A/N: I've planned to upload this in ages. And yeah, I can admit it: I'm a fan of the Backstreet Boys, always have been, and probably always will be. This one's one of my favorite songs of them. And I think it screams Lawrence/Adam!
Enjoy!
Incomplete
It has only been a few days. 12 days, to be exactly. Adam remembers. He would never forget. He can't. And it's not the feeling of fear that binds him to it. It's another feeling, but just as horrible and painful. He stares outside the window, no expression on his face. It's him. The man who didn't concern him in the least, but does now. Him. All they had shared was a room, a few hours. Hours that had seemed like eternity. Him. Lawrence.
Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess
Adam recalls everything about him. His dirty blonde hair, his saphire blue eyes, his dust and dirt covered skin. His assuring smile, his arrogant grin, the helpless tone in his voice when he was scared. His sobs when he cried for his family.
Adam doesn't know why he thinks about him. Why he thinks of him every single day since he had left him to get help. Well, Adam got help. He was rescued. Lawrence wasn't. He was dead.
I tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake, but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Adam had tried. He had indeed tried to go on like they never met. But he can't. He remembers. Every day. He dreams of him. Every night. He had stopped counting the tears he sheds everyday. He ignores how pale and skinny he slowly becomes from not eating. He doesn't care. Lawrence isn't there. All he has left is a lesson for life he was taught. But he doesn't give a shit about that lesson. Lawrence isn't there.
Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake
Adam doesn't know why he cries for him. He doesn't know him. He knows he was a doctor, leaving back a wife and a little daughter. They hadn't been friends. They hadn't been acquaintaces. They had just been two ungrateful men trapped in a prehistoric bathroom with their feet chained up to pipes. Adam looks down. The tears run down his cheeks, until they drip off his chin.
I tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Adam hasn't learned his lesson. He admits so. Why should he appreciate his life now? He has realized the most precious thing in his life is gone. But he realized way too late. That's his mistake. He doesn't appreciate his life. They are no other blessings. Just a shithole apartment, a family who hasn't cared about him since he was 17 and friends that weren't really friends. He was alone. The most precious gift in his life has left him alone.
I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go
Adam doesn't give a crap about his life anymore. He doesn't care if he dies. He doesn't care if he gets sick. He feels nothing but a piercing pain in his heart that just won't fade away. Another tear flows down his cheek. His eye are all swollen and red from crying all the time for the past twelve days. The whole world seems gray to him. Darker than that bathroom, colder than the floor inside of it. He's alone. He hates Lawrence for leaving him. He hates himself for realizing too late. But there's someone he hates even more than Lawrence and himself. A hand touches his shoulder gently.
I tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Adam turns around. All he does is cling to the man who's responsible for it all. He rests his head on his shoulder. Look at it the way you want. As an image of father and son, of teacher and student, of master and slave. Adam hates him with a burning passion, and he'll never stop hating him. He doesn't look up at him. He knows his face. Old, wrinkly, expressionless. He gets pulled into a soft hug. He won't let Adam go. He has to learn his lesson once again. Adam's silent. But there are hundreds of things he wants to say.
Give him back. Please, give him back. Make him live again.
I hate Lawrence. And I love him. I can't be without him. I'm nothing without him.
Adam sobs now. He squeezes his eyes shut and buries his face in the chest of that cold, horrible man, who's responsible for it all. He'll kill him. He'll get revenge for Lawrence. And then he'll himself for being the whiny coward he was back in that bathroom. He can't be without Lawrence. He's nothing without him.
Incomplete…
