When Matthew Starnes was starting his senior year of high school, his dad decided to make him switch schools. "High school is a zoo, and your senior year is the moment when colleges determine whether or not you'll be good enough to fit in at their school. And let's face it, right now, you're just the dead mouse they toss at the pythons," Matthew's dad explained to him.
"If you want to really stand out to the universities, you'll need to go to somewhere where you focus less on the popularity and more on the academics." Handing Matthew a thick brochure, Matthew's dad continued. "Culver Creek Preparatory School will offer that opportunity. According to this flyer, Culver Creek students have headed to all sorts of Ivy League schools. Harvard, Yale, Princeton. And those are exactly the schools you should be looking at." Matthew's dad glared firmly at Matthew. "At Culver Creek, they have a small student body and high SAT's, so the chances of a scholarship are higher. I wish I had the chance to go to a private school when I was your age."
"Then why don't you go instead?" Matthew said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Matthew's dad sighed.
"I know you're not all that enthusiastic about going, but it's for the better. You'll see. One day, you'll look back and say, 'Wow, I'm so happy Dad made me go to Culver Creek Preparatory School for my senior year.'"
"More like, 'Why did my dad make me go to a school full of stuck-up know-it-alls? I'm totally upset with life now. Thanks dad. Good move.'"
"You're going, and that's final." Matthew's dad said firmly.
So one day, Matthew's dad woke Matthew and his mom up and drove them to the school. It was a beautiful campus, although Matthew would never admit it. The lake at the side of the school sparkled in the sunlight, and the building's paint looked fresh and neat. Past the school, there were rows of little dorm rooms and a few pay phones between them. Further down the road was a largely wooded area and a shabby barn.
"This looks nice." Matthew's mom said from the passenger seat.
"Yes, it does." Matthew's dad said, turning into a parking space. He turned to look at Matthew. "You ready to go, Matt?"
"Was Joan of Arc ready to be burned at the stake?"
Matthew's father wanted to talk with all the teachers, and Matthew's mother wanted to stay in the car, so Matthew walked to his new dorm room alone. He opened the door partly and looked around. It was a small, empty room, with plain brown walls, a bunk bed, and two wooden dressers. Matthew opened the door all the way and pulled one of his suitcases inside. He heard a cough from the bunk bed, looked up, and saw a scrawny boy was already sitting on the top bunk. "I hope you don't mind; I'm more of a top bunk person," the boy called down. Gripping the sides of the ladder on the bunk bed, the boy came down to the ground.
"The name's Todd. And you?"
"Uh, Matthew." Todd smiled.
"Hi, 'Uh-Matthew.' It is a pleasure to meet you." He held out a hand to Matthew. After a slight pause, Matthew shook his hand. "You aren't very talkative, are you?" Todd remarked.
"Uh-"
"That's fine!" Todd said, cutting Matthew off mid-thought. "Because I'm the type to talk a lot. So, what's your story?"
"I'm not sure what you're talking about," Matthew stuttered.
Todd cocked his head to the side and sighed. "Okay, judging by your suitcase bulging with college brochures–" He gestured to Matthew's suitcase. "–and your height, and your obvious discomfort at being here, I'm guessing you are a senior this year, and I'm guessing you're from a public school. Don't get me wrong; it's always great to get a new classmate, even in my senior year, but it just doesn't happen. So that means you have a reason why you're here and why you're unhappy."
"You're right. It's my senior year. I'm here because my dad thinks I might get a better chance of getting a college scholarship here." Todd nodded his head in understanding.
"Well, we do get scholarships here a lot. But I don't think your presence in this school is enough to guarantee one. What's your current GPA?"
"3.8" Matthew replied proudly.
"Not bad. Did you get a lot of homework at your old school?"
"Yeah, a considerable amount."
"Be prepared for a lot more. Follow up question, do you have any experience in sneaking out, pulling pranks, and general causing chaos?" Todd looked intently at Matthew, and Matthew realized that he was being serious.
"Uh, once in third grade, I brought a worm inside my house and put it on my mom's pillow."
Todd patted Matthew on the back. "That's pathetic. Don't worry, you'll learn better. It's senior year, and what better time for causing trouble?"
"Okay, here's what's going to happen," Todd said, a smile spread wide across his face. It was about eight on a Saturday night and Matthew and Todd were sitting on a ratty couch in their room. Todd insisted on canceling all plans made that night so that he could explain his perfect prank to Matthew. The faint glow of their TV flickered across the room as the noise of a basketball match flooded around, so that anyone listening in around their room would think that they were watching TV.
"At exactly 12PM on Monday, all the students go to lunch to eat their bufriedos. But we won't be among them. Instead, we will be outside the cafeteria, with a table." Todd reached up to his bunk and pulled down a giant poster board. It was covered in glitter and said "BAKE SALE: Proceeds go to the Picnic and Recreational Activities of Neighborly Kinship for Seniors!" Below the title was a list of prices ranging from fifty cents to two dollars.
"PRANKS?" Matthew said skeptically.
"I've been using that name for all my pranks involving money and no one has caught on yet!" Todd replied proudly.
"Okay, so what's the prank? A bake sale? How is that a prank?"
"The bake sale isn't the prank. This–" Todd pulled a plastic container off the ground. "–is the prank." He opened the lid, displaying about fifty sugar cookies.
"Still not getting it." Matthew said, unimpressed. Todd sighed. He pulled out a cookie.
"This is not a sugar cookie. It is a salt cookie. This is not sugar on it. This is salt. Do you get it now?"
"Oh, so you're going to sell people salt cookies and make them think it is sugar cookies?"
"No. We are going to sell people salt cookies, Matthew."
On Monday, Todd had set up his table and his poster and, sure enough, a line of students started forming at the table. Todd turned to Matthew. "I'm pretty well known for my baking around here."
A chubby boy who Matthew shared calculus class with was at the front of the line. He handed Matthew a crumpled up dollar bill. "Can I get two sugar cookies?" Todd handed him the cookies. "Thanks." the boy said. Staring at the poster, he said, "Wait, how long have we had a Picnic and Recreational Activities–"
"On your way, then! We have to keep the line moving!" Todd motioned the boy on and another person bought a cookie. 30 cookies later, the line was dwindling down to two people.
"WAIT JUST A SECOND!" an angry feminine voice declared from behind the line. A short girl who Todd had just sold a cookie to marched to the front of the line. "This cookie tastes disgusting! Almost salty!"
"That's really weird." Todd said, acting very concerned. "I taste-tested them just this morning. Are you sure you didn't just consume vinegar before or after you bit into your cookie?"
"Yes, I'm positive." The girl crossed her arms angrily. "Are you selling people bad cookies?"
"No, of course not!" Todd said. He turned to Matthew. "Matthew, can you please give her a full refund and another cookie for her trouble?"
"Oh, of course!" Matthew pulled out a dollar and handed her another salt cookie. She took the money, shoving it in her pocket with attitude. She bit into the new cookie!
"THIS STILL TASTES LIKE SALT!" she screamed. One of the teachers walked up to the table.
"Are we having a problem over here?" he asked calmly.
"THEY GAVE ME A COOKIE WITH SALT ON IT!"
"Is that true?" the teacher asked Matthew and Todd.
"No! Why would we do that? We're an honest business, just trying to raise a few funds. Is that too much to ask? She just came up here accusing us of giving her bad cookies! Now, what could we gain from that? That's just crazy! She's obviously just trying to scam cookies off of us!"
"Can I try one of your cookies, to make sure?" the teacher asked Todd.
"Of course." Todd opened his cookie container and pulled out a cookie, handing it to the teacher with a smug grin on his face. The teacher bit into it and turned to the girl.
"I don't know what you're yelling about. This is the best cookie I've ever eaten! No hint of salt at all! It's just a regular sugar cookie." He turned back to Todd.
"How much do I owe you for that cookie?"
"It's on the house. Think of it as a thanks for teaching us students."
"Well, thank you." The teacher nodded at Todd and Matthew and walked away. The girl made sure the teacher was gone, flicked them both off, and went into the cafeteria. Todd looked like he was trying hard not to laugh. Matthew leaned towards Todd.
"What did you do?" he whispered.
"I put some actual sugar cookies in the batch, in case of an emergency." he replied.
"Well done."
"I know it was."
Hours later, Matthew and Todd were back in their room. Matthew was working on homework on his bunk while Todd was flipping through a comic book on his. There was a rapping on Todd and Matthew's door. "Come in!" Todd called. Mr. Anderson, the grumpy dean of students walked in. Todd sat straight up in his bed at the sight of him, while Matthew just looked up, surprised.
"Mr. Collins and Mr. Starnes, I have gotten multiple reports that you two sold people cookies with salt in them."
"What? That's crazy!" Todd started. Mr. Anderson shook his head.
"Don't try that on me. It won't work. Because a student brought me one of your cookies, and let me just say, it tasted terribly salty for a sugar cookie. Now, I have half a mind to call your parents, or to expel you both." Matthew's face went white as a sheet, and Todd looked ill. "But, instead, I'll leave you both with a warning. This is the first time you've done anything bad, so I have to trust it will be the last time. A toe out of line again, and I will expel you without a second glance. That's final."
"But, this can't go unpunished. One week's detention, both of you. My office. Got it?"
"Yessir." Todd said.
"Thank you, Mr. Anderson, sir." Matthew exclaimed, relieved.
"Don't make me regret this decision."
"No sir," Matthew and Todd replied in unison.
The week of detentions was especially boring, but Todd was in high spirits all week."I have an even better prank for us to use when we're out of Mr. Anderson's radar," he said after detention one day.
"I can't wait." Matthew replied sarcastically.
That night, Todd kept tossing and turning in his bed. "Hey, can you stop making all that noise? I'm trying to sleep," Matthew grumbled from the bottom bunk.
"Sorry," Todd muttered. After a moment's silence, he added, "I need to leave."
"What?"
"I need to leave campus."
"Where to?" Matthew said, lack of sleep evident in his voice.
"I need to go off campus." Todd repeated. "For a short drive. I need to get some supplies for our next prank."
"At this time of night?"
"It's the only time I can get away with leaving."
"If that's what will shut you up, then by all means, go. I need to get to sleep if I'm going to pass that algebra test tomorrow." Matthew could hear a loud sigh from the top bunk and the creak of Todd climbing down the ladder to the floor. Matthew flipped his pillow over his head.
"I'll be back soon. If Mr. Anderson comes by and asks where I am, can you cover for me?"
"Yeah, sure." Matthew murmured from under his pillow. "Make sure you have the headlights off until you leave campus," he called after Todd. He heard the shuffling of feet and the door opening and closing, and Todd was gone. Matthew went to sleep soon afterward, oblivious to the reality that it was the last sane moment he would ever share with Todd.
About an hour later, Matthew was being shaken awake. "What do you want?" he asked groggily.
"Mr. Collins has been in an accident," Mr. Anderson's tired voice announced. Matthew shot straight up.
"What did you say?"
"Todd Collins, your roommate, has been in a terrible accident. He's on his way to the hospital now. I am driving up there to make sure his medical records are given to the nurses. Would you like to come too?" Matthew nodded his head, as he was too shocked to speak. He quickly got dressed and pulled on his shoes and a jacket.
He was quiet during the whole car ride to the hospital, and he was silent as he followed Mr. Anderson to the hospital room.
"Now, I don't know if he'll be in the mood to talk, or even acknowledge that you're there. He might not even be conscious. Okay?" Mr. Anderson said before going in the room, his voice filled with concern.
"Okay."
When they entered the hospital room, a lady who must've been Todd's mother was already sitting on the edge of the bed, talking to Todd. Todd was on a thin white bed, his arms attached to an IV and an oxygen mask over his face. Todd's mother kept glancing at the cardiac monitor, her face pale and full of distress. Matthew walked towards Todd. Todd looked up at him and smiled. He made a movement to remove the oxygen mask.
"Hey, man." Todd said.
"Hi. How are you doing?" Matthew asked.
"Terrible. I'm in a hospital. And they won't bring me a doughnut, no matter how many times I've asked." The women at Todd's bedside spoke up.
"That's because doughnuts are unhealthy and not given to car accident victims, even teenagers."
"Oh, I should probably introduce y'all. Matthew, this is my mother. Mom, this is Matthew, my roommate." Todd's mom shook Matthew's hand shakily. Matthew noticed her hand was slick with sweat.
"Nice to meet you," she said.
"The same to you, ma'am." Matthew said. "I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances."
"I'm sorry, too. Tell me, do you help all your roommates get themselves killed?" Todd's mother stopped looking at Todd and the cardiac monitor long enough to glare coldly at Matthew.
"Mom, he didn't–" Todd started. Todd's mom turned back to Todd.
"Well he sure as heck didn't try to stop you! What were you thinking, driving in the middle of the night with your headlights off? And you, Matthew, encouraging him!"
"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I assure you, I didn't–" Todd's mom cut Matthew off.
"Whatever. I've paid Todd's bills. I've gave the nurses my contact info. I'm done." She stood up to leave, looking one last time at Todd. "I'll tell the nurses to call your dad, because I've just had enough!" And with that, she stormed off. Todd looked at me.
"I know what you're thinking, and yes, she's always that crazy."
"I'm sorry."
"Naw, it's cool. She was gonna storm out of here anyways. I think she's getting tired of my hospital jokes."
"Oh. Well, I'm sorry about this."
"Bro, I was gonna sneak off tonight with or without your permission. You literally had no effect on my decisions. It's okay." Todd's eyes were glistening with tears. "Okay, okay, dude. I've been overhearing the nurses, and honestly, I'm not going too well according to what I've heard. So, in case I don't make it, remember this: There's a yellow notebook on the top bunk, under my blanket, in my Pillow Pet. Don't let anyone get ahold of it. You must follow the instructions on the seventeenth page. Okay?" Todd said, breathing heavily between sentences.
"Okay." Matthew responded.
"Now, I'm going to go to sleep. And I don't know if I'm going to wake up. So, if I do, disregard this moment. But if I don't, I don't want some sucky last words. So before I go to sleep, let me just say that algebra is absolutely useless and has no meaning whatsoever." Matthew fought back laughter as tears rolled down his cheeks. Todd nodded and closed his eyes.
"Good night, Todd."
Matthew sat by Todd's side for hours, watching the cardiac monitor as he rested. Suddenly, the line started to rise and fall less consistently. Matthew ran out into the hallway where the nurse was still talking with Mr. Anderson. "Something's happening with Todd's heart rate!" he exclaimed. The nurse hurried in, followed some other nurses.
"Oh God," she breathed.
"We'll need you to leave the room," another nurse said, ushering Matthew and Mr. Anderson out of the room. A few minutes later, the first nurse came out of the room.
"You can come in now." Matthew walked in slowly, dreading what he knew he would see.
The cardiac monitor showed only a straight line. The IVs and the oxygen mask were removed from Todd. His eyes were closed, like he was still sleeping.
"I'm so sorry for your loss," the nurse said. Her eyes looked sad, but the rest of her face was normal. She'd probably had to deliver speeches like this before. She turned to Mr. Anderson. "I need a list of his next of kin..."
When he got back to his room, Matthew wanted to dive straight back in his bed. But instead, he went up the ladder to the top bunk. He pulled the blanket away from the bed. Sitting there was a rainbow unicorn Pillow Pet. Matthew opened up the Pillow Pet and inside the folds of its stomach, there was, just as Todd had said there would be, a yellow notebook. He opened it up to the seventeenth page. It was titled "THE BEST SENIOR PRANK" In Todd's sloppy handwriting, there was a detailed list of how to pull off the prank. Matthew skipped down to the bottom of the page, where there was a short paragraph of what would happen. He had to fight back a laugh.
"Three pigs will walk around the hallways, each of them labeled a different number: 1, 2, and 4. When the teachers find all the pigs, they will get confused, trying to find the pig labeled '3,' when there is no pig labeled '3'. NOTE: This will only work once."
Matthew took the notebook and walked outside to the big lake that greeted him when he first arrived at Culver Creek. Calmly, he tossed the notebook in the lake. If his pranks were what led to Todd's death, Matthew would stop all pranks. As he walked away from the lake, he heard a loud screech. He looked up in the sky and saw a large golden eagle flying overhead. On the other side of the lake, the sun was rising. It was a new day, and Matthew Starnes would make sure no one at Culver Creek would ever cause trouble ever again.
THE END
In Looking For Alaska, Mr. Starnes (known by the students as "The Eagle") is the dean of students. He is credited for being able to "smell a cigarette from like five miles", according to Chip "The Colonel" Martin. According to Alaska Young, Mr. Starnes loves the students. "He thinks busting [students] is good for the school and good for us." I like to think that Mr. Starnes is so concerned about stopping students from causing trouble because of a traumatic experience in his past that was caused by the bending of rules. Perhaps the death of his friend, which is what I wrote. Mr. Starnes also has an apparent liking for Alaska. My theory is that Alaska reminds me of another person he knew when he was young. So I modeled the character Todd after Alaska. The book also hinted that Mr. Starnes has a sense of humour, which is why I wrote this story with a broad showcase of sarcastic remarks from Mr. Starnes. Finally, after Alaska dies and Mr. Starnes informs Miles and Chip about her death, he is very upset. I like to think that it is him remembering when his own best friend died. Even though the book shows a lot about "The Eagle" being strict and mean, I like to think he had a reason to be. That he actually does think busting students is for their own good.
