A/N This is my newest ff, the other is on hold for the time being, I have an update for it that I haven't posted because it disappoints me. So I give you this, a fresh start. This first chapter is going to be bumpy but there is some much I need to get out before I can really dive into the main story so hold on to your swivel chairs.
Twilight and its characters are S.M.'s but this story, well, it's all mine to tell. This is rated M for good reason, very adult themes, language, lemons (eventually), and occasional drug use.
HD- ch1
~I tried to remember the last time when I had been truly happy and not just the made up face of pleasantry, but the more I tried the more depressed I became realizing I couldn't. It was just so hard to believe that the last time I was really happy was as a child, before I knew how crappy things could get. ~
I knew things for us were heading south when he first began to mention her name, first at work and then as someone who accompanied his small work group out for drinks to unwind. I had my suspicions of what was really going on but I was to afraid to ask or do anything about it in fear of being alone. I also never thought of him as that type of person, this leading me to my first mistake in love, trusting another person with something as breakable as my heart.
This had been going on since the end of February. We were now steadily heading into summer and I finally realized I can't keep doing this to myself. Could I handle things alone? I've spent the last six years as we; did I even remember how to be just me?
~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~* July *~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~
My phone suddenly vibrated shaking me from my thoughts of the last time we "made love" if that was what you would even call it now, considering we were so separated from one another. My time was up. I stared at the nearby countertop where the stick that could change my life was lying, cautiously I moved closer.
"Shit." I thought out loud. It couldn't be I screamed in my head as I poured over the directions I dropped to the floor.
There it was though as clear as the two lines prominently formed on this plastic twig. "Positive", I quickly ripped open the second stick in disbelief only to be struck with the same result faster than this one.
The bile was quickly rising in my throat and I lunged myself toward the toilet, expelling the small amount I had eaten earlier today.
How will I do this alone? I wondered would he start loving me again if he knew. Did I want him to simply because I was carrying his child?
I refused the thoughts creeping in my head, there would be no happily ever after.
~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~* 3 Days Ago *~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~
"Why do you ignore me all the time, did I do something?" I shouted as he walked towards his room.
"No its not you I just… I just think I need some time away." He said as he stared at the floor.
"Three years of living together and now you need time, we hardly see each other now as it is." How could he do this to me when he knew I really had nowhere to go, I thought. I was pissed off.
"Look Bella I'm sorry, I just don't see a future for us anymore. I want to spend some time apart, maybe see other people. I've only ever been with you and I want to know what else is out there; experience something different.
"It's her, isn't it? We just bought land to build a house on!" The tears began welling behind my eyes as sobs threatened to choke off my words. I refused to let the tears fall, after all this, he didn't deserve them.
"Don't you love me? You're willing to ruin six years together by throwing them away like they mean nothing, all because you want to stick your dick in that bitch."
I never spoke to him this way but somehow I couldn't stop the words full of venom and hate that spewed from my lips.
"You selfish jerk! You tell me for months that everything is fine; there is nothing between the two of you, and now this?"
"Bella I don't know what you want me to do, I just don't feel for you like I used to. I'm going away for a few days; maybe you should pack while I'm away."
What the hell. Was he serious, pack, where did he think I was going to go?
~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~* 3 Years Ago *~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
"Get out, now. Just go, we don't want you here." I shouted at Phil.
"I'm sick of living with two pigs this is a hogs place. There is fucking dishes over here and the counters are a mess, not to mention the damn table." He screamed back half slurred, being that is was late afternoon and the beer had been free flowing since before 11:00. We were in the living room, him seated on the couch, Renee and I on the opposite side of the living room.
He was an alcoholic and always on the same rant, we were pigs and the house was a mess. Eventually his words rounded to how I was worthless, I should have a job, what I did here all day. He chose to be blind to anything I did, but the laundry was always done and put away and the vacuum was run regularly. Our house was not dirty by any means, merely lived in. My mother and I had one simple pleasure, puzzles, which we put together at the table while talking about everything. That was our time and I finally had enough of this.
"You know you leave your shit out too, Mom waits on you hand and foot. Look right there lies your sock from yesterday, beer cans from last night, and the newspaper is scattered everywhere. You have it so easy around here, you don't even have to get your dinner plates; Mom does that too. I left one cup in the sink last night, ONE."
He started to stand, but instead chose to grab his side of the coffee table and flip it onto its side sending its contents flying throughout the living room. I thought I heard my mother make a comment about how he better not have broke it, but by then I was so angry I was deaf to the world. This wasn't the first time he threw a tantrum resulting in a mess we would be forced to clean up.
About a year ago…
He got so angry at that we had left something setting on the washer, he took everything from the cabinets above (I do mean everything) and threw them down the hallway. I came home that afternoon to find Renee cleaning up nails, nuts, bolts, tools of every kind, glass and paint cans that had flown from their bedroom door down the length of the hall and into the living room. She just it like it was nothing, sitting in a mess of sharp pieces crying angrily as she cleaned up his rage. That night when he finally came home she said nothing and I knew then no matter what he did it wouldn't make a difference; she would always find a way to over look it.
Meanwhile…
I shouted a few more profanities at Phil, taking no caution in what I was saying. Renee came to back me up for once and only for a brief second. This was all the encouragement I needed. Suddenly an object whizzed pass me faster than I had a chance to react. The phone hit Renee with such force it left an instant welt on her midsection and was visible the second she raised her shirt to inspect the damage.
That was the last straw and all it took for to turn and at hurried pace, grab my softball bat and return. I threatened to beat his life from him but he made no motion the leave.
I lunged at him only to be stopped by Renee's arms and then his trying to pry the weapon away. I wasn't about to allow his hands on me, so I turned toward him and did the only thing I could I think of in that moment. I just happened to look and find the T.V. was replaying a boxing match. I bit down on the arm encircling my left side with the crushing force of a vampire till I tasted blood and instantly retreated across the room. Holyfield would be proud.
I grabbed the phone from the floor and hurried to my room, locking the door behind me. I intended to call the police only my plan was thwarted when Phil began trying to force down the door. Renee was behind him, screaming at me this time, not to call and taking his side once again.
I grabbed my overnight bag which I'd packed for a weekend away and climbed through my window. It was only about three foot drop. I ran to my beat up Chevy relieved it appeared that no one followed me.
I drove as fast as I could to my best friend's house. It just so happens at the same time I was escaping from my bedroom his mother Elizabeth was taking her evening walk and witnessed the whole event. She offered me a room immediately after I had relayed the details of what occurred in the house. She told me it was inevitable that I would move in because of my relationship with her son and that I would be welcomed as family into their home. I thought she was being very generous, but it wasn't long till I saw the facade she had put on.
She was more than willing to take her son's side when he destroyed me; in fact she knew the plan long before it ever occurred to me something was wrong. Elizabeth was the queen of disguise; you almost have to be when you're married to Edward Masen, Sr.; child molester extraordinaire.
**Sorry if you feel I left you hanging but I wanted to end this chapter here so I could get back to Bella's in the present time. Don't worry things will be discussed in later chapters.
