Chapter 1

But still every time I walked by my phone I couldn't resist pressing a button to see if I had a new text. I knew it was obsessive but I couldn't control my desire to receive just one simple text from him.

I laid on my couch carelessly flipping through channels on my TV. My phone was on the end table by my feet to keep me from obsessively reading previous text conversations we've had.

And yeah I can see how you'd think my mental state would get better when my phone did vibrate, but it had the opposite effect. I would hear that loud buzz and completely focus in on my phone.

I told myself again and again that it would just be another update from Caitlyn's blog or someone's Twitter. But no matter how much I knew it in my head I could not stop that small sliver of hope from creeping into my body. I tried to push the hope away as I slowly reached for my phone.

Blog, the screen read. And for the thousandth time that day disappointment washed through me. I couldn't help it. Even though I knew it wouldn't be him. Every time the hope came and was followed quickly by searing disappointment.

But for some reason it was this time that it really hit me. I threw my phone onto the couch without looking at the newest update.

I had reached the point where my emotions were bottled up inside me and I searched my brain for someone to talk to. Caitlyn was always busy working on albums and her career, and she would listen to me but I didn't want to bother her again. My parents were on a week long vacation, leaving me in the house all by myself. The only other person I could think of was Ella.

And I'm not gonna lie, talking to Ella never really helped. Her advice was always, 'Go for it! Do something! You're awesome!' and I appreciated her attempt but didn't make me feel any better.

I had no other choice.

I grabbed my phone again and called Ella.

"Hey Mitchie!" she squealed, "What's up!"

"Can I complain to you for a second?" I asked, hoping I wasn't interrupting her.

"Of course!" she squealed.

"Ok, well it's obviously about Shane," I started, "I'm just really frustrated right now. Like I'm pathetic. I keep waiting for him to text me back and every time it's not him I'm disappointed all over again. And even when I get a text I get scared cause it's probably not gonna be him. And even when it is I'm scared of what his response will be. And when I'm laying in the silence on my bed waiting for a reply I have to put my phone on silent cause the vibrating makes me anxious. I'm legitimately like insane or something and I know in my head that he's not forgetting about me but I need his reassurances. I know he's probably busy and maybe he does want to see me too, and it is possible that he never read my text. He gets tons of updates from his website and his phone basically doesn't stop vibrating but still. Doesn't that mean he's not even thinking of texting me?"

"Mitchie, you should just text him," Ella told me, "He's not forgetting you he's just busy. And he doesn't want to pressure you, he probably wants you to make the first move!"

"Ella, I did text him," I responded, "That's why I'm so upset he didn't reply. He probably read it and didn't know what to say so he just ignored me."

"Nooo," Ella said, "Seriously, he wants to see you."

"Well he's leaving for Africa tomorrow so I won't even have the option of seeing him until next week."

"So he didn't even come see you before he left?"

"He's not going to," I replied, "Not when he has all that to think about."

"Mitchie, he wants to be with you," Ella assured me, "He's probably just nervous about pressuring you into his life style. I mean he is an international rock star."

"Yeah I guess," I agreed with her basically cause I was sick of the conversation, "Thanks I'll talk to you later."

"Bye!" she replied cheerfully.

I didn't really feel any better.

I was rubbing my hands across when my face when there was a knock at the door.

I groaned in frustration and slowly rolled off my couch. I didn't feel like doing anything, let alone answering my door or talking to people.

I moodily walked to the front door of my house and opened it.

Nate. Caitlyn. Lola. And our friends Jake and Alice.

"Hey guys," I said, putting on a fake smile, "What are you all doing here?"

"Well I saw on Jakes facebook that he and Alice were just hanging out," Lola started, "So I invited them over and Nate called Jake and said he was bored and once we were all together we called Caitlyn and begged her to stop working for a second and hang out."

"Then we all came to see you!" Caitlyn finished.

I let them all into my living room and we all sat down. Since there were a bunch of us and we were loud it was easy just to sit back and hang out.

Caitlyn came and sat by me as Jake danced for everyone, just cause he's ridiculous.

"So yesterday," Caitlyn, who loves telling stories, started, "I was working on some stuff at the studio and Shane stopped by and decided to stay and keep me company. And he was being so ridiculous. Like singing more than usual and laughing at everything and I had no idea why he was so happy."

"Weird," I commented, "I wonder what put him in such a good mood."

Again, my emotions squirmed inside me. I loved thinking about Shane being his ridiculous self but at the same time I wished so bad that I could be there to see it.

After awhile I walked into the kitchen to get a drink and Nate was already in there helping himself.

"Hey Nate," I said.

"Hi Michelle!" he exclaimed, "How are you."

"Ok."

"Have you talked to Shane Joseph?"

"Well I texted him last night but I'm kinda giving up hope that he's gonna reply," I explained.

"Ugh!" Nate groaned, "He's such an idiot and I hate him!"

I smiled, knowing Nate would always be there to question me.

The next couple hours went on just like this. Eventually Caitlyn noted that I was not in a good mood and rounded everyone up. I gave her a brief description of why I was upset and she rolled her eyes at Shane.

"He's so stupid," she commented, "He's probably just sitting at home obsessing over his guitar or himself in the mirror or something. Seriously his mind is always on a new song, or the awesome one he just finished writing."

I smiled and thanked my friends as they left me alone to my quiet house.

As soon as my house was filled with silence my phone made the nerve racking buzzing sound. I grabbed it off the table and saw it was an update from Twitter.

Shane Gray it read.

But no, not to me. To the whole Twitter universe.

Hangin with the coolest people ever! Nothin could be better!

I sadly put my phone back down.

Ok, I thought, time to be extremely depressing.

I slowly walked up to my room and grabbed my chocolate stash. I then curled up on my couch with a blanket and took a bite of the chocolate as I scrolled through my iTunes on my lap top.

I was waiting for any song to stick out to me.

I clicked on my guilty pleasures playlist and saw my Disney movie songs. I found the right song.

I turned up my volume and started blaring Just Wanna Be With You, yes from High School Musical 3.

All it took were those first few notes on the piano and I felt the constriction in my throat. Tears were already welling in my eyes. The words hit me hard. Even the happy parts made me think of what I wanted with Shane. And the chorus was exactly how I felt.

I would do anything to be with Shane.

I sang along at the top of the lungs, knowing no one could hear me. I sobbed half of the words and knew I looked a mess. I could feel a mix of make up and tears rolling down my face but I just kept singing and crying.

When the song ended I continued lying in a ball on my couch. I let myself lay in my own self pity sometimes. It helped to let it out. But as I lay there curled against my couch a memory of Shane started forcing itself into my mind.

Flashback

We were at Jake's cabin. Up in the woods. No one around. No cameras. No fans. Just us hanging out. And of course the alcohol that Jake found in the fridge of his cabin. Shane, Alice, and Jake decided to give the alcohol a try.

Two hours later Shane was wasted. I was sitting at the fire, all by myself on a bench. I watched Shane carefully walk up to the fire. He stood for a few minutes talking to everyone.

I sat quietly on my bench. I hadn't been talking much at all. I kind of hoped Shane and I could talk on this cabin trip, but the alcohol kind of ended that possibility. I wasn't mad that he was drinking, I just wasn't sure how to act. So I remained silent.

Shane stood for a few more minutes then came and sat by me. He pressed right up next to me, and continued talking in the conversation.

This continued through the night. Every time I wasn't sitting by Shane he would move across the group and sit right next to me.

It was driving me crazy! I obviously loved it. I loved being close to him and I loved that he wanted to sit by me.

But why in hell couldn't he do this sober!

Caitlyn asked him to come sit by her cause she wanted to hear the funny things he was saying but he refused. He stayed on the bench next to me.

And then of course there was the moment of the night that reminds me how much I want to be with Shane.

"Hey," he mumbled so only I could hear, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine," I answered honestly.

"Do you feel awkward?" he asked, referring to the fact that this was the first time I had ever seen him drunk.

"No," I told him, "I'm fine."

"Good," he breathed, "I don't want to make you feel awkward."

Two hours after this Shane was plopping down next to me on the floor of the cabin.

"Bed time," He mumbled.

"Yep."

"When I close my eyes, everything spins," he whispered to me, "But its too dizzy eyes open."

He dropped his head down suddenly on the pillow and groaned.

He lifted his head again and stared down at me.

"I think I had a little too much," he admitted.

I smiled, not sure what to say.

He dropped his head again, hitting mine on the way down.
"'M Sorry," he mumbled.

His hand reached up and rubbed my head softly, "I'm sorry."

I told him it was ok and he removed his hand.

"I'm sorry," he said one more time.

But I knew that last time he meant for being drunk all night.

"It's ok," I assured him again.

End Flashback.

Now let me explain a bit. As Camp Rock ended me and Shane stayed really good friends and everyone thought we'd be best friends. But our feelings got in the way. I knew Shane liked me and I could not believe it. But I was scared. Scared that it wouldn't last or that I would rush into it without being sure that I liked him.

That's when things got awkward. We still talked and hung out with all our friends, but we didn't touch anymore. We'd sit next to each other, but our legs wouldn't touch. Caitlyn would hit him and fix his shirt for him when she disagreed with his outfit. But I just felt awkward touching him. And he told Caitlyn he was afraid to make contact with me, cause he didn't want to freak me out. This went on til I realized that all I wanted was Shane.

I finally got the courage to text him, "Can we talk?" I had asked.

He was glad and we ended up admitting how much we care about each other. But nothing changed. We were more comfortable around each other yeah and as time passed we learned it wasn't awkward to make contact, but we never text or hang out.

Flashback

The last guests from Nate's party had left an hour ago. Caitlyn, Lola, Ella, Jake, Alice, Shane, Nate, Jason, and I were the only ones left. We had tried to go for a walk but there were too many people out that wanted pictures with Connect 3.

Instead we just ate snack and played games in Connect 3's house.

The nine of us were now lounging in the downstairs living room of their house.

Shane and I were laying near each other on the ground, watching the TV. Our friends were channeling surfing and laughing at the ridiculous things they came across.

"It's five in the morning," Shane mumbled to me, setting down his phone.

"You're gonna be dead at your concert tomorrow," I pointed out.

Shane groaned and set his head down on his pillow cutely.

"Do you wanna go downstairs?" he mumbled to me, "It's quieter and cooler."

"Yeah," I agreed, "And I have to get my phone to set my alarm."

"I'll set mine for you too," Shane offered, making me smile, "So we make sure you remember to get up."

"Yeah, my dad wouldn't be happy if he had to wait in the driveway forever."

Shane smiled and followed me down to the basement.

Jason was already sleeping on the floor. I smiled and dropped my pillow on the ground across the room from him. Shane followed suit and dropped his pillow right next to mine.

We both lay down and though my eyes were closed, I turned my face in towards Shane. We lay silently for a few minutes and I just took in the warmth I could feel coming from Shane. I tried to sleep but couldn't stop fantasizing about being with Shane, and then in happened.

It was so simple and quick, but was the biggest deal ever.

Shane's arm draped across my back and his hand rested on my arm. I couldn't control the grin from breaking across my face. I wasn't sure how to respond, but I did cuddle closer to him. We pressed together and Shane kept his grip around me. I couldn't have been happier as I drifted off to sleep in his arms for the first time.

End Flashback

I can't explain how much cuddling meant to me. He had actually showed his feelings for me. And that's the memory I held on to. He was sober and had made contact with me. So when he wouldn't text me back, or wouldn't ask me to hang out, that's what I held onto.

Do you think I'm a pathetic mess? Sometimes I agree with you.

Let me just explain. A rock star showed interest in me and from the second I realized that I do in fact like him too he has had control of my emotions. I never thought I would be one of the girls whose everyday life is affected by some guy, but I guess it's not that bad when it's just some guy. Cause to you, it's not some guy.

/

I rolled over in my bed and glanced at the clock. It was 9:30. I wondered for a second why I was so wide awake, but then I remembered going to bed at 11:30 last night. I had signed on to Twitter and gone to Caitlyn's page. There were three tweets I a row of links that Shane had posted for her. The weird jealousy had seared through me. I knew they would never date but it was so hard. Shane has told me he likes me but he's still more comfortable talking to Caitlyn. And due to her line of work they get to see each other all the time. And that's what I'm jealous of. How much time they spend together. And how I never see either of them.

Anyway I got out of bed this morning and grabbed my phone off my dresser.

1 New Message: Shane