Liberated
I hear his voice inside of my head as he takes full control on my numb limbs.
I shy away inside of myself, following orders, running to satisfy his twisted love for me...
"RUN" it said.
"If you aren't sure that you will win the battle, don't fight" it said.
I ran and ran, until I was safe, until I found a shelter.
Then I was fully back...Awake...In control of myself again, because there was no danger.
I'm hardly breathing, as if he won't allow it if I didn't listen.
It's either a controlled life or no life at all…
Somehow, I tolerated all of it, the fear, the running, and the orders, because simply there was nothing to fight for anyway…
Nothing until Gon.
I forced my legs to take me to my enemy, ignoring a direct order from the Illumi in my head.
As I struggled to walk, Rammott stood with all his sadistic crudity, aching to bath me in my own blood…
His aura hit me like a grenade, over and over again, all I could think of was to plant my feet in the ground, "DO NOT DARE TO RETREAT", I told myself.
I knew that I was the only obstacle in his way, if he got past me; there was no hope for Nen-less Gon.
The voice in my head got stronger and angrier, and my body kept getting kicked and punched, and through all that, I felt like I was not even there.
A realization was burning through my skull.
The truth is, I was never fighting.. I was running. Always escaping and this was my first real fight.
I looked at Rammott, and for Gon's sake, I refused to lose.
"RUN" it screamed through me again, shaking every muscle and bone in my body.
I jammed my fingers into my own head with a screeching scream of a NO.
I was done being manipulated, done following orders, and I was done running.
Gon was a friend who took me as I am; assassin or not.
He wanted me to meet his father because I was his best friend, and now, I have to prove that he was mine.
I looked to Rammott, an enemy that I didn't know if I could win or lose in front.
But for the first time I was willing to try…
