Disclaimer: I do not own The 100 or the characters, just this little blurb of a story.
Clarke sat on the sofa in Lexa's room and tried to hide the amused smile on her face as she watched the commander pace back and forth. It was so unlike Lexa to show any of her emotions, so to see her seem nervous was almost unheard of. It was only in front of Clarke that she allowed herself to show her emotions.
"Lexa..."
"What?" Lexa replied, her voice harsh.
Clarke raised her eyebrows and stood up, blocking Lexa's path. Lexa stopped and finally looked at her.
"Don't be angry with me."
Lexa sighed and heavily flopped down onto the couch.
"I'm sorry Clarke."
"Why are you so nervous."
"I'm not nervous."
"Well...you sure are acting like it. What's wrong?" Clarke sat down next to Lexa and put her hand on her knee, squeezing it gently.
"I'm not sure this is a good idea..."
"It is. We've already gone over it. I've been in Polis with you for months. You coming to stay in Arkadia with me for a little while is only going to strengthen the trust between the rest of the clans and Skaikru."
"Yes. I know we have discussed it..."
"So...what is it? What's wrong?"
Lexa looked down at the floor and fidgeted with her hands. Clarke wasn't sure what to do; she'd never seen the other girl like this before.
"Lexa...talk to me." She whispered.
"Ugh, it's ridiculous."
"Tell me anyways."
"What if your people don't like me? Most of them already hate me...what if this does nothing to change that?"
"That's what this is? You're worried they won't like you?"
"I told you it was ridiculous."
"You're just...you command armies and go charging in to any battle with an insane amount of confidence. This surprises me."
"This is different. I would be more confident if we were going to war."
"Well we aren't, besides, they're going to love you."
Lexa smiled and put her hand over the one Clarke had resting on her knee.
"Just because you love me Clarke, doesn't mean everyone will."
Clarke smiled at how easily the words rolled out of Lexa's mouth; that hadn't always been the case. It hadn't been an easy road for either of them in the beginning of their relationship, but now that their feelings towards each other were out in the open, it was one of the easiest things Clarke had ever done.
Clarke turned and swung her leg over Lexa's so she was straddling her lap facing her, her butt resting on Lexa's knees. Lexa smiled and her hands automatically went to Clarke's hips.
"I do love you, and so will everyone else."
Clarke whispered as she leaned forward and kissed Lexa. Lexa's hands tightened on Clarke's hips as she returned the kiss. She'd known from the first time she'd kissed the sky girl that she'd never love anyone else the way she did Clarke. She didn't think she'd ever get over what it felt like to have Clarke love her back.
Clarke sighed happily, then moaned as Lexa pulled back from their kiss and started kissing her neck. She left a trail of slow, lazy kisses down her neck to her collarbone before kissing her lips again, softly, then resting her forehead against Clarke's.
"I love you too."
Clarke's heart skipped a beat, the way it always did hearing those words come from Lexa's mouth. She casually draped her arms around the brunettes neck, her fingers twirling in her hair out of habit.
"I know you do. So trust me when I say you'll be fine in Arkadia. We should get going."
"Hmm, I can think of something else I'd rather do."
Lexa's voice was husky as she ran her hands slowly up Clarke's sides. Clarke let out a breathy moan before putting her hands on Lexa's wrists.
"You're trying to distract me."
"Is it working?"
"You'll always be my favorite distraction, but no." Clarke smiled as she kissed Lexa's forehead before scooting back off her lap and standing up. Lexa huffed as Clarke took her hand and tugged until she got up off the sofa.
"Come on. Let's get going. The sooner we get there, the sooner you can stop being nervous."
"I'm not nervous."
"Fine. The sooner you can stop being ridiculous then." Clarke rolled her eyes as she kept a hold of Lexa's hand and guided the commander out the doors.
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When they rode close to the gates of Arkadia Lexa still looked nervous.
"It will be fine." Clarke reassured her softly as they dismounted their horses. They handed the reins off to the guards who were going to be camping outside Arkadia. Much to Indra's dismay, Clarke had insisted that no guards accompany Lexa into Arkadia. It would defeat the purpose of making peace between the clans if Lexa was followed around by a personal armed guard constantly.
"Heda, are you sure about this?" Indra asked one more time she took the reins of Lexa's horse.
"Sha, Indra. I will be safe."
"You better be." Indra practically growled as she glared at Clarke.
"Things are different now Indra, and this will make them even better." Clarke stated as she moved to stand next to Lexa. Lexa reached out and took her hand, which earned an eye roll from Indra and Clarke could hardly contain her laughter. She knew Lexa did it on purpose to annoy the warrior.
"Ready?" Clarke asked as she squeezed Lexa's hand.
"Yes."
They walked the rest of the way to the gates and raised their hands as they got close.
"Open up, it's Clarke!"
One of the guards yelled and the gates swung open. They had only made it a few steps inside when Abby came running up and grabbed Clarke in a crushing hug. Lexa stepped to the side to give them a moment.
"Clarke. I've missed you so much."
Clarke could hear the tears in her mom's voice as she wrapped her arms around her and hugged her back.
"I've missed you too mom."
After holding on to her for a moment longer, Abby let go of Clarke and stepped back to look at her. She ran her hand over Clarke's cheek.
"You look good. You look...happy."
"I am mom, I'm really happy." Her eyes subconsciously flicked to Lexa for a second. Lexa noticed and bit the inside of her bottom lip to hide her smile. Abby embraced Clarke again.
"I'm just so happy you're home."
Clarke tensed a little at the reference of home; her home was wherever Lexa was and Arkadia didn't have many fond memories, but she let it go. Abby looked over Clarke's shoulder and seemed to notice Lexa for the first time.
"Lexa!" She let go of Clarke and impulsively embraced Lexa just as tightly. Clarke barely managed to contain a snort of laughter at Lexa's shocked face. She tensed, then hesitantly put her arms around Abby's shoulders and halfway returned the hug.
"Thank you for taking care of my girl." Abby whispered before she realized who she was hugging and stepped back.
"I'm sorry, Commander." Lexa winced; this is what she had been afraid of in coming to Arkadia. They would always see her as commander. She would never be able to fit in the way Clarke has so seamlessly blended in at Polis.
"It's okay. And please Abby, call me Lexa while I am here."
"Okay, Lexa." Abby's smile was bright and welcoming and gave Lexa hope that things might work out okay.
"Well let's get you guys inside, there are a lot of people who want to say hi."
Clarke moved next to Lexa and took her hand again as they walked into the Ark. Clarke was busy chattering with her mother about things to notice the way people went silent as they walked by, or how they made a wide path around Lexa as they walked.
Clarke felt Lexa stiffen next to her. She looked over at the other girls worried expression.
"What's wrong?"
"Your people are afraid of me."
Clarke glanced at the faces in the crowed and realized Lexa was right. Most stopped talking as they passed; those that didn't spoke in hushed whispers. Everyone looked wary at best, terrified at worst.
"It will be fine." Clarke reassured Lexa with a brief squeeze to her hand. Lexa smiled for Clarke's benefit but remained unconvinced.
As they walked inside, Raven was the first to greet them. She threw her arms around Clarke's neck.
"You're back! I've missed you."
"I've missed you too Raven. You look good."
"Still gimpy, but I manage. You look good too. So...happy." Raven raised her eyebrows and tilted her head towards Lexa. Clarke blushed and nodded.
"I am happy."
"Good for you."
She winked and moved to hug Lexa, who returned the hug only slightly less awkwardly than she had with Abby.
"Commander, welcome to Arkadia. Thanks for taking care of Clarke."
Lexa nodded as she pulled away from Raven.
"Just call me Lexa while I am here."
"Oooh, first name basis with the queen of the grounders. I feel special."
Raven laughed but Clarke noticed a flash of hurt go across Lexa's face. It was gone before anyone could see it, but Clarke noticed.
"She's not the grounder Queen Raven, knock it off."
"It's okay Clarke."
"Well aren't you protective. I'm pretty sure she could slit my throat before I knew what hit me if I pissed her off Clarke."
"It's true, I could." Lexa deadpanned and the room went silent before Raven noticed the slight curl of her lips as she hid a smile.
"She's funny too." Raven rolled her eyes.
"She really could though Raven, even if she is joking." Clarke quipped.
"I get it Griffin, your girlfriend is a badass. You don't have to rub it in."
Lexa grinned at the fact that Raven referred to her as Clarke's girlfriend. She was the first person from Arkadia to recognize their relationship for what it was. She walked over and put her arms around Clarke's waist, pulling her back against her chest.
"I don't know, I think Clarke is pretty badass herself." She stated as she rested her chin on Clarke's shoulder.
"Oh geez, you two are going to make me sick."
Lexa winked at Raven as she kissed Clarke's neck, causing Clarke to blush bright red and Raven to act like she was going to throw up.
"Alright, alright. Are we going to take her on a tour of the place or what?"
Clarke felt Lexa tense against her at the mention of seeing the rest of Arkadia.
"She's worried everyone is going to hate her."
Raven looked Lexa up and down a few times.
"Well...she is pretty intimidating. Oh! I have an idea. Come on!"
She grabbed Clarke's wrist and led both of them to an extra supply closet full of clothes. Clarke and Lexa both look confused.
"Maybe if she looks less...grounder...she won't be so scary."
"I have other clothes Raven."
"Not Skaikru clothes you don't."
Lexa considered it for a moment before sighing in defeat.
"Alright, what can it hurt I guess."
Raven and Clarke dug into the closest and it didn't take them long to find an outfit. Tight black jeans that had rips in the thighs and a simple black tank top.
Lexa put them on and came back out into the room. She was tugging at the jeans and was going to complain that they were too tight until she saw the way Clarke was staring at her, with her bottom lip between her teeth and her eyes roaming Lexa's body like she wanted to devour her.
"Well?" Lexa asked mischievously.
"I like it." Clarke comment, her voice low.
Raven looked her up and down and turned and rummaged through the closest some more and came out with a dark brown baseball cap. Lexa arched one eyebrow at her.
"Can the...gear symbol come off your forehead?"
"It's the symbol of the coalition...I suppose I can remove it."
Lexa reached up and pulled the gear off her forehead. She pulled one of her braids around and tied it onto the end.
"Come sit" Raven motioned to a chair in the room. Lexa went and sat and Raven moved behind her.
"Can I put your hair up?" Lexa nodded and Raven gathered all of her hair into a loose ponytail before putting the cap on her head and pulling her hair through the hole in the back. She came around in front of Lexa and pulled a few strands out to hang next to Lexa's face. She stepped back to admire her work and smiled.
"There. Now she's cute and not so scary."
Lexa rolled her eyes and glared sideways at Raven, then at Clarke who was failing at suppressing a giggle.
"Raven's not wrong." She smiled as she walked over and twisted one of the loose pieces of Lexa's hair around her finger. Lexa looked so much younger, less stressed, and less scary.
"You are cute."
She squealed in surprise when Lexa grabbed her around the waist and pulled her onto her lap.
"And you're gorgeous." She whispered so only Clarke could hear, which made her blush.
"Stop that!" Raven laughed "whatever that is. Stop it. Let's get on with the tour, shall we?"
Lexa nodded in agreement and kept her hand in Clarke's as they headed towards the rest of the Ark.
Much to her surprise, the change of looks seemed to help. People no longer stared at her. Some even smiled and waved as the called hello to Clarke. Lexa found herself relaxing the more they walked.
About half way through the trip they ran in to Lincoln. Clarke hugged him tightly.
"Lincoln! It's so good to see you. How are you? Where is Octavia?"
"It's good to see you too Clarke. I'm good. So is Octavia. She went to find Indra I believe...Heda?"
He asked when he finally looked at Lexa.
"Lexa while I'm here. Hello Lincoln."
"You look..."
"Cute and not so scary?" Raven offered. Lincoln laughed but nodded in agreement. Clarke moved to stand next to Lexa, her hand automatically finding the other girls and their fingers lacing together. Lincoln raised his eyebrows.
"So the rumors from Polis are true. Heda and Wanheda."
Clarke rolled her eyes.
"Yea, everything the light touches is our kingdom." Raven immediately picked up on the reference and started laughing with Clarke. Lexa and Lincoln just watched them, confused.
"It's a Disney movie reference...The Lion King...there were only so many movies on the Ark when it was in space...ya know, never mind."
"So...are we somehow lions?" Lexa asked, extremely puzzled, which earned another burst of laughter from Raven and Clarke.
"Never mind, forget I said it. It was a dumb joke."
"Any joke is dumb if only half your audience understands." Lexa retorted.
"I know, I know. Always so serious." Clarke squeezed her hand so Lexa would know she was joking.
"I should get going, I've got some work to do at the fence line before the next rotation. It's good seeing both of you."
"You too Lincoln. We'll be here for a while so we'll catch up. If you see Octavia, tell her to come find me."
"I will. See you later."
"I should go too. I've been working on some of the radios. We're trying to increase the distance they can cover. You guys can just wander around. Clarke, your room is still the same. I think your mom was looking for one for Lexa too but I'm sure you'll share just fine."
"Yes we will. Thanks Raven."
Raven walked away leaving Clarke and Lexa standing alone. Clarke turned so she was facing Lexa and put her hands on the other girls hips.
"See? It hasn't been so bad."
"No, I guess not. Though I'm not so sure about this." She smiled, tugging at the brim of the baseball cap.
"Oh leave it, I think its cute."
"Clarke Kom Skaikru, I think you are the only person who has ever called me cute."
"Maybe I'm just the only person you're ever cute with."
"You have a point."
"I don't mind, I like having you to myself."
Lexa smiled and put her hand behind Clarke's neck, pulling her into a quick kiss.
"I don't like sharing you either."
"You don't have to, lets go find my mom in medical and see if there is anything she wants us to do."
They walked hand in hand through the compound and Clarke was happy to see that Lexa had seemed to relax some since they had arrived. She made a mental note to thank Raven later about the clothes.
They were almost to the main entrance when a familiar voice called across the field.
"Clarke?"
Lexa felt Clarke tense as Bellamy called her name. She knew this was the reunion the blonde had been dreading the most.
Clarke turned as Bellamy strode towards her quickly.
"Clarke, is really you?"
"Hey Bellamy. Yes, its me. We just got here not too long ago."
"Lexa?" Bellamy questioned, taking a closer look at the girl Clarke was holding hands with and barely recognizing her.
"Hello Bellamy."
"So it looks like the rumors are true."
"What rumors?"
"About you…and her. And why you've stayed in Polis. I almost didn't recognize her, since she isn't walking away."
Anger flashed in Clarke's blue eyes as she took a step towards him. Lexa squeezed her hand and gently tugged back, stopping her.
"Bellamy…don't."
"Don't what, Clarke? It's true. She left us at Mount Weather to die. Have you forgotten that? And then she issued a kill order on anyone who crossed her blockade-"
"A blockade put in place because you and Pike murdered 300 people! People who were sent to protect us! The rest of the clans wanted to wipe Arkadia out. Lexa is the only reason they didn't!"
"Why doesn't it surprise me that you're defending her."
Their voices were raising and drawing a crowd. Lexa pulled Clarke close to her, hoping to convince her to get a grip on her emotions.
"Clarke…maybe here isn't the best place to do this." She spoke softly but Clarke was already furious and barely heard her.
"Yes, I'm defending her. We've all made mistakes Bellamy. Lexa has, I have, but the difference is we were forced into the choices we made. We didn't go and slaughter an entire army in their sleep."
"Clarke. Keep your voice down." Lexa pleaded "Let's go inside….Clarke, please."
Lexa stepped in between Clarke and Bellamy and put her hands on Clarke's shoulders. Clarke finally looked away from Bellamy and realized people were starting to gather around them.
"Fine, lets go inside."
"Here you go, calling the shots again. What if I don't have anything else to say to you?"
"Bellamy….it's me you're mad at, not Clarke, and you know that." Lexa spoke softly and Bellamy glared at her.
"Lexa, don't."
"No, Clarke. He has every right to be mad at me. But maybe here isn't the place to do it."
Bellamy huffed and turned to walk away. He jerked his hand over his shoulder, indicating that Clarke and Lexa should follow him. The walked into one of the outbuildings that housed the rovers and slid the door shut behind them.
"If there is ever going to be peace, we need to get through this."
"We? Since when are you part of us?" Bellamy asked coldly.
"Since I said she is." Clarke practically growled and stepped in front of Lexa.
"Well maybe I don't want to talk to you about any of this with her here."
"Then I will leave."
"Lexa…no."
Lexa pulled Clarke to the side, out of Bellamy's range of hearing. She put her hands on her waist and pulled Clarke close, resting their foreheads together.
"You need to work this out with him. Nothing will come of staying angry at each other. You know that."
Clarke sighed and closed her eyes.
"I know…he just makes me so mad."
"I know. He's hurting, just like you were. He's still angry at me, just like you were."
"That was different…"
"Not really. Just because you have forgiven me, doesn't mean he has. It doesn't mean anyone else has. That's why this is important. Try to calm down and talk to him."
A single tear rolled down Clarke's cheek and Lexa brushed it away with her thumb. Clarke leaned into her touch. There was a certain comfort only Lexa's presence could give her and she needed it at the moment.
"Go. Talk to him. I will find your mom in medical and see if I can help somewhere."
"I'll come find you."
Lexa nodded and slipped out of the door. Clarke took a deep breath and willed herself to be more patient before walking back over to Bellamy. He also seemed to have calmed down some and most of the anger had left his stare.
"You love her, don't you?"
"Very much so, yes."
"How….after everything she's done."
"How is she any different than us, Bellamy? We've all done things down here that we regret. I've killed so many people I lost count."
"But she left us to die after promising to fight with us."
"We all lost people to the mountain Bellamy. We lost people that day, we had to kill people that day, but Lexa had been losing people to the mountain for years. If you were in her position, would you have chosen differently?"
"And the kill order?"
"Was to enforce the blockade she put up so the rest of the 12 clans didn't come slaughter us. She was giving us time to take Pike out ourselves. After what you and Pike did…I'm surprised they didn't wipe Arkadia out."
Bellamy hesitated for a while before speaking.
"So you've forgiven her, do you think you'll be able to forgive me?"
"I don't know. What you did was different…we were forced into the choice at Mount Weather. They were literally killing our people in front of us. We had to stop them somehow. I was forced into the bombing at the drop ship. They were coming to wipe us out. Lexa was forced into her choice at Mount Weather. A whole army of her people were trapped inside and they were offering their freedom. What you did…they weren't even attacking Bellamy….they were sleeping."
"I know…and I wish I could take it back. I wish I could have stood up to Pike…I see them every night in my dreams. But what Pike was saying made sense. The grounders have never been peaceful and it just made sense to get the upper hand and attack first."
"But…executing the wounded?"
"I tried to talk him out of that. I really did Clarke…"
"Why Indra?"
"I know how much she means to O. I had to beg Pike and promise the message was worth sending."
Clarke could see in Bellamy's eyes the hurt Lexa had spoken about. She just wasn't sure she could forgive him.
"I feel like I don't even know you anymore…."
She whispered sadly.
"I'm sorry."
"Me too."
"So where do we go from here?"
"Forward I guess….its going to take time. And I don't know that things will ever be the same. But I think we owe it to each other to try. We've been through a lot Bellamy…"
"We have…I'm willing to try if you are."
Clarke nodded and Bellamy held his arms open for a hug. Clarke considered it for a second, then held her hand out. Bellamy smiled sadly but took her hand and shook it, then leaned down and kissed the back of it before letting go.
"Are we okay?"
"As okay as we're going to be for now."
"That's good enough."
Clarke nodded and turned to leave. She was almost to the door when he called her name.
"Clarke? Does she really make you happy?"
"Yes, she does."
"Then I'll try to forgive her too."
Clarke smiled and slipped out the door. She was going to head to medical but she wanted a moment alone first so she headed to her room. She kept the tears in check until she opened the door. She walked in and started sobbing as she closed the door behind her. She rested her forehead against the closed door and let the tears come. A few moments passed and then familiar arms wrapped themselves around her waist. She turned and buried her face in Lexa's neck.
"Shhh. It's okay."
"W-what are you doing here?"
"Your mom didn't need help in medical and I felt strange offering anywhere else so I just came here to wait. Come here, what happened?"
Lexa led her over to the bed and Clarke laid down on her side and curled into a ball, suddenly exhausted. Lexa crawled onto the bed behind her and pulled her close; Clarke's back was pressed against Lexa's chest. She slowly ran her fingers through Clarke's hair and up and down her back, waiting for her crying to stop. After a while, Clarke started to talk.
"He's still angry at you over Mount Weather, and the kill order. And he's angry at me for choosing you."
"And you're still angry at him?"
"Yes. I don't know if I can forgive him. He murdered 300 people as they slept. That's not war."
"No, it is not. It was done out of fear."
"I know…but I don't know if I can ever see him the same way."
"Maybe not, but maybe you don't have to hate him. Maybe there is a middle ground."
"Why are you defending him, he hates you."
"You care for him Clarke, or you wouldn't be this upset. I don't want to see you lose someone else that is important to you."
Clarke turned so she was facing Lexa.
"You're amazing, you know that?"
"So are you."
"No, I'm serious. All he does is talk about how horrible you are for leaving us to die and here you are, saying I should forgive him."
"You managed to forgive me. I did leave you to die. And I will always regret it, but….here you are. You've forgiven me…I'm sure you can forgive him as well."
Clarke leaned forward and kissed Lexa and all of the anger seemed to drain out of her body at once. All she wanted was peace. Peace between the clans, peace between each other, peace for herself.
Lexa could see the struggle going on in Clarke's blue eyes. She knew the girl was exhausted, both mentally and physically. It had been a rough few months, and things were finally starting to look like they were turning around. Lexa reached up and tucked a piece of Clarke's hair behind her ear.
"Why don't you go to sleep for a while? Then we'll check in with your mom again, and Kane. I know he wanted to see you. But you need rest."
"Do you think this will ever get easier? Or better?"
"I do…one day at a time. We'll do it together. I'm not going anywhere."
Clarke nodded and snuggled her face into Lexa's neck, her body molding against the brunette like it had been made to fit there. She kissed the side of Lexa's neck as she felt herself start drifting off to sleep.
"I love you, Lexa.
"I love you too, Clarke."
Authors Note:
Thanks for reading. I've seen the edit so many times on instagram and felt like it would be a cute part of a oneshot.
