A/N: I posted this on tumblr a few days ago and got a request to post it here as well. As of right now, I am planning it to be 2 or 3 parts, and it takes place a few days after Emily met Alison in the warehouse. Thanks in advance for reading!
Alison was like a ghost in some ways.
Her footsteps made no echo as she paced aimlessly around the abandoned house. Silently, she slinked in between pieces of battered furniture and rested her trembling hands against the windowsill. Aside from the shadow that pooled around her feet and stretched against the ground, she appeared weightless; the kind of being that could fade away at any moment.
Then there were the parts of her that were gut-wrenchingly human.
Her heart pounded so loudly she could feel the pulse in all corners of her body. A nervousness perched at her chest. The stress coursing through her was strong and vital and very much alive.
Alison wished it would all just go away. She kept her eyes trained on the window, watching as the headlights of cars faded into the distance. As time passed, she began to question herself. Maybe The Brew closed later than she thought? Or had she already missed her? What if she found a different route to walk home?
Just then, she caught sight of a familiar figure walking along the sidewalk.
Alison's fingers started quivering again. She removed them from the windowsill and tried to adjust her scarf, somehow feeling like she was choking herself in the process.
"This is pathetic. Pull yourself together," she whispered, forcing her feet to move. Each step was easier than the last. By the time she made it outside, the silent and ghostlike poise had all but disappeared.
The other girl froze at the sound of footsteps. It wasn't long before Alison caught up and grabbed her shoulder from behind.
"Emily, wait!" she said as louder than was safe.
The brunette spun around and her composure fell from defense to disbelief.
"Alison? What are you doing here?"
Alison's hand fell from Emily's shoulder to her arm. "Follow me," she instructed. Still in shock, her friend obeyed without protest.
Quietly, she guided Emily back into the entry of the old house. Only when they were safe inside did she allow herself to really look at her companion. It was like the night in the warehouse all over again. Alison tried to swallow back the emotion that was building. She was sure there were tears pooling in her eyes already.
There were in Emily's. "I thought you were done trusting me," she said.
Alison tried her best to put her jumbled thoughts into words. "You still trusted me after everything that happened. I think I owe you more than I gave you the other night."
"Yeah, you do."
The accusatory tone almost made Ali flinch. She still wasn't quite used to the new Emily; the one who spoke her mind even when it came to the person who once had the tightest grip on her of all.
Part of her hoped Emily would welcome her with open arms and a warm embrace once again. It would be nice to not have to pay for her choices, but she had been through enough to know that was impossible.
"I was scared, okay? I didn't want to leave you. I was just trying to save myself," she said, stopping abruptly when she realized how selfish it sounded.
Alison sighed and looked Emily dead in the eyes. "What I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry. I keep messing up and I want a do over."
Emily faced was bunched up in a mixture of anger and distress. She averted her eyes and stayed quiet, as if she wasn't quite sure how to respond. After several long, heavy moments, she spoke.
"You want a do over on what? The other night?" she asked quietly.
"Everything," Alison responded, causing Emily to look up again.
All in all, her friend looked more exhausted than upset.
Emily reached out to Alison and pulled her into a silent hug.
Alison felt her shoulders relax. She rested one hand on the back of Emily's head, pulling her closer, while the other rubbed circles on her back.
Emily didn't have the scent of chlorine hanging in her hair and over her skin anymore. It seemed like a huge part of the identity of the girl she once knew was strangely absent, but Alison found the smell of perfume and coffee to be more intoxicating.
When they finally pulled away, Alison found herself looking the other girl over and picking out changes. This Emily dressed differently. The swim team sweat shirts and ponytails had been exchanged for a different look. It was still Emily, but she looked more grown up, more confident. The skirt she wore to the warehouse hadn't escaped Ali's attention…
"Spencer doesn't trust you," Emily said, bringing Alison back.
"I know. I guess I can't blame her."
"You have to at least try to get through to the rest of them. I can't go behind their backs."
Alison shook her head. "It's not going to be that easy. I can't just go around calling group meetings. You have no idea how risky even this is."
"Can you at least tell me why you're not sure about them?" Emily asked.
"They're not as forgiving as you, Em. They're going to need time, and that's not really a luxury I can afford."
"Please, just tell me what you need me to do to help you," she said, clasping both her hands in Ali's. "Then you can come home and we'll work through all of it together."
"I hope so," Alison said, trying to smile and not managing to pull it off. "But that's not what I want tonight to be about. Can't we just be here right now, while we have the chance?"
"How long do we have? A minute? I feel like you're going to run out that door any second."
"I'm not," Alison assured her. "Come on, let's sit down."
Emily's eyes seemed distant as she took in her surroundings. "This place hasn't changed a bit."
"Charming, isn't it?" Alison said, her voice laced with sarcasm. "I haven't been here since that Halloween."
"This is where it all started. The A mess. I just didn't know it at the time," Emily responded.
"Yeah, in a way. But really, this place is as bad as old Havisham's house."
She saw her friend's blank stare and felt a genuine laugh rise in her throat. "She was the old hag in Great Expectations. I thought it might ring a bell, but I guess Sparknotes didn't leave a lasting impression."
"I only remember one part," the brunette responded, and both of them knew exactly what she meant.
"That's my favorite part, too," Alison smiled. She looked around the room again. "Let's make our own seat," she said, pulling Emily to an overturned chest of drawers.
"I tried reading the book a few times, after you…you know. I could never get past the first few chapters," Emily said as she settled onto the makeshift chair.
"Most books drag in the beginning. You might be surprised, but I actually used to read a lot. I kept quiet about it. With Aria and Spencer, our group already had enough literary nerds," Alison said.
Emily studied her carefully. "You should have just been yourself. I like that Alison a lot better than the one you showed everyone else."
Alison considered that. The problem with the masks and personas, she realized, was that she wasn't sure what was really underneath after it was all snatched away. Those parts of her were buried a long time ago. Now was the time to become something else. Something better, hopefully.
"I don't know who that person is," Alison replied. "You saw something different in me. That's who I want to be, when all of this is over."
"That's just like what you said...hmm…" Emily trailed off.
"When?"
"In a dream I had the other night," she admitted.
The weight sitting on Alison's chest stirred again. She blinked, surprised she was in Emily's thoughts often enough to have full conversations in her sleep.
"You're still dreaming about me, Em?" she teased, though she couldn't hide the hopeful air around the words.
Emily blushed, lost whatever she was going to say and ended up laughing uncomfortably.
Alison watched as her friend peered over at her, looking almost meek for the first time in a while. They were close together; the furniture piece they were sitting on wasn't very big at all.
Kind of like the kissing rock.
Ali wasn't sure about much, but, in this moment, it was so clear what she wanted. Heat was creeping up inside her and everything around them was agonizingly quiet.
She met Emily's brown eyes for a long minute. And then, she did what Alison DiLaurentis always did when she saw something she wanted: she went for it.
Alison leaned in until their lips were almost touching and the warmth of Emily's breath brushed against her. It was familiar; they had been here before.
With one last breath of her own, she closed the distance. It started slow and gentle. Emily's lips were softer than she remembered. So much softer than other lips she'd kissed. Pins and needles settled on her skin as a shiver rushed through her. They parted for a moment, looking at each other for a reaction.
Emily leaned back in. The movement was slight, but it was there.
Then Alison guided their lips back together. She brought one hand to Emily's face while the other worked its way to the back of her neck, pulling her closer.
She felt Emily tremble as the kiss deepened. Her hands brushed against Alison's skin, moving, but not knowing where to go. Their bodies were pressed together by the time Emily pulled away and turned her head in one swift motion.
"I can't do this," she said, her voice weak.
Alison kept her grip on her companion, effectively holding her in place. She leaned her forehead into the darker girl's hair and whispered into her ear.
"Emily, this isn't like last time. I'm not going to hurt you."
"This isn't about last time," she said. "I'm seeing someone. I can't do this."
Oh.
Right.
Alison pulled herself back. She looked down and pursed her lips. The thing in her chest moved deep into her gut. Whatever it was, it felt like it was thrusting a knife into her, and it was making her feel physically ill.
"I'm sorry," Emily said. She rested her hand on Alison's arm and the latter fought the urge to push it off.
There was a much more familiar emotion bubbling up inside of Alison. Heat coursed through her veins and she clenched her fists.
Her voice took on the low, course tone it always had when she was upset. "You still feel something for me. Tell me I'm lying," she challenged.
Emily didn't respond, and that was all the confirmation she needed.
"I thought I taught you to go for what you want."
"Alison, what do you expect me to do?" Emily asked, her voice rising. "You've been gone a long time. A lot's changed. You can't undo all of that in one night."
It felt like another stab. Ali turned away and tried to look anywhere except at Emily. Her vision was blurry with tears she couldn't blink away. They started falling freely and she wiped them away in defeat.
The tables had turned so completely. She could come back to Rosewood and save the girls' lives once, twice, a hundred times. It didn't matter. They made a life without her. With people who hated her guts, nonetheless.
She knew she should be happy for Emily to have found some kind of normalcy in the midst of all of this, but she couldn't be.
Emily and her girlfriend, so frickin happy together. The thought alone made the sick feeling intensify.
The ring of a text came from Emily's phone.
"Sounds like someone's trying to reach you," Alison grumbled.
Probably Pigskin.
"It's okay," Emily said. "It's not A."
"Oh," Alison breathed out. She wanted to smack herself for not even considering that as a possibility.
Sitting up straighter, she wiped her tears again and looked around the room attentively. A wasn't there, probably, but she shouldn't have had her guard down.
"You should probably get going, Em, before A finds us both."
"Well I'm not leaving you like this," Emily told her.
A flash of embarrassment overtook her when she realized how she must look. Here she was, with tears in her eyes, humiliated. Vulnerable. Weak.
"I don't need you here. Just go."
"No. You don't get to call the shots anymore. This is my decision and I'm staying," Emily countered.
Alison huffed. "What, do you want me to pat you on the back for standing up for yourself? I don't care. All you're doing is putting me at risk. Don't you get it? I don't want you here."
Then she clenched her eyes shut because that came out completely wrong.
"You're hurt," Emily said, reaching for Alison again. "You kissed me and I stopped you. I know exactly how that feels."
Alison allowed herself to make eye contact. Emily's expression was downcast. Whether it was because she felt bad for rejecting her first love or was remembering being rejected herself, Alison wasn't sure.
"If I could take that moment back, I would in a heartbeat," Alison said.
"I know. I believe you," Emily sighed. "That doesn't change how it felt at the time."
She paused again. "Ali, how much of it was fake?"
Alison tried to remember where it all started; when the lines began to blur and the game gave way to uncertainty. It was frustrating how unclear the answers were.
"It's hard to say," Alison answered reluctantly as she played with the cuff of her sleeve. "I can tell you how I justified it. I told myself that I was only doing it to help you discover who you were. Like that would take me out of the equation completely. I believed it, too."
"What changed your mind?" Emily asked cautiously.
Alison shrugged. "I've had other things to worry about. It's just, when you're left with nothing but your thoughts, you start to realize the people who appear there the most are the ones who really matter."
Emily was stifled by emotion again. Her breathing sounded more like shallow gasps and her answer was delayed. "I'm going to get you home. I promise. The others will come around. They missed you, no matter what they say. We all missed you so much."
"I didn't mean what I said," the blonde admitted. "I do want you here. But it really is time to go, just to be safe.
"Do you have a place to crash?" the other girl asked.
"I told Shana to pick me up from here so I can get out of Rosewood. She should be here by now."
"Alright. I can go check outside and make sure the coast is clear, if you want."
Alison wasn't sure it was necessary, but her friend was clearly grasping at straws to find a way to help. "Go for it," she conceded.
Emily lifted herself up and brushed the dust off her clothes. She made her way to the front entrance of the building and Ali shifted uncomfortably in her spot, not quite sure what to think of the evening.
It didn't go as planned. At all. But it could have been a lot worse, right?
Somehow she felt wrong for having laid her feelings out in the open. Most people would burst from holding too mush inside. For Alison, it was natural. This, on the other hand, was terrifying.
The phone next to her buzzed.
She glanced over at it, first noticing the lock screen picture. It showed the four girls, smiling and happy. Complete, without her. She frowned.
Then she read the message.
It's you or her. Who are you going to save? –A
Alison's body tensed. She jumped to her feet, her body itching to run run run and not look back.
But she couldn't. She shouldn't.
"Emily?" Alison called out tentatively. Her feet stayed frozen in place as she craned her neck to look out the empty doorway.
She remained there, her head pounding in the silence. Waiting for an answer.
A deafening crash came from the second floor, followed by the sound of broken glass. Alison responded the only way she knew how. Without so much as a single thought, she whipped around and darted for the exit, not caring what would happen when she reached the outside world.
She became a product of adrenaline. Vision became a blur. There was no sound above the heart beat echoing in her ears. It wasn't until she fled into the tree line on the other side of the street that other thoughts arose.
That was too close and is it safe now and where the hell is Shana…and…
Emily.
She left Emily. She saved herself instead.
Alison stopped in her tracks and buried her face in her hands.
For all the feelings that had ravaged her body already, it was impressive there was room for more. She was so full of emotion, yet she felt empty. Dead.
But not really dead. Dead would be unfeeling completely.
Alison wasn't very ghostlike, after all.
Trembling, she forced herself to turn around. There could still be a chance to fix this.
Her limbs weren't willing to act on their own this time. She tried to maintain a silent gait as she crossed the street again. Each step signaled another pause; another chance to stop and consider turning back.
Alison took one last backward glance. Her breath hung in her lungs as she reached for the now closed door and gave the knob a shake. Locked. Of course.
The blonde felt herself beginning to unravel. She pounded at the door and felt panic rising when she heard no response.
"Emily!" she called, loudly now.
"Alison?" came a muffled voice from the other side.
She could have cried in relief. "Emily, thank God. I thought-"
"Shh!" her friend interrupted. "A's here. Ali, you have to run."
"I know," Alison said, feeling guilty because Emily hadn't realized her betrayal.
"He's coming," Emily said, barely audible.
Alison pressed herself against the door. There was a crack in the wood just big enough to peer through. On the inside, Emily was holding up in defense what looked to be a broken lamp.
"What do you plan on doing with that?!"
Emily didn't move. Nails digging into the door, Alison strained her eyes, forcing them to look further into the dull room. She froze when she saw a dark, hooded figure emerge from the shadows.
And then she was pounding on the door again; pushing against the weak spots in the frame in a desperate attempt to break it down.
"Don't you dare touch her! It's me you want! Come and get me, I dare you!"
There was another crash and a shatter. The loud gasp was unmistakably Emily's.
Alison screeched in pain as her hand went through the door. Ignoring the throbbing, she continued digging through the wood until another hand met hers.
Emily's voice came through again. "There's two of them."
"What?"
"Back away from the door," the brunette said sternly.
Alison pulled her injured hand back through in confusion but didn't move. The urge to run was creeping back into her heels.
Just then, a shaken Emily pushed open the door from the other side, almost hitting Alison in the process.
"They're fighting. You have to go now!" Emily said, looking back and forth frantically.
Alison grabbed Emily's hand without hesitation. This time, she wasn't letting her go.
"And you're coming with me."
