Author's Note: Hi guys! I'm super excited to finally get this story out there, I've been working on it for a while. Anyway, there's a fair bit of cursing in this unlike my other stories, thanks to Songi being a bastard. Also, in case you missed the warning, this is slash, and the rating may change, so... if you don't like it, don't read! I'm having crazy fun writing my OTP though, and I hope you'll enjoy it! ;u;
Special thanks to nicoleb for beta-ing the crap out of this! And also for fangirling like crazy about these two with me and probably inspiring this in the first place! XD
No Holding Back
Part One
"So, Master Teacher." The voice was coarse and sarcastic, and spit out the title like it was something distasteful.
"Songi." Gala turned around, frowning. "How many times have I told you, you don't need to use that title. You're-"
The redhead rolled his eyes. "'My friend', right?" He spat on the ground, a disgusting habit he had formed lately to further show his disdain. "Let me get this straight with you," Songi approached Gala and stopped when their faces were only inches apart. "I am not your friend."
A flicker of hurt could be seen in the younger man's eyes, quickly covered up by a deeper scowl. "What do you want, Songi?"
He laughed derisively in reply, leaning backwards, with his hands on his hips. "So the muscle-bound oaf isn't always so slow, after all. I want a fight, Gala," The name came out rough and fraught with hatred, only spoken to sarcastically do as Gala said, and a wicked sneer spread across his lips. "And this time I want it outside, away from your cheering squad and Our Lord and Master Zopu. Maybe then we'll finally have a fair fight, hmm?"
The brunette folded his arms, managing to keep his expression the same despite anger, hurt and betrayal bubbling hot and raw underneath its surface. "If you really wanted a fair fight, you wouldn't have drugged me at the tournament. The Jigul grass. I know, Songi. I expected better of you."
The older one smirked darkly, raising his eyebrows. "I was merely leveling the playing field," he said as nonchalantly as possible, casually reaching his hands behind his head to stretch his neck. "Come on. Spar with me, like the good old days." He added with a cunning grin.
Gala was no idiot, although Songi would certainly say otherwise. He knew that this was likely just another trap. Despite how close they had once been, Songi could no longer be trusted. But anger and unresolved emotions burned within him, and even his extreme willpower could not overcome his desire to understand what this man was thinking.
"...Fine."
Songi blinked, then quickly covered up his surprise with another shit-eating grin. "I knew it." He really didn't, but thankfully he was a good liar. He was sure it would take more than a small bit of egging Gala on to get him to agree to this. Perhaps the man was dumber than he thought? Or perhaps he was getting soft and had delusions of Songi giving up his game as soon as he agreed to play? Either way, getting Gala to agree this soon was a great boost to his ego. "Meet me near the north exit at 1 AM. The guard on duty loves his naps. See you then, Master Teacher."
As the redhead cockily sauntered off towards the kitchen, Gala was left to simmer in a jumble of his own thoughts and feelings. Hopefully, he thought, we will be able to resolve this tonight.
Close to the appointed time, Gala found Songi waiting for him at the north exit to the temple.
"You're late, Gala!" He practically had a genuine smile on his face at this. Almost. "Hahahaha! It feels great to say that! Wow, no wonder you've always liked rubbing that in my face!"
Gala looked at the man with an expression of pure dislike. I was just trying to look out for you those times, he thought, but his misgivings with Songi stopped him from turning his thought into words. "Are you done yet? Let's go, before the guard wakes up."
"Touchy, touchy," the redhead chided snidely. "If you really want to rush to your defeat, I won't stop you! Follow me, I know somewhere nice and safe..." He smirked, opening the door with a special key he had likely swiped from Zopu. A thin layer of Mist swirled above the ground outside.
Inwardly, Gala gulped. This hadn't been the first time he had ever set foot outside the monastery since his arrival, but it had certainly been a while. And it had never been while the Mist was around. For a moment, he considered asking Songi to reconsider, but imagining his reaction to that was far worse than stepping into this Mist. So, following after Songi, he stepped outside, closing the door behind him.
After a couple minutes of walking in prickly silence, Songi brought them to a small clearing in a circle of trees. They were not far from the monastery; only far enough that they would not be heard, and the Mist was thin enough that the great walls of the place could be seen from between the trees.
Quickly, Songi loosened up and took a fighting stance, standing a few feet away from Gala. "Prepare yourself!" He sneered.
Gala only had a moment's time to prepare before Songi came charging at him as if airborne, his fist flying towards his stomach like a battering ram. Not a second too late, Gala blocked the fist with his own hand, standing firm but being forced to step back from the momentum behind the punch. Immediately Songi's other fist came whooshing towards Gala's face, but he managed to duck out of the way in time.
"Too direct," Gala said, as he rammed his skull straight into Songi's abdomen. The muscles there were surprisingly tight, as if Songi had prepared for the blow, but it still hit and it still hurt.
The older man stepped back and coughed, then spoke with a growl. "First hit means nothing if that's the only one you'll get."
Gala adjusted his stance, feet firm and set wide apart. Any second now, he thought, Songi will pull a trick out of his sleeve, I know it. Coming at me early can not be the only thing he was planning.
This time, at the first sign of Songi springing to action, Gala charged at him with full force as well. They each let out a flurry of punches, both deflecting the other's blows with ease. It had been quite some time since the two had fought each other, and both were surprised and frustrated that they were so evenly matched.
Gritting his teeth, Songi jumped back. The two began to circle one another, slowly and carefully watching each other's every slightest movement.
This is it, Songi thought. This is my chance to prove once and for all that I'm stronger than this pitiful bastard. I just gotta wait for an opening... find some way to make him lose his balance...
Suddenly, Gala ran at him, fist pulled back close to his body at an angle.
Going for my face, huh?
Songi lunged towards Gala, aiming his fist in the same way. But just before impact, just before their fists would have collided with each other's faces, Songi let out a kick in mid-air, hitting Gala hard in the shin and toppling him over. Animosity and satisfaction were written all over Songi's face as he aimed another kick right for Gala's stomach as he lay on the ground.
Gala coughed hard, sputtering little droplets of blood, and glared up at the older man. "That's cheap..."
Songi laughed coldly, then grinned. "Oh, but it's fair! You had an opening, and I took it!" Seeing Gala's look of anger and resentment only fueled his own, and he readied another kick at him.
Unfortunately for him, Gala saw the second blow coming and grabbed Songi around the ankle, toppling him over as well. The brunette jumped to his feet, grimacing at the pain in his stomach for a moment before standing up straight. "I'm pretty sure you didn't like that either."
Songi scowled, hatred burning inside him both like a painful wound and a powerful fuel, and he quickly got to his feet. Gala was right, he hated it, and that only made him want to pummel him more. Beat him to a bloody pulp, more like. He tried to think up something witty to say, not wanting Gala to see any weakness in him, but it was too late. The younger man met his eyes with a knowing look. He knew. He saw.
It was as just as if Gala were saying, I can see how weak you are. It's so obvious...
Songi's rage erupted violently, and he ran screaming at Gala at full speed. The other man readied himself to defend, but, taken off guard by the sudden outburst, could not block before Songi's fist came crashing down on the side of his face and he was sent flying backwards.
Barely managing to regain his footing and not fall over again, Gala was only given a moment's time to shrug off the throbbing pain shooting through his head before Songi's fist came at him again, this time towards his stomach. Determined not to get hit again, Gala grabbed Songi's fist in one hand and simultaneously plunged his own fist hard into his stomach.
Songi stumbled back, doubled over and grimacing. The second blow to his stomach had hurt much, much more than the first, and it was all he could do to keep on his feet. He wanted more than anything to immediately launch into another attack, but his body wouldn't let him. Not yet.
Gala stood ahead of him, breathing hard, letting his body recover from the beating it had taken. He wanted to be ready for Songi's next attack, even if it meant giving him a chance to recover. Perhaps this would give him a chance to talk some sense into the man.
"Why..." Gala paused to breathe heavily, "Why do you want to win against me so badly, Songi? What did I..." Pant, pant. "...Ever do to you?"
Songi looked at the man, feeling sick and disgusted. He enjoyed the company of hateful, resentful Gala much more than the one who wanted to 'understand' him, to ask questions, to take some sick pleasure in making him better in order to prove his own superiority. Revolted, he spat hard on the ground, saliva mixed with blood.
"Don't act like you don't know!" He yelled fiercely. "You think you're so much better than me, Gala, but I know the truth. You're just as selfish and twisted as you think I am, you fucking bastard."
A mix of anger and disbelief ran through Gala's mind. What Songi was saying honestly made no sense to him. But the last thing he'd said... you're just as selfish and twisted as you think I am... stung extra hard, although he couldn't see why. Was it selfish that he wanted to help his best friend? Was it selfish that he wanted to give him a fair fight? Was it selfish that he'd become Master Teacher instead of Songi? No, it wasn't his choice or even his goal to rank superior to the immensely frustrating man in front of him. It wasn't my fault. But at these words, something burned darkly inside of Gala, something that frightened him.
"...I knew it." Songi smirked. "Poor little Gala, afraid of his own shadow. Scared what you'll see without pathetic little Biron on your side?" The brunette jerked suddenly, body reacting in anger to the taunt against his faith. "Oh, I touched a nerve? Good. If you won't face your darkness yourself, I'll MAKE you! And then I'll beat all the life out of you, best friend!"
Enraged and aghast, Gala ran at Songi and hit him hard in the chest with a flying knee kick, the other man countering with a vicious uppercut to Gala's chin. At this point, Gala didn't care that Songi had basically just turned this into a duel to the death. He didn't care to explain himself, or to listen to what this asshole had to say. Rage had taken him over, and all he wanted now was to pummel the man into the ground.
Neither of them took long to recover from the hits they'd just received, adrenaline coursing through their veins. Pain was for later, and certainly not in front of their opponents. Songi sent another punch straight for Gala's face, but he sidestepped it in time, landing a fierce blow to Songi's cheek. A trickle of blood ran down the redhead's lip, and his head rushed, but it only seemed to spur him on to fight harder. Gritting his teeth, Songi swung a kick towards Gala's side – but he blocked it with a kick of his own, and the two jumped apart.
As much as he'd never outwardly admit it, Songi could see that Gala was strong. This was not going to be an easy fight, especially now that this rage he had only caught glimpses of before was overflowing from the other man. But, that look on Gala's face, of pure hatred, all of the disgusting pity nowhere to be seen, was so immensely satisfying to Songi that he almost wanted to make the fight last. Almost, but not quite. Finally defeating him would be so much more delicious...
Licking the blood from his lips, Songi crossed the distance to Gala and feinted a punch towards his chest. As the other man moved to block it with his arm, Songi quickly sidestepped around Gala, pounding his fist hard into Gala's back. Gala spun around, tendons yelling in response, swung out his right arm, and landed a powerful blow on Songi's stomach before he could manage to dodge, causing him to be sent backwards into a nearby tree.
The redhead's body made a nasty thud against the tree, no doubt causing him to feel terrible pain and all sorts of bruises. Slowly but deliberately, breath erratic from exertion, Gala stepped towards him. Songi lay relatively motionless, body beaten and unable to stand, and looked up hazily at the figure approaching him.
So this is it, huh... This is all I was worth? Heh... maybe everyone was right about me after all...
Coming to a stop beneath the other man's feet, Gala looked down at Songi, unable to form a coherent thought. A feeling of a sort of dark emptiness ran through him as he looked at him lying there.
"...What's the matter, Gala?" Songi coughed, throat choked up from his injuries. And oh Tieg, the coughing sent shooting pains through his stomach. "Don't tell me you're too much of a coward to finish me."
As Gala looked down at the man before him, his rage instantly dissipated, and all sorts of emotions suddenly rushed through him. What have I done? Yes, Songi deserved the beating he took. Yes, he'd betrayed him again and again, and couldn't be trusted. Yes, he was a selfish, lazy, authority-hating, rule-breaking, egomaniacal, dishonest bastard that stood for all Gala detested, but... seeing him lying there like that, Gala's heart broke.
"Songi, you idiot," he choked out, and dropped to his knees at Songi's side.
The redhead winced and closed his eyes, preparing for the hit. I am an idiot, he thought to himself, just let this be over already. Anything has to be better than this defeat...
The last thing he was expecting was to feel Gala's lips on his, warm, rough and salty with blood, kissing him with sudden emotion. Songi's body stiffened in shock, and after a moment Gala pulled away, not really understanding himself what had just happened.
"Is this some kind of sick joke?!" Songi spat out, incredulous.
Gala stared back at him, completely overwhelmed with what he had just done. For one thing, he had just broken a fundamental rule of Biron monks, which was to stay celibate and only have platonic relationships. And... moreover, he... he... had he just kissed a man? Who had even heard of such a thing? The most disturbing thing of all though, was that he didn't understand why he did it in the first place. It had just come out of him, out of some dark, uncontrolled place inside of him he wasn't aware existed.
But... It had felt good. Terrifying, wild, illogical, full of selfish desire, but good. Gala's pulse raced in a way it never really had before, his body trembled slightly, and despite his usually near-perfect self-control, there was nothing he could do about it. Part of him, a part so surprisingly large it scared him, said yes, this was right. But the feelings made no sense... he hated Songi, he cared about Songi, he was his best friend turned worst enemy... and then this on top of all of that? It all felt... irreconcilable.
Ashamed, exhilarated and unsure, Gala replied quietly, "I... I don't know."
Songi eyed him carefully, noting his furrowed brow, embarrassed expression avoiding his gaze, and... was he shaking? H...holy shit. Did he just fucking kiss me for real? He felt sort of... sick. Yet excited. Yet sick at himself for feeling excited. He hated this stupid bastard, hated how perfect everyone thought he was, hated how he'd made Songi into his pet project just to show off how much better he was than him... And yet, rather than defeating him in his moment of detestable weakness, he'd kissed him, losing all self-control and throwing the rules of Biron out the window. That wasn't like him at all.
Was this the dark secret Gala had been hiding behind that stupid inscrutable serious face he was always making? He knew the oaf wasn't everything the other monks thought he was, something Songi had constantly tried to prove, but wow, he had no idea something like this was hidden under all that dumb muscle and stuffy attitude. Had he really... wanted him all this time? The whole time Songi had been fighting to prove his superiority, had he already had control over Gala but not known it? A rush of excitement, adrenaline and some unknown feeling he couldn't name ran through the older man, making him temporarily forget his pain.
There was only one way to find out if he was right.
Before Gala had a chance to react to his sudden movement, Songi grabbed his face in both hands and kissed him roughly, looking him straight in the eyes. Taken completely off guard, Gala stared back motionless for a moment. Then, to Songi's great pleasure and satisfaction, his eyes rolled back and his eyelids fluttered shut, giving in to his kiss and returning it, overcome with emotion. Neither of them was very good at kissing, having had absolutely zero practice at it, so their mouths came together messily until finally they parted, panting and flushed, looking at each other cautiously.
What the hell was that, Songi thought, overwhelmed by unfamiliar sensations. For a few moments there he'd just lost himself in the kiss, given into some sort of wild animalistic desire, and maybe Gala had gotten the impression that the redhead liked it, but... he was just doing this to test his power over him, yes. That sick fuck. Songi smirked widely. "You enjoyed that, didn't you Gala? You depraved bastard. I always knew you were hiding something." He sneered.
"I..." Gala stammered, conflicted. Was Songi just messing with him? But that... that had been so satisfying even though his mind told him it was wrong. It was as if all the tension and animosity between them had heated up and transformed into something new and exciting, from pain into pleasure. Had he wanted this all along? His body said yes, his heart said yes despite some fear, but his mind protested loudly. "I..."
"You can't lie to me, Gala," Songi said off-handedly. "I saw how much you liked it."
The brunette avoided his gaze, brow heavy. The other man grinned. "Oh yes, that guilty face is the best. It really suits you..."
Gala's cheeks reddened, and a flicker of anger lit up inside him. "You..." he spoke roughly to mask his hurt, "You felt the same way. I'll prove it."
Not having any idea where this was coming from, Gala pinned Songi against the tree, straddling his waist, and kissed him deeply, his hands gripping the redhead's shoulders with great strength. Songi struggled against him a bit, weakened from their fight, until finally, sour defeat mixed with an unfamiliar desire, he gave in and kissed back, trying to overpower him.
To his surprise, Gala gave in quickly, almost as if he wanted Songi to take the upper hand. As the younger man's grip on him became gentler, Songi took the opportunity to push him onto his back against the ground, straddling him and smirking arrogantly, leaning in towards Gala's breathless face for another kiss. He had never felt quite this powerful before...
"I told you that you liked it too." Gala said matter-of-factly, right before the redhead's lips could touch his.
Songi glared at him, unable to stop a slight red flush from coming over his cheeks. "You know, I could kill you right now if I wanted to."
"But you won't."
"Fuck you, Gala," the older man snapped, gripping his hand around Gala's neck. For a moment, the brunette stiffened, caught off guard, until Songi's lips came down on his roughly, and his hand moved up and threaded its fingers through his hair.
It all felt so good to Gala, all thoughts just suddenly vanished from his head. It was almost as if he were in a meditative state; except instead of sitting calmly, devoid of thought and sensation, he was doing the exact opposite. He was feeling everything he'd tried so hard before not to feel; desire, anger, frustration, pleasure... and all those complicated feelings he had for this man who was presently overwhelming him with that inexplicable confidence of his. If this was against Biron's laws, well, it still felt right.
Songi broke their kiss for a moment, catching his breath and looking down at the man below him with an unreadable expression. What was this? God, I fucking hate this asshole, but this is so... so...
"Why do you hate me, Songi?" Gala asked suddenly. "I've wanted to know..."
The redhead flinched. "Like hell you don't know!" Of all the arrogant, self-glorifying things he could ask, and at a time like this...
Gala looked up at him, concern and hurt in his eyes. "I really don't."
Gala's expression was like a stab to the heart to Songi, now that his guard had been let down enough for him not to immediately erupt into anger and bash the man's face in. "You... you should!" He said, flustered, then put on a look of contempt. "All those things you do to act concerned for me when you're really just trying to make yourself look better to everyone else... all those times you pretended to encourage me when you were really trying to make me look like an idiot so Zopu would praise you instead... I know you, Gala. I see you for who you really are. A hypocrite. Somebody has to hate you, and those monks are just too blind and stupid to see through your lies."
Gala stared back at him, taking it all in. "That's really it?"
Songi grit his teeth, gripping the grass around Gala's head hard in his fists. "Yes. Yes, that's it! What the hell were you expecting, some goddamn sob story?"
The younger man shook his head slowly, looking down. "No... I just never knew you saw things that way."
Songi scowled, and spit into the grass a few feet away from them. "Well now you know. And now you're gonna go ahead and spout some shit about Biron and tell me I'm wrong, right? But I'm not, you miserable coward."
"No."
"What?"
"No, Songi, I... I'm sorry. I never noticed that all that praise got to you... I didn't even want it, and I felt bad when it happened in front of you, but it always seemed to roll off of you. You'd just roll your eyes and start bragging about yourself, I really had no idea."
"You damn liar! I know you did all those things just to make yourself look good. Why else would you call me out on all the things you thought I did "wrong", to try to make me into some fucking perfect Biron devotee? God, Zopu would be all over that. You'd be head of the monastery in no damn time."
"I just wanted to help you! You've always had more talent at fighting than me, and I just wanted to see you finally get recognized for it..."
...Was this actually happening?
"What did you just say?" Songi demanded, looking straight into Gala's eyes.
"You're more talented at fighting than me, and I wanted to see you get recognized."
His eyes looked honest, but there was no way he was telling the truth. "That... that's bullshit. You don't actually think that."
Gala looked back at him with just as much disbelief. "Of course I do! Songi, we both know, if you'd just show up for practice every day, I'd have been the one who lost tonight."
Strange feelings stirred within the older man, but doubts overpowered them. "Yeah, right, like I'm gonna believe that's what you think. I'm not stupid."
"No... you're not. But I must be. How could I not notice I was hurting you? I was too distracted, because I -"
"Hurting me? Hah! Don't give yourself that much credit. You didn't hurt me, I just hate you because you're such a miserable-"
"- I was too ashamed to admit that I..."
"You what?" The redhead yelled impatiently.
"I love you." Gala blurted out with a pained expression, face red.
Songi's chest jumped, and he froze, just staring at him.
"T-that's what I was hiding. I didn't even let myself realize it, until I saw you lying there... Some perfect Biron monk I am, huh?"
This was just too much for Songi to handle. He couldn't even think of a witty remark to say to insult the other man. Pushing himself off the ground, he stood up and walked a few feet away, facing the other direction.
Gala sighed and lay back on the ground, frowning deeply. He'd felt so scared to say that for so long, it was a huge relief to let it out there. But this definitely wasn't the reaction he'd hoped for. Then again, what could he expect? But the man had kissed him back, so he'd thought that maybe...
"Y-you're sick, you know that? Saying that kind of thing..." The older man said, still facing away. "I'm going back to the monastery now. Stay here and get eaten by Seru if you want, I don't care."
Feeling more hurt and betrayed by this man than ever before, Gala heard Songi's footsteps as he walked out of sight.
