Maybe next time

Merlin stared out into the moon lit night from the top of the castle, blinking away the tears that were threatening to fall from his broken blue eyes. Merlin ran a hand through his black hair causing it to fall into his eyes.

It was just everything and everyone. Merlin could see all their faces in his mind Freya, Will, Balinor, Hunith, Gaius, Lancelot, Gwaine, Percy, Gwen, Elyan, Morgana, Mordred, Uthur, Arthur, The Druids and everyone else. Swirling round and round his head like they were caught in a breeze. They were all dead, dying or going to die because of him. This he considered a fact. Merlin unconsciously fingered his hunting knife, the thoughts of death running and whizzing around his mind.

Could he do it? Could he end it all and kill himself? Could he take the so called coward's way out? Would this save the lives of those he had yet to kill? He brought the blood stained knife up to his face and frowned inspecting it, it all seemed too easy. All their faces played through his mind once again, all his good memories returning to the surface of his mind making him almost forget the bad times.

Would they want him to kill himself? Merlin frowned in thought and confusion. "No, they wouldn't" he whispered and put the knife back in to his pocket. He wouldn't die tonight; maybe just maybe he'd live. Merlin stared out into the moon lit night, smiled sadly and whispered "Maybe next time"...