They're all so cute.
My little babies. I love them so. And I'm going to miss them when I'm gone.
I know I'll be the first. But that's okay. They need a flame to light the way. And what better way to light the way than to send the flame ahead of the pack, right? No pun intended, really.
I just hope I'll be able to watch them from my pink plush chair in the sky. I'd hate to feel like I'm missing out.
I've never been scared. Until today.
I can't see myself because there aren't any mirrors in the hospital room. But the look on his face every time he looks at me is heartbreaking. I tell him not to be sad; to smile his beautiful smile for me. But I know he can't.
I know he'll be alright. He'll get through it and help everyone else through it and maybe even love again someday. I hope he will. I would never be able to forgive myself if I was the cause of his unhappiness for the rest of his life and I told him so. I think that helped.
I have a feeling Mimi's gonna be next. My little chica. I love that girl. And boy, does she have style. And then Roger. Mm, that boy's got an attitude problem. He needs to get over it or he's gonna have some sour grapes when he's on his death bed and let me tell you-- sour grapes make nasty wine. Moo's gonna live forever no matter what she does. That one's got a flame in her. And Mark. I think that out of the kids, I'll miss him the most. We never really talked but there's just something about him that I'm gonna miss.
Listen to me! Talking like I'm never gonna see them again. Pft.
They walk on eggshells around me now. I can't talk so good and I can't even sit up without Collins holding me up, but that's no excuse to treat me like an invalid! I'm sorry, but this flame's got a whole lotta burning to do before it goes out.
But then again, maybe it doesn't.
I'm ready.
I've been ready for days, but I know he doesn't want me to go. I can see it in his eyes every time he looks at me. He tells me that he loves me a lot more often. When I can, I say it back. I hope my letter tells him everything he wants to know.
My dearest Tom,
You're probably reading this because I'm gone, and if I'm not and you're reading it, shame on you! I told you no peeking! I'm writing this letter because I want you to sell my things. Don't argue, you need the money. But I know that you'll want something and since a piece of paper with a couple of worn out (but true nonetheless) sentiments will only be worth something to you.
First of all, I want you to know that I love you. Forever. And that means forever and ever no matter what. I want you to take care of yourself and my babies. Make sure that you make yourself happy in everything that you do and LIVE YOUR LIFE. Do not waste one minute on anything. Only the good things are worth savoring. Grief, sadness, misery, hate or anger are not worth a second glance.
Second: I will be waiting for you at the end of the tunnel with a candle (and possibly a disco ball). Always. If you live to be 150 years old, I'll still be right there. And I'll be watching you every step of the way, so don't you mess it up, mister!
You are the love of my life and I want you to be happy no matter what. Please, please, please continue to live. Every day is something new, Collins, and to find the new things, you have to step out of the old.
Don't grieve, baby. You told me that I was your angel and that I was sent to watch over you. I haven't left my post. I've simply relocated!
I love you so very much, Tom Collins, and I will continue to do so until forever.
Make me proud, baby.
-- Angel
