I couldn't help but stand and stare at Rossi. They wanted me to be the bait. I was sure I had a dart on the back of my chequered vest to begin with. I mean like that guy said I look like a pipe cleaner aka an easy target.
"Look Reid, I know that you're trying to take it easy after the last case." Understatement, I got anthrax. "But it's the only way we can catch this guy."
"You do realise the probability of this actually working is less than or equal to 27.5 percent?" I ramble. I don't want to do this. It means going to a club, somewhere I have never been. And making out with guys. God, I hate that phrase. Making out. It sounds so sleazy. The guy bit doesn't bother me, but they don't need to know that.
"You will be with Hotch. He's going to make it believable." Rossi counters. Hotch. Oh no. Not him. Anyone but him. I'd happily make out with Rossi. It's not that I don't find Hotch attractive. God, I wish that was the problem. The problem is I think I've been in love with Hotch the moment I met him. Morgan calls it a hero complex, I look up to him. I do look up to him. But I also think he's incredibly attractive and I wouldn't complain if he pinned me up against a wall.
"Hotch," I whisper.
I see Rossi sigh and scratch his head. "It can be Morgan if you want. But Morgan is so straight I don't know if he could do the job properly."
"I'd prefer Morgan," I mumble. Oh god, it would be like kissing my brother. If I had a brother that is.
"Fine, I'll see what Hotch says. I don't think he will complain. I think he would prefer to be watching than actually taking part."
"That way he can control everything." I say, I didn't mean for it to slip out.
"I agree, but don't let him hear you say that." Rossi says with a sideways grin before walking off. I slouch slightly beside the table. And here I was thinking today was going to be slightly better. Oh, how wrong I was.
~*~
I poured the whiskey into the tumbler. I was resisting just grabbing the bottle and just downing it, but that was just be too cheap. I had to try and remain some sort of dignity after tonight. Tonight. Tonight was so bad. I was never going to a club again. I should have kept the promise I'd made to myself back in high school, when I saw how foolish the clubbing scene made my classmates act.
I kissed Morgan. And he kissed me back. It was good. No, it was more than good, it set my whole body on fire. I could feel it still. I took a mouthful of the whiskey trying, drying to douse the flames. Yes, it was amazing. But it wasn't real, and I didn't feel that way towards Morgan. And he sure as hell didn't feel that way towards me. Morgan had slept with more women than I'd sent letters to my mother. Oh, how was I going to tell her about my day?
I threw myself into the arm chair, tucking my knees under my chin. Yes, we'd caught him. He had tried to grab me, but the team had appeared at the right moment, before he could actually do anything to me. I shivered as I felt the traces of his fingers on my arm. I needed to have a shower, try and scratch away the memories. If only that worked.
I drained my glass and placed it on the coffee table as I pushed myself up. I stepped over some of the books I had been looking through the nights before. I turned towards the door when I heard the knock. I sighed and slumped towards the door. I didn't feel like a visit from Garcia. I looked through the peep whole and resisted gasping loudly when I saw Hotch.
I opened the door. My boss nodded at me, as I stood back and let him in. He brushed past me. I hope when I shivered he thought it was the cold. I hated being like this. It didn't used to be this bad. I used to talk to Gideon about it. He helped me.
"Reid," Hotch said. I was pulled out of my thoughts.
"Have we got a case?" I ask, putting my hands in my pockets.
"No." He says, shaking his head.
"Oh." I close the door and nod towards the front room. He slowly walks into my front room. I notice his tie is gone and his top button is undone. I wonder what's wrong, for him to make a call this late. I see him eye the whiskey bottle, on the kitchen counter. It's nearly empty, I hope he doesn't think I drank it all tonight. Surely he would know if I had, I would be crawling on the floor and probably drooling on his shoes.
"So..um…what can I do for you?" I ask, as he turns to me and doesn't sit down.
"Have I done something wrong?" He asks.
"No. Why would you think that?" I ask.
"Today, you didn't want me to go undercover with you. Rossi told me."
Did he now? I think Garcia owes me a Favour. Maybe she can ruin his credit record for me.
"It's not what you think," I mumble.
"Well, what is it?"
"Look. Hotch. You haven't done anything wrong. I just wouldn't have felt comfortable going undercover as a gay man with you." I say. I hope it's enough. But something tells me it won't be.
"Is it because I'm your boss?"
Or maybe it will be.
"Yes," I nod solemnly. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine. I thought I had done something to upset you."
"No, of course not," I say, sending a small smile.
"You do realise I know you're lying?" Hotch said with a slight smirk.
I feel my smile drop and my heart goes with it. Who was I kidding?
"Um…"
"Now, tell me what the real problem is." Hotch says, coming to stand closer to me. I feel my heart start to beat faster, which means my face is going red.
"Nothing, I just wouldn't have felt comfortable with you, um kissing me."
"Why not?" Hotch pushed.
"Does it matter? It doesn't affect my job," I say, trying to bargain with Hotch slightly.
"It affects mine when my colleague doesn't want to work with me," he retorts.
Oh, dear.
I open my mouth and then close it. I can't even think of some statistical analysis to convince the validity of my argument to say.
"I do want to work with you," I mumble. It's the best thing I can come up with.
"But just not under cover?"
"Not this particular undercover."
"Why?"
"It's complicated."
"I've got all night."
I'm going to have to tell him. I'm going to have to tell him. But what if he rejects me? What am I talking about if? He's so straight. He was married, has a child. Had the picket fence life. Kind off. Don't forget he and Hayley are divorced. Oh god. I'm arguing with myself. Isn't a good sign.
""Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong doing. It does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres."
A bible quote. I can just hear Morgan sighing and saying. "How Reid." That's how I tell my boss I'm in love with him. Hotch is going to shoot me.
I look at my feet as the silence continues to echo from all my pale walls.
I'll have to transfer, I wonder if I could start teaching. I can get Rossi to write me a recommendation. Maybe Strauss.
I feel goosebumps start all over my skin as I feel fingers on my chin, lifting my face up. My eyes meet Hotch's. He has a small smile on his face. That's a good thing. Maybe he isn't going to shoot me.
He's leaning forward. Why is he leaning forward?
I feel my brain start to shut down, when I feel lips against my own. They're soft and experienced as they move against my own. I un-consciously start to move my lips against his, I hear him moan. Oh my god, have I just made Aaron Hotchner moan. The world is obviously freezing over. But I might as well enjoy it.
I lift my hand up and cup his face, pressing my body closer towards him, I can't help but gasp into his mouth when he grabs my hips and pulls me flush against him. He takes the advantage of my gasp to run his tongue into my mouth, mapping out the unknown territory. A loud moan echo's round the room. I think it came from me as I feel Hotch smile.
After a few more minutes of frantic and passionate kissing, if I do say so myself, we pull away. Our foreheads rest against each other as we gaze into one another's eyes. He has the most beautiful eyes.
"I'm gay," I whispered. I don't know why I said it.
"I'm bi."
"Here I was thinking you were straight," I smile.
Hotch snorts. I raise my eyebrow, I'm now wondering if this is actually Hotch. "You're obviously not as good a profiler as I thought you were."
I hit his arm gently and he just laughs at me, as he runs his hand through my hair. I move into his touch.
"Oh, and only you would tell someone you love them with a bible quote."
