I am currently in the process of two new stories after a very long hiatus. Well, more of one shots than stories, but they can actually be continued, or stay in their place, depending on what type of reviews I get. This story idea, while sort of common, has been bugging me for awhile, and I decided to take a crack at my own personal way of writing it out.
Summary: Orihime wasn't sure how she made it this far in life, or how she even made it to the edge of this cliff, staring at nothing but ocean beneath her. Could even the voice of her old college sweetheart jog her memory back?
Warnings: Thoughts of Suicide, Love Scene.
Song: Coldplay - Swallowed In The Sea (after lyrics, italics are Orihime's thoughts.)
Enjoy (:
Oh what good is it to live
With nothing left to give
Forget but not forgive
Not loving all you see
Oh the streets you're walking on
A thousand houses long
Well that's where I belong
And you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea
I'm not quite sure how I got this far in life, or how I even came face to face with at least a 200 foot drop into the ice cold ocean. Life is so fragile, dangling at the tip of finger tips. Well, in this case, my feet and whether I decided to walk about three steps ahead of me and plummet to the bottom of this ocean. How did I get here? Wasn't I just at the wedding of my best friend, Rukia Kuchiki, and my High School love, Ichigo Kurosaki? Perhaps the brutality of being smacked in the face by the two people you loved after they threw their perfect relationship right at you had done it for me. Perhaps it was their vows?
"It was since day one, once you walked into that classroom, it was you. With no eyes for any other female. A black background and a shimmering gaze on the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on. I knew it was love at first sight, even if you didn't know right away. I knew you were that one for me in just a split second of seeing your big, bright, grey eyes and the smile you threw me as you told me your name, Rukia Kuchiki, and you had just moved from Hueco Mundo, to our lonely, boring Karakura Town. How very happy I was to be so lucky to find this love so quickly in my lifetime, and now I will have no regrets. This love of ours is true, worth every other love anyone else could ever feel, and eternal. My life, my heart, my everything, to no other than you, Mrs. Kurosaki."
My heart clenched, as if an invisible hand had made its way through my chest and were squeezing it to a bloody pulp. Actually, I'm simply just a lonely and pathetic woman. I am now 27 years old. This wedding? It had taken place almost 5 years ago, after we had all graduated our college class. Honestly, I only remembered such words because I had watched the video I had recorded more than a hundred times, and it stuck to me. My High School love, off with my best friend. The man I had known since we were children, whipped away by some random in mere seconds of stepping foot into our Freshman classroom.
I only know pain, sorrow, sadness, loneliness. Nobody would want a pathetic woman like me. With all of this crashing down on me in one go, I can't handle living. I had contemplated it many times, of the darkness that is nothing. Multiple times while bathing. Have you any idea how easy it would be to just slip under the bath water for half a minute, only to have life dwindle away? So many times staring at a vacant road. How simple would it be to just lie there, maybe even take a quick nap, before some crazed lunatic come speeding, over 30 miles over the speed limit, only to squish my body?
Maybe even going to see the vigilantes. They'd have no problem putting me out of my misery. Of course, not until after they had used my body for their sick and cruel desires. No doubt they'd take me away from this life in a painful, sick manner. Perhaps I deserve such a death. I had never made it easy on anyone. Maybe that would be life showing its anger with me, and give me the pain I've caused others all in one go. I never knew what happened to me. After college and the wedding I dreaded the most, my life stopped.
My heart split into two, and my brain snapped, taking a toll for the worse. But these three, measly steps ahead of me.. So simple to end it all. To run away from my problems. That's what a coward would do, right? Isn't that what I am? A woman afraid of being lonely for the rest of her life? Isn't this the cowardly way out? Can't I end all of this pain in one cannonball straight through the ocean that would pierce my skin like sharp, frozen shards? Yes, that is the way a coward should go. Straight off this cliff, and plummeting to my death.
Those three steps were so easy to make, but once I moved to make the first, I hear a familiar voice. A damn familiar voice. A voice I hadn't heard since I graduated from college. I stopped in my tracks, my body tensed up and the tears I always refused to hold in, began to fall like a raging waterfall. I clenched my teeth and I tried to move forward. I had to do this, I had to end my misery. Nobody could save me now.
"Orihime!" The voice screamed.
Ignore it. Ignore it! Just take this step, and you'll be gone for good! God. I wanted to turn around. I had to turn around. I needed to turn around. I needed to make sure. If I didn't, I would have one regret with my intentional death. I knew I couldn't though. If I did, even that would give me a small glimmer of hope that would change my plans for tonight completely. So I had to take this step. And I moved to take that step, but a strong hand pulled me back into warm arms.
"What on earth is this stupid girl doing," Questioned the voice.
Nothing could deny that voice. That damned monotone voice! Why? Why now? Why did he have to show up now? Where was he all these years? Where was he when I needed him the most? When I had lost my sanity? When I had cried every single night? When I attempted suicide so many more times than I could imagine? Just.. why now?
"Ul..qui.."
I can't even bring myself to say his name. Not that it would have mattered. He pulled me even closer, my head buried in his chest, and he squeezed his arms tightly around me. This wasn't going to work. It couldn't. He was missing for five years! He can't just come back and think a safe embrace would change my mind, or even bring my sanity back. He left me.. He didn't even tell me where he was going! How did he even find me here?
"Hime-" I cut him off almost instantly. I looked up to him with glaring, tear filled, red eyes.
"You lost every privilege to call me that. Do not ever call me that." I tried so hard to sound angry, but I sounded more depressed than anything. I could tell he didn't believe me either, because I still stayed in his arms. I couldn't bring myself to break away anyway.
Perhaps this is actually what had brought me to the edge of this cliff.. My forever broken, shattered, mutilated heart that this man had left me with. My college lover, Ulquiorra Cifer. And for what reason, I have no clue.
"Words cannot describe how deeply, terribly, truly apologetic I am for leaving you five years ago," Yeah, bullshit. "You may hate me for the rest of this lifetime, and even more after that," Damn right. "I will never be able to explain to you why I had to do what I did," No fucking surprise. "And I will probably never be able to understand the pain I put you through," Oh, you know.. I was only about to jump off a fucking cliff. "But, Orihime Inoue, I never stopped loving you."
Those were the three words I didn't want to hear. This is the very reason I didn't want to turn around to see the man I had feared, and even hoped it would be. I had dreamed so many times of hearing those words again. I had cried myself to sleep night after night because I didn't know I'd be able to hear those words again. But what kind of woman would I be to take back a man who had left me, broke my heart and can't even tell me why he did? He could so easily hurt me again, the exact same way he did all those years ago. But do I go back to my plan and still kill myself? I'm so confused..
"Why is this stupid girl trying to commit suicide?" Ulquiorra asked.
This bastard.. I want to hurt him so badly, but even I, a depressed, lonely, insane woman, couldn't bring myself to do it.
"Why doesn't she respond to any of my questions?"
I clenched my teeth and tried to stop the tears. I wanted to answer him so badly. More than he'd probably ever know. I tried to open my mouth, and he must have felt it against his shirt, now damp with my tears. I had squeezed me harder, as if he was trying to tell me not to respond quite yet. I felt his chin rest onto of my head.
"Could this broken woman ever learn how to love this broken man again?"
My eyes widened, and with all my strength, I pushed myself away enough to look up at him. He easily pulled me back into his strong grip. I couldn't take this. It was all too much to handle. Just minutes ago, I was contemplating suicide. Now, I have the man who made me feel most alive telling me he still loves me, that he wants me to love him back. I just want to jump. I just want to forget this all. I can't even promise to forgive him. He can't even tell me his reasoning for leaving..
"Ulquiorra.." I said, my voice sounding broken. I think I had finally reached my breaking point. I had started to slam my fists into his chest without realizing, but he took it. He knew he deserved it.
"Why? Why? WHY?" I screamed so loudly. I wanted answers, I needed these answers! "Why... Why did you do this to me? How could you hurt me so much? Who do you think you are! Why would you even come back after all these damn years!?" My voice didn't even sound like my own. All I know is that I was furiously pounding my fists against his hard chest. I think my hands are going numb. My throat hurt so much from my screams. I wanted to push him off this cliff. But I'll be damned if I wasn't following close behind him. "Please," I was so broken. "Give me the answers.."
My fists had began to slow their rapid attack, and Ulquiorra had grabbed my fists into his hands. He brought my knuckles to his mouth and placed gently kisses on them. I guess he knew that I had hurt myself during my frenzy. My eyes had become puffy, and my tears dried in the corners of my eyes and on my face. I think I had cried all I could. I looked at her hands, and I opened my mouth to say something, I had snapped it shut. That shine was undeniable. A ring on this man's left hand.
I was wrong, I hadn't cried all I could. By the time I had seen that sight, my tears free fell again.
"What is that?" I had asked that more clumsily than I wanted to. My voice had cracked a bit towards the end, and it sounded like I was hitting puberty all over again. If I wasn't already so weak, I would have started my brutal attack from earlier again, just in a more deadly manor. "I said," I said this through clenched teeth, and the next part in a furious scream. "WHAT IS THAT!?"
That was without a doubt a ring to show love. It had to be. There was no doubting it! He was married. So why the hell is he here? Why is he toying me? Why is this man making my life anymore worse than it already is!? Doesn't he understand it was his fault to even begin with?
"Stop shouting, you'll lose your beautiful voice. Please, come with me. I will answer all of your questions away from this cliff,"
He said those words as if nothing was wrong. As if he could fix this all with just a matter of a few explanations. I glared at him. "You're MARRIED!" I screamed at him. My voice didn't even make him jump, and he didn't even seem surprised. Just who the hell does this man think he is?
"I promise you, any and every question you have will be answer. Just let me take you home, Hime." I should have slapped him right then and there, but I didn't. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't bring myself to hurt him, even though he had hurt me so much. I looked at him with my tear filled eyes, and I was begging him for answers. As against it as I was, I needed to know these answers, so I allowed him to walk me back to his car to drive me home.
The car ride was quick and quiet. I had lived in the same home that I had been in with my brother, and even after his death. As we pulled into the driveway, Ulquiorra had stared at me in the corner of his eyes. He had always done that, that's why I recognized it so easily. I looked away from him and opened the car door. I all but ran to my door only to realize I must have forgotten the key inside when I was in a cloudy train of suicidal thoughts earlier. I pressed my forehead against the door, and I could feel Ulquiorra's presence behind me. I turned to him.
"May I?"
He was pointing to the barrette that held my bangs back from falling into my face. I had long since began to wear my hair pins on my shirt. I pulled the barrette out of my hair, handing it to him. I had almost forgot that this man could probably break into any building he wanted to. He was so quick with his fingers. He had my door open in mere seconds. I almost didn't want to walk into my own home. Being in there alone with him was my dream come true, but after all this time, I wasn't so sure anymore.
Ulquiorra must have saw my hesitance because I gave me a gentle push to make me walk into the house. And I did just that. I walked and didn't stop. I didn't stop until I heard my front door close and heard the lock turn. I could hear Ulquiorra rustling and I knew he had taken off his jacket because I heard him place it on the coat rack. My back was completely facing him. I heard his footsteps as he approached me. I wanted him to. He knew I would become vulnerable once we were alone in my house.
Strong arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I felt a chin on my shoulder and I heard his voice, no longer monotone, return to the voice he had only ever spoke in when he was alone with me.
"My beautiful girl, what would you like to know?"
He had said it so calmly. His voice was smooth and it had brought my tears back. The last time he had held me like this and spoke to me like this was five years ago. We had been posing for a picture at our college graduation. I remember it clearly. I even have the photo framed on the wall in my bedroom. My voice was broken, choppy, raspy..
"Why did you hurt me so badly?"
It was a needy question, I knew this already. I was scared to hear the answer, but I know that the truth would finally set me free from my cowardly ways. I had placed my hands on top of his hands, which had been folded over top each other on my stomach. I gripped his hand with my own, preparing for the worst. He gave a gentle squeeze to my and finally gave me a well waited and well deserved answer.
"I am not able to tell you everything, but I can tell you that I did it for your own safety. I left for a business that my father was unable to do alone. It was dangerous. It could have risked the life of the only woman that I had ever grown to love after my mother. You may choose to believe this or to not. All I ask is for this one night with you, and I will never return, if that is your wish."
He was so gentle with his answer. It was an answer that caused my heart to flutter. It was something I wanted to hear. It wasn't anything bad. At that moment, I was so relieved to hear the kindness of his response. This man was never one to lie, and I believed him. I trusted him with my life.
"Though I'm not sure I did a very good job protecting you if I came back to find you about to jump off a cliff,"
I smiled. It was weak, but it was there. That was something else he never showed anyone else. He had a sort of humor to him, and I loved it so much. He was always free with me. Just moments ago, I was about to jump off a cliff. What does this put me at in life now? My thoughts had came to a stop as Ulquiorra was swift with his movements to turn me towards him. His hand lifted my chin up, and he was slowly leaning in towards me. This was like a magnet, because I was quickly closing in closer to him as well. I wanted to. I needed to.
This is what I needed. I needed to feel the man who I was madly in love with, and am still madly in love with. I need to be with the man who's love I had disguised with hatred for my Kurosaki friends. This would set me free. This would bring me back to reality which is me and this man making it happen, again. Just as our lips were about to touch, Ulquiorra paused for one moment to admit to me,
"I fucking love you,"
And his lips gently pressed against mine. The kiss was slow, passionate, fiery. It sent a shock to my heart. My heart felt whole. It was warm, it was pounding roughly against my chest. I'm sure Ulquiorra can feel it as well. I had fell so deep into the kiss, I had allowed my eyes to finally fluttered closed. I melted into his arms. My knees became weak and they quickly trembled. Ulquiorra lifted me and supported me, never breaking this long waited kiss. He was telling me the truth. With just this very kiss, I could feel the honesty in his passion.
He placed his hands on my hips. Knowing what he expected me to do, I wrapped my arms around his neck and I jumped up to lock my legs around his waist. Biting my bottom lip and then licking it right after, I denied this man no entrance to what could easily become his again. Opening my mouth slightly, he had gently pushed his tongue into my waiting mouth. Five years of never feeling this. Five years of never feeling the much needed loving kiss this man only ever showed me. Five years to feel the shock that goes through my body only when I am with this man.
Our tongues danced in a heated, passionate kiss. At this rate, I was never going to let go of this man. I could probably lose my breath during this very moment and still die happily ever after. His teeth and grazed my tongue before he pulled back, gasping for air. He opened his eyes. He always had such beautiful, green eyes. I always found myself lost in them. I always saw our future in them. His emeralds always told me such a story. I guess he saw me staring because he gave me a small smile before planting another kiss to my lips.
This time, I pulled back. I gazed into his eyes, a look of longing that only he knew. And he carried me upstairs and into the very bedroom we used to share together. He carried me and laid me onto the bed where we developed many memories together. All good and bad. He climbed on top of me, in the bed that we had made love in so many times five years before. Tears welled in my eyes as I thought back at all the amazing times she had, and to all the amazing she could have had in these past five years.
As tears fell from my eyes, Ulquiorra wiped them away with his thumbs. He gave me a sad smile and I could tell he had also remembered our life together. And now, I knew the answer to give this man.
"Is it true, that this broken man could still love this broken woman?"
I asked this in a half sad, half happy voice. Needing no words, we brought our lips together again. In our own mess of sheets, clothes and pillows, we would answer this question together. In seconds, our hands were on each other, our lips never breaking. It hadn't occurred to me that Ulquiorra may have been wearing the shirt I had got him on his 21st birthday. He had absolutely loved it, or so he said he did. In any case, I didn't want to open my eyes to see if it was. This shirt was buttoned down, and quite easy to unbutton for more easy access to his toned body.
I missed this. I missed feeling his body on top of mine. I missed how we were always so greedy when he came to each other. We could never get enough once we started. And I had almost forgotten his aggressiveness until I felt him rip my shirt off, literally. It was so very worth it. He had pushed my bra above my breasts and began to knead them delicately. He broke away from our kiss long enough to tell me how much he had missed every single part of my body. I believed this, he was touching me as if he hadn't touched a woman's body since we had last laid together. While I had never touched a man since Ulquiorra, I'm not sure if it's the same for him. At this moment, it didn't matter.
He was pinching my nipples all while nibbling all over my bottom lip. He was so gentle, yet so aggressive at the same time. I loved it so much. He had the most amazing touch. He pulled away from our kiss, and took one of my nipples into his mouth, and sucked on it. I moaned out at the lost feeling that was finally back after so many years. I could feel his lower half as it was pressed against mine. I could feel how hard this man was, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited to feel him after this long. As a teasing gesture, I brushed my hand against the growing bulge in his pants. I guess he sensed my teasing of his arousal and he bit more harder on my nipple than he usually did. I hissed in pain and bit my bottom lip.
I could tell he wanted to feel all of me. He hastily unbuttoned my jean shorts and removed them from my body. All that was left on my body was my bra which was already half off, and my panties. I thought it was unfair and so I unbuttoned his pants, and began to push them down his waist and allowed him to remove the rest. The bulge was very noticeable in his boxers, and it was a very sexy sight. Ulquiorra pulled away from my breast and brought my body up with his. He reached behind me and unclasped my bra and removed it from my body. He pushed me back onto the bed and wasted no time in taking off his boxers. It was a sight that I had waited to see for five years. Not even my dreams could make it seem so real.
I just about wanted to crawl to him, and he could see that hungry look in my eye.
"Some other time. I want to make love to you, now."
He said this with a voice that I only ever heard when he was beyond horny. It was sexy. And before I knew it, my panties were off and the emptiness I had felt, waiting for this man to return to me, was finally gone. He had made it slid so easily inside of me as if he were always made to be here. I moaned his name, and he groaned at the sudden warmth and wetness wrapped around him. Imagining this never did the real thing justice. I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought him into a heated kiss. He gently moved inside of me. His movements made me believe he was savoring this moment, as if he'd never have it again. I wanted to cry, but I stopped myself and continued to put as much passion as I could in this kiss. I didn't want this love making to end.
His movements were slow, deep, gentle. Our bodies are molded together in this intimacy, in this passionate and loving sex. He pulled out of me, leaving me empty, making me whine into our kiss. He effortlessly flipped us both over and I knew exactly what he wanted. With his hands on my hips as guidance, I road him. I bounced on him in the same slow pace that he had used in our missionary position. This is perfect. Our bodies connected and completely full of each other's love. This is beyond perfect. Being completely full of the man who makes me feel most alive.
I could tell he was getting close to release, and I was coming close to my third. I wanted to do it at the same time, like old times. He flipped us back over again, and I know that he understood from my pleading eyes that I wanted our release to be in sync. He never used a fast pace with rough movements. He filled me up with every push after pull. He brought his thumb to lips and drew a line across them. I opened my mouth and did exactly what I used to always do. I licked and sucked on the tip of his thumb. Once he pulled it away, he began to work on my clit. He rubbed it in circular motions, in the same pace as his thrusts.
I moaned out at the feeling. I was kind of sensitive from my past two orgasms, but he always made sure that we both came at the same time in the end. Only slightly did he quicken his pace, and that's when I knew he was at his peak. With both of my hands, I grabbed his face and pulled him to meet my lips. I kissed him so deeply, and my moan melted into his mouth as I shook uncontrollably in intense pleasure. His thrusts slowed, and he buried himself deeply inside of me. His groans melted into my mouth as I felt his seed shoot deep inside of me. I never thought I'd have this feeling again.
As we both came down from our high, he pulled out of me and I could feel his seed following soon after. I was so tired. So much had happened this night and I just wanted to sleep. I'd clean up first thing in the morning. I turned to my side, and Ulquiorra scooped me up in his arms and cuddled me as close as possible.
"Sleep with me tonight, beautiful girl."
I always loved that nickname he gave me. It made a smile form on my lips and I slowly fell asleep, finally in peace.
I woke up the next morning in bed, alone. If I wasn't naked, and the love juice stains weren't on my bed sheets, I would think I just had an incredibly vivid dream last night. Then again, I was alone. So I went on with my same morning routine. I went to the shower and washed up, and stared at myself in the mirror. Except today, I didn't see myself as a miserable woman anymore. I saw myself as someone who can continue life, even if that past night were to only happen one more time.
Combing my hair with my fingers and then tucking my bangs behind my ears, I stared at myself. No, not myself, but my hand. A glimmer had glowed in the mirror from the lights. My eyes widened. I had felt miserable this morning after thinking I had slept with a married man, but wasn't this the ring that I saw Ulquiorra wearing last night? I put my hand in front of me and examined the ring. It was no doubt the same, but Ulquiorra fingers were bigger than mine. Where did he find the time to re-size the ring?
I ran downstairs. I was hoping with some sort of luck that Ulquiorra would be down there, waiting for me. He wasn't. But a note with the same cursive handwriting he had always used to write little love notes for her every morning when they lived together was sitting on the living room coffee table. It read,
"My beautiful girl, Orihime.
I didn't want to leave you so early this morning.
I know you might think I have abandoned you.
But that decision is up to you.
The ring I have given you is the ring my father gave to my mother.
The ring I have on is the ring my father wore when they married.
These two rings are the rings I am hoping we will get married with.
If you do not wish to see me, place the ring I have given you into the mailbox.
Tonight, at 8 PM I will come to check it.
If it's not there, I will know you still want to be with me,
and we will marry like we always dreamed of.
If it is there, I will never bother you again.
Just know that I will always love you, beautiful girl."
Hopefully your future husband,
Ulquiorra.
My dreams have come true. I thought it was obvious the sex we had last night was not just sex, but it was in fact us expressing our love to one another. Perhaps only I realized that? In any case, 8 PM is just simply too far away for him to see that I will, in fact have this beautiful ring on my finger still. I can't believe I threw such a fit, thinking he was married to another woman. I really am a loser. I walked to the door and took my coat off of the coat rack, realizing Ulquiorra had left his. I grabbed his and took my key off the door. I'd have to change my bed sheets when I get back.
I just hope Ulquiorra is still living at the same address as before he left.
And boom. The end. Don't say it's a cliffhanger, because we all know she's gonna say yes. I don't leave sad endings in my UlquiHime stories. SURE, I MIGHT HAVE SAD MOMENTS, BUT NEVER SAD ENDINGS. THEY ALWAYS END UP TOGETHER, YOU ALL KNOW THIS! And the lemon was weak. Well, that's why I didn't call it a lemon. I called it a love scene. In any case, I know Orihime and Ulquiorra are both OOC, but that was intentional. Orihime was once a hyper and talkative girl before, but.. she just turned into a depressed woman.
Ulquiorra is super lovey dovey in here and probably wouldn't say most of the shit I put in here, but hey. That's me. I love the idea of a loving Ulquiorra. But yeah. My fingers hurt. I can't believe wrote all this in like two hours. What's wrong with me, people? WHATEVER.
I swear, I will punch your jaw with a fiery fist if you flame my reviews. But constructive criticism is always welcomed! I know I need it. :)
-Cat(:
