No Contest
by GylzGirl

Disclaimer: At the end of the story so as not to give anything away.
Type: Silly-fic, very possibly Bad-fic.
Rating: PG-13. You watch Buffy, you can read this.
For: My brother Rhian who once he reads it will know why and Meawan for the gigglefest this was born from.


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Inside the library of Sunnydale High School, a battle raged. The tall dark-haired boy wore a confident smirk. The shorter red-haired boy's expression was indiscernible. They stood facing each other, barely five paces apart.

"You ready?" said Xander Harris.

"Yeah," Oz replied.

The two boys turned their backs to one another and began to unbutton their shirts, throwing them carelessly to the floor. Next, the sound of two zippers filled the silent room. Two sets of pants soon followed the shirts to a pile on the ground.

"Now?" Xander asked.

"Now," Oz answered.

The boys turned around, appraising each other.

"Not bad," Xander conceded, taking in the smaller boy, clad in brown briefs, a brown tee shirt with a screen-printed front designed to simulate fur and an ammo sash.

"You too," Oz said approvingly of Xander's black briefs and white tee shirt with a printed-on black vest.

"Hey, sorry I'm late," Angel entered, his body covered in a black cape.

"No one said you could accessorize! No fair!" Xander complained.

"So you picked Darth Vader? Strangely appropriate I suppose," Oz said.

"Wasn't he Darth Vader last year? Only for real?"

"Well we both picked according to those we felt connected to, so I guess..."

"What are you guys talking about? I'm not Darth Vader! I was just using this to cover up." He shed the cloak with the dramatic flair of Tim Curry to reveal a perfectly coordinated outfit of yellow briefs and yellow tee shirt with screen-printed circuits.

The two humans stared at each other for a moment then burst into snickering.

"What? What?!"

"I guess we did all pick according to personality," Xander joked.

"What?!!!"

The library doors opened admitting Rupert Giles, who suddenly stopped sorting his mail to stare at the room's three scantily clad occupants. "What's going on here?" Giles asked. Xander mumbled something unintelligible. "What was that?"

"Underoos contest."

"Ah. Well, then why is Angel dressed as a gay droid?"

"A WHAT?!" The human boys snickered again. "Great! Why didn't anyone tell me?!"

"Puh-lease. Everyone knows that. Where've you been living for the past 20 years? Underground?" Xander reconsidered that last statement. "Oh. Oh yeah Man. Sorry."

Angel looked on the verge of tears. Giles headed towards his office. "Uh, you three might want to get dressed again. The last I saw the girls, they were headed this way."

Giles shut his door on the sight of a three-man mad scramble for clothes. He locked his door, set his mail on his desk, closed his blinds and began to unbutton his shirt. How foolish the boys could be. What children.

Giles slipped off his shoes, socks and trousers as well. He reclined back in his office chair, putting his feet up on the desk and stretching out. Giles wore a pair of periwinkle blue briefs and a matching tee shirt with green designs printed on the front. Yes. The boys were such children. Boba Fett was the only real choice...if you wanted to be a man.


~The End~



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Disclaimers: Joss owns the Buffy boys (It's good to be the Joss!). Lucas owns the Star Wars references, but hopefully won't sue as he knows personally all there is to do 'round these parts is write, and Yoda say to sue poor chicky is the first step to the Dark Side. As for the Underoo people, I figure they owe me something as their damn jingle scarred me for life and to this day takes up valuable brain space where something like ability to do Algebra might have gone. "Underwear that's fun to wear! It's true when it's you and your Underoos!" Sheesh!