY: We need to find Spike! Not because I have any feelings for him or because I believe in him at all, but because we need his muscle!!!
DAWN: Isn't he going to be too beaten up by the First to really help?
ANYA: Yeah, you can't really think that he'd be too much help to us, Buffy.
BUFFY: Well-
XANDER: We really don't need to find Spike at all.
BUFFY: I-
GILES: No, I don't think he's really necessary, I mean the last thing we need is Buffy finding any sort of relationship with anyone. Her romantic happiness is out of the question.
WILLOW: Why? That doesn't make any-
GILES: Because I think it therefore-
BUFFY: Giles is right! We don't need Spike. We'll just let him get beaten up for a little while longer...
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Buffy sits in the corner, she's painting a portrait of Spike, not that she is at all concerned about him...she only thinks he is hot.
GILES: Buffy, obviously when I left you still didn't learn that You couldn't lean on me for-
BUFFY: Giles, can you make me a sandwich...and can you pick up Dawn from school...Oh, and let Xander hit on you all day, I don't have time for it right now...
GILES: Buffy, you need to train the new slayers.
BUFFY: (thinks about this for a moment) OH! I know! We need Spike for this!
XANDER: Pardon? No, he'll only try to rape them.
Marti Noxon does the snoopy dance in honor of her sole contribution to the script.
BUFFY: No, this is a good reason to save them. Um, he's the only one strong enough!
GILES: Well, if you are only going to keep whining about it...I suppose you can go and save him.
BUFFY: Okay!... And hey junior slayers who aren't my kid sister! I have an empowering speech to give before I leave! Listen: From now on, we are going to seek out our greatest fears! We're better than everyone! We are the biggest big bad, and they have no idea what's coming! I'm beyond tired, I am beyond scared! Which may not sound convincing the thousandth time you hear it...but anyways, right now I am going to go get the sex god because he's evil and I'll never love him!
MOLLY THE SLAYER IN TRAINING WITH THE HORRID ACCENT: Then why are you going to save him?
BUFFY: Um, plot twist!
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TBC
