Pretend
I've had enough. I just can't take it anymore.
Watching us fade like this. Pretending like we never cared.
There he is just standing there by the window. Doesn't he know what he does to me?
With his smiles and his bravery. He's like my prince. He was like my prince.
I sigh unhappily. I remember when I was becoming a human every touch, every stare, it all felt like...it just felt so much more intense, and those feelings are still lingering in my heart. Urehara can't possibly know how cruel that was.
I'm still staring at him I know I shouldn't. I should not feel this way at all.
Oh, why is this like this?
"Ichigo." I choke covering my mouth in shock. Why did I call to him?
"Rukia?" he questions turning to look at me with those inquiring brown eyes of his.
I'm stuttering I can hear it and I just can't believe it, or stop it. Why oh why do I feel this way? Tears are those tears falling down my face?
"Rukia, what's wrong."
Spoken with such a caring voice Ichigo!
"I'm not sure." I choke sadly. I can't believe I haven't regained composure. How did this happen? Am I reaching out? I am. I feel his warmth and his surprise as I embrace his waist. How can these sobs be coming from me?
"Make it stop Ichigo," I hiccup. "Make the pain leave me."
"R-rukia," he stutters with uncertainty "I...why are you hurting?" He asks a perfectly reasonable question.
"How can you ask that!" I cry contrary to my own thoughts. "You should know..." I continue pressing myself closer to him. I'm pulling at his clothes and I'm desperately trying to chain my thoughts in my head.
"I like this, being close to you like this."
"Rukia." he chokes. I hear strain in his voice I pray to every God I can think of, that he doesn't push me away.
Finally, I pull myself from his chest and look up and I see his face. I've never seen that expression before. It's unreadable.
I reach up and touch his face. He grabs my hand.
"Rukia, I don't know what to say to you. I'm just going to ask you strait out."
"Yes?" I inquire a knot in my stomach and my heart. Panic rising in me.
"Can I kiss you? I've never done it before so..." His head tilts to the side like that when he asks and I feel relived and elated all at once.
I place a finger on his lips to stop his talking—it's hard to kiss lips that are speaking.
"Please, kiss me. We don' t have to change the way things are at all, just kiss me." I plead my voice quaking, and barely above a whisper.
Let this heal some part of me.
I see a pink tinge grace his cheeks and I'm closing my eyes I feel him come closer and I'm engulfed by his wonderful smell. His soft lips brush mine at first then we come closer. I put my arms on his neck and I feel his fingers enlacing my hair. It's so pleasantly warm. I never wanted it to end. I wanted this to last for ever. We break apart and our panting breaths mingle in the air like words.
Ichigo faintly touches his lips and I touch mine we glance at each other. Ichigo clears his throat.
"I wish we..."
"Maybe another lifetime, perhaps?" I sigh heavily a tear falling down my cheek.
"Perhaps..." He sighs back.
The silence hangs heavily over us as we try once again to push our feelings away.
The pain in my chest returns so quickly.
Why did this have to happen like this? Ichigo, I wish things could be different for us.
I close my eyes trying to hide from reality, as much as it hurts I open them again.
We don't look at each other again. We just can't—it would only worsen the pain. So instead we avoid each others' gaze like poison and I put my hand on the cold metal of the doors handle and I exit. Leaving him behind.
I try to pretend I'm not sobbing.
I pretend like I'm not hurting and I fall back into the world of pretend were Ichigo is only...only my comrade.
