TITLE: To Live Again
PAIRING: B/S, X/A, W/T
RATING: G
SPOILERS: Up to "Older and Far Away" but my interpretation of them.
DISCLAIMER: The characters within this fanfic are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I just borrowed them to take them out for a little spin.
DISTRIBUTION: Feel free to share. Just please let me know first.
FEEDBACK: Please send to elizard100@yahoo.ca
Set a couple of weeks after "Doublemeat Palace". .
Chapter One:
The blond haired vampire looked down at the tiny creature that lay beside him still deep in slumber, her breathing so sweet and gentle. He leaned in and kissed the tip of her shoulder, his touch eliciting a quiet purr. She stirred slightly and smiled but continued in her reverie. Sunlight kills vampires, Spike marveled, yet here he was touching it, bathing in the warmth, making love to it even and yet he wasn't turning to dust. He could stay like this forever but he knew daybreak was fast approaching and he would have to leave soon. She would be getting up shortly and if he were allowed one waking moment with her in his arms he wouldn't be able to tear himself away. The others still didn't know about them and Spike didn't want to push Buffy further than she was ready to go. They had both come so far these past few weeks.
He carefully removed his arm out from under her and started to pull away. A frown crossed her face and in her sleep she moved closer to him reaching out into the air that now separated them, not wanting to be left. Spike kissed her gently on the lips and stroked her hair. She smiled again. Silently he dressed and prepared to make his departure through her window and down the adjacent tree, no need to wake the house. Pulling the covers up over her he remarked on how peaceful she looked, how unlike any creature he had ever encountered in his long life, so powerful and yet so tender and passionate. At that moment he would have given anything to be able to stay with her but knew that wasn't possible.
As Spike's feet hit the ground he automatically reached for his pack of cigarettes and his lighter. He even whistled a happy tune as he made his way back to the cemetery. Life, or rather unlife, was pretty good. Immeasurably better than he had ever thought it could be just after she'd died. That was the lowest point in his life, lower than when Dru left him or even those days when he had to watch Angelus place his hands on Drusilla while he had to sit by tormented and watch from his wheelchair. What a sick bastard he had been. But all that was behind him now. He had the woman he loved in his life and he recognized that this was as good as it gets. As he opened the door to his crypt he could immediately sense that he had a visitor. Spike didn't like uninvited guests and he immediately put on his game face.
Buffy stretched her arms wide as she opened her eyes. Another day, another dollar she thought to herself. She rolled over and looked at the empty expanse of bed beside her, the imprint of Spike's head still visible on the pillow, the faint smell of leather and cigarettes in the air. He had left already. For now he was still her guilty secret. The night before they had held a Scooby meeting at her house, Spike included in the gathering. As the group broke up Spike took his leave under the pretense of going to a demon bar to shake down some undesirables for the latest demon gossip. But Buffy had known by the look in his eyes that instead he would be doing what he had done on previous occasions, waiting around the corner until he saw Xander and Anya drive away and the lights go out in the downstairs. Buffy was waiting for him when he climbed in her window, just like Angel had done in her previous life while she waited in the dark for her vampire lover. Only this time there were no chaste schoolgirl kisses and unfulfilled desires. It was everything now. Buffy hated how much she needed him, how much she risked just to feel his touch. She thought back to how they had hidden under the blankets containing the sounds of their passion for fear that someone might hear. She knew things shouldn't be like this. But she wasn't ready to tell the others about Spike yet; not when she still had so many questions about her relationship with him herself. Buffy knew that what she was doing was wrong, so very wrong. But if it was so wrong why did it feel so right?
The sound of others stirring in the household made her realize that it was almost 7am. Still a little weary from a night of what Spike referred to as "bloody glorious shagging" Buffy donned her robe and slippers and made her way down the hall to the bathroom. As she reached for the handle, the door opened and Willow emerged, a sullen look on her face. Her eyes were slightly puffy and her face a little swollen as though she had spent the night in tears. Buffy felt a pang of guilt as she looked at her friend who was suffering so much.
"How ya doing Will? Is everything ok?" Buffy attempted.
Willow put on her fake happy face and mumbled something about having trouble sleeping. Buffy just nodded silently but knew the real cause of her friend's discomfort.
In an unforeseen turn of events, relations between Xander and Willow had become more strained lately. Things had been particularly uncomfortable last night as Xander made more than one reference to recent mishaps resulting from Willow's misuse of magic. The two longtime friends had gotten into an argument ending with Xander and Anya storming out.
"Listen, Willow, about Xander." Buffy was going to try to bridge the gap. "He didn't mean what he said. He's just worried for you."
Willow looked up suddenly angry. "I know exactly what he was thinking," she spouted sarcastically. "Once a magic addict, always a magic addict. I've made a few mistakes, sure, but how am I supposed to get on with my life if noone will let me put the past behind me?"
Buffy took a step back startled by the force of Willow's anger. "All I'm saying is that he only reacted the way he did because he cares about you."
"Well he's got a funny way of showing it." Willow pushed past Buffy and went into her room slamming the door behind her.
Buffy didn't know how to fix this but thinking about it was hurting her head. She needed to concentrate on other things like getting dressed and going to work. Buffy pursed her lips in thought and resolved that she would find a way to deal with this and as soon as possible. She, Xander and Willow had been best friends together for years now but their relationship seemed to be self-destructing around them. They weren't talking to each other like they used to and she really felt they were growing apart.
"I don't know who you are or what you want but you're not welcome here", Spike snarled.
The slight figure turned around. It was Halfrek, Anya's vengeance demon friend who had, when they were both human, been Cecily, the object of Spike's unrequited love. "You?" Spike managed. "What do you want?"
"You're awfully late coming home, " the demon observed, smiling. " Probably up to no good."
"None of your bleeding business." He shot back. "Did you drop by just to criticize me or is there an actual reason for this unwelcome visit? At least vamps have manners. They don't come into your home until they've been invited. Not like you demony lot." He stepped forward lighting a cigarette and drawing from it deeply.
Halfrek took a step forward. "William," she said it gently moving towards him from across the darkened crypt. "I came to talk to you…about us."
"What are you on about?" Spike spat out. "There is no us. There never was. By your choice I seem to recall and don't call me by that name. William is dead. I'm Spike."
"Alright then, Spike," Halfrek was close enough now that Spike could make out the blue veins running through her face and down her neck onto her chest. Blue always was a good colour for her. "I always felt bad about you dying just after I rejected you. I felt responsible that it was all because of me."
"Is that it? Well, don't torture yourself any longer," the blond vampire spurted. "It was the best thing that ever happened to me. So you don't have to feel bad anymore, you can just get on your bike and go your merry way. I'm sure you've got other men to torture."
"Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I am running a bit behind to liquefy someone's entrails but I wanted to talk with you first" Halfrek paused and looked down. "I know you're involved with this Buffy person and I'm concerned for you."
"Why can't you bleeding women just mind your own business?" Spike admonished. "Me and the girl are doing ok."
"Are you really Spike?" Halfrek was leading into something. "She hasn't told her friends about you. I only figured it out because I've been keeping an eye on you."
Alarmed, Spike took a step towards her. "You won't say anything to them will you?" Spike entreated.
"No, I won't," Halfrek agreed. "But why are you willing to stay with someone who's ashamed of you. How can you let her treat you so? This *thing* you have with her, it isn't real?"
"I'm in love with her," Spike answered. "I lost her once and I won't lose her again. I know it's not perfect and it never will be but I've got her now and for as long as I can have her I won't give her up."
Halfrek looked at him with sadness in her eyes. "So sad that you've been reduced to this. You used to be a name to be feared. Now you're the subject of derision in the demon world. Not only living among humans but sleeping with one of them as well. Her friends *will* find out and when they do she won't be able to keep seeing you. They'll talk her out of it. They'll tell her that it's wrong and it is. She'll realize it and cut you loose."
Spike stomped over to the door to his crypt and held the door open inviting her to leave, the sun was beginning to show it's rays at the outer edges of the cemetery. "If that's all you came by to tell me then I guess you can be going then. You haven't told me anything I don't already know. I know Buffy can never really love me, I know…. I know I'm evil but I can still love her as long as she'll let me. So get out of my sight if you don't want me to start wreaking vengeance on you."
Halfrek gathered her flowing robe around her and strode out into the morning air with a knowing look on her face. Spike hadn't seen the last of her.
Xander and Anya were just starting to wake up.
"Good morning Xander," Anya said matter of factly leaning over to kiss Xander. "How did you sleep?"
Xander shook his head. "Not so good. I feel really bad about how things went with Willow."
"You were awfully hard on her," Anya acknowledged.
Xander put his hands up to cover his face. "Well, what does she expect? She almost got Dawn killed a few weeks ago and she hasn't had any consideration for those around her submitting us to her spells, playing with our minds. I really don't know where her head is at. If she wasn't my oldest friend I don't know if I could stand to be around her right now."
"Are you worried that she might be using magic still?" Anya asked anxiously.
"I don't know what to think anymore. Sometimes she acts really guilty. Like I've caught her at something. But can we not talk about this right now?" Xander finished turning over onto his side.
Anya reached out and touched his shoulder. "Would you like to have sex with me before you head off to work? That always puts you in a good mood. It's about the only thing we can afford to do these days with the wedding only a month away."
Xander sighed. "As enticing as you make that sound I'm going to have to say no," He pulled himself up to sit on the side of the bed as he fumbled for his slippers. "My boss asked me to come in a little early today. He said there was something important he needed to talk to me about."
"Maybe he's going to offer you a raise. That would be an appropriate gesture on his part considering the good job you've been doing and the fact that you're about to get married. I wonder how much he'll offer you." Anya's eyes glazed over at the prospect of increased revenue.
"Now Anya, don't count your chickens before they're hatched." Xander admonished.
"What a silly expression. Why would I do that?" Anya queried. "Before they hatch they're not even chickens yet. In fact in the early stages they don't even resemble any type of animal, they're just mucus and protein that results from the rooster impregnating the hen." Anya got up out of bed as well then turned to Xander and smiled. "So, what would you like for breakfast Sweetie? I could make us a couple of omelets."
As she sat down at the breakfast table Anya put on a serious face and turned towards Xander. "Have you noticed anything strange about Buffy lately?"
Xander looked up from the bowl of cold cereal he was pouring out and shrugged. "She's a little distant and kind of jumpy, but I figure the girl came back from the dead not too long ago. I'm going to cut her some slack. Why, what do you think is wrong?"
"Well," Anya started. "I've been noticing that she's been spending a lot more time around Spike lately and I think I've figured something out."
Xander nodded for her to continue.
"Well, I think she's lonely for male companionship. She hasn't had a boyfriend since Riley left. She sees you and me happily getting ready to pledge our love for all eternity and until Willow screwed it up with her magic addiction she had to watch her and Tara all lovey dovey all the time. It's got to be hard for her. She's probably been feeling like the fifth wheel around us a lot of the time."
Xander stopped eating. "You know, my bride to be is not only beautiful but she has brains too." Xander paused then announced in a surprised voice. "And so do I. There's this new guy at work, Roger. He's single, good looking and almost as smart and funny as me. How about I invite him to come to Buffy's birthday party tomorrow night?"
"Oh Xander that's a great idea. What a wonderful thing to do for her for her birthday."
Xander smiled, proud of his foresight and resumed eating his cereal.
Anya wore a beaming smile as well. "Do you think maybe we won't have to buy her a present now?"
Dawn sat in a chair outside her guidance counselor's office waiting. Since her mother's death she had been required to come in for a weekly "chat" with Mrs. Tomlinson to make sure she was dealing with everything ok. Mrs. Tomlinson was about sixty and smelled like Vicks. Dawn wasn't even sure if she was listening to her most of the time. Every week when Dawn left she told her to stay away from drugs and to study hard. If only she could tell her the whole truth about her life but Dawn knew that if she even began to talk about what was really going on she'd not only be taken away from Buffy but put in an insane asylum. So each week Dawn talked about school and boys and her sister's money problems. Stressful stuff yeah, but normal, so Mrs. Tomlinson would think she had regular teenage problems. Finally the door opened and a different lady stepped out.
"Hello, you must be Dawn," she smiled. "Please come in. I'm Hallie Fredericks. Mrs. Tomlinson has decided to take early retirement. I'll be your new guidance counselor."
Dawn walked into the office. Mrs. Tomlinson had had weird old granny stuff in her office and lots of certificates making it very impersonal. This was different. There were strange masks and figures lining the walls and on the shelves of the bookcase, the likes of which Dawn had only ever seen in the magic shop. There was even a petrified frog encased in glass being used as a paperweight and the room smelled like cinnamon and other spices she couldn't name coming from an incense burner near the window. Sitting on the filing cabinet was a beautiful charm shaped like a star with three points. It was made of some kind of iridescent blue glass but it looked like it had little pieces of silver embedded in it. Dawn had never seen anything so beautiful. Hallie Fredericks had strange taste but it was pretty cool. She smiled. Maybe *this* counselor might not be too weirded out by the bizzarro land that was her life. The smell of the incense was bothering Dawn and she started to cough.
"Can I get you a drink of water?" the woman offered.
"Thanks Ms. Fredericks. That would be great." Dawn squeaked in answer.
"Please Dawn, call me Hallie. I want us to be friends. I'll be right back with your water." Hallie stepped out of the office.
Dawn continued to look around the room and walked over to the beautiful charm to get a closer look. She picked it up to admire it better. It caught the light in such a way that it bounced around the room making shimmery patterns on the walls. Just then Hallie returned. Startled, Dawn quickly shoved the charm into her pocket.
"Here's your water," she said smiling. "Please have a seat."
Hallie opened up a file on her desk. "Let's have a chat shall we? I see you've been cutting some classes and are frequently tardy. Is there something that's bothering you? Actions such as this are usually a cry for help."
Dawn looked down at her hands and didn't say anything.
"Oh, your mother passed away last year. I am so sorry for your loss." Hallie put a protective hand on Dawn's arm. "Where's your father?"
Dawn looked down and a tear came to her eye. "He left us when I was little. He lives in L.A. but he has to travel a lot for his job so I still live here with my sister Buffy."
"So your mother's gone. Your father left. My goodness. You've lost a lot of people for someone so young. You and your sister must be very close." Hallie concluded.
"Yeah, I guess we are." Dawn admitted. "She takes care of me. I know I'm a real pest to her sometimes but she loves me and accepts me as her responsibility."
"Why do you think you're a pest Dawn?" Hallie questioned.
"Well, it's just that I never seem to do anything right. Buffy and her friends, they care about me but they treat me like I'm a little kid. I'm 15 years old but I'll be 16 in four months. A hundred years ago girls were getting married at my age."
Hallie smiled nodding, a faint memory in her eyes, "Yes they were but it very rarely worked out to the mutual satisfaction of both marriage partners. Let me tell you a story. There was a young woman named Cecily; she lived in England in the 1880's. She wasn't much older than you. She was beautiful, intelligent and admired by everyone in polite society. There was even one young man who fancied himself a poet who wrote love sonnets to her. He came from a wealthy family and said he was in love with her but she would have nothing to do with him. Instead she took up with a devilishly handsome soldier. Despite the misgivings of her family she eloped with him and her life took a decided turn for the worse. He gambled and ran up huge debts. Her family disowned her and her friends would have nothing to do with her. After being married for only 8 months he left her for another woman and she was alone and destitute. It turns out he had only married her for her family's money and when that hope was gone he had no further use for her. She was utterly and completely ruined. He had destroyed her life. So what I'm getting at is this, you have so much potential Dawn, don't throw it all away when you're so young. Make the most of your life. Don't make bad decisions that you will have to live with for the rest of your life."
"Wow, that's some story. How do you know all that stuff?" Dawn asked.
"Oh, um, I'm a real history buff," Hallie covered.
"So, what happened to her?"
Hallie smiled mysteriously. "Oh, she found a way to avenge herself on her husband with the help of someone who turned out to be a true friend."
" I thought you said all her society friends had abandoned her?" Dawn wondered.
"This was someone new who understood and appreciated the extent of her need for revenge and helped her to ….do what she needed to do."
Dawn shifted a little uncomfortably in her seat. "What about the poet, the one who loved her, what happened to him?"
Hallie got a distant look in her eyes then said mysteriously. "That remains to be seen."
Buffy started up the walk to her house and then paused. It looked like noone was home but she could hear something from inside. A low muffled voice saying something that she couldn't make out. Her Slayer senses were tingling. She had been out trying to locate where the nerds had scampered off to but had been unable to detect any sign of them. Perhaps this was another one of their tricks. Buffy's only weapon was a stake but she readied it in her hand should an attack be lying in wait. Buffy stepped inside and flipped on the light switch ready for battle. From the next room a crowd of people rushed in all shouting "Happy Birthday". Buffy looked around her astounded to see Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara and Dawn with a few of her girlfriends. With everything that had been going on she had forgotten it was her birthday. A large banner painted in pink and blue pronounced "Happy Birthday Buffy" in Dawn's unmistakable handwriting. Her sister came bounding over to her.
"Happy Birthday Buffy. Were you surprised? You were surprised weren't you?" Dawn was so excited she couldn't contain herself. Buffy could see how much work Dawn had put into decorations and cleaning the place up. This meant a lot to her.
Buffy smiled and hugged her sister. "You don't know *just* how surprised I was."
"Hey Buff, Happy B-day." Xander came over and gave her a big hug. "So do you consider yourself actually 21 or should we subtract the time while you were "away".
"Did I plan my death right or what?" Buffy asked smiling, " I don't age for 5 months yet I didn't have to miss out on the party or the presents."
"And cake." Xander added.
"Ooh, there's cake too? What kind?"
"Chocolate of course," Willow grinned.
"Chocolate, hmmm. I'm all kinds of happy." Buffy grinned laughing, happier than her friends had seen her in a long time. "This is great you guys. I'm so happy to be here with all my buds (Buffy pauses looking confused as she looks across the room) and some strange guy I've never seen before in my life."
Xander realizes what she means. "Oh, Buffy, this is Roger. He works with me. Roger come here."
A very studly man about Xander's height but much more muscular comes over and smiles warmly at Buffy. "Happy Birthday Buffy. Xander's told me all about you. I'm very glad to finally meet you."
Buffy looks up at him with a slightly bemused look on her face, taking in his very broad shoulders. "It's nice to meet you too."
"I know we've only just met but I didn't like to come to your birthday party without a gift." Roger smiled holding out a little blue box with a bow on top.
"You didn't have to do that." Buffy stammered accepting the box. "Thank you. Can I open it now?"
Roger nodded.
Inside the small box were two tickets to the Ice Capades coming to Sunnydale that coming weekend.
"The Ice Capades?" Buffy screamed excitedly. "I love the Ice Capades. But I can't accept these, they're too expensive and you only just met me."
"Well, I have to make a confession. I actually got them for free." Roger admitted. "My sister is an entertainment reporter for the Sunnydale Tribune and she gets freebies for anything she likes. Plus I was kind of hoping that you might let me use the other ticket. If you say yes, I'll throw in dinner."
Buffy was startled. "I, um, I don't know what to say," she stammered.
"Come on Buff," Xander encouraged. "Roger was nice enough to give you these tickets the least you can do is say yes. It's not like you're seeing anyone else."
"I, uh, guess you're right. Thank you Roger. It's a lovely gift. I'd be very happy to go to the Ice Capades with you," Buffy smiled.
"Ahem."
Chills ran up Buffy's spine as she recognized the voice from behind her. "What's all this then?" A very pissed off blond vampire asked pointedly.
"Spike, what are you doing here?" Buffy turned red as a beet as she turned to face him.
"Your little sis invited me to help celebrate your birthday. But it looks like I'm not needed, " he spat out, the hurt in his voice obvious. "You've got lots of new friends to help you with that."
"Listen, bleach boy, do we have to go over this again?" Xander challenged. "Buffy is not yours. Never has been and never will be."
"Yeah, right." Spike said deadpan, staring deeply and accusingly into Buffy's eyes. "I keep forgetting that. I wonder why that is?
"Look, if I'm getting in between the two of you I'm sorry," Roger interjected. "But Xander said you were lonely and would I do him a favour and ask you out."
Buffy spun around. "A favour?" she spat out. "You asked me out on a date as a favour to Xander. Here take your stupid tickets back. I wouldn't go with you anyway." In a huff Buffy stormed off into the kitchen.
Roger looked extremely uncomfortable. "Uh, Xander, maybe I'd better go. I'll see you at work on Monday."
"Thanks for trying man," Xander said shaking his hand. "I don't know what's up with that girl."
Roger turned, grabbing his jacket and left the house. Spike followed Buffy into the kitchen.
"Wow, this is some party," Anya remarks sarcastically. "I'm really glad we went to the trouble."
"Listen Dawn, this party is really kind of lame." Dawn's friend Shasta was making a bored face. "I know it's your sister's birthday and all but we kind of thought there'd be boys here. That cute guy left and we're kind of bored now and I kind of think those two women over there are lesbians."
Marie and Denise nodded in agreement.
"I'm sorry guys, maybe we could play some music and dance," Dawn offered.
"I don't think so," Marie said putting on her coat. "I think we're just going to leave."
"Sorry Dawn," Denise finished flippantly. "By the way, I really like your charm."
Dawn looked down at the three pointed star charm she wore on a chain around her neck feeling a little guilty and a lot alone.
"Tara you would be so proud of me," Willow pleaded. "I've been completely magic free for weeks now. I'm really trying."
"That's great Willow," Tara acknowledged. "But that doesn't change what you did to me, what you did to all of us. I know it's still hard for us to be around each other but I wanted to be here for Buffy tonight. Me being here isn't about us." The pain in Tara's voice was evident. " I found out what you did, g-g-g-going to that place and what happened with Dawn. I don't feel like I even know you anymore."
"But, I want us to try to start over. Magic free. I can do this baby. Just give me a chance. Just have faith in me." Willow pleaded grabbing Tara by the arm.
"Let go of my arm," Tara demanded, raising her voice slightly.
Dawn rushed over, "What's wrong you two? You were talking all nice and everything."
"I think I have to leave, this isn't going well." Tara managed through the tears that were starting to well up in her eyes. " I'm sorry Dawnie. This wasn't such a good idea for me to come here tonight. I'm going to go say good night to Buffy and then I'm going home. I think maybe I should stay away from here for a while."
"No," Dawn cried out. The pain washed over her as she saw yet another person she cared about abandoning her.
"Look, I don't know what you're playing at," Spike demanded. "But the way you're acting is worthy of Drusilla, what with chasing after other blokes when you think I'm not looking."
Buffy reared up her head. "Take that back."
"Oh yeah, now I see what I'm attracted to in you. You've got a streak of cruelty in you a mile wide, just like Dru had. Maybe that's what caught my attention in the first place. All these noble acts and intentions are nothing. You bloody women aren't happy unless you're screwing with my head as well as my body."
"Spike, I only agreed to go out with him because Xander pressured me into it. It didn't mean anything," Buffy explained.
"Could have fooled me, luv. You're quite the good actress."
Spike stood his ground resolutely. Buffy leaned over and her hands on either side of his face and leaned in and kissed him deeply.
"Does that convince you where my true interests lie?" Buffy asked pulling away smiling kittenishly.
"No, it doesn't." Spike answered in all seriousness. " Not while we're still a secret. Until you can admit it to someone this will never be real to you. This is just your dirty little secret completely risk free because you don't have to give anything up for it."
Just then the door opened and Tara came in.
"Buffy, I'm sorry but I've got to leave. Seeing Willow like this," her voice was starting to tear up. "It's not going well. I just wanted to say goodnight to you and wish you a happy birthday. But I've got to get out of here."
"That sounds like a bloody good idea to me," Spike concurred. "I'm out of here too."
"Spike," Buffy called after him. "Don't go like this."
"Spike, where are you going? You're not leaving too are you?" Dawn looked over at the angry vampire as he made for the door.
"I'm sorry little bit," he said through clenched teeth as he turned to face her. "But I haven't got the stomach to stay around here any more. I'm leaving."
Tara emerged from the kitchen and went to pick up her coat and purse. Willow looked over from the corner with a hurt look on her face.
"Everyone's leaving me," Dawn cried out in frustration. "This always happens to me. Why does everyone always leave me? She fell down on the floor sobbing. "I wish everyone would stop leaving me."
Suddenly there was a flash of light from the charm Dawn was wearing and the form of Halfrek, the vengeance demon appeared in the room inside a glowing orb.
"It is done," she proclaimed then disappeared.
"What the hell?" Spike shouted as he continued towards the door. As he attempted to go out an invisible barrier held him back. It was like he was walking into an invisible wall.
"Bloody hell," the angry vampire exclaimed.
TBC
PAIRING: B/S, X/A, W/T
RATING: G
SPOILERS: Up to "Older and Far Away" but my interpretation of them.
DISCLAIMER: The characters within this fanfic are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I just borrowed them to take them out for a little spin.
DISTRIBUTION: Feel free to share. Just please let me know first.
FEEDBACK: Please send to elizard100@yahoo.ca
Set a couple of weeks after "Doublemeat Palace". .
Chapter One:
The blond haired vampire looked down at the tiny creature that lay beside him still deep in slumber, her breathing so sweet and gentle. He leaned in and kissed the tip of her shoulder, his touch eliciting a quiet purr. She stirred slightly and smiled but continued in her reverie. Sunlight kills vampires, Spike marveled, yet here he was touching it, bathing in the warmth, making love to it even and yet he wasn't turning to dust. He could stay like this forever but he knew daybreak was fast approaching and he would have to leave soon. She would be getting up shortly and if he were allowed one waking moment with her in his arms he wouldn't be able to tear himself away. The others still didn't know about them and Spike didn't want to push Buffy further than she was ready to go. They had both come so far these past few weeks.
He carefully removed his arm out from under her and started to pull away. A frown crossed her face and in her sleep she moved closer to him reaching out into the air that now separated them, not wanting to be left. Spike kissed her gently on the lips and stroked her hair. She smiled again. Silently he dressed and prepared to make his departure through her window and down the adjacent tree, no need to wake the house. Pulling the covers up over her he remarked on how peaceful she looked, how unlike any creature he had ever encountered in his long life, so powerful and yet so tender and passionate. At that moment he would have given anything to be able to stay with her but knew that wasn't possible.
As Spike's feet hit the ground he automatically reached for his pack of cigarettes and his lighter. He even whistled a happy tune as he made his way back to the cemetery. Life, or rather unlife, was pretty good. Immeasurably better than he had ever thought it could be just after she'd died. That was the lowest point in his life, lower than when Dru left him or even those days when he had to watch Angelus place his hands on Drusilla while he had to sit by tormented and watch from his wheelchair. What a sick bastard he had been. But all that was behind him now. He had the woman he loved in his life and he recognized that this was as good as it gets. As he opened the door to his crypt he could immediately sense that he had a visitor. Spike didn't like uninvited guests and he immediately put on his game face.
Buffy stretched her arms wide as she opened her eyes. Another day, another dollar she thought to herself. She rolled over and looked at the empty expanse of bed beside her, the imprint of Spike's head still visible on the pillow, the faint smell of leather and cigarettes in the air. He had left already. For now he was still her guilty secret. The night before they had held a Scooby meeting at her house, Spike included in the gathering. As the group broke up Spike took his leave under the pretense of going to a demon bar to shake down some undesirables for the latest demon gossip. But Buffy had known by the look in his eyes that instead he would be doing what he had done on previous occasions, waiting around the corner until he saw Xander and Anya drive away and the lights go out in the downstairs. Buffy was waiting for him when he climbed in her window, just like Angel had done in her previous life while she waited in the dark for her vampire lover. Only this time there were no chaste schoolgirl kisses and unfulfilled desires. It was everything now. Buffy hated how much she needed him, how much she risked just to feel his touch. She thought back to how they had hidden under the blankets containing the sounds of their passion for fear that someone might hear. She knew things shouldn't be like this. But she wasn't ready to tell the others about Spike yet; not when she still had so many questions about her relationship with him herself. Buffy knew that what she was doing was wrong, so very wrong. But if it was so wrong why did it feel so right?
The sound of others stirring in the household made her realize that it was almost 7am. Still a little weary from a night of what Spike referred to as "bloody glorious shagging" Buffy donned her robe and slippers and made her way down the hall to the bathroom. As she reached for the handle, the door opened and Willow emerged, a sullen look on her face. Her eyes were slightly puffy and her face a little swollen as though she had spent the night in tears. Buffy felt a pang of guilt as she looked at her friend who was suffering so much.
"How ya doing Will? Is everything ok?" Buffy attempted.
Willow put on her fake happy face and mumbled something about having trouble sleeping. Buffy just nodded silently but knew the real cause of her friend's discomfort.
In an unforeseen turn of events, relations between Xander and Willow had become more strained lately. Things had been particularly uncomfortable last night as Xander made more than one reference to recent mishaps resulting from Willow's misuse of magic. The two longtime friends had gotten into an argument ending with Xander and Anya storming out.
"Listen, Willow, about Xander." Buffy was going to try to bridge the gap. "He didn't mean what he said. He's just worried for you."
Willow looked up suddenly angry. "I know exactly what he was thinking," she spouted sarcastically. "Once a magic addict, always a magic addict. I've made a few mistakes, sure, but how am I supposed to get on with my life if noone will let me put the past behind me?"
Buffy took a step back startled by the force of Willow's anger. "All I'm saying is that he only reacted the way he did because he cares about you."
"Well he's got a funny way of showing it." Willow pushed past Buffy and went into her room slamming the door behind her.
Buffy didn't know how to fix this but thinking about it was hurting her head. She needed to concentrate on other things like getting dressed and going to work. Buffy pursed her lips in thought and resolved that she would find a way to deal with this and as soon as possible. She, Xander and Willow had been best friends together for years now but their relationship seemed to be self-destructing around them. They weren't talking to each other like they used to and she really felt they were growing apart.
"I don't know who you are or what you want but you're not welcome here", Spike snarled.
The slight figure turned around. It was Halfrek, Anya's vengeance demon friend who had, when they were both human, been Cecily, the object of Spike's unrequited love. "You?" Spike managed. "What do you want?"
"You're awfully late coming home, " the demon observed, smiling. " Probably up to no good."
"None of your bleeding business." He shot back. "Did you drop by just to criticize me or is there an actual reason for this unwelcome visit? At least vamps have manners. They don't come into your home until they've been invited. Not like you demony lot." He stepped forward lighting a cigarette and drawing from it deeply.
Halfrek took a step forward. "William," she said it gently moving towards him from across the darkened crypt. "I came to talk to you…about us."
"What are you on about?" Spike spat out. "There is no us. There never was. By your choice I seem to recall and don't call me by that name. William is dead. I'm Spike."
"Alright then, Spike," Halfrek was close enough now that Spike could make out the blue veins running through her face and down her neck onto her chest. Blue always was a good colour for her. "I always felt bad about you dying just after I rejected you. I felt responsible that it was all because of me."
"Is that it? Well, don't torture yourself any longer," the blond vampire spurted. "It was the best thing that ever happened to me. So you don't have to feel bad anymore, you can just get on your bike and go your merry way. I'm sure you've got other men to torture."
"Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I am running a bit behind to liquefy someone's entrails but I wanted to talk with you first" Halfrek paused and looked down. "I know you're involved with this Buffy person and I'm concerned for you."
"Why can't you bleeding women just mind your own business?" Spike admonished. "Me and the girl are doing ok."
"Are you really Spike?" Halfrek was leading into something. "She hasn't told her friends about you. I only figured it out because I've been keeping an eye on you."
Alarmed, Spike took a step towards her. "You won't say anything to them will you?" Spike entreated.
"No, I won't," Halfrek agreed. "But why are you willing to stay with someone who's ashamed of you. How can you let her treat you so? This *thing* you have with her, it isn't real?"
"I'm in love with her," Spike answered. "I lost her once and I won't lose her again. I know it's not perfect and it never will be but I've got her now and for as long as I can have her I won't give her up."
Halfrek looked at him with sadness in her eyes. "So sad that you've been reduced to this. You used to be a name to be feared. Now you're the subject of derision in the demon world. Not only living among humans but sleeping with one of them as well. Her friends *will* find out and when they do she won't be able to keep seeing you. They'll talk her out of it. They'll tell her that it's wrong and it is. She'll realize it and cut you loose."
Spike stomped over to the door to his crypt and held the door open inviting her to leave, the sun was beginning to show it's rays at the outer edges of the cemetery. "If that's all you came by to tell me then I guess you can be going then. You haven't told me anything I don't already know. I know Buffy can never really love me, I know…. I know I'm evil but I can still love her as long as she'll let me. So get out of my sight if you don't want me to start wreaking vengeance on you."
Halfrek gathered her flowing robe around her and strode out into the morning air with a knowing look on her face. Spike hadn't seen the last of her.
Xander and Anya were just starting to wake up.
"Good morning Xander," Anya said matter of factly leaning over to kiss Xander. "How did you sleep?"
Xander shook his head. "Not so good. I feel really bad about how things went with Willow."
"You were awfully hard on her," Anya acknowledged.
Xander put his hands up to cover his face. "Well, what does she expect? She almost got Dawn killed a few weeks ago and she hasn't had any consideration for those around her submitting us to her spells, playing with our minds. I really don't know where her head is at. If she wasn't my oldest friend I don't know if I could stand to be around her right now."
"Are you worried that she might be using magic still?" Anya asked anxiously.
"I don't know what to think anymore. Sometimes she acts really guilty. Like I've caught her at something. But can we not talk about this right now?" Xander finished turning over onto his side.
Anya reached out and touched his shoulder. "Would you like to have sex with me before you head off to work? That always puts you in a good mood. It's about the only thing we can afford to do these days with the wedding only a month away."
Xander sighed. "As enticing as you make that sound I'm going to have to say no," He pulled himself up to sit on the side of the bed as he fumbled for his slippers. "My boss asked me to come in a little early today. He said there was something important he needed to talk to me about."
"Maybe he's going to offer you a raise. That would be an appropriate gesture on his part considering the good job you've been doing and the fact that you're about to get married. I wonder how much he'll offer you." Anya's eyes glazed over at the prospect of increased revenue.
"Now Anya, don't count your chickens before they're hatched." Xander admonished.
"What a silly expression. Why would I do that?" Anya queried. "Before they hatch they're not even chickens yet. In fact in the early stages they don't even resemble any type of animal, they're just mucus and protein that results from the rooster impregnating the hen." Anya got up out of bed as well then turned to Xander and smiled. "So, what would you like for breakfast Sweetie? I could make us a couple of omelets."
As she sat down at the breakfast table Anya put on a serious face and turned towards Xander. "Have you noticed anything strange about Buffy lately?"
Xander looked up from the bowl of cold cereal he was pouring out and shrugged. "She's a little distant and kind of jumpy, but I figure the girl came back from the dead not too long ago. I'm going to cut her some slack. Why, what do you think is wrong?"
"Well," Anya started. "I've been noticing that she's been spending a lot more time around Spike lately and I think I've figured something out."
Xander nodded for her to continue.
"Well, I think she's lonely for male companionship. She hasn't had a boyfriend since Riley left. She sees you and me happily getting ready to pledge our love for all eternity and until Willow screwed it up with her magic addiction she had to watch her and Tara all lovey dovey all the time. It's got to be hard for her. She's probably been feeling like the fifth wheel around us a lot of the time."
Xander stopped eating. "You know, my bride to be is not only beautiful but she has brains too." Xander paused then announced in a surprised voice. "And so do I. There's this new guy at work, Roger. He's single, good looking and almost as smart and funny as me. How about I invite him to come to Buffy's birthday party tomorrow night?"
"Oh Xander that's a great idea. What a wonderful thing to do for her for her birthday."
Xander smiled, proud of his foresight and resumed eating his cereal.
Anya wore a beaming smile as well. "Do you think maybe we won't have to buy her a present now?"
Dawn sat in a chair outside her guidance counselor's office waiting. Since her mother's death she had been required to come in for a weekly "chat" with Mrs. Tomlinson to make sure she was dealing with everything ok. Mrs. Tomlinson was about sixty and smelled like Vicks. Dawn wasn't even sure if she was listening to her most of the time. Every week when Dawn left she told her to stay away from drugs and to study hard. If only she could tell her the whole truth about her life but Dawn knew that if she even began to talk about what was really going on she'd not only be taken away from Buffy but put in an insane asylum. So each week Dawn talked about school and boys and her sister's money problems. Stressful stuff yeah, but normal, so Mrs. Tomlinson would think she had regular teenage problems. Finally the door opened and a different lady stepped out.
"Hello, you must be Dawn," she smiled. "Please come in. I'm Hallie Fredericks. Mrs. Tomlinson has decided to take early retirement. I'll be your new guidance counselor."
Dawn walked into the office. Mrs. Tomlinson had had weird old granny stuff in her office and lots of certificates making it very impersonal. This was different. There were strange masks and figures lining the walls and on the shelves of the bookcase, the likes of which Dawn had only ever seen in the magic shop. There was even a petrified frog encased in glass being used as a paperweight and the room smelled like cinnamon and other spices she couldn't name coming from an incense burner near the window. Sitting on the filing cabinet was a beautiful charm shaped like a star with three points. It was made of some kind of iridescent blue glass but it looked like it had little pieces of silver embedded in it. Dawn had never seen anything so beautiful. Hallie Fredericks had strange taste but it was pretty cool. She smiled. Maybe *this* counselor might not be too weirded out by the bizzarro land that was her life. The smell of the incense was bothering Dawn and she started to cough.
"Can I get you a drink of water?" the woman offered.
"Thanks Ms. Fredericks. That would be great." Dawn squeaked in answer.
"Please Dawn, call me Hallie. I want us to be friends. I'll be right back with your water." Hallie stepped out of the office.
Dawn continued to look around the room and walked over to the beautiful charm to get a closer look. She picked it up to admire it better. It caught the light in such a way that it bounced around the room making shimmery patterns on the walls. Just then Hallie returned. Startled, Dawn quickly shoved the charm into her pocket.
"Here's your water," she said smiling. "Please have a seat."
Hallie opened up a file on her desk. "Let's have a chat shall we? I see you've been cutting some classes and are frequently tardy. Is there something that's bothering you? Actions such as this are usually a cry for help."
Dawn looked down at her hands and didn't say anything.
"Oh, your mother passed away last year. I am so sorry for your loss." Hallie put a protective hand on Dawn's arm. "Where's your father?"
Dawn looked down and a tear came to her eye. "He left us when I was little. He lives in L.A. but he has to travel a lot for his job so I still live here with my sister Buffy."
"So your mother's gone. Your father left. My goodness. You've lost a lot of people for someone so young. You and your sister must be very close." Hallie concluded.
"Yeah, I guess we are." Dawn admitted. "She takes care of me. I know I'm a real pest to her sometimes but she loves me and accepts me as her responsibility."
"Why do you think you're a pest Dawn?" Hallie questioned.
"Well, it's just that I never seem to do anything right. Buffy and her friends, they care about me but they treat me like I'm a little kid. I'm 15 years old but I'll be 16 in four months. A hundred years ago girls were getting married at my age."
Hallie smiled nodding, a faint memory in her eyes, "Yes they were but it very rarely worked out to the mutual satisfaction of both marriage partners. Let me tell you a story. There was a young woman named Cecily; she lived in England in the 1880's. She wasn't much older than you. She was beautiful, intelligent and admired by everyone in polite society. There was even one young man who fancied himself a poet who wrote love sonnets to her. He came from a wealthy family and said he was in love with her but she would have nothing to do with him. Instead she took up with a devilishly handsome soldier. Despite the misgivings of her family she eloped with him and her life took a decided turn for the worse. He gambled and ran up huge debts. Her family disowned her and her friends would have nothing to do with her. After being married for only 8 months he left her for another woman and she was alone and destitute. It turns out he had only married her for her family's money and when that hope was gone he had no further use for her. She was utterly and completely ruined. He had destroyed her life. So what I'm getting at is this, you have so much potential Dawn, don't throw it all away when you're so young. Make the most of your life. Don't make bad decisions that you will have to live with for the rest of your life."
"Wow, that's some story. How do you know all that stuff?" Dawn asked.
"Oh, um, I'm a real history buff," Hallie covered.
"So, what happened to her?"
Hallie smiled mysteriously. "Oh, she found a way to avenge herself on her husband with the help of someone who turned out to be a true friend."
" I thought you said all her society friends had abandoned her?" Dawn wondered.
"This was someone new who understood and appreciated the extent of her need for revenge and helped her to ….do what she needed to do."
Dawn shifted a little uncomfortably in her seat. "What about the poet, the one who loved her, what happened to him?"
Hallie got a distant look in her eyes then said mysteriously. "That remains to be seen."
Buffy started up the walk to her house and then paused. It looked like noone was home but she could hear something from inside. A low muffled voice saying something that she couldn't make out. Her Slayer senses were tingling. She had been out trying to locate where the nerds had scampered off to but had been unable to detect any sign of them. Perhaps this was another one of their tricks. Buffy's only weapon was a stake but she readied it in her hand should an attack be lying in wait. Buffy stepped inside and flipped on the light switch ready for battle. From the next room a crowd of people rushed in all shouting "Happy Birthday". Buffy looked around her astounded to see Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara and Dawn with a few of her girlfriends. With everything that had been going on she had forgotten it was her birthday. A large banner painted in pink and blue pronounced "Happy Birthday Buffy" in Dawn's unmistakable handwriting. Her sister came bounding over to her.
"Happy Birthday Buffy. Were you surprised? You were surprised weren't you?" Dawn was so excited she couldn't contain herself. Buffy could see how much work Dawn had put into decorations and cleaning the place up. This meant a lot to her.
Buffy smiled and hugged her sister. "You don't know *just* how surprised I was."
"Hey Buff, Happy B-day." Xander came over and gave her a big hug. "So do you consider yourself actually 21 or should we subtract the time while you were "away".
"Did I plan my death right or what?" Buffy asked smiling, " I don't age for 5 months yet I didn't have to miss out on the party or the presents."
"And cake." Xander added.
"Ooh, there's cake too? What kind?"
"Chocolate of course," Willow grinned.
"Chocolate, hmmm. I'm all kinds of happy." Buffy grinned laughing, happier than her friends had seen her in a long time. "This is great you guys. I'm so happy to be here with all my buds (Buffy pauses looking confused as she looks across the room) and some strange guy I've never seen before in my life."
Xander realizes what she means. "Oh, Buffy, this is Roger. He works with me. Roger come here."
A very studly man about Xander's height but much more muscular comes over and smiles warmly at Buffy. "Happy Birthday Buffy. Xander's told me all about you. I'm very glad to finally meet you."
Buffy looks up at him with a slightly bemused look on her face, taking in his very broad shoulders. "It's nice to meet you too."
"I know we've only just met but I didn't like to come to your birthday party without a gift." Roger smiled holding out a little blue box with a bow on top.
"You didn't have to do that." Buffy stammered accepting the box. "Thank you. Can I open it now?"
Roger nodded.
Inside the small box were two tickets to the Ice Capades coming to Sunnydale that coming weekend.
"The Ice Capades?" Buffy screamed excitedly. "I love the Ice Capades. But I can't accept these, they're too expensive and you only just met me."
"Well, I have to make a confession. I actually got them for free." Roger admitted. "My sister is an entertainment reporter for the Sunnydale Tribune and she gets freebies for anything she likes. Plus I was kind of hoping that you might let me use the other ticket. If you say yes, I'll throw in dinner."
Buffy was startled. "I, um, I don't know what to say," she stammered.
"Come on Buff," Xander encouraged. "Roger was nice enough to give you these tickets the least you can do is say yes. It's not like you're seeing anyone else."
"I, uh, guess you're right. Thank you Roger. It's a lovely gift. I'd be very happy to go to the Ice Capades with you," Buffy smiled.
"Ahem."
Chills ran up Buffy's spine as she recognized the voice from behind her. "What's all this then?" A very pissed off blond vampire asked pointedly.
"Spike, what are you doing here?" Buffy turned red as a beet as she turned to face him.
"Your little sis invited me to help celebrate your birthday. But it looks like I'm not needed, " he spat out, the hurt in his voice obvious. "You've got lots of new friends to help you with that."
"Listen, bleach boy, do we have to go over this again?" Xander challenged. "Buffy is not yours. Never has been and never will be."
"Yeah, right." Spike said deadpan, staring deeply and accusingly into Buffy's eyes. "I keep forgetting that. I wonder why that is?
"Look, if I'm getting in between the two of you I'm sorry," Roger interjected. "But Xander said you were lonely and would I do him a favour and ask you out."
Buffy spun around. "A favour?" she spat out. "You asked me out on a date as a favour to Xander. Here take your stupid tickets back. I wouldn't go with you anyway." In a huff Buffy stormed off into the kitchen.
Roger looked extremely uncomfortable. "Uh, Xander, maybe I'd better go. I'll see you at work on Monday."
"Thanks for trying man," Xander said shaking his hand. "I don't know what's up with that girl."
Roger turned, grabbing his jacket and left the house. Spike followed Buffy into the kitchen.
"Wow, this is some party," Anya remarks sarcastically. "I'm really glad we went to the trouble."
"Listen Dawn, this party is really kind of lame." Dawn's friend Shasta was making a bored face. "I know it's your sister's birthday and all but we kind of thought there'd be boys here. That cute guy left and we're kind of bored now and I kind of think those two women over there are lesbians."
Marie and Denise nodded in agreement.
"I'm sorry guys, maybe we could play some music and dance," Dawn offered.
"I don't think so," Marie said putting on her coat. "I think we're just going to leave."
"Sorry Dawn," Denise finished flippantly. "By the way, I really like your charm."
Dawn looked down at the three pointed star charm she wore on a chain around her neck feeling a little guilty and a lot alone.
"Tara you would be so proud of me," Willow pleaded. "I've been completely magic free for weeks now. I'm really trying."
"That's great Willow," Tara acknowledged. "But that doesn't change what you did to me, what you did to all of us. I know it's still hard for us to be around each other but I wanted to be here for Buffy tonight. Me being here isn't about us." The pain in Tara's voice was evident. " I found out what you did, g-g-g-going to that place and what happened with Dawn. I don't feel like I even know you anymore."
"But, I want us to try to start over. Magic free. I can do this baby. Just give me a chance. Just have faith in me." Willow pleaded grabbing Tara by the arm.
"Let go of my arm," Tara demanded, raising her voice slightly.
Dawn rushed over, "What's wrong you two? You were talking all nice and everything."
"I think I have to leave, this isn't going well." Tara managed through the tears that were starting to well up in her eyes. " I'm sorry Dawnie. This wasn't such a good idea for me to come here tonight. I'm going to go say good night to Buffy and then I'm going home. I think maybe I should stay away from here for a while."
"No," Dawn cried out. The pain washed over her as she saw yet another person she cared about abandoning her.
"Look, I don't know what you're playing at," Spike demanded. "But the way you're acting is worthy of Drusilla, what with chasing after other blokes when you think I'm not looking."
Buffy reared up her head. "Take that back."
"Oh yeah, now I see what I'm attracted to in you. You've got a streak of cruelty in you a mile wide, just like Dru had. Maybe that's what caught my attention in the first place. All these noble acts and intentions are nothing. You bloody women aren't happy unless you're screwing with my head as well as my body."
"Spike, I only agreed to go out with him because Xander pressured me into it. It didn't mean anything," Buffy explained.
"Could have fooled me, luv. You're quite the good actress."
Spike stood his ground resolutely. Buffy leaned over and her hands on either side of his face and leaned in and kissed him deeply.
"Does that convince you where my true interests lie?" Buffy asked pulling away smiling kittenishly.
"No, it doesn't." Spike answered in all seriousness. " Not while we're still a secret. Until you can admit it to someone this will never be real to you. This is just your dirty little secret completely risk free because you don't have to give anything up for it."
Just then the door opened and Tara came in.
"Buffy, I'm sorry but I've got to leave. Seeing Willow like this," her voice was starting to tear up. "It's not going well. I just wanted to say goodnight to you and wish you a happy birthday. But I've got to get out of here."
"That sounds like a bloody good idea to me," Spike concurred. "I'm out of here too."
"Spike," Buffy called after him. "Don't go like this."
"Spike, where are you going? You're not leaving too are you?" Dawn looked over at the angry vampire as he made for the door.
"I'm sorry little bit," he said through clenched teeth as he turned to face her. "But I haven't got the stomach to stay around here any more. I'm leaving."
Tara emerged from the kitchen and went to pick up her coat and purse. Willow looked over from the corner with a hurt look on her face.
"Everyone's leaving me," Dawn cried out in frustration. "This always happens to me. Why does everyone always leave me? She fell down on the floor sobbing. "I wish everyone would stop leaving me."
Suddenly there was a flash of light from the charm Dawn was wearing and the form of Halfrek, the vengeance demon appeared in the room inside a glowing orb.
"It is done," she proclaimed then disappeared.
"What the hell?" Spike shouted as he continued towards the door. As he attempted to go out an invisible barrier held him back. It was like he was walking into an invisible wall.
"Bloody hell," the angry vampire exclaimed.
TBC
