Joyride- John teaches Sherlock how to drive. / Dialogue only. / T for light language.
"I must be going mad. I can't believe I'm doing this."
"John, it was your idea. If I remember correctly, you were the one who incessantly nagged me-"
"What was I thinking?"
"Don't flatter yourself. You weren't."
"…"
"Oh, don't look at me like that. You know what I mean."
"Unfortunately, I do. Now, you put the key here and twist-"
"I'm not an idiot, John."
"I know. Now, slowly back up and- my goodness, five minutes in and we already bump Mrs. Turner's car. Why am I not surprised?"
"It has been only seventy-two seconds since I sat in this seat, and it wasn't my fault the space between her car and yours is only-"
"Sherlock, please. Let's just hope she doesn't notice the bump- why did you stopped in the middle of the road?"
"You said you wanted to take this step by step."
"Don't blame me, just- Sherlock, you're causing traffic. Do please press the- By the- why, Sherlock, why?"
"You said to press the gas."
"We aren't chasing a criminal; you don't need to go 80 kilometers per hour... and you wonder why people think you're insufferable."
"I don't wonder; I know."
"If you know so mouch, then why don't you know how to dri- Sherlock, stop beeping the unfortunate worman. It's disrespectful."
"She's taking to long to cross. WAiting is tedious."
"It's only been a few seconds."
"Eighteen, nineteen, and counting."
"Frankly, I'm surprised you didn't run her over."
"..."
"Take that as a compliment, Sherlock."
"I'm uninterested in being arrested under the death penalty of a woman with arthritis in her left knee and hip. Also, it's not my fault her three grandchildren- two girls and a boy- no, three girls- decided to spring on her as a good morning wake-up call to her fifty-second birthday."
"..."
"If I'm ever arrested under a death penalty, I hope the reason would be much more exciting."
"Three words: Charles Augustus Magnussen."
"... It was only a four-minute exile."
"Sherloc- SHERLOCK! Oh my- next time warn me!"
"Warn you why?"
"When, I don't know, you press the gas pedal!"
"Do pay attention to the streetlights, John. And if you didn't notice, the grandmother already crossed the street."
"..."
"John?"
"If we ever get into a car chase, I'm driving."
"Then what's the point of this... 'lesson?'"
"Why did you agree to this, again?"
"I didn't agree to this, John. You blackmailed me."
"... I don't remember the blackmailing part."
"I drugged you."
"...Oh! Yes, I threatened to tell Mary about the cookie and liver incident, didn't I?"
"... Damn."
"Language, Sherlock."
"Says the man who swore like a sailor when Moriarty decided to make an appearance."
"Who's the one teaching you how to drive?"
"Who's the one driving?"
"..."
"..."
"Don't look at me like that, keep your eyes one the- Holy shit! You're not suppose to cross lanes!"
"Hypocrite."
"Death-cheating bastard."
"..."
"I see that smirk."
"I wasn't trying to hide it, John. Oh, look; we're here."
"I never thought the sight of Baker Street would make me feel so happy."
"You visit me nearly every other day."
"I know- but I'm alive. And you're alive, too."
"..."
"I mean- er, you managed to not crash, and we survived-"
"I did crash, John. Into Mrs. Turner's car."
"... Well, your parallel parking's surprisingly not too bad. But-"
"John?"
"Yes, Sherlock?"
"... I already know how to drive. See; I've even got a licence."
"... You bastard."
