Low
Disclaimer: I don't own the series "InuYasha" or the song "Low" by Kelly Clarkson. They belong to their rightful owners and I don't, nor will I ever, own them—no matter how much I wish I did -cries-
The idea for this oneshot came to me like lightning striking a building: one flash and the mark is there forever. I couldn't get it out of my mind so here I am, writing it down. Hope you like it.
Oneshot AU
April.
It all started in April.
That was why I hated April.
Don't get me wrong. It's a wonderful month. It's when all the sakuras begin to fall like rain. It's a beautiful time of the year. But I have bad memories wrapped up in April. Bad experiences, too, like the upcoming talent show were my best friend Kagura forced me to sign up with singing as my talent. My friends say I'm really good, but I just don't see it. I sing for the fun of it, not to have a bunch of people I barely know gawk at me like I have two heads or something. Plus, I tend to get really nervous when I sing in front of big crowd and all the attention is on me.
But Kagura wouldn't leave me alone, so I agreed. Our other friends say it was because Kagura was just "So damn annoying" when it came to getting her way. But I gave in when something Kagura said clicked in my mind.
Flashback
"Come on Sango," Kagura begged. "You're a really good singer. You'd win first place without even trying!"
"No." I didn't yell, I didn't whine. I just responded honestly and firmly.
"Why not?"
"Because I don't want to."
"You used to love singing for a crowd. But it all changed after he hurt you."
"That's not true," I said, denying it. I tried to sound firm, but my voice cracked. And Kagura knew it.
She pursed her lips and said, "It is. And you know it." She put her arm around my shoulders in a sisterly way. "None of us except Inuyasha know the major details, but we know enough to know that after he cheated on you, you just…broke apart. We're all worried about you. Why don't you just piece yourself together and stand back up like you used to?" She shook me gently. "It's not that hard."
Avoiding her red-eyed gaze, I replied stiffly, "You're only saying that because you didn't experience what I did. Sesshomaru is loyal to you and would never cheat." I sighed. "Inuyasha warned me, Sesshomaru warned me, you warned me, Koga warned me, Ayame warned me—hell, I even warned myself but I wouldn't listen. I really thought he loved me, but…" I let it hang.
Kagura blinked sympathetically at me and said, "Well, you could just choose a song that shows how you felt—how you still feel—one that will come back to bite him in the ass and will make him feel like he just took a silver bullet to the heart."
"He's not a werewolf."
"So? The way Inuyasha talks about him he sure does seem like one."
"Nah. He's no werewolf—now a vampire, that's another story."
Kagura laughed at that. "See? Not that's the Sango I used to know. So which song are you gonna sing?"
"I don't know. I'll think about it."
End Flashback
And I did.
I finally chose the song Inuyasha had helped me write for our band not long after it happened. Even though it happened earlier in this month, it still hurt. The others in the band told me to forget him, but how could I after the way he cheated? It hurt just to think about it. So I don't. At least, I try not to. But whenever I think about the song, the memory always resurfaces—always.
Flashback
I finished tying up my long, dark brown hair in a ponytail and asked, "How do I look, Inuyasha?"
He forced a grin and replied stiffly, "Great Sango, you look…great."
His strained voice and stony face didn't fool me. I knew what this was about. "Inuyasha," I said, "I know what I' getting myself into, and I trust him. I know that I may sound stupid to you, but I do."
"You're not stupid. He is." Inuyasha stood and placed his hands on my shoulders, locking his flaming amber eyes with my dark brown ones. Flattening his snowy-white dog ears into his long silver hair, he continued. "I wouldn't trust Miroku if I were you—and I don't. Please. Trust me. He's bad news. I can sense it. I don't trust him as far as I can throw him."
"You just contradicted yourself," I pointed out. "You're a half-demon and you can throw him clear across town."
"No. I did not contradict myself because, as you should know, I would lay a finger on him unless it was to beat him up. Which means I wouldn't throw him. So that goes back to my earlier statement—I don't trust him as far as I can throw him."
"Hmm. Clever. Didn't think you had it you."
"Ha-ha," Inuyasha snorted sarcastically. "Very funny."
"Lighten up, would you? It's my first date. The least you can do is be happy for me."
"I would be happy…if you were dating a human being."
"Oh, so now you're funny as well as smart, eh?" I teased. "You're just full of surprised tonight, aren't you?"
Inuyasha put his hands back on my shoulders, which he had crossed over his chest when I pointed out his earlier not-mistake. He locked eyes with me again and warned—no, begged, "Please, just be careful, Sango, okay? Please? I don't want you to get hurt."
"I won't."
"You don't know that for sure. Miroku's a play-boy. He's had more girlfriends than the school yard had grass. And trust me, the school yard has a lot of grass."
I arched a brow. "How would you know that? Have you tried to count them?"
"No. And that's not the point. Just be careful. Okay? Promise me?"
"Okay Inuyasha. I'll be careful. I swear."
"Good."
I turned up the music as I drove in my sleek white Cadillac. It was new. A birthday present from my parents—Inuyasha had chipped in a little, too. It didn't surprise me, though. Being the big brother I never had, Inuyasha did stuff like that. And being the little sister he never had, I did things like that, too. In fact, I was the one that picked out which car he would like best for his birthday seeing as I knew him better than even his mother did. Sesshomaru didn't even know what color he'd have liked, much less the brand.
I pulled up beside theater that Miroku had promised to meet me at and parked in one of the few available spaces remaining.
I waited in front of the theater, scanning the crowd for Miroku. I could see him. Where was he? Maybe I was early…? I checked my watch. No. I was on time. Maybe he was just late.
So I meandered my way towards a bench far off to the side and sat down, waiting patiently. An hour flew by, and then another. Still Miroku didn't show. He didn't even call. I checked my watch again. 10: 30 P.M. He was late—very later. This was so unlike him. I flipped open my cell phone and prepared to dial his number, but stopped with a sigh. I flipped it closed and stood.
I leaned back against the seat of my Cadillac and sighed. After a moment's thought, I turned the key in the ignition and the car roared to life. Within seconds I was back on the road. It was Saturday. It was late. Despite this, the streets were near empty, which was unusual being a Saturday night. It gave me the chills.
I decided to head over to the park to relax, if only for a minute or two.
The wind felt nice against my skin. Cool, but not icy—not too hot, either. It was the perfect night, and I sorta wished Inuyasha, Kagura, and the rest of the band were here with me to enjoy this night. But suddenly the temperature dropped and the winds twisted into gales (A/N: which are really strong winds) so cold they seemed to turn my blood to ice, lock my muscles in place, and cut right through my soul.
I should've taken that as a warning, but I guess what they say about me is true: I'm too stubborn to see a warning sign in flash bold letters staring me in the face.
I kept going. I don't know why. But I did. Half of me was screaming to stop, turn around, and drive home. But the other half kept pushing me on, and, true as the saying went, I kept on walking through the park, weaving my way through the trees at the far end.
I followed the well-worn path to a clearing I knew very well.
The clearing wasn't very big, but it was private. I used to go there when I was upset and wanted to think. Alone. I sang to myself there, too. The only person who could ever find me there was Inuyasha. I don't know how. Maybe it was his sensitive dog-nose, but I doubted that, seeing as Sesshomaru was full demon with senses twice as sensitive, and he could never find me. So I thought it must be his brotherly instincts. Maybe I'll never know. Maybe it's better that way.
There were several things I loved about the clearing. One: It was in the center of the woods that no one ever traveled in these days. Two: It was private. Three: The silence. I loved the silence because it made it easier for me to think, and to sing. Four: There was a calm aura about it that I couldn't place. And five: The swing.
The swing had been put up a long time ago, but I was still standing strong. The bench itself was hand-carved from mahogany, and the chains that held it in place to the massive sakura tree's thickest branch was made of black iron. The most peaceful thing about the clearing was the bench. Whenever I was having a hard day, I would always go straight to the clearing and I would just lie there, swinging back and forth beneath the thick canopy of leaves.
But now, as I neared the bench, there was nothing peaceful about it. I couldn't find the pleasant aura that I had been longing for. Instead, there was a dark, frightening aura that seemed to be warning me away.
The minute I stepped into the clearing I knew something was wrong. First, there was Miroku, sitting on the bench, kissing some other girl. Second, that girl was Koharu, the one girl that hated me more than my science teacher Jaken. And third, my stomach twisted into a knot so tight I don't think even surgery could fix.
I stood there for what seemed like an eternity before Koharu noticed me and pushed Miroku away, pointed at me and demanded, "What are you doing here?"
I was frozen like a deer in headlights. My throat went dry, and my heart accelerated so fast I thought I burst form my chest. I began trembling, and unshed tears stung my eyes. I blinked them away and shouted, "The bigger question is: what the hell are you two doing?!"
"I'm kissing my boyfriend, what do you think?"
Even though a part of me was expecting it, it still made my insides churn and I tried to fight away my nausea. It shocked me, to say the least. Oh, why hadn't I listened to Inuyasha when he warned me? Why hadn't I listened to the rest of the band? Why did I ignore the foreboding aura cloaking the clearing and just gone home?
'Because you're too thickheaded to tell right form left,' a voice inside my head hissed coldly at me.
"Sango," Miroku began. "I know what it looks like, but… I don't know. There's just something about Koharu that, well…"
"Forget it," I snapped harshly. My shock and nausea had faded by now. Instead it was replaced by fury. Clenching my fists, I gave him the coldest glare I could muster and scowled defiantly at him.
"Sango, don't look at me like that," he said weakly, pulling Koharu closer. "I know that look. Last time you had it, you were ready to kill someone."
"Forget it," I repeated. "Inuyasha was right about you."
"What does he have to do with this?" Miroku demanded. He never liked Inuyasha. Maybe it was because Inuyasha had punched him in the face for asking him if he was a mix-breed. They were in first grade and they didn't know any better…but still, it had hurt.
"He was only doing what a big brother is supposed to do. Protect his little sister," I snapped back. "And he was right. I never should've trusted you. They were all right." I forced back a sob and blinked away my tears, backing up into the woods and shouted, "But hey, don't let that ruin your fun. I'm just one girl, after all." And then I turned and sprinted through the woods, not caring about the tree branches that slashed my face and battered my arms. All I cared about was getting far away…
End Flashback
I had told Inuyasha as soon as I got home that night. I called him up and told him something had gone wrong. He was already outside my window by the time I hung up. I broke down and told him what happened. From there, he came over and provided encouragement just by being there. Eventually he helped me get my feelings out by writing the song I would be singing for the talent show in just a few nights.
But I know I won't actually get rid of all these out until I sing that song at the talent show. And so with every hour that passes and brings me closer to that day, the dread building within me grows.
The day had come.
The day of the talent show.
I pull out the lyrics to the song and skim through them. By now I know the song like the back of my hand, but I still felt uneasy. It was probably because it would be no one but me up on stage singing. There wouldn't be any instruments or anything, just me and my voice. Normally the band was always with me to cover up any mistakes I might make, but now…I was alone. Well, not completely, seeing as how the rest of the band would be waiting behind the side curtains but I still felt alone seeing as I was the only one—besides Inuyasha—to know the lyrics. Even so, Inuyasha still hasn't heard me sing it yet so…
I hear the principle call my name and I fold up the lyrics, tucking them back into my jeans pocket for later and nervously came on stage from behind the curtains. I grinned nervously at the principle and accepted the microphone. I waited until the principle left the stage before speaking.
"The song I'll be singing tonight is titled 'Low.' It's a song I wrote earlier in the month, but no one's ever heard it before, so it's still fairly new. The band won't be playing with me tonight, so I'll be alone, I guess." I took a deep breath. "Well, here it goes."
/Everybody's talkin'
But they don't say a thing
They look me with sad eyes
But I don't want the sympathy/
Already the first lines are getting to me. After the band ad found out what happened, they were so sympathetic and nice. They never argued with me and were always standing up for me when I didn't need it in school. It was sickening. I didn't want the sympathy. I didn't need it. If they wanted to help, they should've just dropped it.
/It's cool you didn't want me
Sometimes you can't go back
Why'd you have to go and make a mess like that?
Well I just have to day before I let go/
Are you out there, Miroku? I wonder. I know you are. I know you can hear every word, and I want the guilt to eat you up. I will let go, but not until you feel my pain. And yet, at the same time, I can't help but ask myself, Can I really just let go like that? Is it really okay that he didn't want me?
/Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
'Cause what you did was low/
I wanted him to know how much he hurt me. I wanted him to know the pain he put me through. I wanted him to feel it. I wanted him to feel my hatred. I wanted him to be afraid.
By now I had found him in the crowd, and he was staring up at me in shock. Smirking, I locked eyes with him and gave him a look that could kill him if I had that ability as I thought of the next lines.
/No I don't need your number
There's nothing left to day
Cept I never thought it'd hurt this much to be saved
My friends are outside waiting I've gotta go/
I broke eye contact with him for a moment to glance at the band from the corner of my eyes before turning back to him, my smug grin bigger than ever.
/Have you ever been low?
(Have you ever been?)
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
Cause what you did was low
(Low)
What you did was low
(Low)
What you did was low
(Low)
What you did was low
(Low)/
I glanced at my friends again. What he did really was low, and they knew it. They grinned and gave me a thumbs-up.
/Walk out this darkness with no sense of regret
And I go with a clear conscience
We both know you can't say that
Here's to show for all the time I loved you so, so
I smirked at that, my eyes locking onto his and overpowering him. We both knew that. Hell, the whole band knew that. While I had a clear conscience, he was left with one that he'd never be able to clean no matter how hard he tried.
/Have you ever been low?
(Have you ever been?)
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
Cause what you did was low
/Have you ever been low?
(Have you ever been?)
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
Cause what you did was low
Have you ever been low?
(Have you ever been?)
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
Cause what you did was low/
I ended the song with a sense of pleasure I hadn't felt in such a long time. It made me happy, and I found I liked that feeling. Locking eyes with Miroku one last time, I said silently, There it was. The greatest performance of my life. And all to show you how I felt. Now I hope you know how it feels to be betrayed by your own love, and I hope you carry that burden fro the rest of your life.
The moment lasted only a moment, but a moment too long it seemed. Miroku broke eye contact and grabbed Koharu's wrist and dragged her away. I could see his skin was pale and he was staggering. Koharu had to help him walk.
Then I turned back to the principle and tossed him the microphone and prepared to leave the stage. "Aren't you going to stay to see if you won or not?" he asked, stammering.
"Nah, my message's been sent," I replied. Then, making sure Miroku was still in the room, I added loudly, "My friends are outside waiting. I have to go."
