Edited: 02/06/16

In which Kaneki loses sight of who he is and Sasaki starts remembering.

Pity is for the weak. Power is for the strong.


Never feel pity for the enemy is how the saying goes

Do they say that too when they're in the enemy's shoes?


Kaneki knows he shouldn't feel sympathy but he does anyway because he's aware of how losing someone could hurt so much.

Hanging back in the shadows (like he always had), he watches as Amon cries over the dead partner he would have been able to save, if Kaneki had not been there.

He's well aware of the fact that it may as well have been his fault though he does not regret anything, will not regret anything because it had saved Touka and Hinami.

He doesn't want to feel empathy because he doesn't want to be unsure about his ideals. He's scared of losing sight of what makes him Kaneki.

He doesn't want to feel this pity.


After Aogiri, he's been wandering around the dangerous wards, searching for information about Rize. (And in turn, the ghoul she turned him into.)

There's a lot of death and despair in those wards.

The doves strike down the ghouls mercilessly and his mind tortures him with the image of how Fueguchi Ryoko died, the way Mado didn't even let her have her last words.

(How weak he was back then, when he was powerless to save her. How weaker he is now, when he wouldn't even lift a finger to save them.)

The ghouls descend on the doves' dead bodies with relish, feasting on them like flies hovering over garbage.

(Then again, there really is no difference between ghouls and humans. Monsters, are they not?)

A half-ghoul, a half-human, what was he, really? He isn't even sure for whom he's feeling pity for; the ghouls or the humans.

(Or is the pity for himself?)

He's completely lost sight of his identity.

(Did it even matter?)

He doesn't want to feel this pity.


The first time Haise kills a ghoul, its blood splatters against the white of his coat, spreading ever so slowly.

Innocence overcome by death and tragedy; white roses shrivelling up into red spider lilies.

("You tried to eat me so if you get eaten, isn't that just too bad?")

He hears his own voice, cruel and rough, edged with a certain madness. It frightens him.

If that was how he was before, then he really doesn't want to remember at all.

(Paint the roses red, ne, Kaneki-kun?)


He's remembering and he wants more of his memories back.

He wants to know the mother who told him that it's better to be hurt than to hurt others, and the woman who told him that to live is to devour others.

He wants to know the boy with sunshine hair and bright grins and the fierce girl with the beautiful wings and hesitant smiles.

He wants to know the little girl who called him 'onii-san' and the man with the curved beard and a gentle heart.

(There was also the man in blindingly bright magenta suits. He feels uneasy remembering this man, he doesn't trust him, but still he was a part of the small little family he wanted so much to protect.)

He wants to know more about the kind old man he calls manager and the man with glasses and a startling resemblance to Serpent, the guy with the weird haircut who called himself the Devil Ape, and the pretty woman with the long black hair.

He wants to know more but he isn't even sure if he's Haise or Kaneki anymore.