Song fic, thankyou to Brandi Carlile, this is a beautiful song. "Cannonball" It would probably work best if you listened to it while reading, but its up to you.

It, of course, doesn't work entirely. But I hope you get the idea.

It's a very powerful strong, and as a McShep friendship lover, I decided to post this anyway.

Please review, even though its terrible…

Kai xx

I was born when I met you
Now I'm dying to forget you
And that is what I know
Though I dreamed I would fall
Like a wounded cannonball
Sinking down with my heart in tow

John was silent. He looked out to the world beyond the cliff edge. He felt the wind. It brushed his face, like a lover's caress. Maybe, if he was lucky, it would stop him falling, and take him up, up and away.
Away to Rodney.

Maybe it would be powerful enough. Maybe it would be strong enough. Strong like Rodney had been when he had told them to leave. When he had given up, when he had decided that the team were more important. Strong like he had been when he had sent them home, and stopped them ever returning.

Then again, maybe the wind would be weak, weak like John had been when he realised that he couldn't get his friend out of there. Maybe It would let John down, like John had let Rodney down.

There's a man all alone
Telling me his friends are gone
That they've died and flown away
So I told him he was wrong
That you friends are never gone
If you look to the sky and pray

John had said few words at the memorial. He hadn't cried. His friend hadn't left anything in his will about his memorial, it was unimportant to him, and thus to John. Instead, John had found himself crying at the small gathering his friend had planned, when he was reading out the words Rodney had written, and when he was saying his own. Elizabeth, Becket, Ronon, Teyla, Zelenka. The few that Rodney had asked to meet up. Together, they had said goodbye to Rodney. John hadn't stopped talking to him in his head since then, asking him to come back.

Rodney, he knew, had watched, had listened with a small smile. But he hadn't come back.

He couldn't come back. Never again.

Bright lights like white lightning
Who shot me down
Who will cut me down
I'm frozen in my bed till the day comes around
How I'm lost
How I'm found

John looked up. He saw the fluffy clouds. It was a nice day. He hated nice days. It had been raining when Rodney had left him. Lightning had flashed in the sky. It had weakened the building. The building that had trapped his friend. The building that had killed him.

John never wanted to see a "nice" day ever again. It was an insult. How could anything be nice without him. Rodney berated him at that. John hadn't told anyone when Rodney began to talk back. John knew it was bad.

Someone told me a lie
Someone looked me in the eye
And said time will ease your pain
But behold, when you old
It's that same old cannonball
Coming back for your heart again

John remembered the eyes of the people around him most. He remembered, at first, the tears and the sadness. The pity for John and his team. But, in time, as people had moved on, the pity turned to mistrust, to worry, to fear. People thought he was loosing it. People began to ask him searching questions. They asked if he was okay, if he wanted to take today off. Becket was worse.

Time will ease your pain?

Bullshit.

Rodney was still gone, no matter what. He would always be gone.

I was born when I met you
Now I'm dying to forget you
And that is what I know

Hope you like it!

Review, again, please – the review gods demand tribute!!

Yours, Kai xx