A/N: Okay, so it's been forever since I've posted anything to this site, but school is finally over so hopefully that will change! This is just a one shot that I had running through my head the other night and had to write down. It takes place in 7.04, so there are major spoilers for that episode. That episode was super heartbreaking for me and writing this brought back all those feels! There's not much dialog, just a lot of angsty thoughts. I hope you guys enjoy.
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The first night was the hardest. He had nothing left but exhaustion and it still wasn't enough to grant him sleep. Moments from that terrible day kept replaying in his mind.
He wasn't sure how long he sat with her, holding tightly to her lifeless body until there were no tears left. He continued to hold her still hand in his as he ran his other through her silver hair trying to recall every other moment he had held her. After what seemed like a lifetime, he stood, knowing he had to get up, had to move, to take action now or else he never would. A quick message was sent to Gideon in their normal fashion and it warmed him slightly to know that his son would be here soon. But until then Rumpelstiltskin had a grave to dig.
He chose their rose garden as her final resting place, he couldn't think of it as a grave that seemed so crass, so final. The view was astonishing from that spot, taking in everything from the immaculate waterfall to their cozy little cottage encompassing all that had become their home. He grabbed a shovel and started digging. With a flick of his wrist he could have had the whole affair finished in a moment, but this was something he owed her. Just as they built their home without magic he could dig her grave with his own two hands, she deserved that much. The work was fulfilling. It gave him time to think about all she meant to him and to pour that into the labor.
His Belle. His light. She was the first good thing to happen to him after many years of darkness. They had weathered much together, put each other through so much pain, and yet their love had endured. They had fought for each other countless times and came out stronger because of it. True love, he smirked to himself. Who would ever have thought that someone like him could find it, but he had. She had worked such a change in his life and he would never understand how he ever deserved her love. But then love isn't what we deserve, said a voice in his head that sounded an awful lot like Belle. It isn't just butterflies in the stomach or fireworks when you kiss. It's a choice. And that was true. Each every day they chose to love each other despite the others flaws. Despite the pain, despite the heartache, despite the fighting and quibbling, despite everything. It had been worth it, he thought to himself, every second had been worth it. He only wished he hadn't been such a fool when she first tried to tell him it was True Love. Years had been wasted. But then fate has a way of working itself out.
He stuck the spade into the ground admiring his handy work for a moment. It felt good to be able to do this one last thing for her. He looked back to the cottage and felt tears return. How was he going to do this without her? How was he supposed to live, to go forward, without his best friend? The person who knew every inside joke, who he shared so many milestones with, the woman who made him better, his hope, his light, his Belle.
The thoughts washed over him once more as he lay in the bed that evening the memories still fresh, the pain still new. He had used magic for a coffin. He hadn't wanted to leave her alone any longer. Walking back in the house and seeing her there had taken his breath away. Seeing her, but knowing she wasn't really there, knowing she never would be again. The pain was too much to bare. He felt as if there was a hole where his heart should be and everything in him was empty.
"It's all right sweetheart," he whispered as he picked her up from the sofa and carried her outside to her beloved rose garden. "I've picked out the best spot for you. You can see it all, the waterfall, our home, you can even tend to the roses." Tears fell softly down his face as he laid her down gently. "I love you Belle, always have and I always will." Her leaned down and placed his lips on her forehead wishing that just this once True Love's kiss would break the laws of magic. That perhaps he could somehow reach across the void to her and bring her back. So, he didn't have to be alone. But of course, it didn't. Magic could do much, but not that. Magic couldn't bring his love back to him. She had told him that she would always be with him and he knew in a way she would, but at the moment all he felt was an aching loneliness he hadn't known for many years. He took one last long look at her beautifully aged face and finished the deed. He filled the hole by hand. By the time he finished he knew it was evening, or at least evening for them in the land an of eternal sunset. He had trudged to their room with heavy limbs and an aching spirit.
Now he lay in the bed they'd shared and felt numb. He rolled over to face her side of the and grabbed her pillow. Burying his face in it, he inhaled her lingering scent. If he clung hard enough to the idea he could almost imagine it was her in his arms. But the house was too quiet, there was no teapot squealing, no easy laughter, no quiet breathing, none of the things that meant Belle was here. He was alone.
At some point he must have fallen asleep because he awoke to footsteps outside their room. For a moment he smiled contentedly at the sound. Then the events from the day before came crashing back. They weren't the footsteps of his love; never again would he hear those.
"Papa?" His sons voice came from the doorway.
He sat up with fresh tears in his eyes, "Son," he choked out. Then his son's arms were around him and the two clung to each other. No words were needed, they simply sobbed into each other's shoulders. Rumple composed himself first, he had to be strong for Gideon. "She died happy. She died knowing that she was loved and that she would see both of us again," the older man intoned.
"She went out with her boots on," his son laughed through his tears.
Rumple couldn't help the small smile that crossed his face at the old adage, "Yeah she did."
Gideon offered to make some tea and Rumple agreed. He knew what he had to do now. He had to find his way back to her, whatever it took. He pulled on a new shirt and vest and grabbed his dragon skin coat. He wouldn't need much for this trip.
"I think she'd like the spot you chose for her," Gideon said as Rumple walked out front their room shutting the door behind him. "It's perfect and she can keep an eye on those finicky roses of hers." The boys smile was sad, but it held so much of Belle's warmth that it took his father's breath away for a moment.
"I'm glad you approve," Rumple replied walking over to the counter and grabbing the chipped cup his son offered him.
"She had a good life Papa. She got to go on adventures and see the world," Gideon began softly.
"And to be a hero," his father added.
"You're going to her soon aren't you?" The question was quiet, almost as if Gideon believed that saying it would make it real.
His father nodded in reply, "As soon as I'm able."
The two stood quietly together for several long minutes. By some mutual consensus they moved outside to stand by Belle's grave. Rumple reached over and put an arm around his son.
"I'm not ready to lose you too Papa," the young man said abruptly as father and son looked upon Belle's grave.
Rumple's grip on the young man tightened. "You're not getting rid of me that easily," he replied in an attempted light voice.
Gideon turned to face his father, "I'm serious Papa. I know you don't think you can live without her, but I've just lost her too. Please don't make me lose both of my parents back to back." There were fresh tears running down Gideon's face as he pleaded with his father.
"Son, I-" he tried but found his voice too weak. "I don't know what to do without her."
"Come with me. You can stay with me back in Storybrooke or in the Enchanted Forest. I have homes in both. Regina and Henry have left Storybrooke, but the people there know you and they'll welcome you back."
"If Regina and Henry aren't there then I'm afraid Storybrooke is a tad to Charming for me," Rumple quipped. A real smile crossed Gideon's face at that. "Besides I have a Guardian to find and a dagger to rid myself of."
That wiped the smile from Gideon's face. "I can't believe she's gone. Every time I'd come and visit, time here seemed frozen," he said attempting to redirect the conversation.
"Time was. But she wasn't," Rumple replied his gaze distant, "When you go on for too long, you forget what really matters. I never want to forget. Not her, not any of this."
"Give me the dagger, papa," The words finally bursting out of Gideon's mouth. "Let me unburden you so you can be with mother. I can bear it."
He knew this might happen, knew that his son was too good to not offer. Gideon didn't want to lose his father, but he also didn't want his father to go on another centuries long quest to find someone that he'd loved and lost. It was noble and gracious, but not something he could allow his son to do.
"I took the dagger for one son," Rumple began. "I'm not gonna give it to the other. There is only one who is destined to hold such darkness. The Guardian. When I pass the dagger on to this Guardian, whoever it may be, the darkness will finally rest. And I will be reunited with Belle. It's time for me to leave this realm and go to the moment where this Guardian is waiting for me. Even if they don't know it yet."
Gideon nodded solemnly knowing it was useless to try and argue with his Papa once the man set his mind to something. The two men shared a long look full of love, understanding, and shared pain. Gideon reached forward and embraced his father, "When you find this Guardian, and I know you will, once your free of this curse, come back to me one more time, if you can. Please Papa."
Rumpelstiltskin nodded slowly as he hugged his son, "Its a deal."
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If you liked or didn't like what you read, please shoot me a review and let me know what you think.
So, like a said, it's just a short little one shot of my interpretation of all that happened after Belle's death. When I started I just meant to include Gideon in brief, but then it occurred to me that while Rumple lost his True Love (sob) Gideon also lost his mother. I know that Rumple's cause in season 7 is to rid himself of the dagger and to reunite with Belle, but I have so many feels for poor Gideon. Obviously, Rumple has to find a way to rid himself of his immortality, but what about poor Gideon who will possibly then lose his father as well. I'm hoping that the show lets Rumple rid himself of the darkness and then addresses him going back to Gideon. Because if he just dies then and there, they are missing a huge opportunity for those characters and they are just leaving poor Gideon without his parents! Sorry minor show rant. Thanks guys, see you in the next story!
