Aaron gets the courage to tell Chas what Gordon did to him
I am writing this story called 'Cutter' (why not check it out if you like this?) based on Emmerdale and Aaron is the central character but I realise that I could have written certain parts better. So, this is a rewrite and I hope that is an improvement. Please let me know what you think and leave a review if you can. Thanks x I'd be really grateful.
Aaron tells his ex- Rob what his father Gordon used to do to him when he was a child (Now he's in his twenties). He's recently been in hospital for blood-poisoning that nearly killed him caused by his cuts from his self-harm. Gordon has been out of his life for years but is recently back on the scene and getting back together with Aaron's mum Chas, bringing back all of Aaron's memories about the abuse. Memories he's tried to suppress all his life but can no longer and ends up telling Rob about the abuse who encourages him to tell his mum but Aaron doesn't feel ready. Will he ever be able to tell Chas or will Gordon continue to get away with it?
…..
Chas sighed as she put her handbag on the table. She didn't see her son there in the corner of the room hugging his knees at first and she let out a scream and jumped.
'Why are you sitting on the floor down there, love?' She tried to keep her voice more calm than she was feeling because the anxious need to know was driving her crazy, like a scratching inside her skin that she couldn't itch.
'Sorry.' He looked miserable.
And vulnerable. More vulnerable than he usually looked but that didn't mean he was weak. He was smaller than the other men in the Dingle clan but he was stockier.
He was strong. Tough. So then how did he always look so fragile and on the verge of tears?
If what Rob had implied, he was stronger than all of them to go through what he did, despite his problems such as self-harm.
She prayed that it wasn't true. Or that she had got it wrong.
How she prayed she had got it wrong.
'He told me he didn't hit him!' Rob had finally lost his patience at her incessant nagging. He'd grown pale.
So, what did he do?'
Rob was silent and shook his head. 'Can't tell you, he won't let me.'
'What the hell are you saying? I'm his mother! Of course, you can tell me.'
'Speak to him. I told him to tell you and I think he's ready.'
…..
She sat down on the stairs and there was an awkward silence between them.
'What's wrong?' She decided to start.
'Nothing.' He shrugged.
She sighed and unconsciously mirrored his body language by hugging her own knees. Trying to make herself look as small as possible too.
'I can't help you if you won't tell me. Why don't you want to see your Dad?'
'Not Dad – Gordon. Paddy's Dad.'
She started a little at that. Then again, her ex had probably been the nearest her son had had to a normal relationship with a father figure.
She tried another tack. 'Why are you hurting yourself again?'
He looked up sharply at her for that.
'Just when he came back and we started seeing each other again. Cain reckons it's no coincidence.
'Cain knows?' He replied with pained surprise and not a little mortification.
'I know you think he doesn't care but he's worried sick about you. As much as I am. And he notices more than you think.'
'No, he doesn't. I'm not worth it. He can't care about someone like me.'
'Stop that.' But she was thinking – is that what your father told you? How all the pieces were falling slowly, agonizingly into place. 'He loves you – just useless at showing it. Now tell me the truth.'
'Can't.' He breathed out painfully, shaking his head as the first tears spilled over and fell down his cheeks.
She couldn't stand not touching him no longer and she got up from the bottom of the staircase and went over to him.
She kneeled in front of him so that she was on his level and stroked the tears away.
'Did your Da…sorry, I meant Gordon hurt you?' She held his hand tightly.
He nodded reluctantly.
'What did he do?'
He shook his head. 'Can't tell anyone especially you because you'd hate me for ruining your life, he said. Anyway, nobody would believe such a naughty boy like me always getting into trouble.'
Chas' heart felt like it was falling from the roof of her mouth even as she wasn't sure if he was talking about back then or the present. Maybe both.
'Is that what he said to you? My poor baby.' She stroked his hair. 'I could never hate you, you know that. You're my boy. I love you more than anything – more than any man, even your father.'
He sobbed and buried his face in his arms at that.
'Sh…Just tell me.' She rubbed his back encouragingly. 'It's OK. There's nothing you can ever say that would stop me loving you.'
He shook his head. 'I was just gonna slip away without telling anyone and let you and Gordon live happily ever after.' He choked out when he got his breath back. He wiped his eyes furiously.
'What about me? And Rob? Your business?'
'Rob just wants to use me like he always has. He never loved me…Never cared about me…'
'Don't say that. I can't stand him – that one thinks he's God's gift to both sexes and he's even worse now he's got money. But I'll give this to him – he's stood by you.'
'Yeah, maybe but for how much longer though?'
'Yet you told him how Gordon used to hurt you when you were little, didn't you?'
He nodded. 'Wished I hadn't …' He cried. 'Wait a minute – did he tell you?' He grew angry now and stamped the carpet with his fist as the realisation dawned on him. 'I told him not to! I trusted him!'
'He didn't tell me – wouldn't. For all he is – and I hate him for the things he's done to you, to Katie and everyone else - he refused to betray you. I just guessed. Actually, he told me to ask you.'
He looked panicked again. And hugged his knees again while she cautiously soothed his hair. She could sense the tears were close – they always were in her son even though he was as tough as nails.
'Come on. You told Rob, you can tell me.' She coaxed as she brushed the hair off his face.
'But you're my mum…' He protested.
'I'll believe you.' She whispered and petted his hair. 'I love you. I believe you.'
'No, please Mum. Don't make me tell.' He sounded just like a little kid, she thought sadly. Probably how he used to beg Gordon to stop. The thought made her blood run cold.
She grabbed him and held him by the chin and forced him to look into her eyes. 'Now, you tell me!' Her tone grew almost savage. 'All of it!'
He pulled away but she knew he couldn't disobey.
'Well, to begin with we had fish and chips almost every night you left. He was the best dad ever! Totally spoilt me – not like you…Sorry.' He noticed her reaction even as she tried to hide the little twinge of jealousy. 'Even though I was a nightmare and kept crying for you after you left.'
He cried for her? 'Oh, Aaron…I'm so sorry. I would never have left you with him if I'd known.' She squeezed his hand.
'Weren't your fault – I told them I wanted to live with him! And I was a real nightmare …answering him back…'
'You were just a child and you were upset. Any normal parent would have understood that.'
'Whatever.' He shrugged. 'Anyway, things were fine until he lost his job. I remember that day….Heard his car out in the drive and must have rushed out to meet him. 'Cos I remember how he slammed the car door really hard - something he always told me off for doing and how he pushed past me like I wasn't even there. Then he stomped into the house.'
'When we got in, he'd forgotten the fish and chips again so he made me something else. I didn't like it, so wouldn't eat it. He called me an ungrateful something and ordered me up to bed.'
'You probably were too upset to eat in an atmosphere like that.'
'I must have fallen asleep because I remember waking up. There was this loud noise like glass smashing…I just curled up under the blankets and tried to pretend it wasn't happening.'
'You were scared.'
He nodded and let out a long shuddery breath. 'Then the door creaked open…... he always came in to say goodnight and tuck me in at night. I expected him to say he was sorry for shouting at me. I thought it was going to be alright but it wasn't!'
He paused while he held back his tears while Chas brushed his hair. 'Sh...sh...take your time, love.'
'He ripped the blankets off me. He just stood there, staring at me without saying anything. The look on his face…'
He'd mostly kept his composure up to now while telling his story but then he broke down. She stroked his hair as he sobbed.
'He came over to the bed…Then he…he just….'
He started crying helplessly again. She did her best to console him until he could speak again.
'I was 8 that time when he first …abused me.' He continued in a quiet voice full of dignity. 'He touched me and made me do stuff to him occasionally from then on.'
Although it was the answer she'd been expecting – Gordon didn't hit him- she felt shocked, felt like crying herself.
'I didn't want to, Mum! But he said I had to make up for being bad otherwise he'd….he'd punish me properly. And I knew what that meant!' He started to hyperventilate in panic and she soothed him the best she could with soft words and her hands.
She hid her shock and disgust, knowing it wouldn't help him. She had to stay calm. 'I know you didn't.' She crooned at him. 'Not your fault, sh….he made you. You were only a little boy.'
He took a long breath like he was struggling to breathe.
'The next day, he acted like nothing happened so I told myself I must have imagined it. Except he said that he was sorry for what he had to do last night but I'd been naughty.'
'I'm sorry, I'm sorry.' He looked up at her pleadingly, begging for forgiveness. When shouldn't it be the other way round, she thought? Perhaps because in some sick way, he thought he was cheating on me with that piece of shit whose one job was to love and protect him?
'You've got nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one that's sorry.' She told him as she pulled him into her arms and he let her gratefully. 'Sh…sh….love.' She stroked his hair. 'I'm going to do everything within my power to make all of this better.'
He said nothing, lost in his own pain as she rocked them while he sobbed and she comforted him in exactly the same way she had when he was small and had scraped his knee or come home angry and upset after a fight at school.
Her son wept in her arms for what felt like forever until there was knock on the door and Rob waltzed in because nobody locked doors in the village. What would be the point? He stared at them – particularly Aaron for a long time before he addressed her. He didn't even seem to notice but at least he'd stopped crying and had dried his eyes but he pulled himself out of his mother's arms and they both stood up.
'So, he told you then. To be honest, wasn't sure he ever would.' The older man said eventually.
'Yes. And as much as I despise you and WILL never forgive you for how you treated him, I'm grateful that you got the truth out of him.' His ex's fiercely protective mother lashed out at him. 'You can go now.'
'You can't talk to me like that.'
'Stop it, both of you!' Aaron said fiercely. 'It happened to me, ME – OK! Mum, he helped me a lot when I was sick and he listened. Can't you just get on with each other?'
'Fine.' Chas crossed her arms over her ample bust. 'But don't think I'll have him sniffing around you!'
'I think that's up to me, don't you, mother?' He retorted.
'You can't be serious.' She replied and turned to the young, blond man. 'He's very fragile at the moment and if you think you can take advantage…' She glared warningly at Rob.
'What? After he confided in me how his dad used to rape him when he was a child and he's still recovering from an illness that nearly killed him, you think I'm some sick fuck who'll jump his bones?'
Aaron raised his eyebrow at his friend's colourful language in front of his mother but she didn't seem to notice. In fact, maybe it helped to convince her.
'I'm watching you, boy!' She eyeballed him in stern warning. 'Well, the least you can do is look after him while you're here. Make sure you put the toilet-seat back down after you've finished, alright?
'You mean he can stay?' Aaron gushed incredulously. Both boys looked at each other in surprise at Chas' sudden change of heart.
'For now. But only because of what he did. I'm off to bed now. Be good.'
'Thanks, mum!'
And a little bit of the hard lump of lead in Aaron's chest that had been there since his Dear Old Dad washed up in Emmerdale softened a little when he realised that Rob would be there with him.
And he'd told his mother! And she had believed him and not blamed him!
He would have to think about what the next step (if there was one) in dealing with his father would be but now at least, he wasn't alone.
