"Meet me in room 582"
Kyle sighed at the text from Cartman. They were staying at a hotel for the weekend because of some stupid school trip, and since they arrived on Friday, Cartman had been wanting sex morning, noon, and night. Kyle didn't mind it at first; Cartman had become hot over the years. Plus his dick was AMAZING. Unfortunately, the pain in his ass was not. But it was what Cartman wanted, and what Cartman wanted, Kyle had to provide. It would be far less awkward if they didn't have sex with Kenny and Stan in the room with them, but that was one of Cartman's kinks, and, again, Kyle dealt with it.
Once again, Kyle walked to the room and let himself in. Cartman immediately grabbed him, shoving off his pants and pulling him onto the bed while kissing him roughly. The room was dark, but Kyle could tell that Cartman was already completely naked-and hard as a rock.
Kyle kissed Cartman back, letting out a soft moan. Cartman pulled away, and Kyle rolled onto his stomach as his boyfriend got the lube. He could practically hear the sound of Cartman's throbbing cock.
Before the pleasurable pain of Cartman's dick in his ass came, Kyle heard a screaming. He shot up and turned on a light. He saw Cartman holding a hand over his crotch, and what looked like a dildo on the ground next to him. But this was much too realistic to be a dildo...
"MY DICK. MY DICK FELL OFF!" Cartman shouted. "WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?"
"HOW THE FUCK DO I KNOW? DO I LOOK LIKE A DICK DOCTOR TO YOU?" Kyle shouted back. He jumped off the bed and went to pick up the disembodied penis. Before he could, however, the dick jumped up, using the balls as feet. It had eyes and a small mouth.
"YOU BITCH! I DON'T WANNA GO INTO THAT ASS! I NEED SOME VARIETY!" The dick said, slapping Cartman in the face.
"WHAT THE FUCK!?" Cartman shouted, jumping up on the bed.
Kenny and Stan rushed into the bedroom at the sound of the yelling. Kenny opened his mouth to talk, but before he could, the dick jumped up and landed in Kenny's mouth. It went down his throat, closing off the air.
"OH GOD KENNY'S GIVING ME A BLOWJOB!" Cartman said in absolute disgust.
"DUDE! Don't let my boyfriend give you a blowjob!" Stan said. He rushed to Kenny and started trying to give him CPR, but it was no use. Kenny's face was blue and he was dead.
The dick crawled out of Kenny's throat, smirking at it's handiwork.
Stan grabbed the dick by the length, squeezing where the neck would be if the dick was a human.
"YOU KILLED KENNY!" Kyle screamed at the dick.
"YOU BASTARD!" Stan screamed at the dick.
"Do I look like I give a flying fuck?" The dick said all sassily before it bit Stan. Through the bite, the dick released a special kind of sperm that was poisonous, and Stan quickly collapsed to the floor.
"HAHA SUCKERS!" The dick shouted as it grew a pair of wings and flew out the door.
Cartman and Kyle redressed and ran after the dick to make sure it didn't kill any more of their friends. They heard a scream coming from the lobby and headed there.
"Goddamit, Cartman, can't you control your dick at all?" Kyle asked as they ran, referring to both the dick's sudden homicidal actions and to the fact that Cartman was often too horny.
"Shut up, Jew!" Cartman said.
"Fatass!" Kyle said.
They got to the lobby, and saw a scene of pure chaos. There was a broken fish tank, a bunch of dead fish, and corpses that looked like they had been choked to death or torn in half lying all around. The dick was trying to land itself in someone's ass, and it was covered in what Cartman and Kyle assumed was ass blood. The dick landed in the person's ass, and split the person in two.
"DAMN IT!" Cartman said as he tried to catch his dick.
"Wait!" Kyle said as he ran to the little area of the hotel with vending machines and ice machines. He filled up a bucket with ice, and then went to the dick. He threw the bucket of ice at the dick, and it immediately deflated and fell to the ground. It's eyes and mouth were gone, and it was just a normal dick.
Cartman picked it up, and reattached it. "Well... That's that." He said as he put his pants back on.
"It's probably from fucking too much." Kyle said.
"Whatever. I'm just glad to have my junk back." Cartman said even though, deep down inside, he knew Kyle was right.
After that, they limited their sex to only once a week. It drove both boys crazy, but it stopped Cartman's dick from going on anymore murder sprees.
