Even though it had been years since Xander had truly been 'with' Angel, he did still love him and probably always would in some form or other. As Xander believed that Angel was his soul-mate, a fact that made him oddly furious and sad at the same time. And devastated at the moment as Angel was burning with a fever that no one could figure out what it was. Giles had already ruled out what had gotten him last time and the few other things that could make vampires ill was already ruled out. Giles could not even identify what could possibly being doing this. Vampires were dead and thus could not get sick but Angel was burning,dying and nothing could help him. They were all scrambling to find a cure for him and they were failing and Xander was desperately afraid that he would watch Angel die. Unable to do anything for him as none of them knew what was going on.
Xander could not bare to lose him, could not even bare to think of leaving on in a world without Angel. Of being without Angel, without the possibility of ever being able to be with him without Angelus coming.
Then finally Giles managed to find what Angel had but he was reluctant to speak of what he had discovered. Xander wanted to strangle him until he would tell him what was trying very hard to take Angel from him forever.
"The cure is...relatively simple in its delivery if entirely ironic and... cruel."
"Why?" Xander just wanted a simple cure, a simple way that would cure Angel and prevent Xander from losing his first love and soul-mate.
"Because to cure Angel he just needs to receive his hearts desire."
Buffy looked at the pale Willow and the worried yet sickened Giles."Which is?" She watched as they both looked at Xander, who inhaled and backed away. "What? What am I missing?"
Giles began to clean his glasses."Buffy... What Angel most desires is..' Giles couldn't say it.
Buffy sighed in expastarion."What? What does Angel most desire...Is it Shansu...The whole to be human thing... How will we make him human?"
Willow fidgeted. "No... Its not that... I did spell that showed us...what he most wanted...To be human is high up there but..."
"Will someone tell me what it is. I cant save Angel if no one will tell me how to."Both Giles and Willow looked anywhere but at Buffy or Xander as they both began to fidget.
"Me."Buffy turned to Xander,who was looking at the door to the room Angel was in."Angel's deepest desire is me...I'm right aren't I?"
Giles looked at his chosen son sadly."Yes...to save Angel...you'd have to be with him." Giles was deeply uncomfortable with discussing the son that he had chosen sex life. Let alone with the man that had hurt Xander horribly and had killed Jenny.
"This...The only way to save him is to..." Buffy could not say it, could not say anything about sex and Xander. let alone sex and Angel. Sex and Angel...Angelus. Buffy shivered. Angelus had been the one vampire that Buffy had actually,... been afraid of. The viciousness that the vampire had been capable of and Buffy had never been so worried about losing Xander
"So the only way to save him is to give him... to turn him into Angelus."
"Yes."
"Fine... Get Willow ready...We're doing this."
Buffy grabbed Xander."Are you sure about this?...There's no turning back from it once its done."
"I know... But...its do this or watch him die...I can't let him die...Buff, not even at the risk of Angelus..I will always need him..Even though we can no longer be together...I need him to be in this world...I need him here."
Buffy looked away and slowly nodded,understanding where he was coming from. She had been there since the beginning of Angel and Xander's epic love and now...Now she would not stop it. Even with the risk about to happen. Buffy let Xander go and watched as he moved toward the room containing the dying Angel. Who was soon to be Angelus.
Buffy also tried very hard not to think about the fact that Xander had just gone into that room to have sex with Angel while they dealt with the ingredients needed to re-curse Angelus.
That was a bit much to deal with after all, even for the Slayer.
