I Know Him So Well
By
Tim Rice,
Benny Andersson
Bjorn Ulvaeus
Nothing is so good it lasts eternally
Perfect situations must go wrong
But this has never yet prevented me
From wanting far too much for far too long
Looking back I could have done it differently
Won a few more moments, who can tell?
But it took time to understand the man
Now at least I know I know him well
Wasn't it good?
Wasn't it fine?
Isn't it madness he can't be mine?
But in the end he needs a little bit more than before
Security, he needs his fantasy and freedom
I know him so well.
No one in your life is with you constantly
No one is completely on your side
Although I moved my world to be with him
Still the gap between us is too wide
Looking back I could have played it differently
Learned about the man before I fell
But I was ever so much younger than
Now at least I know I know him well
Wasn't it good? Wasn't it fine?
Isn't it madness he can't be mine?
Didn't I know
How it would go
If I knew from the start
Why am I falling apart?
Wasn't it good?
Wasn't he fine?
Isn't it madness?
He won't be mine
But in the end he needs a little bit more than me
More security
He needs his fantasy and freedom
I know him so well
It took time to understand him
I know him so well
A/N I have a terrible feeling that the wonderful, wonder of the romance between Spock and Nyota might not survive their next movie; I hope that is idle gossip, a baseless rumor. The trailers have shown Nyota with Kirk, Scotty, and a very, stiff cold Spock. So, based on my reaction to the revealing of their devotion to one another in ST2009—which was WHAT! I am going to forego the midnight showing of 'Into The Darkness,' then grill my sisters unmercifully about that story line and view the movie the next day. In this instance, I am in essence, a coward.
Based on that aforementioned possibility I have written this story wrenched from the lyrics of the song which is also the title of this story. Since this is a WIP, please bear with me. It will have an undetermined number of chapters and will be finished before the new movie opens. I have already written the last line… hope you enjoy, or cry—either will be an acceptable reaction.
I Know Him So Well
Nyota awoke with a start, her memories had awaken her. There was no pain involved, just a feeling of discomfort as she put her feet on the floor, eased her feet into her slippers and negotiated her way out of the bedroom. She could not understand why at this time these old memories had surfaced. Possibly this was an evidence of hormonal imbalance—normal in her present state. It was quiet and she seated herself on the couch facing the portal window and sighed. So many years had passed.
From the time she was four, when her brother, Joseph, had brought home his friend Sybok, a Vulcan, Nyota Uhura had been fascinated by 'all things Vulcan'. She had studied everything available to her, had drawn her own conclusions on certain matters and created a hypothesis about the mysteries her study had unearthed…
Why, if bound to their future mate at seven, did some wait many years before they were formally married? On such a hot planet why did they wear multiple layers of clothes, such high necks and for the women cowls. It was not like it was here in the USA where certain desert dwellings covered themselves, as a protection against unpredictable sand storms. The natives of her world covered themselves in gauzy, thin material that allowed the wind's coolness to touch their skin. In addition, how difficult was it, for them to mask all their feelings so successfully and what would it be like to witness an angry Vulcan?
Her bedroom walls were plastered with posters, pictures and her personal art work all carrying one theme, Vulcan and its people.
When she was accepted into Star Fleet her one focus was to experience at least one visit to the planet that held her fascination, Vulcan.
`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`
She arrived early on campus, checked out her books, down loaded her scheduled classes with their respective syllabus and then started reviewing information about her instructors. Some were Terran, one Angorian professor and the shock could have been read on her face, a Vulcan. From the information posted, this instructor was given tenure until the completion of his assigned vessel, The USS Enterprise, the flagship of The Federation. She had viewed this magnificent structure by holovids, it was truly a marvel. The sight of it had struck very deep in her psyche, she wished to visit the stars. So, on this first day at The Academy she sat her sights on the goal of being assigned to that great ship. There was no other ambition that clouded that one for quite some time…until…
She arrived early for all her classes. This allowed her to become settled in mind and body. She usually did not take notes for she had what some might call total recall. If she read a book she could usually direct you back to the page, paragraph and sentence that she would quote. Although this was rare for a Terran, it certainly was not unheard of. She had the ability to file away data similar to bringing up information on a computer. Although she had never revealed this to any of her instructors, they usually wondered about the fact she rarely or never took notes Their questions usually were cancelled out when she would produce copious notes that she had dictated onto her computer when she turned in her class work.
Needless to say, this ability impressed her Vulcan instructor. It was never that he would deliberately attempt to trip her up. In order for him to explore the boundaries of her abilities he injected several different variations to his teaching style. At times he would speak rapidly, refer to an obscure piece of literature perhaps thinking she was unfamiliar with it. But, in her written reports he would find additional quotations from the author in question. This cadet was quite impressive. Based on his classroom experiences with her, for the first time in his teaching career he requested an assistant, accepted applications, was in expectation of her filing such, and chose her for the position.
By working side by side with her another side of this cadet was revealed. Besides being academically gifted, she was a proficient musician and dancer. Her slim body and long digits spoke of her grace and abilities. At one point he had even thought of requesting her to allow him to hear her play the keyboard. Instead he questioned her on her taste in music and was relieved to hear her talents leaned toward the classical genre. His aural sensitivity was never able to appreciate the bone jarring excuse for music so accepted by the young of the Terran species.
The working collaboration continued through her fourth years. It was during this time that on occasions Spock and her visited art exhibits, musical concerts, at time enjoyed meals together. He was always the formal serious Vulcan, she always the worshipful student. By that time she imagined that she knew him oh so well. She could mentally finish his sentences for him, anticipated what he needed, and supplied it without a word. She was also aware of any questions he had before they were formulated and knew that on occasions he studied her through shrouded eyes. Exactly what that meant for a Vulcan, she was never able to determine. Oh and she could brew him a perfect cup of tea and was able to read his deeply held emotions as they surfaced in his eyes.
Then there was that fateful day…the distress call from Vulcan, the quick assembly of ships and troops. Followed in rapid secession, the destruction of the Federation ships with their crews, then Vulcan the planet and its people, Spock and Kirk's daredevil transporting to the Narada and Spock suicide run toward that monster ship's destruction.
The return to the Academy and the graduation was not a joyous event but rather a time of intense mourning. Spock's leave of absence was announced to me by the department head as she assigned me as another instructor's teaching assistant.
For a year rumors flew about Spock's absence. They were as varied as active imaginations could conjure up—sickness, either his or his father's, his presence was necessary to aid in the reconstruct work on their new planet and the one that cut me to the core—he had gone home to get married. His stay lasted fourteen months. Then there was notice of his arrival to rejoin the crew of the Enterprise.
I was seated at my station when he entered the bridge. The captain was with him and fluidly he went to his station. The captain started the conversation,
"Well folks what kind of welcome do you have for our Mr. Spock,
Disjointed welcomes were verbalized. Then Chekov's voice was heard as he uttered the question,
"What did you do on New Vulcan?"
Spock turned to face The Bridge crew and enumerated,
"I was involved with planning settlements, identifying survivors' locations and through various means requesting their presence on New Vulcan to aid in increasing of the Vulcan population. In addition I was bonded and am now a father of a son."
With that news, all on The Bridge except one expressed joy and excitement and as I caught his eyes which were intensely focused on me, I read the single emotion that had surfaced—regret.
`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`
Returning to the present she heard a stirring in the bedroom and within seconds a tousled blond head peered through the doorway,
"Ny, is Junior keeping you awake again?"
"Sort of, I guess, I am just a bit melancholy."
Making quick strides to the couch he sat down and reached and placed me on his lap. I snuggled into his chest, and he rained kisses on my hair, forehead and finally my lips.
"Ny, Babe, I love you, I love what you have done to me and for me."
I thought to myself,
'In life, some things are reality, some are fantasy. My reality is here with this man who loves me, and has given me such a great gift. We are first family on the Enterprise. Other members have also married and their partners are onboard, along with some children. The flagship is alive with children's laughter. Although fitted for battle, the Fleet's allowance of children on board had relegated the ship to the last of the fleet to respond to a dangerous situation, sort of the proverbial straw that would break the camel's back. Such action would be allowed only after the children and their mothers are ejected in escape pods. Spock's bondmate,T'Pring had joined Spock along with their sons and she was now pregnant with their third child.
All was well aboard The Enterprise and any further study of the male persuasion by myself was limited to the father of my soon to be born son, my husband, James T. Kirk.
