Ahoy! A co-write, I spot! It's becoming clearer...it's a ...it's a co-write with abstractXromance. Ahem. I'm like on something, so excuse my random commentary. Well, I love this plot so much. Almost as much as I love the author I'm writing this with. Anywho, I've never written a story with this general direction of plot, so i'm oh so excited. As if the lovely abstract, i assume. And she would like you all to know the phrase ' moose cakes ' yes. Live by it. Take that phrase and recite it to your professors for extra credit. I.. really don't know what I'm talking about. Just enjoy this and review, please.

Breakdown

the hardest part is letting go of something you never thought you'd lose ...
xx x x xx

A couch is the perfect place to make mistakes. Sora was finding this statement truer than ever as he lay below his boyfriend. Everything about the man above him was indescribably perfect. Riku's silver hair, his aquamarine eyes, and his infectious smile: perfect.

Their lips met over and over. Time stood still but felt like it was moving too quickly. Sora arched his back as Riku deepened their kiss. The brunet's body tensed as a stray hand made its way from Sora's side to the button on his pants. He tried to ignore the gesture and kept his lips locked to Riku's. His mind told him to stop—to stop while he was ahead, but his body wanted more.

Maybe I should tell him… Sora thought. He mentally shook his head. He wouldn't go that far, would he?

Sora's mind was somewhere other than on the couch. His body was simply going through the motions as his mind raced backward. He was back in a place where he had made a horrible decision. He was thinking about the past.

A sudden jolt of pleasure brought the boy back to Earth. Back to a place where he couldn't afford to make the same mistake twice.

"Sora, I want you to be my first," Riku whispered into his boyfriend's ear.

Those words slithered into Sora's ears, pleasing his warm body. His mind raced with concern as he swallowed down a lump of nerves that he hadn't realized was there until just now. Blue eyes snapped open—when did he close them?—and he stared directly into lusty aquamarine eyes. The same sea green eyes that he had stared into for countless hours for almost an entire year. How could he possibly deny those beautiful pools now? How could he?

Yet, he had to. "Riku…" Sora said warningly. The brunet's small hands—which were far smaller than most male's—reached up and lightly curled themselves around his boyfriend's neck. "I'm…glad," he found himself saying as he lightly kissed Riku's lips, wanting the statement to just vanish.

Riku pressed back hungrily into the kiss, his hands resting squarely on Sora's hips. At any moment they would wander back down to the bothersome zipper and button. Any minute now Riku would expect Sora to be a writhing puddle of submission—and god, Sora wanted that more than anything at this moment.

"Let me take you," Riku breathed huskily into Sora's ear, nipping it seconds afterwards. The silveret's tongue traversed along the curve of the brunet's earlobe, as if trying to cause a chain reaction in Sora. Riku knew all of his boyfriend's sweet spots. He had committed them to memory and heart. They were forever etched there.

Sora stiffened in Riku's hold as Riku trailed his refined lips down Sora's tan neck. Sora released a shuddery moan from his parted lips, his blue eyes rolling upwards towards the ceiling. "R-Riku," Sora reiterated, his breath catching in his throat. "R-riku…" It wasn't a moan of his lover's name—it was a warning, and Riku caught that.

"Sora?" Riku questioned. He hardly ever heard a serious tone in Sora's voice. He was always full of love and warmth. Now, Riku could sense the cold and worry emit from his lover's body. "Sora…" he repeated as his hand moved from the hem of the brunet's pants and kissed the boy's cheek. He knew something was terribly wrong.

"I…I can't," Sora ripped his eyes from Riku's and shut them tightly. His head turned to the side as a small tear rolled down his cheek. The cheek that Riku had just kissed. "I can't do this."

Not knowing exactly what brought this realization to Sora, Riku removed himself from his position on top of his boyfriend. He sat at the end of the couch, looking at the boy that lay in front of him. He seemed so scared. So alone. "It's ok. I understand."

Sora curled his knees up to his chest. His body couldn't hold back the tears any longer. They fell from his eyes and crashed onto the cushion that lay below him. "No, it's not ok. You don't understand." His words were weak but held meaning that left Riku more confused than ever.

"The first time can be scary…" Riku let his words trail off as he put a hand on Sora's side. He wanted nothing more to comfort the boy. He wanted to hold him. Riku had never imagined Sora to react this way. All signs pointed to this moment for so long…what had gone wrong?

The brunet was now uncontrollably sobbing. The sounds of deep breath followed by coughing filled the room. "I'm…I'm just not ready," Sora flinched at his lie. He hated lying, but he didn't think he had any other choice.

Riku instinctively wrapped his arms around the sniveling brunet. The older of the pair pulled Sora close, allowing Sora to cry into his chest. And the tears came down uncontrollably, not once ceasing. Riku winced in slight pain when he felt Sora's hands digging at his thin tank top, almost piercing the skin of his chest. Riku said nothing about it, however. All the silveret cared about was that Sora was close. "It's okay, Sora," Riku repeated, lightly kissing Sora's head. "I understand. We can wait."

Sora began to tremble frenziedly. "Riku," Sora croaked, holding the other boy impossibly close. "I'm sorry," he wailed against Riku's black tank top, at once soaking the thin material. "I'm so sorry."

Riku shook his head dismissively and gently rubbed Sora's back comfortingly. "It's fine. It's fine, Sora," Riku reassured the brunet and continued to press feather light kisses to the brunet's locks of hair that he had fallen in love with a thousand times over. Now all he wanted was for Sora to stop crying.

Sora felt so horrible at that moment. How could he possibly tell Riku? Riku was going to keep asking and asking. Early in their relationship Sora had told Riku that he would do anything for the silveret, and Sora figured that Riku would remember that. And anything meant sex, right? Sora's stomach twisted and began to churn. "Riku," Sora spoke as he continued to shake, wanting to heave.

"I'm not mad, don't worry," Riku said uncertainly as he continued rubbing his palms against Sora's quaking body. When Sora didn't answer, Riku pulled away a fraction and attempted to meet Sora's watery gaze. When their eyes met Riku instantly knew something was wrong. But what? Didn't Sora know that he wasn't mad? Why was he doing this to him? Something else had to be wrong.

"Sora, babe. What's wrong?" Riku whispered apprehensively as he cupped Sora's tear-soaked cheek. Aquamarine eyes stared frantically at his boyfriend, awaiting a legit response.

Sora's mouth opened but only gasps for air escaped. He wanted to tell Riku, he needed to Riku, but he couldn't tell Riku. He couldn't tell anyone. The weight of his actions pushed hard onto the brunet's body as he lay limply on Riku's lap. He needed to say something. So he said something.

"I don't know if this is what I want," that was not the something Sora needed to say, but it was a response. A response that Riku could maybe understand. A response that was still a lie. A lie that hurt worse than the truth, but what else was he to say? The truth wouldn't escape his lips, only more lies.

Riku blinked. That's all his body could do. "What… what are you saying?" Riku tightened his grip on the brunet. He wished and prayed that he had misunderstood his boyfriend's words. Riku had never kissed a boy before Sora. He had never loved a boy before Sora. Sora had been his life for over a year. His eyes closed as he waited for a response. This couldn't be the end.

"I…I can't do this. I can't…" Sora sobbed. It's not that he enjoyed lying to the one person he loved-the one person that truly loved him. It's just that he couldn't have Riku look down upon him. Riku would hate him. Riku wouldn't understand, or so Sora told himself on a daily basis.

The brunet pried himself from Riku's hold. His body was too weak to hold himself, and he fell to the floor. Riku, shocked and utterly confused, tried to touch the boy he had grown to love, but when his hand grew near to the boy's body, Sora swatted it away.

"Sora…why are you doing this?" Riku's voice grew soft. He hardly ever cried. He never had a reason to, but now he did. Sora was leaving him, and he didn't know why. Hot tears made their way down his pale cheeks. "If this is about the sex, please, don't worry about it. We don't have to…ever…I just don't want to be without you," he was pleading with Sora. He couldn't lose him. Not now, not ever.

That was the difference between him and Sora. When Riku lied, he wanted his lies to be the truth. Sora knew that Riku would stick to his word for awhile, but eventually he would want the sex. As badly that he may even try to force it on Sora. Sora knew that as well as Riku did. Sora couldn't allow himself to prolong this torture any longer. He was being selfish clinging to Riku when he couldn't satisfy him. It was pointless and childish, even.

With one last gulp, Sora forced the words out, "I don't care what you promise," Sora said in between snivels, attempting to make himself mean the words. Hopefully Riku would believe them in his confused frenzy. "I don't want this, Riku. I'm sorry. I can't. I can't be with you, Riku." Inside, Sora's heart was shattering into a million pieces. Why did everything have to be about sex? Why did everything in his life so far have to be broken down by sex?

Riku's body went numb as he stared down at his fallen boyfriend, now unable to move his own body. "God, please no, Sora," Riku croaked, his voice catching on his boyfriend's name as tears defiantly began to fall. "Don't do this, Sora. I'll do anything! Please!" He was pleading now. Begging and pleading was something Sora had never seen Riku do.

"I'm sorry," Sora reiterated as he looked away. "I'm sorry," he whispered, shaking his head. When Riku tried to touch him again, to change his mind, Sora reluctantly pulled away. "Don't… Don't, Riku." Even if he was breaking up with Riku, he couldn't be cruel. He couldn't force out anymore lies than he had already said. I can't say that I don't love you, Riku. I can't say that I don't want you to touch me either…

"Sora, I love you. Please!" Riku said in one last attempt, his shining aquamarine eyes turning a dull color as the tears got to them.

There was a long, drawn out silence as Sora thought of what he should do. Somehow, his legs had regained enough strength to stand. He looked down upon his broken now ex-boyfriend. All the lies he had told…all the webs he had weaved. He couldn't lie about this. "I love you, but it will never work out. Maybe, maybe I'm not in love with you." He closed his eyes. He couldn't bear to look at the boy he had just crushed.

Riku didn't have a response. Never in the past year had he ever thought this day would come. They were happy and perfect an hour ago. How could sex do such a thing? Why did it hold so much power? Riku knew he would eventually want and need the intimate time with Sora. Sex had never been a part of Riku's life until now and yet it was controlling every part of his current relationship. He knew he couldn't live his life without sex, but he also knew he couldn't live his life without Sora.

Even though Sora was trying to convince Riku this whole mess had nothing to do with sex, Riku could sense the fallacy in Sora's words. The silveret knew better than to think Sora didn't love him. There was something else. There had to be.

"Tell me the truth," Riku pulled on Sora's hand to prevent the brunet from leaving. "Please, you owe me that much."

"The truth?…The truth…" Sora shook his head. He found himself constructing another lie. Sometimes he wished he could be honest. Finally, he found something that was the truth...sort of. "If I stayed with you, it would only hurt you in the end." Sora took his hand from Riku's and made the hardest decision of his existence; he decided to walk out of Riku's life.

Riku watched as his first boyfriend, his love, his life, walked to the dining room. He watched as Sora opened the door. He watched as Sora walked out. Sora never looked back.

xx x x xx

Sora got home at precisely nine o'clock—an hour before his curfew. The brunet had managed to keep himself from crying until he got up into his room. The last thing Sora needed right now was for his parents to start snooping about. Sora was a senior and he could handle things by himself. He could handle breaking up with Riku. Really, he could. He didn't need his parents there, holding his hand, cooing at him that everything will work out and that Riku wasn't the one for him. The typical things parents tell their children to make them stop crying over a breakup. Sora wouldn't hear it, though. Sora just wanted to be by himself.

When Sora had finally arrived up into his cluttered bedroom, he tossed his weak and quivering body onto his half-made bed. Tears began to fall once more as he replayed the scene over and over in his head. Riku loved him. He loved Riku. So what was the problem? Why couldn't he just bite down his pride and stay with Riku and tell him? Sora groaned in pity of himself and began banging his fists like a small child against his mattress.

Sora had just let go of the best thing in his life.

The brunet continued crying for what felt like hours but was really only ten minutes. When the tears began ceasing, just the slightest, Sora stumbled across his bedroom, over to his desk. Once there, the teenager snagged a book from beneath his binder, along with a pen. Wearily, Sora traversed through his bedroom, back to his bed in a slow amble.

Sora then tossed his body, for a second time, onto the bed. After a moment of catching his breath from having cried for damn hard moments before, Sora twisted his body to the right so that he could lie on his stomach. Weakly, Sora wiped a few tears from his eyes as he uncapped the black pen and opened the book—a journal, to be exact.

"December 2, 2007. Today I made the second biggest mistake in my life." He wrote. Writing helped him get a hold of his emotions. Putting his feelings and actions into words made everything make sense. He sorted through his mental vocabulary trying to string together complete thoughts.

"Riku wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I freaked. I lied to Riku. Again. I lied to him and ended our relationship. I broke up with him because I'm too scared to tell him the truth. I'm too scared to see disappointment in his eyes. I don't want to be another disappointment." Sora sighed. At least the tears had stopped. He knew there would be oceans more, but for now, he only felt cold and utterly alone.

"I will always love him. I know he is the one for me. Everyone will tell me the hurt will go away and there's someone better out there for me. I will know their words are not the truth. I just…I just don't want to hurt him anymore than I have. This is the right decision. I have to tell myself that." He put the pen down on the bed beside him on the bed. His hand didn't want to write anymore. Instead, he flipped to the beginning of his journal.

His eyes read over the first date: August 19, 2006. His mind didn't want to go back to that day. He didn't want to remember, but the day would forever be scarred into the back of his mind, despite if he read the entry or not. With a heavy sigh, he read the entry:

"I didn't mean for it to happen. Everyone says that, but I mean it. He's Riku's best friend for godsakes. I guess the best thing to do is start at the beginning.

"Mom and dad went out of town so I threw a party. Someone brought beer. I didn't drink. I kicked everyone out by midnight, but Axel was too drunk to drive. He was passed out on my bed, so I pushed him over and tried to sleep beside him.

"Somehow he woke up a few minutes after I had gotten into the bed beside him. We talked for a bit. Everything seemed okay. It really did. But then he started kissing me out of nowhere. I didn't know what to do. It felt so good…Riku was gone for a month and I was missing him like hell. I wanted to be with him so badly that I often fantasized about kissing him…

"Somehow I let my defenses slip and I imagined that Riku was kissing me. I was so curious. I wanted to know what it felt like. I knew that Riku would never ask me out—he's too straight…

"The next thing I knew I had my eyes closed and I let Axel do whatever he wanted to me. I kept whispering Riku's name under my breath…Axel was too drunk to care. I doubt he even knew it was me. He probably was just horny. And I have to admit, I was as well…

"Before I knew it we were having sex. It happened so fast that I didn't have time to think. I didn't have time to say no. It just happened. He was prepared…but I was still so afraid. In my mind I kept thinking that it was Riku and that I wanted this so badly. And it hurt just as badly.

"I don't know how long it lasted. I just know that after it I felt so dirty. I realized that I had just made the biggest mistake ever. I just lost the most valuable thing in my entire life. The thing that I wanted to give Riku someday, even though I know it'll never happen…

"Axel didn't tell me until he left this morning that he had HIV. I punched him and he said he deserved it. I've been crying ever since. He said he used protection but I know as well as him that that always doesn't work and … I'm so afraid. I… I can't even think. I went earlier today to the clinic to get tested. The results are supposed to be in next week. I…if I have it I won't be able to live with myself. I…I can't even imagine what I'll do."

Sora stopped reading and closed his eyes tightly, feeling a few tears gather and then leave. He didn't want to turn the page. As if he ignored the next page, it would go away. It was childish to think that way, Sora knew it, but he also knew he would do anything to make the next page disappear.

His hands flipped to the next page. His eyes closed and the tears fell at a steady pace. Fingers danced around the piece of paper that he had glued to the page. Finally, he opened his eyes and read the contents. There was no need, he had them memorized, burnt into his heart.

"We regret to inform you that your test results are positive for HIV. We strongly suggest you make an appointment immediately with your primary physician to discuss treatment. Any questions, comments or concerns please contact us at 555-4642. We are here to help and support you."

Sora slammed the book closed and flung it across the room. Those few words held more meaning than the years' worth of words he had heard before. He curled under his comforter, waiting for the tears to fall, but they didn't. He wanted to cry his entire being into his blanket, but he couldn't. He was beyond tears.

Footsteps came from behind his door. "Sora? Are you okay?" his mother asked as she knocked on the door.

"Yeah, mom," Sora lied. He was always lying. "Just had a bad day. I'm going to sleep or something."

"Okay, hun. I'm going to bed. Let me know if you need anything," Sora could hear her footsteps growing faint.

Still unable to cry, Sora held his pillow close to his chest. He felt like shit for lying to his parents. They had the right to know that there son's condition could slip into full-blown AIDS at any moment, but he had denied them that knowledge. The only person that knew was Axel, for obvious reasons.

It had been over a year since that night. Over a year Sora sat in silence, knowing he could be dead in a few months if his condition took a turn for the worse. Sure, being with Riku made things a little better, but now he had lost that comfort. Now he was alone. Completely alone.

Sora decided then that he would not be going to school in the morning. He would turn off his cell and close his laptop. Sora just wouldn't be able to deal with seeing Riku or anyone else tomorrow. Not after he had let the most important person in his life go. Sora growled in frustration and bit his bottom lip so hard that it began to bleed. Sora didn't mind. The slight pain took his mind off Riku for a brief moment.

A nagging voice in the back of his mind asked, Wouldn't it have felt so much better if Riku had been the one to screw you? Wouldn't it have meant more to you? You're just a dirty slut, Sora. You broke Riku's heart. You could have told him. He would have understood. Now you'll never have him again. You just screwed you're entire life up. You just lost the man you love.

Sora felt like crying, and he wanted to, but couldn't.

And the last thing Sora said before passing out was a very articulate, "I hate my life."

xx x x xx

Riku forced himself to go to school the next day. The silveret hid his emotional issues and trudged into first block instead of the usual 'going to the cafeteria to hang out with Sora before first block started'. Riku had to admit, he was going to be a wreck all day. No kisses in between classes. No holding hands at lunch. No sneaking gropes during class and trying their bests not to let their embarrassment show. The worst part was that there was no more Sora. This wasn't a temporary thing…this was a permanent one.

Riku slammed his things down on his desk and ignored the notes written on the board. Riku sighed miserably and closed his eyes. No more kissing Sora. No more touching Sora. Riku clenched his fists tightly on the desk and began to feel a bit faint. I don't think I can do this. I can't go without Sora. I can't live without Sora. I love him so much. I have to get him back… But Sora had questioned their love. He couldn't forgive him for that.

The class went on. The minutes slipped away. Minutes Riku had spent without Sora. Riku desperately needed to pay attention in class. He knew math was his worst subject, and he needed to pass in order to graduate, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered without Sora.

The worst part of the whole situation was that not only had Riku lost the love of his life, but he had lost one of his closest friends. Sora had left before Riku could ask if they could still be friends. Riku tried calling Sora, texting Sora, he even resorted to commenting Sora's myspace, which still claimed that Sora was in a relationship. Riku had not received any sort of response.

Riku slumped into his chair. His eyes closed. He needed a nap. He hadn't been able to sleep the night before. All he did was sit on his bed in disbelief. The desk was uncomfortable, but his arms made a nice pillow.

Just as Riku was about to reach unconsciousness, a paper ball hit his head. Riku snorted as he held his head up to see Axel's smirking face. Apparently, the teacher had finished the lesson early, leaving a few minutes before the end of class for free time.

"Fuck off, Axel," was Riku's articulate response to the paper ball.

Axel frowned. "Woah, what gives? Someone not get any, again?" Axel laughed at the last statement.

Riku cringed. He had to tell Axel sometime. After all, Axel was his best friend. "At this rate, I'll never be getting any." Riku's head slumped back into his arms.

"Ohhh.. So your little boyfriend still not ready?" Axel said with a smirk.

"He broke up with me, okay? So how about you go harass someone else," Riku snapped back at the redhead. He was not in the mood to be patronized by anyone, let alone his so-called best friend.

"Are you serious?" Axel was genuinely surprised. He didn't think the two would ever break up, let alone think the break up would be caused by Sora.

Riku growled at the question. "No, Axel," Riku drawled. " I'm lying just to make you feel bad. Of course I'm being serious," Riku seethed and looked back down at his empty notebook. It'd probably remain empty all day. He wasn't in the mood to pay attention at all. All his mind kept returning was Sora. Sora this. Sora that. He needed a new life.

"Why'd he do it?" Axel wondered, leaning back in his own seat. The chair tipped a bit and Axel propped his feet up on the desk, regardless of the glare the teacher sent at him for doing such. Axel really didn't pay any heed to classroom rules.

"He claimed it was because I asked to have sex with him. I don't really know, Axel. And I don't really care," Riku growled. He knew the last part was a lie. Of course he wanted to know why Sora broke up with him. That way he could, perhaps, fix things. Riku was in denial… he just couldn't accept that everything could end just like that.

"Geez," Axel said, shaking his head. "You'd think he would just say no instead of freaking out on you and breaking up. Maybe he was joking?" Riku glared and shot Axel a look that could likely kill the redhead if Axel was any closer. Axel laughed apprehensively. "Okay, so maybe he was being serious. I don't know either, sport. Have you tried talking to him?"

"He won't answer my ims, my emails, or my calls," Riku grunted angrily, wanting to beat his head against something at this moment. "And he's probably going to avoid me at lunch, too. Just watch."

Axel sighed dejectedly. "Oh, the pain of love," he stated a bit too dramatically for the conversation at hand. Riku narrowed his eyes frustrated-like at Axel.

Before Riku could smack Axel's face to next Tuesday, the bell rang. Axel took the bell as a sign from the heavens that he should exit the room before he ended up with a concussion.

The next class might as well have not existed. All Riku remembered was the teacher giving out an in-class essay, on that Riku had only signed his name to and handed in completely blank.

"At least I'll get to see him at lunch. Even if he doesn't talk to me, I'll be able to see him," Riku sighed as he walked to his locker. He wanted Sora to be at his locker, waiting to walk him to lunch, but he knew he would only have memories to look forward to.

As Riku entered the cafeteria, his eyes automatically found his table. As he walked closer he saw all the regulars: Roxas, Axel, Namine, Kairi and Hayner. He took a seat, assuming Sora was in line getting his lunch.

No sooner had he sat down did the condolences begin.

"Riku! I'm sooo sorry!!" squealed Kairi. "He's not worth it," said Roxas. "You know there's better out there," Hayner reassured. "He's probably just confused," Namine reasoned.

Out of all the things said in that first few minutes at his usual table, the only person making sense was Namine. There had to be some reason why Sora was questioning their love. There had to be.

"You really think so, Namine?" Riku hoped she wasn't just trying to be a supportive friend.

"Yes," Namine nodded. "I know he loves you. He probably is going through issues that have nothing to do with you. Give him time."

"Whatever! You can do sooo much better!" Kairi insisted.

Oh, how he hated how perky Kairi could be. Especially at times like these. He shook his head at her general direction. "So, where is he?"

Roxas shrugged. "His mom called and said he wasn't feeling well and not to pick him up. She wouldn't let me speak with him"

Riku slumped into his chair. The one time he thought he would get to lay eyes on the boy he desperately loved had been taken away from him. "How much worse could my life possibly get," he mumbled to himself.

Lunch went by slowly. Riku had mostly blocked out Kairi's rants about how Sora had broken his heart and that he needed to be punished. Namine didn't dare say another word to Riku—she understood, to some degree, what he was going through and figured that the silveret needed time to himself without speaking. So she allowed that. Riku was thankful for that and just wished that everyone else at his table would shut the hell up and leave him alone. That didn't happen.

Riku's next few classes were as boring as ever. No one else spoke to him for the entirety of the day. Axel had been the only one brave enough during class to interrupt Riku when he looked that pissed off. Riku figured that the whole entire school probably knew by now…not that they cared or anything. They just liked the gossip.

Before Riku left, the silveret had stopped by Roxas' locker considering it was on the way out of the school building. "Roxas, can you do me a favor?" Riku felt immature and a bit out of place asking Roxas for a favor. He had never asked Roxas for a favor before. Great time to start…

"Hm?" Roxas paused, yanking his bag out of his locker. "What'd that be?"

"Can you tell Sora that whatever I did, I'm really sorry and that I miss him?" And he felt horrible for even still feeling like this. But he just wanted Sora back and right about now he would do anything to get the message across to his ex boyfriend.

"Riku…" Roxas sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Listen," Roxas said sternly. "My brother's a jerk. If he's made a decision, he's going to stick with it. He just ruined the best relationship he's ever going to be in. Don't crawl back to him. And don't let him crawl back to you either. He's not worth it. You deserve better."

Riku shifted uncomfortably as his eyes narrowed the slightest. "But I love—"

"Love's short-lived," Roxas said with a distant shrug as he slammed his locker shut. "But I'll relay the message anyhow." And with that, the blond left, leaving Riku more confused than he already had been.

Great. Just great. The one outlet Riku had to Sora just denied him access. He sighed as he dragged his feet to his car. Once outside he looked to the sky. Snow drifted into his eyes as he said to whatever being lived in the heavens, "Thank you, thank you so very much." He choked back his tears and entered his car. He started the ignition and began driving. He wouldn't stop until he could make sense of everything, which gods knew would be a very long time.