DISCLAIMER: not mine. you can sue if you want. *shrugs* all you'll get is some loose change and an old mint i found in my backpack the other day.

AUTHORS NOTE: to anyone whose actually reading, this will be a chyan fic. i added an OC, but i promise she won't be dating any of our guys for real. i may at times be mean or at least mock gariella or troy, 'cause i don't like either of them. but it'll be subtle, for all you sick troyella lovers out there. one more thing, i'll try my hardest not to make cemmy a mary sue, but if i accidentally do, let me know, 'kay? i can't change her drastically, so let me know soon if she's not up to standards. she won't be overly nice, sing well, have odd colored eyes, be very smart in school unless she studies, and all that. 'kay? 'kay.

btw, i'm thinking of not making ryan openly gay in this, because i'm sick of everyone assuming he is outrightly just cause he wears hats i'd love to have, and pants tighter than mine.

one last thing, i'm explaining this here, 'cause i don't want to in the fic. cemmy is relatively new in school, only been there about five months, but when you already have a best friend, getting a second one is easy and doesn't take long at all. i know you all know what i mean. when someone already officially has that "best friend" spot, you can have another just as fast. and that's cemmy in chad's life. he and taylor weren't friends before they "got together" (disney is sooooo kidding itself) so i don't get why people assume they would be after they "broke up". so cemmy is chad's girl best friend.

TIMELINE: between hsm and hsm 2. and i'm going to ignore the fact that chad and taylor seemed to be "together" in hsm 2 and 3.

"Load up on guns/ Bring you friends/ It's fun to lose, and to pretend/ She's overboard, self assured/ I know, I know/ A dirty word

Hello hello hello how low/ Hello hello hello how low/ Hello hello hello how low

With the lights out/ It's less dangerous/ Here we are now/ Entertain us/ I feel stupid and contagious/ Here we are now/ Entertain us..."

---"Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana

"Where," Chad Danforth asked mysteriously at the lunch table, "are the snows of yesteryear?"

Cemmy faked a yawn and said, "Last year's snow melted into water in the spring thaw and can be found in streams, rivers, or the Great Lakes." Cemmy's real name was December Cheshire, but everyone still living called her Cemmy, save for her grandmother, who she was named after, but she was senile most of the time, so she didn't count. She had big almond shaped brown eyes, reckless, slightly self-mocking laugh, and an outrageous personality, which was caused by her size. After all, five nothing was not all that impressive for a junior. She had dark, almost black hair down to just past her shoulderblades, cut through with blood red streaks. Her long nails were painted neon green, like the shoeslaces of her combat boots. She wore indigo jeans and a black Sonic Youth tee. She was also a bit, er, tempestuous, although most people prefere the term "bitch".

Cemmy bit into a chocolate chip cookie as she asked, "What do they use to ship Styrofoam with?"

Chad answered, "Probably just a cardboard box, because the Styrofaom itself doesn't need any padding." He and Cemmy had made friends easily, as she'd taken the place of his girl best friend when he and Taylor reached that inevitable break-up. There had been no hard feelings, but it was awkward to try to be close again when they had nothing in common. Not everyone was good at being 'just friends' with girls like Ryan was with Kelsi. Chad could've easily gotten a date with any girl in school, but to be friends... God, that was exhausting.

"What are they doing?" Kelsi said in her tiny voice, softly inquiring.

"Exchanging philosophical questions." Ryan was quiet for a moment, then asked, "Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream?"

Gabriella said helpfully, "It probably starts to grow mold by then."

"Ewww..."

Everyone was quietly munching on their respective lunches as they thought up questions. Finally, Jason asked, a huge grin plastered on his face, "If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?"

"No, they'd just be considered to have MPD and suicidal tendencies, and given more medication." Martha answered.

Jason persisted, "When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?"

Chad replied, "In invisible ink."

"Why does the buttered side of the toast always land on the floor?" Zeke mused, contemplating his bagel and debating with himself whether to drop it to see if the statement applied to cream-cheesed bagels as well.

Cemmy, not to be outdone, said quickly, "It's heavier than the unbuttered side." Zeke decided that he was too hungry to waste food like that.

Troy looked excited. "I got one, I got one!"

"Spill it, 'Baller," Cemmy ordered. Troy beamed and asked,

"How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" The rest of them sat in silence for a moment, stunned by the sheer idiocy of the question. Troy grinned, "That one stumped ya too, huh?"

After a moment, Kelsi brightened and recited, "A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood." Troy looked slightly disappointed. Kelsi turned to Cemmy and asked, "Why isn't phoenic spelled the way it sounds?"

"Because English is a language with many roots sources, and it's screwy."

Taylor shook her head, and said mostly to herself, "I think I'm just gonna sit here and eat my lunch quietly before my fragile hold on sanity is destroyed." And puntuated this with a bite of her yogurt.

"Eh," Cemmy said, gathering her hair to one side of her neck, "that's okay. I'm sick of questions."

The rest agreed and went back to their lunches. Some might find it odd that, while complete opposites, Cemmy and Kelsi had actually become what would would call 'pals'. Not buddies, buddies implies a closeness the two had yet to reach. But yes, they were 'pals'. However, both of them considered the other a 'friend', because Cemmy thought of people in two ways: friends and enemies. There was no middle term. And Kelsi becuase the others, save for Ryan, were all acquaitances, and none of them have really had more than a five sentence conversation with, and not even a one sentence conversation, one-on-one. Besides, lately Chad and Ryan had become good friends, and the four of them went on what some might call 'double dates', when it was really just two pairs of best friends sharing a variety of food and opinions on a variety of subjects.

Nobody really knows why Ryan and Kelsi are such good friends, but Cemmy's sure it has to do with the hats. And while she has her own collection, most of hers are newsboy caps, and the one she most wore was black, leather, and had a rhinestone "C" on it. She was wearing it now, backwards and high on her forehead, low in back, so that it cover most of her hair. The bill rested on her neck if she looked up even just a bit.

"So, what're we doing tonight, guys?" Troy asked, taking the pickle Cemmy had yet to eat from out of her brown bag.

"We should go to the mall." Cemmy grabbed the pickle back, dunked in into Ryan's orange yogurt and took a bite. Everyone who saw winced, but she didn't notice. "We'll, I dunno, go shopping for Sharpay-worthy stilettos and the boys can carry our bags because they're wonderful boyfriends and-slash-or incredably good people." Cemmy looked pointedly at Chad. "Right?"

The boys all shared looks with each other. As for couples, there were only Troy and Gabriella, Adam and Martha, and Zeke and Sharpay, who wasn't exactly a part of the group. The rest was Cemmy, Taylor, Kelsi, Ryan, Chad, and Jason. The rest could have been couples. Kelsi and Ryan were already always together, and Cemmy and Chad had that regular playfully flirty banter and it kept the rest of the group laughing. Kelsi and Jason had broken up after a nearly non-existant relationship, and there were no hard feelings, so he and Taylor could've worked out. But it would've been so hard, a girl that pretty and smart was all too much for him. And on top of that, imagine the sheer clichéd-ness of it all: the ten of them out on a big quintuple date night? Ridiculous.

Besides, Sharpay would never actually go out with the lot of them, Taylor would never go out with Jason, especially since in would seem like she was trying to get back at Chad, Kelsi and Ryan would never get with the program and each other, and she and Chad would never fall for each other for real. But anyone can fake being in love with a hot toned basketball player, or a short but stacked brunette.

Which is probably they Cemmy and Chad reached the conclusion they did that previous day.

---

"Who cares what angles are congruent?" Cemmy muttered, grumbling a few swears when Chad laughed at her. Then she was reminded of why she wanted to talk to him. "Chad, I'm so screwed."

His eyebrows furrowed. "Why? This isn't that hard; I can't explain it to you but I'm sure Gabi or Tay or Martha could."

"No, that's not it." She closed her eyes and sighed. "That's not it at all." She leaned back in her chair, and Chad had never seen in friend looks so spent.

"What's going on?" he asked, placing a tentative hand on Cemmy's shoulder.

"There are girls who live their whole lives looking for that special someone to spend their lives with, and I hoped and prayed I wouldn't find him."

Chad tipped his head, confused. "Did you?" What was she getting at?

"No!" Cemmy tossed her hand up hopelessly. "That's the frigging problem!"

"What, that you haven't found Mr. Right yet? Look, I know we're friends and all, but maybe it would be easier to have this conversation with a girl. I"--Chad pushed his hair back with both hands--"I'm not good at this type of thing."

Cemmy was silent for so long, Chad thought the subject was closed. But then she said quietly, "I think what I'm saying is... that Mr. Right isn't... isn't a Mr." Cemmy wouldn't look up, although she was tempted to when she heard he maybe ex-best friend's sharp intake of breath.

"So," Chad said when he though he could without getting mad, "are you admitting you're in love with a girl or just that you're gay?"

"Maybe... both? Are you mad?"

"If this is why you've been so vacant lately, then yeah, I am. Best friends tell each other these things, Cem."

The accusation in his voice is what made her answer his next question. "How long?"

Cemmy sighed. "I've been wondering, trying to figure it out for a while. But I was kinda scared what you'd think."

"If I wasn't hiding something for the same reason, I'd be pretty pissed."

Cemmy sat up quickly, scanning Chad's face for a sign. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

He sighed, and his expression mirrored the one on Cemmy's face just moments ago. "I think... yeah, you know... like... what you said... about... and, yeah. That."

"Soooo... both of us?"

"Apparently."

They looked at each other, and the panicked look was the same on all four brown eyes. "Shit," Chad said at the same time Cemmy said, "We're so screwed."

"What the hell are we gonna do?"

Chad rubbed his eyes till they were pink. "You know, the whole school is just waiting for us to hook up."

"True. I found Zeke and Jason betting on us the other day."

"So? Is that the plan?"

"I suppose."

"Okay."

"'Kay."

---

How exactly does one go about making themselves "a couple", albeit a fake one? Chad had always gotten any girl he wanted, but even when it was a cheerleader, he'd never been friends with them beofre. How exactly was he to ask out a girl he was best friends with, in front of all his friends? It had to be perfect.

Should he go for a melodramatic "I've been into you for a long time; please say you feel the same" thing or a more normal "maybe we should just go out and see if we're compatable"? For one thing, he was not in the habit of suddenly considering going out with random friends, or using the word compatable, so he was thinking of going for a less Oscar worthy version of the first. But it would have to start with one of their disagreements. They were funny. He just had no idea how. They were never exactly planned, after all. He hoped Cemmy knew where he was going with this.

"Cem, I'm sure I'm not nice enough to let you drag me around a mall carrying all the shoes you will undoubtedly buy." He lifted aan eyebrow subtly, and Cemmy understood fully where he was going.

"Nice," she whispered appreciatively, then said normally, "Then I suppose you'll just have to date me."

"Good idea."

Cemmy blinked, like she didn't know he was about to say that. "Excuse me?" she asked stiffly. And watched, amused on the inside, disbelieving on the outside, as Chad turned to face her head-on and took her had in both in larger ones, and said, staring into her eyes as if he really meant it, "Cemmy... go out with me?"

Cemmy smiled, big and wide, then bit her bottom lip to unsuccessfully stifle it as she said softly, "Of course." Then she let Chad pull her into a tight hug, becuase if it was who she really wanted, Cemmy would let her hug her. Around them, their friends cheered, and she saw Jason hand Zeke ten dollars.

"So, are you gonna tell me who yours is?" Chad asked, bumping Cemmy's shoulder with his own, as they walked into the library to finish studying what they hadn't in study hall.

"No way! I confessed first, now it's your turn." Cemmy didn't mention she already had a hunch who it was. She knew for a fact that she wasn't as obvious about who she liked as Chad was, but she was a trained people-watcher, and noticed things like these. Besides, their friends were painfully oblivious anyway.

"C'mon, ladies first."

"Precisely. So go ahead."

"Ouch."

"It took you long enough," Gabriella laughed. The rest all congradulated them for "finally getting together", and the look of genuine happiness for her and Chad in her friends' eyes caused a slight pull at Cemmy's throat, like she wanted to cry. A glance in Chad's direction told her he felt the same. But they had a charade to put up.

"No way!"

"I'm serious! She's so great." A wistful look came over Chad's friend's face, and he knew it was for real. But after a moment the look was gone and she said, "But you should talk! Ryan?! He's hot, sure, but still... all those sparkly hats could be damaging to your eyesight."

Chad rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Still, I think we're both dead."

"Why? I mean, if we pretend to be together, no one'll know."

"Yeah," he argued, "but it'll still suck seeing them every day and not be able to tell them, or anything."

They sighed in unison, and were momentarily thrown by the thought of how much they'd inevitably suffer from unrequited love. "Wait! I have an idea. Well, not a real idea, but a plan. I am so great at matchmaking. So I'll get you and Ryan together. He's such a poof, it'll be easy."

"But what about you? How're you gonna get yours?"

For a second, an emotion flashed in Cemmy's eyes, and her smile faltered. But the moment passed and she waved an impatient hand. "It's not gonna happen. You know it and I do, so let's just leave it alone. But! For you there is hope."

"Uhm..."

"C'mon! Who do you think got Zeke and Sharpay together?"

"His cookies?"

Cemmy gave Chad a look. "You seriously think cookies are enough to get Sharpay to ge out with some random, not even all that good-looking basketball player?"

Silence. It was true, after all.

"But still, just 'cause you think Kelsi might not swing that way, you're gonna forget about her? You must not be that into her." It was a challenge, and both of them knew she'd respond.

Cemmy grabbed Chad's shirt in her fists and growled at him, "Hey, if you think for one second that if I liked her any less than I do that I'd tell you I was gay, you got another thing comin'."

"Good. Then you won't mind me playing cupid either."

"Let's just do our homework, 'kay?"

For nearly twenty minutes thay were quiet, the only sound the scraping of pencils ion paper. Then Chad said, "Wouldn't it be cool if they were together, and we were together, and for the same reason?"

"Sorry, but that theory's a bit too clichéd for my taste." Then she started singing. "I'm gonna avoid the cliché/ I'm gonna suspend my senses/ I'm gonna delay my pleasure/ I'm gonna close my body now."

Chad shook his head, a sad look in his eyes at what they were trying not to think about. He joined in the chorus. "I'll just die another day..."

----

"Sooo... mall tonight?" Cemmy still waited for everyone to agree. But the look of distaste in the boys' eyes was enough for her to give in, saying, "I promise no one will buy shoes."

A chorus of okay's and yes's made her dunk another pickle into Ryan's yogurt. The groans made her smile, and she noticed Chad looking at Ryan, who was talking to Kelsi. Chad and Cemmy shared a look. Only one question really remained, besides the obvious ones.

Can we pull it off?

please review!!