Lily had finally managed to fall asleep. It had been the most difficult first-week-back she had ever experienced, and she was well and truly exhausted. Her roommates worried that she spent the night sitting by the window, silent and ghostly, tears falling down her pale face. Most of them were relieved to see her fast asleep, head propped against James, one temple resting on his shoulder, legs thrown across Sirius who was resting one hand on top of them. One friend was not relieved.
Miriella stared at the reverent look on James' face as he watched Lily sleeping, but said nothing. The time was overdue for confrontation but she kept her silence. Having a little bit of happiness was better than having none at all. She decided to ask James to move, in a subtle way, so that she would no longer have to bear the spectacle he was making.
"James, do you fancy a walk? It's still light out and I've had a bit of a headache all day."
All eyes swivelled to Miriella, who pulled her long curly hair over one shoulder, innocently avoiding everyone's gaze and looking only at her boyfriend.
"I can't just at the minute, I don't want to wake her." He gestured silently with his head. He need not have, everyone knew who he meant.
"Fine" she muttered. "Fine" she repeated, slamming the books she had been putting in her bag on the table and striding out of the common room.
The loud connection between textbook and wood had woken Lily. She gazed around bleary eyed. "What just happened?" she asked, sitting up straight and pulling her head from James's shoulder.
"You should go after her" Mary told him. "You owe her that."
Lily looked puzzled, turning to Sirius.
"Miri just stormed out because James wouldn't get up to go for a walk with her. He was too comfortable." Sirius answered.
"Oh God, this is my fault" Lily cottoned on immediately. "I shouldn't have been sleeping on you. I'll go and talk to her."
Mia shook her head fervently, "Don't Lily, no offence but you're the last person she'll want to see."
Mary flashed a warning look at Mia. Lily noticed and looked upset.
"I'd better go" James decided, vacating his chair in preference of the portrait hole.
Sirius exhaled loudly as he left. "Poor sod. I suppose, he got himself into this mess, he can get himself out. Still" he grimaced "that's not going to be pretty."
"She has every right to be mad, the way he's treating her" Mina pronounced, defending her friend.
"He's not doing it on purpose!" Sirius intoned "he can't help it. He tried to let it go and be happy with someone else but he just can't."
"Well he should break it off with her then."
"He doesn't want to hurt her."
"He's hurting her now, all of the time. The way he looks at Lily, then to see her sleeping on him."
Lily opened her mouth to apologise again, she hadn't meant to fall asleep there at all. Sirius barked to her defence again.
"She was sleeping on me too, I'm her friend just like James is."
"Well you're not madly in love with her! The whole school knows he is, and that he has been for years."
"This may be my fault too" Mary grimaced, "I told him to start looking elsewhere, back in February. He was really down on Valentines, Lily had ignored his card and I told him to consider other people, and that maybe he and Lily weren't meant to be."
"Well Miriella could have ended it" Sirius countered. "If she was desperately unhappy with the situation. I know her, Mina, I've dated her. She likes the drama and the unhappiness, why else would you ever agree to date someone who you know is emotionally unavailable."
"Maybe she only attracts men who treat her like shit."
Sirius leaned forwards, anger in his eyes. Remus interrupted him as he began speaking.
"It's none of our business. They're adults, they can decide what's best for themselves."
"You're right" Mina acceded, "and I'm sorry Lily, you've just got caught up in it. It's not your fault at all. It's just hard to for Miri to see how easily you could have something she desperately wants, but you don't want it at all."
Tears streamed down Lily's face. She had cried continually in her first week back at school after her father's death, but she tried to succumb only when alone. Mary hopped into James' vacated seat and Mina took the arm of the chair, passing a handkerchief across to her friend.
They changed the subject, and spent the next hour in jovial Friday night fashion. Peace had settled half an hour later, until it was invaded once again by the warring couple.
Miriella stormed in, her face red and scrubby, bits of tissue stuck to her jaw line.
"Just tell her" she screamed. "Tell her then. You've embarrassed me, James Potter. I would have done anything for you, I thought we had a future. But this whole time you've just been using me to get over her. Well I refuse to be second best any longer. Don't you realise? Half of the school would give anything to be dating me, I'm captain of the Quiddich team" she shrieked.
The whole common room was watching. It was late, but with the weekend ahead, most had stayed up later than usual.
"Tell her you're in love with her. Like you just told me. You complete bastard. You're just like Sirius, cut from the same cloth. I hate you."
"Miriella, please, not here. Let's just talk about it in the morning, you're making a scene." There was a hopeful note in James' voice, as though he thought it could be nearly over.
In a quiet, venomous voice, Miriella responded "tell her".
"That's enough." Lupin sounded tired.
"Side with him, I knew you would" she spat in his direction.
"It's not a case of taking sides, Miri, just of decency. It's not fair to involve anyone else, especially so publicly. I think we should all go to bed."
"And who's looking after me in all of this?" she was suddenly sad, biting her bottom lip to stem the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her. James instinctively moved to comfort her, which was the worst thing he could have done.
"Don't you dare" she snapped, coming back to herself. She turned on her heels and ran up the girls dormitory stairs. James made a move to follow, but suddenly realised he could go no further. Lily, who had been sat on the sofa, pale faced and hugging her knees, jumped up and followed Miriella to the girls' dormitory. Mary and Mina made a move to follow, but Lily held one hand up.
"Just give me five minutes first, I owe her that." She charged up the stairs without a glance at James, who sank down in her newly vacated seat.
Up in the girls' tower, Miriella was facing the window, her palms pushing against the ledge. She half turned her head when Lily came in.
"Oh Lily, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to, I just couldn't, I was so mad at him. I know you didn't..." she tailed off incoherently.
"That's ok. I didn't realise things had gotten so...messy. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been sleeping on him, but I just fell asleep and..." at this point Miriella pulled her into a tight hug.
"You've been away Lily, how were you to know? It just, well it got really bad just before you got back. He kept, well he kept turning me down." She exhaled, being candid wasn't her style. "He wouldn't sleep with me, we had the opportunity, we had plenty during Easter..." she stopped again, pressing her lips together.
"I confronted him, he always had an excuse. He's been really distant, then you got back and he, well he came alive again. The way he looks at you..." she laughed a hollow laugh to herself.
"I'm sorry" Lily whispered.
"It's so not your fault Lily. It really isn't. In a lot of ways it's mine. I knew he was in love with you, who didn't? He asked you out so many times. I was your best friend, how could I not have known? He's just so lovely, he's kind, romantic, gentle. I thought I could make him feel the way he feels for you about me, and if I managed it, Lily, I would have won the lottery."
Mary and Mina came in at this point, and the girls discussed the matter further.
Everyone was quiet and subdued at breakfast, aware that most of the common room were watching them. James and Miriella had walked together before breakfast, and were working hard to keep conversations going, but sat far apart at the tables. Sirius countered the tension by being more boisterous than usual. Remus looked concerned. Mina and Mary were trying. Lily was silent, not touching her food.
Miriella, James and Sirius trouped off to Quiddich practice, Mina had a meeting with McGonagall about her transfiguration essay, which left Mary, Remus, Lily and Peter to colonise the good chairs in the common room for homework. After a while, Peter decided he would rather watch the Quiddich than face his workload, and Mary went with him. Lily was happier with Remus, both studying quietly. His presence calmed her, and he looked less tired than usual. He didn't attempt to talk to her about the events of last night, and for that Lily was grateful.
Keen not to be in the same room as Mari and James, Lily asked Remus if he needed the library, and they went down together. After two more hours of solid studying, James appeared.
"Can I have a word?" he asked, without his usual bravado.
Lily shot an appealing look at Remus, but he nodded to her encouragingly. Lily left with James, heading for an empty classroom. They sat in two chairs, Lily looking only at her hands. This wasn't the first time James had sought a private interview with her.
"Look, Lily, this is as awkward as hell" he took a deep, steadying breath, which made her look up at him. James didn't usually do vulnerable and awkward.
"What Miriella said last night, you're not stupid. You know how I feel. I'm not about to tell you that. I just don't want to add to your problems. We've become friends this year, and that's something I never thought possible. I've not always been the best version of myself, but I'm trying. What I did, what I've been doing to Miriella wasn't good, but I was a coward, I didn't want to let her down like that. Basically, I just want to apologise."
"It's fine James, the dust will settle" was all Lily could come up with. She looked at him quizzically, wondering whether to confide. "You've been so good to me, with everything that's happened. I can't lose your friendship, not now. But equally we can't be too friendly. Miri's raw. She's feeling this. She's not used to being second best."
