AN: HI!!! I have a few things I would like to say before you begin to read my new story. First-"THANKS FOR READING!!" Second-Don't be detoured by the introduction. (This isn't a depressing story.) Third-I plan to update with long chapters so the time between updates will be undefined. Fourth- I have wanted to do a Kotetsu X Sakura story for a while now and I finally got around to it. (I just really like Kotetsu. Plus no one has written an M-rated one yet.) ;) Fifth-Warning for Adult language and Adult content. Other than that "Please Enjoy!" :)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


INTRODUCTION

Anger, rage, resentment, bitterness, hatred, loneliness, sorrow, distress, regret, heartache. So many feelings balled up in one. So many thoughts weaving in and out all at once. Lack of sleep, loss of appetite, wondering thoughts. The road too long and hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Why? How? When? What? Where? One simple word, the beginning of so many different questions, with so many different answers.

Why does the world have to be so cruel?

It's not the world that is cruel but the people who live in it.

Why is the road always more ragged then the last?

Roads only stay ragged when they are seldom traveled.

How can one hide such feelings behind a smile?

A smile can portray deception sometimes more than happiness, but its association with happiness is all people comprehend.

How can one look in the mirror and feel any sense of humanity in them?

Humanity-kindness for others, one never takes the time to think of their own kindness, especially when they lack the kindness from others.

When do things get better?

Things get better…..someday.

When does the pain stop?

Pain never really goes away; it just gets lost and forgotten, placed in the corner of the mind you keep locked up.

What does one do to feel emotions that have long ago gone numb?

The less emotion felt can sometimes be for the better.

What is the secret to lose that lonely feeling?

Lonely-feeling isolated in a crowded room, no secret technique is known to fill the void of being needed.

Where is the strength found when you've reached your limit?

Strength is something one can never lose; walking the road alone you must never falter.

Where is the light when everything has gone dark?

There was never any light, only darkness; the light is nothing more than an illusion to keep one from losing sight of a brighter day to come.

Questions one asks themselves, answers one believes to be true.

Five years wasted on an endless marriage. An unloving husband, demanding, cold, unknowing of his silent torture. The loss of a child. A mothers blame, small cries for help, a small life taken from the embrace of loving arms, glancing away for a second changing ones life forever.

Is a single person able to survive with such pain?


CHAPTER 1

Monday-July 26

"Dr. Uchiha, your patient in exam room three is ready to see you now." The young nurse announced, handing the file to the pink-haired woman who she sees as her superior and mentor.

"Thank you Yuka" Sakura smiled. Yuka bowed her head respectfully before exiting the office. Sakura dropped the file onto her cluttered desk, the headache she had just wouldn't go away. One last patient, she told herself. The clock on the wall assured her that her shift was almost over. Retrieving the file once again, she tucked it under her arm and returned to the duty she had long ago sworn to carry out.

A few sound knocks before she entered with a smile on her face. "I hope this isn't going to become a habit of yours little one. This is the third time I've seen you this week and it's only Monday."

"I just can't help myself" The young boy said stubbornly "And father said that……"

"Yes well despite what your father says I can assure there is no gold hidden within the Hokage faces. Isn't that right Kiba?" She gave him a knowing look.

Kiba smiled innocently. "Just telling him like I heard it."

Sakura inspected the cut on the child's forehead. "A few stitches and you should be fine" She gave her famous reassuring smile. Retrieving a pair of gloves, the right size needle and some plain catgut she quickly set to work. Precise movements, a steady hand and six stitches later she was done in no time. "All done" She smiled removing the gloves.

The boys' eyes widened. "Really? It didn't even hurt."

Sakura laughed. "Yes well I have a special technique." Collecting the file she began jotting down the information in his chart, she then shook her head. "For a boy of only five I've given you more stitches than most shinobi ever get."

He gave a triumphant smile. "With this it's officially 267."

Sakura gave another laugh as she bent down to his eye level. "Congrats! But let's try to keep it at that for awhile alright." The triumphant smile now replaced by a frown. "Don't look so glum, you have plenty of years to add a numerous amount of stitches to your record."

The boy seemed to ponder her words. "I guess" He finally sighed defeated.

"Good" she nodded and handed him a sucker she seemed to magically make appear. "Oh and also…..." She leant in and whispered something into his ear, making him once again smile. "But it's our little secret okay" She could see Kiba raise a questioning brow out of the corner of her eye and couldn't help but smile.

The boy jumped down from the examining table and took her by surprise when he hugged her waist. "I bet you would be a great mommy."

Sakura gave a small smile and returned the hug. The boy let go and scurried out the door, saying something about getting another sucker from the nurses. Sakura quickly retrieved her prescription pad from her pocket and scribbled a few words.

"Sakura he doesn't kn……"

"You can give him one twice a day if he has any pain and don't forget to clean it now and then. The stitches can be removed in a week's time." Smiled as she ripped off the sheet and handed it to him. "Oh and please Kiba, don't believe everything you hear."


"You're late" Sasuke scowled leaning against the wall in the hallway as Sakura stepped through the front door.

"Sorry" She sighed and took her shoes off her aching feet. "I had to stop by and drop the deposit off at the restaurant for the banquet ne…….." She looked up and he was already gone.

"Are you gonna cook dinner or what?" Sasuke hollered from the living room now.

Sakura made her way into the living room setting her bag down next the couch. "You could have cooked. You haven't been on a mission in a couple of days. It wouldn't hurt you to help around the house you know." She meant every word but had no fighting spirit behind it.

"Tch…..That's why I have you." He waved his hand dismissingly. "And besides this is my time to relax I work hard on my missions you know. I have another one tomorrow."

"Yes and I just sit at my desk six days a week and twiddle my thumbs" She mumbled to herself.

"What was that?" He glanced over his shoulder.

"Nothing" She sighed. "I'll go start dinner."


Tuesday-July 27

"Dr. Uchiha?" Yuka questioned again when Sakura failed to answer the first time. She was currently sitting at her desk staring intently at the scroll in front of her. Sakura finally looked up at the nurse, seeing the concerned look on her face, Sakura smiled reassuringly.

"Sorry, I was lost in my work there for a moment." Sakura set the scroll down giving the woman in her doorway her full attention. "What can I do for you?"

Yuka smiled. "I brought some files for you from the Hokage. She also sent a message saying they needed to be taken care of immediately and expected the results by Monday morning."

Only now noticing the stack of files in the young girls' arms she groaned inwardly. "I guess it's that time of year again." She sighed motioning her hand for the girl to set them on her desk. Yuka did so, happy to rid herself of the heavy load, showing her relief with a grateful sigh.

This was the first time Sakura took the chance to really look at Yuka since she first arrived two weeks ago. She was a very good-looking young girl. Big innocent blue eyes and long dark hair, her face almost still childish compared to her womanly body. "Is something the matter?" Yuka asked self conscious of Sakura's close examination.

"No" Sakura smiled. "I was just wondering how you liked it here so far."

"Oh…..well" The young woman fidgeted growing nervous. "I really like it so far. Everyone is really……really nice to me."

Sakura nodded approvingly. "If you don't mind me asking" Sakura leaned back in her chair. "How old are you?"

The girls face seemed to light up. "I just turned nineteen. And now since I began working my parents let me get a place of my own. It's so wonderful. I couldn't wait till I finally got out on my own. I always did admire the Shinobi of the village for there independence. But still I could never be one, I would be too scared. I mean to risk your life for…….." She blushed and stopped suddenly finally realizing she was rambling on when she was only asked a simple question.

She really is innocent Sakura couldn't help but chuckle. "Don't worry it's quite alright." The young woman seemed to ease at her words. "But you are right, the life of a shinobi is not for everyone. And I am only guessing when I say you became a nurse because you felt it was the closest you could get to be part of the Shinobi life."

Yuka slowly shook her head and then she blushed again. "I also specifically worked extra hard to be able to work under you too." She lowered her head in embarrassment.

"Oh" Sakura was surprised but intrigued. "Why is that?"

Yuka's embarrassment grew. "You……you are the most famous among the medical ninja. It is rumored you even pass your sensei The Fifth Hokage." Her current smile made her look even more like a child. "I admired ever since I was a little girl."

Sakura was quiet for a moment. She didn't know what to say. No one had ever told her before that they admired her. And hearing her say she has 'admired her since she was a little girl' made her feel old, even at twenty-six. "Well Thank You" It was the only thing she could say. But the girls face lit up yet again.

"Please take care of me Dr. Uchiha" Yuka said bowing her head before quickly scurrying out of the room.

Sakura stared blankly at the doorway. Finally she shook her head. To be so naïve again, things were much more simple back then

Pushing all her memories aside she reached for the top file. Really physicals are such a pain each year. Especially since she was the only doctor Tsunade trusted the job too. It was simple work, most of the time. A smile crossed her face when she saw the first name. Kakashi Hatake, yes he always made it interesting.


"You really are a coward you know that don't you?" Sakura teased her former sensei. Who was currently confined to the examining table. "We go through this every year; I know all your tricks."

"I'm in perfect health, I don't need a physical." He said defiantly.

"Well whether you need one or not it's required." Sakura stated. "Now there's a barrier around this room so you can't get out." She released him from the table. "The sooner we get this over with the sooner you can leave."

Kakashi grumbled to himself and shoved his hands in his pockets. There was no way he was going through with this. It was absurd, his health was fine.

Sakura stood there for moment before a menacing smile formed on her face. "You know how this goes Kakashi. Now are you going to undress yourself or I am going to have to do it for you." She took a step towards him.

He leaned back as if it would put more distance between them, but when she took yet another step closer he put his hands up defensively. "Alright" He sounded defeated. "I can do it myself."

Sakura smiled. "Good boy" She turned to retrieve his medical folder. It really was rather fun teasing these men. As if I haven't seen them before. Hell I've done their physicals every year for the last six years. She rolled her eyes at the thought. They really are worse then kids sometimes.

"Can we just get this over with please" Kakashi sighed, standing there completely naked, his only other cover being his hands hiding whatever he could.

"Sure" Sakura turned towards him. But I have to say seeing them in all their naked glory makes it worth my while. She smiled to herself. "You can have a seat you know" She almost laughed at his slight blush, as she took out a pen. "Physical Appearance" She repeated out loud. "Superb" she scribbled in his file. This time she couldn't hold back the laughter when he went completely red.

"You're……You're not really writing that are you?" His voice shaky from embarrassment.

"Really" She said now exchanging the file for a blood pressure cuff. "For a man with your taste of literature I'm surprised you would be embarrassed. Now sit."

He pursed his lips and did as he was told still making an effort to cover himself. "Just cause I read those things does not mean I speak of them freely Sakura." He defended.

But at this point Sakura wasn't really listening. She was officially in doctor mode, first taking his blood pressure, then checking his heart, his mouth, nose, ears. Her face was expressionless, jotting down all her new found information. Checking his chakra flow, weight, height, his right eye, then his sharingon. She finished writing a few things down before she finally spoke again. "Okay please stand up straight." She said while putting on a pair of latex gloves.

Kakashi swallowed the lump in his throat; this was the part he hated the most. After hesitating a moment he stood up. She wasted no time and gave him a look that said 'move your hands out of the way or else'. Closing his eyes he finally moved his hands. This is so embarrassing!

"I'm flattered Kakashi" she mused "But I am afraid I'll have to ask you to imagine Might Gai naked."

Kakashi sweat dropped and groaned inwardly, it really was a horrible image. And he knew damn well she was enjoying this.

"That's better" She gently took hold of his most private parts. "Now turn your head to the right and cough." She ordered once again in doctor mode. Kakashi with his eyes now clenched shut, did just that. "Good. Now to the left."

He let out a sigh when it was finally over and her hand retreated. He wasted no time in once again covering himself. When he finally opened his eyes Sakura was writing in his file. He reached out for his clothes when she stopped him.

"Not yet, I have one more thing to examine." She smiled and held up a bottle of lube. "I promise to be gentle" She teased unable to stop from smiling.


Izumo and Kotetsu were currently walking to the nurses' office when Kakashi happen to pass them.

"Hey Kakashi!" Izumo greeted. "You here for your physical too?"

Kakashi looked at them, his face pale. "She's a cruel woman." He stated and walked away mumbling to himself.

Kotetsu looked at Izumo and shrugged. He didn't know what happened, the only thing he could make out of his mumbling was something about a 'worthless prostrate'. He was then distracted when he saw a signature head of pink hair out of the corner of his eye.

"Yuka can you send the next patient to exam room four please." She asked, still laughing slightly from her visit with Kakashi.

"Mr. Hatake seemed a little pale, is he ill?" Yuka asked concerned.

"No" She smiled "He just has a wounded pride."

"Hey Doctor!" Izumo appeared, adding sarcasm to her title. "Who's this lovely young lady?" He winked at Yuka causing her to blush and giggle like a little school girl.

"Keep your hands off" Sakura scolded smacking him in the back of the head. "She's my new nurse and you will keep your distance Izumo, if you know what's good for you"

Izumo rubbed the back of his head. "I hope you're not this rough during the physical." He commented.

Sakura's scowl turned to a smile and she turned towards him leaning on the counter. "Nah, you would like that to much."

Izumo lowered his hand and grinned ear to ear. "From you, any day…….Owe…..Hey what was that for!"

It was Kotetsu who hit him this time. He ignored his friend and nodded at Sakura. "Hello Sakura." His voice low.

"Hello Kotetsu" She smiled. "How have you been?"

"Not bad. And yourself?" He watched and waited for her smile to falter, but it never did.

"Fantastic" She practically sang as she pushed off the counter. "Aren't you two a little early for your physical? You have at least another hour."

"Yeah well I thought it was going to take longer to get here." Izumo said, rubbing his head again. "I had to practically drag him here." He ducked just in time to avoid being hit for a third time.

Sakura laughed. "What's the matter Kotetsu? I don't bite."

"Dr. Uchiha sorry for interrupting but Genma is ready in the exam room."

"That's okay. Thank you Yuka." She smiled. "I'll see you gentlemen later" She teased as she turned and began down the hallway.

"Maybe you should do both of us together, you know save time." Izumo hollered after her.

Sakura smiled over her shoulder. "You two couldn't handle me" And with that she disappeared around the corner.

Izumo shook his head. "She's something else." He looked over to where Kotetsu had been standing. He scanned the area "Now where did he……" He saw him slumped down on the bench in the waiting room. "Hey what's up with you today?" He asked as he approached.

Kotetsu stayed silent seeming lost in thought. He didn't even notice Izumo until he sat down.

"Kotetsu you alright? You look like your going to be sick."

"I'm fine" Kotetsu reassured him. Only really it was a lie. He was no where near okay. Every time he saw Sakura his pulse surged and his heart raced. But then every time he heard her referred to as Dr. Uchiha he grew sick to his stomach. Actually anytime he heard just the name Uchiha or even saw the cursed man he felt ill.

He wanted nothing more then to steal her right out from under him, but he even knew he didn't stand a chance against a Uchiha in a fight, which is exactly where it would lead. Because from what he has learned, Sasuke didn't want her, but he didn't want anyone else to have her either.

He shook his head. Really you are so pathetic he scolded himself. He could remember the days when he began to watch her and when he fell in love with her. Back when she was seventeen and becoming a beautiful woman and powerful kounichi. He always kept his distance; he never approached her with his feelings. Her age was one reason, she was still young then, mature for her age yes, but he didn't want to take her youth away from her. He wanted her to experience life before trying to ask her to settle down with him, to build a life together.

But you waited too long idiot! he reprimanded himself. He pondered that thought for moment. Really did he ever have a chance? That was one question that ate away at him everyday. Guess I'll never know now. He had his chance, but before he could even take it Sasuke Uchiha blew back into Konoha and all hope was lost. He came back with purpose and that purpose was Sakura, for a chance to rebuild his clan. He cursed the Hokage and the elders for allowing him to stay in the village with nothing more then a slap to the hand for punishment.

But still, he loved her and through it all he watched her. Watched her smile, cry, succeed, and even watched on as she took the Uchiha name. And then her child….. His fists clenched as he shoved them into his pockets. The Sakura he knows today was not the one he fell in love with and it was that mans fault. All because he turned cold on her, blamed her for everything. Now she walks around like a puppet, pretending the pain isn't there, pretending the man she married loved her. He seemed to be the only one who noticed her smiles and her laughter are all fake; her playful attitude was nothing more then a cover up. Because he remembers days when she was genuinely happy, when her smiles came easily and her laughter sounded with happiness.

Suddenly his thoughts broke when a familiar voice rang in his ears, his blood boiled with anger and his head shot towards the source.

"Tell her to hurry up. I need to get this over with before I leave on my mission." Sasuke scowled at Yuka.

"Ye…Yes Sir." Yuka quickly jumped to her feet and hurried down the hallway.

Sasuke cocked his head and watched her backside with every step she took, a sly grin forming on his face. His smile faded and he glanced over to where he felt the piercing gaze. Coming eye to eye with Kotetsu, he smirked when the man narrowed his eyes and held his glare. Sasuke was no dumb man; he's noticed the looks Kotetsu sends his wife.

"Mr. Uchiha" Yuka appeared again.

Sasuke averted his eyes back to the young nurse. This time he gave her a smile. "Please my dear don't address me so formal. Just call me Sasuke." He brushed his gloved hand down her arm.

Yuka blushed and put her head down, covering her arm where he had touched. "You….can…go to exam….room two. She said she'll be right with you."

"Thank you" He smiled brushing past her, but not before he whispered something in her ear causing her face to turn even redder and a gasp to escape her throat.

Kotetsu jumped to his feet in anger. "That damn man, I'll……" He took a step only to have Izumo stop him in his tracks.

"Hey calm down." Izumo said. He glanced down the hallway seeing Sasuke and then back at his long time friend. "Kotetsu you still can't be…….It's been years, you have to just let her go."

Kotetsu backed away and took a deep breath. "I can't Izumo." His fists clenched by his sides. "He doesn't deserve her."

"That may be true but she chose him." Izumo tried to reason with him. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed that his friend still harbored feelings towards the pink-haired woman all this time.

"That's because she never had a choice" He was quickly losing control of his composure.

Izumo sighed. "Not to bash you or nothing but you never gave her the option, you chickened out."

Taken back by the comment, Kotetsu stared at his friend in frustration. He couldn't argue with him. He knew this time Izumo was right. It was him who tucked his tail and let the Uchiha take her as his own. That fact has always been known to him. But to hear it said to him really made him feel like a cowardly dog. He averted his eyes and slumped back down onto the bench. He ran his hand through his spiky hair. Maybe it's time I said something to her about how he treats her………No she could end up hating me He let out a heavy sigh, is choices seemed very few.

Just then Genma walked out looking pleased, followed soon after by Sasuke who sent a challenging look towards Kotetsu, only making his anger rise again. "That was quick" Izumo thought out loud. "I figured we would be pushed back because of Sasuke."

"No, Dr. Uchiha is very strict about seeing her patients on time." Yuka appeared next to them smiling. "There is about twenty minutes until your scheduled appointment sir; if you like you can wait in the exam room." She was speaking to Kotetsu but he wasn't even listening. He finally snapped out of it when Izumo elbowed him.

"Hey, she's talking to you"

"Sorry, what?" He looked up the young woman.

She giggled. "You can wait in exam four if you like; Dr. Uchiha will be with you in about twenty minutes. If that's okay?"

Kotetsu nodded and stood up. "That's fine" He said before disappearing down the hallway. Finding the said room in no time, he stood there for a moment in the doorway. He glanced towards Sakura's office only a few doors down. Taking a deep breath he walked the extra twenty feet to her door. Hesitating for a moment, his hand in mid-air, he finally gave in and sounded a few light raps.

"Come in" Her voice called without even a moments' hesitation.

Kotetsu took another deep breath before opening the door and sticking his head in. "I was wondering if you had a moment."

"Sure" She nodded. "Come in"

He opened the door wider allowing himself in, before clicking it closed behind him. He stood there silent, unable to even look in her direction.

"Is something wrong?" She showed concern, taking notice of his strange behavior.

His hand rubbed the back of neck nervously. "No….It's just been such a long time since we talked that I thought………..Hey you know just forget it." He forced a nervous smile.

Sakura smiled. "Will you just sit down already. Unless you think I'll really bite you."

This time his smile wasn't forced and his nerves settled. If only you would He couldn't believe his perverted thoughts as he sat in one of the chairs in front of her desk. "I think Izumo's making another pass at your new nurse."

"Hm…He'll never change will he" She leaned back in her chair, resting her elbows on the chair arms, slowly tapping a pen against her bottom lip. "But you've changed quite a bit haven't you." She chuckled

"That's makes two us" He met her gaze.

"I've matured I think more then I've changed." She smiled "But you, you've become more reserved over the years."

"Are you trying to say I've become boring?" He asked teasingly.

Sakura laughed. "No, you are still far from boring Kotetsu. I just mean that you've mellowed, you sit back and watch more now then just jump right in on the action."

Kotetsu started laughing with her. "Well when you put it like that I do sound pretty boring huh." They laughed for another moment, and then slowly the laughter subsided leaving them in an awkward silence. For Kotetsu anyway. He shifted in his seat, turned his eyes away from her, but her, she was calm and collected and he could feel her eyes watching him.

"So what is it you really want to talk about Kotetsu?" Her serious, stern tone made a lump form in his throat.

He used all his willpower to force the lump back down. His nerves were growing now that her pen was tapping an annoying rhythmic sound on her desk that was echoing in his ears. You have to say something you look like an idiot. He scolded himself. He jumped slightly in his seat when a knock on the door crashed through the silence. He said a silent thank you for the timing.

"Doctor, you have to come quick!" Yuka was one step away from panicking.

Sakura jumped to her feet. "What it is Yuka?" She was back into doctor mode.

"A little girl was badly injured. Her father said she fell out of a tree."

Kotetsu's eyes shot towards Sakura. Her expression faltered for only a second, before she was heading out the door. Yuka close on her heels. Kotetsu jumped up and followed, falling into step beside her. "Sakura listen…."

"Not now I'm sorry." She gave an apologetic smile.

That was it; he couldn't take this fake Sakura for another second. He grabbed her by the arm stopping her in her tracks. "Enough with the apologies Sakura! Just quit……" His words wouldn't come out anymore, Sakura's expression changed from surprised, to getting angry, to looking completely helpless and wounded. His grip loosened on her arm, but his hand wouldn't move.

"Dr. Uchiha?" Yuka spoke her name slow and cautiously.

"Go Yuka." Sakura held his gaze. "I'll be right there."

Yuka hesitated for a moment, looking at Kotetsu then to her mentor before scurrying down the hallway.

"Please…let...go." Her voice cracked slightly attempting to keep it from sounding shaky.

"No" His voice was low. He closed his eyes and gathered his thoughts….and his nerves. "Quit pretending that you're okay Sakura, quit saying that everything is fine."

Sakura cleared her throat, pushing the feelings that wanted to surface at this moment away and out of sight. "I'm fine and now I have a job to do." She successfully pulled her arm from his grasp. She was a few steps away when this time his words stopped her dead in her tracks.

"It wasn't your fault Sakura. I hope you know that. And if that damn husband of yours………"

"Shut up!" She screamed, her head hung and eyes shut tight, forcing back tears. "You don't understand, you'll never understand!"

The muscle in jaw tightened as he stared at her now trembling body. He was pissed because he knew he said something that should have remained unsaid. But damn it she needs to hear it. But as much as he hated seeing her put on an act, he hated it just as much to see her like this. "Sakura" he hesitated trying to find the right words. "Why don't you help me understand?"

She took a deep breath, keeping her tears at bay and gaining back her composure. "I'm sor….."

She gasped and her eyes went wide as she stared up at Kotetsu. Who had her firmly by the arms and his lips covering hers, silencing her words. Her eyes began to flutter shut right before he slowly pulled away, his hands falling to his sides as he met her gaze. "I told you to quit apologizing." His voice low and husky.

Something stirred in Sakura as her fingers absentmindedly touched against her lips. A feeling surfaced that was so unfamiliar to her anymore, she had forgotten how it felt. Why did he…

Kotetsu turned on his heel, shoved his hands in his pockets and hurried down the hallway. "I'll wait in the exam for you to finish." He quickly disappeared behind the exam room door.

Sakura stared at the closed door. What just happened? She wasn't quite sure. He kissed her, yes. But why? This feeling. Her lips were still warm and slightly moist, her heart was racing and her mind unfocused.

"Dr. Uchiha?" Yuka came for her again. "Is everything okay?"

It took Sakura a moment before she slightly shook her head, clearing her thoughts. "Yes, let's go."


AN: So, what did you think of the first chapter? Please let me know!! LUV YA! :)