Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is a Christmas Special, co-written with another author. We hope you enjoy it. Not necessarily a self-insert (we're actually nothing like the two mains), but something kind of like that. Happy Holidays, y'all.

Soval pointed for Sarek to turn left. "If you go left here, and then right at the next light, the street takes you to an agreeable vegetarian restaurant."

Sarek looked and nodded. "Earth vegetarian takes some getting used to, some of it is rather...bland."

Soval nodded in agreement. "That is why that restaurant is agreeable; they have a talent for spices. I believe much of it is curried, and rather than using cow's milk, they use coconut milk, so it does not interfere with digestion."

Sarek pulled away from the red light, going straight instead of turning. "I will remember that. I am told that there is a section in this direction where there is an unsavory element."

Soval's lips pursed. "There is, are you sure you wish to proceed there?"

"It is not a Klingon bad sector, is it? I was under the impression humans had eliminated much of the violence."

"It is not that bad, Sarek, but that does not mean I think we should get out. I don't think many of the humans in this sector had ever seen an extra-terrestrial before."

Sarek smirked. "Perhaps given our unbonded state...a first contact situation would be beneficial."

Soval raised an eyebrow, then sighed. "I still do not believe we should leave the vehicle."

He stared out the window at the passing houses, and Sarek was quiet, his eyes on the speedometer. It was slowly decreasing, and Soval could feel the vehicle coming to a stop.

"Sarek..."

"We have enough fuel, Osu...a malfunction in the engine is causing this, not our fuel tank, or me. I am going to stop."

"It has been many years since I have looked at a motor on this type of vehicle. Do you have more experience?"

"My expertise is mostly with airbikes, but my father taught me enough about engines. I think I can make a prognosis."

"That would require you to leave the vehicle."

"We do not have communications, and I do not believe we should separate, if this neighborhood is as bad as you claim. I will take a look at the engine. Come, I welcome your opinion."

Sarek lifted the hood on the car and a cloud of steam erupted from the compartment as a flash that would have blinded them (had their second eyelid not engaged) blew the hood out of Sarek's hand. Both men stepped back, staring now at the small pops and flashes that followed, until the entire car went dark. Sarek folded his hands before him and then turned to Soval. "The prognosis is not good."

"Is that jocularity, Sarek?"

"No, simply a fact. I know I cannot fix it now. This will take extensive overhaul."

Soval looked around at the streets. The lights were coming on as the sun set. "We need to find a way to get to a communications port."

Sarek saw a woman walking toward them. He blinked twice; she was dressed in a piece of fabric that hardly covered her. "Perhaps this woman can be of assistance..."

Soval watched as the woman slowed her pace, her eyes flicking over their robes with a hungry gaze. "Hey, boys...car trouble?"

"Yes, T'Sai. Tell me, where is the nearest communications post?"

"Oh, a mile or two up the road," she said, grinning at him. Soval suddenly felt as if they shouldn't be talking to her, but he nodded in thanks.

"Your assistance honors us, ma'am," he said formally, bowing his head slightly. "You should be getting home. It will be dark soon, and I do not believe you would want to be out on the street in that...outfit."

She frowned and put her hands on her hips, but then smirked. "Fashion police, hm?"

"No such authority exists," he replied smoothly, raising an eyebrow. "However, it is cold. That garment surely does not keep you warm."

She grinned and chuckled. "Yeah, the point of this garment isn't for my warmth, it's to make," she paused and looked at Sarek and then Soval, running her fingers down the hem of their robes, "you two hot." She clicked her teeth together and winked.

It dawned on Sarek first. "You...you are looking for a mate?"

She tossed her dark hair over her shoulder. "Something like that. handsome."

"It seems an odd mating ritual, to walk in the cold with scant clothes on. How does that work?" Sarek asked neutrally.

Soval raised his hands. "Perhaps it is not wise to ask such a personal question."

The woman stepped closer to Sarek. "It's like this, stud...you pay me to go home with you, and I give you the night of your life."

Sarek stepped back slightly, and Soval could see limited comprehension coming from Sarek so he spoke in Vulcan, "I believe this woman is like a priestess that takes care of a man in his time, only for Earth men, that time could be any moment."

...

"Stop the car, Suki. Back up."

Suki frowned at her, but Clove nodded vigorously. "I thought I saw a Vulcan back there. They certainly had the right robes on, if they are Vulcan."

She immediately put the car in reverse and slowly backed up, and the light of the streetlamp revealed a notorious ambassador and another Vulcan in lavish robes, both talking somewhat guardedly to a hooker, who was pressing her advantage and touching them all over.

"Hey!" Clove shouted, jumping out of the car. "Back away from the Vulcans, sweetheart!"

"Whatever, you poser. Get lost. I'm trying to make some money here."

She shook her head. "I'll give you 20 credits just to go away, ok? Go home, put some clothes on, relax...take an evening off, ok, babe? It's freezing out here."

The hooker considered it for a moment, then nodded and took her money, her heels clicking on the pavement as she walked away. Clove watched her disappear around the corner, then turned her eyes on the Vulcans.

"Good evening," she said, bowing her head slightly. "What on Earth were you doing talking to her?"

Sarek blinked. "Are you two also patrolling the streets for mates?"

Suki clapped her hand over her mouth and snorted. Clove giggled outright. "No, sir, we're school teachers. We teach down the road at a daycare. We were just dropping off our last kid when we saw you. You gentlemen look a bit stranded, so we thought we'd stop and see if we could help you."

"Can we offer you a ride home, gentlemen?" Suki offered with a polite smile.

Soval nodded. "That would be appreciated. I am Ambassador Soval, and this is Ambassador Sarek." He motioned to the man at his side.

Clove bowed her head respectfully. "I'm Clove and this is my cousin and fellow teacher, Suki. Sit where you like, strap yourselves in...we're going to the Consulate? That is where you need to go, right?"

Soval nodded. "Indeed." He watched as Clove got in the back seat, and he followed, taking the next seat with her and motioning for Sarek to sit in the front.

Suki locked the doors once they were all in and pulled off. "I'm going to have to take the back way in guys...if I try to go the main route at this time, we'll be three hours in traffic. This way will be more efficient, and it will only take an hour and a half."

"So sit back and relax," Clove said, leaning back in her seat and getting comfortable.

"Teaching is an honorable profession," Sarek said. "I did not appreciate it at the time, but the tutor my father hired for me always drilled me in calculus equations. I did not enjoy that, as I would have preferred playing with my sehlat."

"What's a sehlat?" Clove murmured to Soval as Sarek continued his story.

"An animal," he replied quietly. "It resembles your saber-tooth tigers and your grizzly bears, to some extent. They are very large, and very loyal."

"Ah," she said. "Wow..."

"And I-Chiya buried my calculus equation homework in his sehlat house, thus giving me an excuse for not having done it."

"The dog ate my homework excuse?" Suki said with a grin.

Sarek's lips curled slightly and then relaxed. "Yes, only it was no excuse, it was the truth." He looked to Soval and then back to Clove. "Is it offensive to offer compensation for the ride, and for rescuing us from the woman hunting a mate?"

Clove giggled. "Not offensive, but not needed either. We travel that street every night, and we have seen her there taking lots of guys to where ever she does her thing. You both looked out of place, and she might have tried to scam you or get her name in the paper by being around you...it was the right thing to do."

Soval considered Clove as the others continued their conversation. Short, dark hair framed her face with dainty fringe, and her green eyes were the most earnest he'd seen on any species, let alone a human. She was a female of good character, and he bet that was an understatement. He noted her clothes, clean but well worn, he guessed that the money she gave the other woman might be the only money she had. Yet, she still did what was right. Looking at clove now he spoke, "You must allow us to repay your effort...it is the correct thing to do. We are both ambassadors. Surely you would allow us to give you your money back, and pay you for going so far at such an hour."

"Seriously, it's not a problem. We're both glad we could help," Clove insisted, but Suki was staring at the ambassador through the rear view.

"Hold your horses, Clove," the blonde woman said. "They can help us..."

"I don't follow you, babe."

"Remember? We promised the kids they'd get a visit from Santa."

Clove thought about it for a minute, a grin slowly lifting her lips. "Oh my...ok...yes, you two can help us by being jolly old elves for poor kids in need. We'll consider this favor repaid in full, and the charity work will look good for publicity. What do you say?"

"We must dress up as...elves?"

"Well, Santa Claus, and I suppose his elf helper. You may decide between you who plays who...if you did this for us, it would make the kids so happy. And we'd really appreciate that."

Sarek spoke first. "I have read about this holiday tradition on your world. It is believed by young children that a merry soul travels the globe delivering gifts. What gifts would we purchase?"

Clove smiled. "No, we have it taken care of, that part at least...all we need is for someone to play Santa and his helper. We can't afford to hire someone, and the guy who did it for us the last two years died over the summer. It's fine if you don't want to...I mean, you are important men."

Soval leaned toward Clove. "We will do it, but we will need more information on what our roles are. Will we be traveling from house to house? If so, we may need to secure transporter time."

Suki grinned. "Yeah, not that elaborate, ambassador. We host a kid's party at the school, make sure they have a good meal. Then we have Santa come in and pass out gifts as his helper gives them a bag of groceries to take home to their folks. Many of our kids are still...well, it's not exactly poverty, but there isn't a lot of money for extras."

Soval's brows furrowed. "And the school pays for this?"

"Not exactly," Clove said, already blushing.

"You pay for it out of your own account," Soval realized aloud. "That is...very generous of you."

"Tis the season," Clove said with a shrug. "These kids need this more than we do. We were lucky to grow up in families that had enough, but these kids aren't that lucky. And they're our students...like our own kids in a way. We'll give you all the information you need, links, pictures, videos, whatever you need. It's for the children."

The elder ambassador was pensive. "What is the name of the school were you teach?"

"Vaughn Armstrong Preschool. We teach ages 3-5. Music and art. And we volunteered to take care of the Christmas party this year."

He nodded, and she watched him, trying to interpret something in his gaze. "Tell me more about Santa Claus."

"Saint Nicholas was a bishop in Constantinople, Turkey back in...I think the 5th or 6th century...maybe...anyway, it was a very long time ago, and during the dead of winter, he would visit children and leave food and toys in their shoes. The name eventually changed as the idea of a gift-giving saint and/or elf spread across Europe. Saint Niclaus became Sinter Claus, then Santa Claus..."

She continued on her lecture, surprised the ambassador was even listening to her. It was gratifying to tell him (and Sarek; Suki had had enough of her ramblings) all about the history of Christmas, which she lectured on for the next half hour.

When Clove fell silent, Suki grinned, "And on top of all that history, each generation gives the next a bit of hope and love. "

Sarek thought a moment. "Would it not be better if the children knew the truth?"

"I don't know, but I do know it is an easy excuse to help and the families not feel bad about it. Many of these kids will wait to open their gifts until Christmas. Their parents work hard, they just don't have money for luxuries like toys. So Santa gives us the chance to give to the families, without them feeling like they're charities cases. Humans are kind of prideful, they don't take hand-outs easy."

"What of your families? Do your children and husband agree with your aiding these children?" Sarek asked as he looked at Suki.

"I have neither children or husband, it's just me, and well...Clove and I live together so it doesn't bother anything."

"And this year, my sister – Suki's cousin – is having a baby, but I...I can't go out there right now. I have...other things to do." Clove regretting even bringing this up. "But the baby isn't due until the day after Christmas, and there's always the comm. I'll get to see her and my sister either way."

"Where does your sister live?" Soval asked.

"Little Rock. We're both from Arkansas, but Suki's father is from Ohio. Southern girls, the both of us."

"You do not have a Southern American accent," the ambassador noted. Clove shrugged.

"I can imitate mah southern kin well enough, ambassador," she said in her best hick voice, then blushed. Suki burst out laughing, but Clove looked away.

"I find your voice...whether you are imitating your geographic dialect or not...endearing." Soval said to Clove, and the whole car settled into a cloying silence.

A few minutes later Suki cleared her throat. "We aren't too far from the Consulate now," she remarked just to break the silence, knowing her cousin felt bad about missing her sister and her family this year. "So, how do we get in contact with you to schedule this Santa and his elf thing?" She glanced over at Sarek who was looking at her already.

Soval saw the Consulate coming up on the left and he glanced at Clove. "I find you both to be reputable people, who engage in an honorable task. Speaking only for myself, I would give you my private comm frequency."

"Oh, I don't mind going through official channels, if that's easier-"

Soval held up his hand. "It would be simpler to give you my private comm frequency. May I see your PADD?"

She took it out, trying to steady her trembling hands, and she watched him input his number in her contacts. She suddenly felt way too hot, and she could feel that her cheeks were burning. She had the sudden urge to reach out and trace every dignified line on his face, and brush her thumb across his plush lips. She blinked away the sudden urge, clenching her fists, and she frowned when the ambassador flared his nostrils as he handed her the PADD.

Sarek followed his suit and held out his hand for Suki's PADD as she parked the car in front of the Consulate. "May I?"

She handed it to him with a smile. "Thank you so much. No matter what Clove says, it is way easier to reach you through direct channels rather than deal with secretaries and all that jazz..."

"They do not play jazz music at the Consulate. Are you fond of that style?"

She stared at him for a long moment, then started giggling. "It's an expression, ambassador."

He felt his ears begin to flush green. "It seems I need more education on your idioms and phrases."

Suki grinned as he took the PADD back from her. "I am a teacher..." she whispered.

Soval handed Clove her PADD back. "I am agreeable that we have met. Thank you." He paused, staring at both of them with a pensive gaze. "Thank you both for your service. We will contact you soon."

They opened their doors in one synchronized movement, and Soval turned and raised the ta'al to them; he nodded to Sarek, who held up a discreet ta'al, and both of the men vanished behind the doors of the Consulate.

Clove climbed into the seat next to Suki, and both women sat there looking blankly forward. "That was beyond bizarre," the blonde said, pulling off from the curb.

"And so cool," Clove agreed, holding her PADD against her chest. "You know we have their private numbers...

"Yeah, I do, and we nearly didn't, Miss Official Channels."

Clove giggled. "This is so cool!"