It's a rant about how much I hate Twilight. Please enjoy.
Twilight. A commonly heard name now a days. So I have just one question…why are so many people obsessed with it? I mean seriously? If you look on the back it says "First, Edward was a vampire." Well thanks for giving away the plot. I just read two hundred pages to find out what I already knew. Actually, it was probably a good move to write that because Edward sparkles like a friggin fairy in the sun. I don't understand how that translates into vampire. To me it translates into he's a creeper and has a glitter fetish.
I mean honestly Edward is the sorriest excuse for a vampire I have ever seen. He's not cute. At all. Edward looks like he got shot in the face and then got ran over by a train. I don't understand why people thinks he so amazing. He stalks the girl he likes. I'm so sure every girl wants a guy to sneak into their room and watch them sleep. That's not creepy at all. The boy has a personality of a glittery rock. He does show some knowledge of sarcasm, but even that's severely limited.
Jacob isn't much better. All he does is whine about every little friggin thing that happens. Awww Bella doesn't love him, saddy face. Someone get him a dinosaur sticker and some candy. No one cares. I can't understand why anyone would obsesses over a clingy albino from Arizona. If his needy personality wasn't enough to irritate the crap out of me, he's not even a real werewolf. He's a shape shifter. Worst attempt at a plot twist EVER. When I read that, I wanted to find a huge rock and do bad things to good people. If they were real werewolves then I could have maintained at least an ounce of respect for the book, but no. Meyer had to make it die in a fiery explosion.
This just leaves us with Bella. Can someone just smack her across the face with a baby? Please? So this completely ordinary girl moves to the town of Forks, and unlike the normal people who are quite and shy on their first day, she has guys falling head over heels for her. We all know that they're not good enough from Miss Isabella Swan though, she needs a supernatural guy to fall in love with over the course of a week, which is a load of crap. I mean where does that even happen? Oh yeah, I forgot, in Meyer's perfect little world of happy nice vegetarian vampires, and friggin shape shifters.
Everything that happens in the books just makes me want to set fire to a bus. I mean the themes are terrible. Stalking is a good thing, being completely helpless will get you a good boyfriend, looks are everything, parents don't matter, and having normal friends isn't cool. Well no wonder America is so messed up. Most girls in America freak out over a FICTIONAL book. Then they go and rant about it to all their friends and the disease that is Twilight takes over the minds of poor unsuspecting victims. Then they go and read the book and wonder why the book is so terrible, but they can't stop reading. The same thing happens in every book to. Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy. Girl is whiny and clingy. Boy is a stalker pedo. The friggin end.
So thank you Stephanie Meyer for poisoning the mind of America's future and other wise mentally crippling the future successes of my generation. All this just because your marriage sucks and you needed a fictional one hundred and seven forever stuck as a teenager boyfriend to make you seem a lot less pitiful. Well I got news…..it didn't work. I really hope you feel bad for creating the true root of all evil. One day I hope that Twilight becomes illegal in the US and we have to have a giant book burning party just to destroy the poison that is the Twilight Saga.
