((As dictated to me by a certain annoying ghost.))


Deadbeat Pseudo

Chapter 1

PH-37


It's snowing again.

Now, this shouldn't be all too abnormal. After all, in wintery biomes, it snows heavily whenever it rains anywhere else in the world. And don't get me wrong, it's hardly upsetting. I like the cold, quite frankly, it clears my mind and hones it to a fine edge.

But this is a desert.

In other words, I have a hacker to deal with.

I flip off the ledge of floating sand I'm standing on, purposely smashing my foot into it as I jump and causing the structure to collapse. The soft sound it makes is satisfying, and I grin.

Now, it's time I did something about this game-breaker. Where could he be?

I scan the desert sands for a username box. Left, right, in front, behind, and up all yield me nothing, but when I look down and to the left I can see it, a faint grey box with white text.

Hah. Found him.

I carefully walk towards the box until I'm directly above it, then stomp down on the sand. Just as I suspected, he's been utilizing floating sand and it collapses. I fall gently to my feet on top of the sand.

The hacker's reaction is irate. In the same, near monotonous but slightly emotive voice all player skins share, he snaps at me.

"what the f***, dood!? that was hard to make!1!"

"I don't care." I let my voice carry the barest hint of anger, even though I'm perfectly aware the user will only see text.

"well i do! get outa here or else"

"Or else what?" I fold my arms, a meaningless gesture to the player but one that makes me content. "Player, don't you know who I am?"

"u r not foolin anyone. just cause you have a skin doesnt mean youre the guy"

I look up, over my head. "Heh. But I'm not carrying a username, am I?"

"yeah but you could have a mod" he responds. His lack of proper grammar is evident, even though it's through voice and not text that I see it.

"I could. I could also be the real deal, here to get you to quit screwing with the coding of this game. After all, I have to live here."

"u suck man. u r not him and you kno it. go back to ur dirt house."

I groan. "Your disregard for both the English language and the integrity of this place is appalling. Do I have to tell you again?"

"u can say whatevr but im not gunna listen 2 u."

"Fine." I spread my arms, flicking out my fingers at the same time, and lightning leaps from the pointer finger on my left hand. It hits a block of sand with a deafening CRACK, turning the item to glass.

The hacker panics as he realizes what he's actually facing and attempts to run down a side passage, but I fire another bolt and collapse it before he gets there. "Maybe you should be using a material sturdier than sand, imbecile."

He turns and faces me instead, holding a diamond sword in his right hand. It glows with an enchantment that's likely not legal. If he gets a hit on me, it'd hurt quite a bit.

Fortunately, player skins can't fight somebody like yours truly.

I run to the wall and across it, dodging the clumsy blow he executes, and kick him in the crotch. He spins around and attempts to hit me again, but I've already used what little room for maneuvers I have to jump behind him and kick him again, this time square in the back.

He rushes at me, but I step slightly aside of his swing and slap him across the face. I'd wager the poor man's utterly confused and frightened by now, since to a player it would look like he landed a direct hit on me, yet I somehow didn't take damage.

I launch into a quick flurry of punches, batting aside his blade whenever it comes near, then step back a meter or so and grin at him.

"Go home, hacker."

He charges, but I just fire another bolt at him and the skin dies, leaving behind an inventory full of more illegally got items. Among them, I can see a bucket full of lava, so I reach towards it, brushing the other items away, then dig a hole in the sand, push the items into it, and cover them with the lava.

No more hacked items for this guy, he'll have to start anew.

The server announcer, a pleasant and robotic female tone, announces his death brightly.

"imultiminer6699 was slain by Herobrine."

I can hear confused mutters from the link the players share, the "global chat".

"Hey, wasn't Ulti a hacker?"

"There's a Herobrine plugin!? Sweet!"

"who wants to go loot him?"

I smirk, and, unable to resist the temptation, send out a message to the players of the server.

"This is what happens to hackers."

Naturally, the chat erupts into chaos.


My name's Lucas, actually, and I was 10 when I died. I'm not 10 now, obviously.

See, I guess I wasn't good or bad enough to move on, so I ended up haunting a computer game, my copy of Minecraft. I'm told that in order to ascend, I have to complete my Mission. Unfortunately, I don't know what that is.

Still, I have a pretty good life - I can roam server to server, dishing out justice with a side of lighting, which is apparently a special ability of mine.

Plus, being a crazy kid obsessed with Herobrine when I first died, I now look like him. Mind you, I was young, so if any non-player entity was to look at me, they'd see a 10-year old with glowing eyes, blue jeans, and a turquoise shirt.

People like me, dead spirits in games unable to ascend until they complete a Mission, people with special abilities related to many different things, are called Purgeists. Those especially like me, the ones that choose to haunt Minecraft in Herobrine's form, are called Pseudos.

I'm PH-37, Lightning Purgeist and 37th most dangerous Herobrine out there.

Yeah, nice to meet you too. Keep an eye out.


((And thus ends the first chapter of PH-37's story. If you guys have any questions for him, leave them in the reviews and I'll send them to him.))

((-Ivy))