Author's Notes: Yes, I finally came crawling back. And I admit that I hate what the South Park fandom has become. Anyway, this is my first new story in awhile. Yes, I know I still have two other stories to finish. I'm working on it. Okay, I'm really not…but it sounds better when I say that I am, doesn't it?

Let's just pretend that South Park is as close to Denver as it seems to be on the show, okay? I Mapquested it and they are really a good hour and a half away from each other…but once again, we're pretending here. Denver is just over the mountains. A twenty minute drive. Got it? Good.

Anyway, read, review, and enjoy!

"Wendy, can you hand me the pink nail polish, please?" Bebe Stevens asked her best friend from her post on Wendy's bed. Wendy sighed and handed it to her. She hated it when Bebe painted her toenails on her bed. Somehow the polish always ended up all over her comforter. Bebe ignored Wendy's sigh and shook the bottle. Wendy looked down at her own peeling toenails. She couldn't remember the last time she had painted them. She leaned against her bedroom wall and sighed again. She hated the fact that her summer vacation was coming to an end the next day. Even though it had gotten progressively colder as July turned to August, as there are only two seasons in South Park--winter and July, Wendy had still considered it summer. Not only was her summer ending. No, Wendy felt as if her youth was ending too. The next day, she would start ninth grade at Park County High School. This was all fine and dandy, except for the fact that Park County High School was brand new, and some idiot had gotten the brilliant idea to stick all the kids from East Park, West Park, Central Park, North Park, Northwest Park, Northeast Park, Southeast Park, Southwest Park, and South Park Middle and High Schools together, not to mention shut the old high schools completely down. It totaled out to almost five thousand kids, and nearly eight hundred of them were freshmen. To top it all off, the school wasn't even located in Park County. No, it was located in Denver, a good twenty minute drive from South Park. Apparently no contractor in Park County had knowledge of geography. They would have been better off going down to the docks and hiring the Mexicans. Wendy didn't understand why these decisions had been made, and frankly, she didn't give a damn. Rumor had it that Satan had promised to pay for the new school if his son could attend. No one had confirmed or denied these rumors. Wendy had cited this as another reason why her parents should let her go to boarding school in San Francisco. Naturally, they hadn't seen it the same way she had.

"Wendy?" Bebe said, snapping her fingers and startling Wendy out of her thoughts.

"Jesus, Bebe. Give me a heart attack."

"Sorry. What are you thinking about?"

"School tomorrow."

"Oh." Bebe said, and went back to painting her nails. That was the beauty of their friendship. Even though Bebe and Wendy were like night and day, they still had an unspoken understanding of one another. Bebe didn't need to probe to know that Wendy was both nervous and annoyed about school the next day, and she definitely knew better than to piss Wendy off by asking too many questions. Many things had changed since they were fourth graders at South Park Elementary, but their friendship had stayed as strong as the rubber cement they had used in their art projects together when they were but kids. Bebe waited a good five minutes before she asked her next question.

"Hey Wendy?"

"Yeah?""Do you think you'll see Henry tomorrow?"

Wendy sighed. She had been hoping that Bebe would leave that subject alone. Henry Tinklewater had been Wendy's boyfriend from March of their eighth grade year up until July. He had attended North Park Middle School, and they had met at a debate between their two schools in December. They crossed paths again at the science fair in January, and by March, Henry had plucked up the courage to ask Wendy out. They only saw each other on the weekends, of course. Still, Wendy had had genuine feelings for the kid for awhile. He had even been her first kiss. But things soon fizzled between the two of them and she finally ended things, citing the fact that they would be at two different high schools and therefore would meet others of the opposite sex. This, of course, had happened prior to the news that all the high schools would be merging into one, which came about two weeks after the break-up. Henry had left her four messages since then, and she had yet to return his call.

"I really hope I won't. The school is fucking huge…surely we won't cross paths." Wendy said, knowing damn well that Henry would find a way to talk to her.

"Well, if you do, do you think you two will get back together?"

"No way."

"Good."

"I thought you liked Henry?"

"Yeah, but I always thought he was kind of a douche."

"Hence the reason I dumped him."

Bebe laughed. Despite Wendy's usual disinterest in dating, the male population of South Park never seemed to catch on. Wendy had grown into quite the attractive girl over the years, blooming in all the right places. She had finally given up on straightening her hair, and it fell in natural waves to her shoulders. It was still black, despite Bebe's insistence that she should dye it a lighter color. Her skin was somehow clear and unmarked by the evil bastard that is puberty, and her eyelashes were naturally long without the help of mascara. They framed her hazel eyes well. Personality-wise, she really hadn't changed much. She was still an unapologetic bitch when she needed to be, and she still had the hippie mentality of her youth. She was still as smart as ever, top in their class, in fact. She had definitely broken a few hearts since the boys all decided that the girls didn't have cooties.

"Bebe?"

"What?""What are you going to do if you see Kyle?"

Bebe blushed at this. Her little crush on Kyle may have gone away in third grade, but it came back full force in sixth grade when she actually started having normal conversations with him and he became more than just a beautiful ass. He still had the beautiful ass, of course. Bebe, despite her reputation as a whore, was really shy and awkward around the opposite sex. She, unlike Wendy, had yet to even be kissed, let alone do some of the things she was rumored to have done in the bathrooms at the school dances. No one was really sure where the slut reputation even came from. Bebe didn't dress provocatively or even talk to males that often. Luckily, the people that actually mattered were smart enough to ignore the rumors and see Bebe for who she really was. One of these people was Kyle.

"Bebe? I asked you a question."

"Sorry, Wendy. I just got lost in thought."

"Uh huh. So is this going to be the year that you finally tell him?"

"I'm not sure…"

"You know, I could always do it for you."

Wendy wasn't kidding, either. She had come dangerously close to telling Kyle at Heidi's boy/girl party in seventh grade. Luckily, Heidi had pulled Kyle into the closet for a round of seven minutes in heaven before Wendy could say anything. Bebe had been both pissed and relieved at this.

"Or you could keep your mouth shut and let me do it."

"Bebe, someone is eventually going to snag him. Kyle is a likeable guy. You need to be assertive. Stop being such a little bitch and tell him already."

"Easier said than done."

"What the hell are you afraid of?""Um, well, let me see…rejection, for one."

"Please, Bebe. No one in their right mind would reject you. You and I both know that you're the wet dream come true of every adolescent male in this town."

This was true. Wendy broke hearts, but Bebe stomped them. She still had the long, curly blonde hair and baby blue eyes of her youth. Naturally, she was more developed than any of the other girls her age in South Park, just as her mother had once predicted. Bebe had hated that about herself at first, even going as far as to quit cheerleading and wear baggy clothing to hide her curves. Finally, in eighth grade, she decided that hiding her body wouldn't make it go away. She started dressing like a normal teenage girl again, always making sure not to reveal too much skin. She hated her slut reputation and she tried as hard as she could not to fuel the rumor fires. Because of her reputation, Bebe kept to herself a lot. She was still a likeable girl. She was just a shy likeable girl.

"That's fucking sick." Bebe replied, trying not to gag.

Wendy laughed at this. She, of course, knew exactly how Kyle felt about Bebe. She had seen him staring at her. Not with the lust that the other boys looked at Bebe with, but with a kind of devotion that one rarely sees in a teenage boy's eyes. Unfortunately for Bebe, Heidi felt the same way about Kyle. The only difference there was the fact that Heidi was way more vocal about it. She made damn sure to whisk him away to the nearest closet at every boy/girl party that someone hosted and cram her tongue down his throat. And people called Bebe a slut.

"Bebe, honey, your mom called. She wants you to come home." Wendy's mother said as she walked in her room. "Do you want me to drive you?"

"Sure, Mrs. Testaburger. That would be great."

Bebe got up from Wendy's bed and grabbed her sweater. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, okay? Remember that my mom is picking you up at 7:30...so be ready." Bebe said as she walked out of Wendy's room.

Meanwhile, across town, Stan and Kyle were on the phone.

"Dude, tomorrow is going to be insane." Stan said as he tossed a tennis ball against his bedroom door.

"I hear you." Kyle replied.

"At least you know some of your teachers from that damn honors camp you went to." Stan said. This was true. Kyle had remained an honor student throughout elementary and middle school. He was very much the nerd and had been accepted into Park County High School's Gifted and Talented program. This basically meant that he took honors classes and had to go to a week long day camp during the summer to get to know his peers and take random field trips. Wendy was also in the program.

"Hey, at least you know some people who aren't total social rejects from football. Half the kids at that camp were fucking LARPers." This was also true. Stan was still very much the jock. He had made it onto the varsity team. This was a rare privilege for a freshman.

"Yeah, but most of the guys on the team want nothing to do with me. I'm a fucking freshman."

"Yeah, but you still KNOW people."

"True. Well, at least I have lunch and study hall with you, right?"

"Yeah. And don't you have a bunch of classes with Kenny and Cartman too?"

"Yeah. Bio, English, lunch, and algebra with Kenny. German and typing with Cartman. And gym with both of them."

"See, you know people. I'm sure you'll see Bebe and Clyde and everyone like that too."

"I guess. I won't see Wendy, though…"

"Dude, forget Wendy." Wendy may have moved on from Stan, but he was still crushing hardcore on her. Wendy was oblivious, of course.

"Easier said than done."

"You've had a fucking boner for her since what, kindergarten?""I got over it in fourth grade!""And then you liked her again in what, sixth?"

"Eighth."

"Whatever. She doesn't like you. And she has a boyfriend."

"No she doesn't."

"How do you know?""Because her Myspace status is single."

"You stalk her fucking Myspace?"No! She's on my friends list!"

"Jesus Christ, Stan. You are creepy."

"Dude, she's on my top eight!"

"That is just sad right there."

"It's not like she's number one or something."

"Just the fact that you put her there. Where are you on her top friends?"

Kyle heard the sound of Stan's computer booting up, then the clackety-clack of Stan's typing. He rolled his eyes. Rhetorical question, much? When he heard Wendy's profile song, "Rebel Girl" by Bikini Kill, he sighed. Stan was just fucking weird.

"I'm not on her top friends."

"And what does that tell you?"

"Shut up, Kyle."

"Dude, I'm just being honest here. Wendy doesn't like you."

"So maybe she'll change her mind."

"Maybe you should just move on. Did that ever occur to you?"

"I can't move on. We're soul mates."

"Are you listening to yourself right now?"

"We're going to get married one day. Its fate, Kyle."

"No, Stan, what it is is just downright sad. You two aren't going to get back together, much less get married."

"Yes we are!"

"Fine then. Ask her out. Tell her this. See what she says about it."

"No way, dude."

"Then give it up. Shit or get off the fucking pot already."

Stan's silence told Kyle that he had won that battle. For that night, anyway.

The next morning, Wendy's alarm clock woke her up at 6:45. Unlike most of the girls in her grade, Wendy didn't care too much about her appearance. She got up early enough to shower, but that was it. Wendy didn't wear much make-up at all, and when she did, it was mostly lip balm. After her shower, she towel-dried her hair and debated blow drying it. She eventually decided to just braid it into two pigtails. After that, she grabbed a pair of faded khakis and a yellow and purple tye-dyed t-shirt from her closet. After dressing, she grabbed her bag and an apple from the bowl on the kitchen table. She walked outside just as Bebe's mom's car pulled into the driveway. She waved goodbye to her mom, praying that Bebe's mom would pull out before she could run outside with the camera. She sighed in relief as Bebe's mom backed out of her driveway with her mother still inside the house.

"Have any of you guys actually seen Cartman this summer?" Kenny said as he, Stan, and Kyle walked towards what they hoped was their homeroom.

"He probably just spent the entire summer in front of his TV or something. I bet he gained back all that weight he lost." Kyle replied, checking his map. The summer before seventh grade, Cartman had grown tired of being the fat kid in class. The fat jokes had apparently finally gotten to him. He spent the entire summer swimming in the new pool he conned his mother into building, and he had come back to school that fall forty pounds lighter. No one had believed that he would keep it off, but he proved them wrong, even losing twenty additional pounds by Christmas of that year. His weight loss had officially moved Clyde up as the fattest kid in South Park again, thus dropping him to nearly the bottom of the girls' hottest boys in class list. Cartman moved up, both because he was way thinner and therefore easier on the eyes and because he had a pool and the girls wanted to tan.

"Well, whatever. The first time I talked to him was last week when we got our schedules. He didn't even invite us to his birthday party this year." Kenny replied, almost sounding disappointed. Cartman may have been a complete asshole, but he was the closest thing that Kenny had to a best friend and the main reason why Kenny wasn't completely malnourished.

"Hey you guys." Cartman said, walking up to them and interrupting their thoughts. Something about Cartman was different. He looked darker, much like the Mexicans that hung out down by the docks. His hair was lighter, too. Almost a sandy blonde now. He even looked like he had some muscle on him, and his clothes were definitely not from J-Mart.

"Cartman, where the hell were you all summer?" Stan said, taking everything in.

"Oh, well, after school let out, my mom decided that I needed to go help my grandpa out all summer. So I was in Nebraska for a few months."

"Why are you so tan?"

"I worked outside a lot. Did a lot of heavy lifting. Made some pretty sweet money."

"And you didn't even have a birthday party this year?" Kyle said, incredulous.

"Nah, birthday parties are really childish. I mostly just hung out with my girlfriend."

"Wait, you have a girlfriend?" Kenny replied, his eyes going wide.

"Had a girlfriend. This chick named Daphne in Nebraska. A summer fling."

"Wow, dude." Kyle said, genuinely shocked. Out of the four of them, Cartman had been the one who had never had a girlfriend. Stan and Kenny pretty much had their pick of whomever they wanted, and Kyle had Heidi constantly hanging on him.

"Yes, it was quite a summer indeed." Cartman replied, smiling like a cat that had swallowed a canary.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the school, Bebe and Wendy had finally located their lockers. Wendy was taping up an Amnesty International poster on the inside of her locker door when she and Bebe both heard the familiar clacking of Heidi's shoes. They looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Just what they needed to put the cherry on top of a fantastic morning.

"Hey girls." Heidi said. She stopped in front of them and flipped her hair.

"Hey Heidi." Wendy and Bebe said together.

"Ohmigod Wendy, I love your bag." Heidi said, reaching out to touch the purse Wendy had made out of an old quilt.

"Uh, thanks, Heidi." Wendy said, tucking the bag into her locker self-consciously. Heidi probably didn't mean it anyway.

"How was your summer?" Heidi asked, flipping her hair yet again.

"Mine was okay." Wendy replied. Bebe just nodded in agreement.

"That sparkles and pleases." Heidi said, grinning. Wendy and Bebe seemed to be the only two girls who didn't use that term anymore. It had just gotten old after the whole list scandal. Of course, the other girls had continued making lists while Wendy and Bebe slunk off unnoticed to spend their time doing more important things.

"Um, yeah…" Wendy said, unsure of what to say back. Heidi was not one of the easiest girls to converse with.

"So are you still going out with that Henry guy, Wendy?" Heidi asked.

"Nah, we broke up." Wendy said, shrugging.

"Ohmigod, why? You two were like, so cute together!" Heidi said, frowning.

"He just wasn't my type, I guess." Wendy replied, shrugging again.

"Oh. Well I guess not everyone is as meant to be as Kyle and I." Heidi replied, smiling dreamily. She seemed to be the only one in the universe who didn't realize how much Kyle detested her. Wendy theorized that Kyle was too nice to tell her to fuck off already. Wendy rolled her eyes and taped up a Planned Parenthood poster in her locker. When she finally came back out, she discovered that Sally and Millie had joined Heidi.

"So what did you girls do this summer…and who?" Millie asked, flipping her hair just like Heidi had. This just pissed Wendy off. Why did they always have to rub Bebe's reputation in her face? They knew as well as anyone else that Bebe was far from a whore. Wendy strongly suspected that Heidi and her band of skanks were partly if not completely responsible for the rumors that floated around school about Bebe. Millie flipped her hair again in a Heidi-like fashion, and Wendy snickered. Wendy had always told Bebe that the three girls were just like clones, but today was just fucking ridiculous. All three girls were wearing denim mini skirts, despite the fact that it was barely fifty degrees outside. They all wore the same pink t-shirts and even the same shoes. Millie was the only one who wasn't exactly like the others…her shoes were black rather than white. Wendy mentally saluted Millie for attempting to think with her own brain.

"I went with Wendy and her parents to California for two weeks at the beginning of the summer." Bebe said, grinning despite Millie's subtle insult.

"Coolness. Where did you go?"

"We started off in San Diego for a few days, then we went to San Francisco, then L.A., and we finished off in Sacramento." Bebe replied, still grinning. She was the only one who was ever invited on the Testaburger family vacations. She found this hilarious because Heidi and Millie both thought that they were Wendy's good friends.

"That sounds like, super fun. What did you do, Wendy? I mean besides your vacay with Bebe."

"I went with Bebe on her family vacation too. We went to Myrtle Beach for a week."

"I can tell. You look tan." Wendy knew that was bullshit. She had spent the whole week covered in sun block.

"Well, I went to Kyle's family reunion with him." Heidi said, looking at Bebe as she said it. Heidi knew exactly how Bebe felt about Kyle, and she loved throwing their relationship in her face.

"I thought you said that Kyle's mom wouldn't let you go?" Sally replied, looking at Heidi. Heidi elbowed her in the side and glared at her. Bebe snickered at this.

"No, she totally changed her mind at the last minute." Heidi replied, looking uneasy.

Millie, sensing tension, decided to intervene. "Well, it was great seeing you girls again. We should have a sleepover at the end of the week, okay? I'll call you with details." she said, whilst pulling Heidi and Sally down the hall with her.

"How Mean Girls was that?" Bebe said, laughing. "I mean, seriously now…Sally reminds me so much of Karen from that movie with the way she just opens her mouth and blows little secrets."

"They're all pathetic." Wendy said, shutting her locker. "Screw them, they don't matter. No one even likes them that much." she said, putting her arm around Bebe.

"But Kyle likes Heidi, and that's the part that DOES matter." Bebe replied sadly.

"Kyle hates Heidi."

"Then why is he dating her?""Because she doesn't know how to take a hint. I think he would have to kill her in order to get rid of her. And even then, her ghost would come back and attach to him."

"I can actually see that." Bebe replied, laughing. She finished pulling books out of her locker and she and Wendy walked off, hoping to find their homeroom.

Meanwhile, in a homeroom across the school, Stan and Kenny were sitting next to each other, waiting for school to actually start.

"Kenny, where the hell did you get a muffin?" Stan asked, noticing that Kenny was chowing down on a chocolate chip muffin.

"Some junior girl gave it to me." Kenny replied, shrugging. Stan just rolled his eyes at this. Girls were always giving Kenny random shit. This was how he acquired all his new school clothes and supplies. Despite the fact that Kenny was a poor, womanizing asshole, girls flocked to him like mosquitoes to a neon light. Unfortunately for them, that neon light was always a trap and they got hurt in the end. But then most of the girls in the general vicinity of South Park were dumbasses anyway.

"I can't believe Cartman actually had a girlfriend this summer." Stan said, almost bitterly. Kenny just snickered.

"It was bound to happen eventually. And why are you getting your panties all in a twist? You've had plenty of girlfriends before."

"Fucking still. Cartman is such an asshole. What kind of girl would even look twice at a guy like him?"

"Dude, that girl was from Nebraska. Girls in Nebraska are all fucked up anyway. I think it has something to do with all the corn."

"They would have to be."

"Why are you so pissed about Cartman having a girlfriend?""I'm not pissed. I just didn't think it would ever happen." Kenny just shook his head at this. He couldn't see why it even mattered…Cartman had already said that it was just a summer fling. Stan was probably just pissed because he hadn't had a girlfriend over the summer or something.

Over in Kyle and Cartman's homeroom, everyone had already been assigned a seat. Of course, Kyle got stuck next to Cartman. There should have been three people between them, but the teacher was a crazy old prude bitch who put the girls and guys on two different sides of the room. She had said something about not wanting to turn a learning environment into a sex environment. Kyle didn't really care how they were seated, but he was peeved because he had to sit next to Cartman. He had hoped that Cartman would just ignore him, but that was like hoping that Big Gay Al would marry a woman…it just wouldn't happen. So far he had had to hear Cartman bitch about the "goddamn hos" in the hall and the "dead bitch" homeroom teacher.

"They were right in American Pie." Cartman said, smirking. Kyle just stared at him, clearly confused.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"What were they right about, fatass?" Kyle said, already regretting encouraging the conversation further.

"First of all, I'm not fat, so you can't call me that. And third base does feel like warm apple pie." Cartman said, grinning like a shit eating possum. Kyle snorted at this.

"Right, I'm sure you know."

"I do. I know a lot of things now, actually."

"Were you playing with your mom's sex toys again or something?"

"No, you stupid Jew. I fucked my girlfriend over the summer."

"Yeah right, Cartman. No one in their right mind would even go near you, much less have sex with you."

"Fine, don't believe me. You're just jealous because you're still a virgin."

"Cartman, if what you're trying to tell me is true, then I don't even want to imagine what the girl who would do that is like. Believe me, jealousy is the last thing I'm feeling right now."

"She was actually pretty fine. A little too skanky for anything permanent, though."

"She must be skanky if she fucked you."

"Don't worry, Kyle. Your day will come." Kyle just rolled his eyes.

Wendy had been wrong about not seeing Henry. Because of their last names, he was in her homeroom. And not only was he in her homeroom. No, he was right next to her thanks to alphabetical order. She made a mental note to make sure that the teacher who had put her next to him suffered greatly in the near future. Bebe had just smiled sympathetically at Wendy before taking her seat next to Butters. At least she got the annoyingly nice guy next to her. Wendy snuck a glance at Henry and shuddered. How had she EVER been attracted to THAT? For starters, you could say that Henry had the personality of an old shoe, but that would really be insulting the shoe. He was an arrogant prick, to put it in the nicest way possible. Wendy normally didn't care about looks, but Henry's just added insult to injury when paired with his personality. He slicked his hair back with what appeared to be hair gel, but it smelled a lot like ass. His face resembled the surface of the moon with all his acne and leftover acne scars. He had apparently traded his wire rimmed glasses for those big plastic emo frames over the summer, and they did nothing for him except make him look even more squinty-eyed than before. Wendy had managed to avoid seeing him during honors day camp week because she had been in Myrtle Beach, but she knew that she would have several if not every class with him. She sighed. This would be one fucking long school year.