Prologue

Simon sat in his room wondering about his future. Mary was in Buffalo as a flight attendant, Lucy was becoming a celebrant, Matt was studying Medicine and marrying Sarah, Ruthy planned to be an equestrian and the twins were two young to understand. What about him? He was just a 17-year-old guy with an old catillac and licence just 3 days old. In fact, who was he? He was the reverend's son, Matts brother, the 'good' guy.

No body understood him. No body understood how he felt or what he was thinking. They all thought they did. Everybody thought the scars on his wrist came from a cat that didn't like him. No one realised that he did them himself. Not even his own girlfriend realised. Or should I say ex- girlfriend. She dumped him for Morris. Cheapskate. He had no friends now.

Matt thought that something was wrong. At least someone did. However, matt thought he had an eating disorder cause he had gotten a little thinner. How embarrassing, an eating disorder. I guess he could think of it that at least someone cared.

All he wanted to do though was run away. Run away where someone didn't know him and where could escape his constant pain. It seemed the only time he could do that though was when he was drunk or high. His moments of 'ecstasy' had been coming more and more frequently lately. It had been costing him a lot of cash but... His parents thought that he was baby- sitting when he went to the raves. Last time he went to the rave he ended up with some girl. He didn't even know her name. He felt even worse after because his father always preached against premarital sex in church. Especially drunken premarital sex. The last few weeks had been worse for Simon. His feelings for Morris had become stronger.

Every time he saw him now he giggled like a little schoolgirl. He didn't want to feel this way. He wasn't gay. He couldn't be. He told himself that often. It was the last blow that really sent Simon over the edge. He couldn't hack it any more. He had to get out of there.