Chapter 1
On Memories and Hope
NOTES:
Hi everyone and welcome to this short fic!
First of all, thank you for trying out this story, it really means a lot to me.
I already finished writing this and will upload a chapter every 2 - 3 days :D (5 chapters in total)
I hope you will enjoy!
Ps. For those of you who have read "Little Loki's Big Adventure" or "A Tale of the Trickster and the Spider", this fic will be a bit darker and, well, a lot less Fluff, so please keep that in mind!
pps. There's not a lot of violence, but the parts that are violent are rather graphic.
Regret was a luxury he could no longer afford.
Guilt used to be such a cruel mistress
And love,
Love is a parasite, slowly eating away on your sanity.
Tony had learned long before this moment.
He took a deep breath and turned off the machinery that were still softly humming in the background.
He grabbed his desk chair and sat down, his elbows resting on his knees as his hands were folded. God, he should have stored a bottle of Scotch here in his workroom.
He sighed and looked at the body that was displayed at his feet.
There was an ominous silence lingering in the Avengers Compound as Tony made his way from his workshop to the kitchen. Birds were singing in the large open gardens as crystal white snow fell from the skies.
Tony looked into the garden through a window, his eyes falling on the snow-covered training grounds. God, he hated the cold and dark days before Christmas. He sighed deeply as a memory played in front of his eyes like an old black and white movie. He saw the shapes of his friends, Natasha and Clint, who were standing at the shooting range, endlessly arguing back and forth on who hit the most targets, making Tony wonder how the two ever became such close friends.
But Natasha was gone, and so was Clint. The archer chose a life with his family, away from all the dangers and uncertainties that came with being an Avenger. Tony could understand. As for Natasha, well, who knew where she was. All Tony knew was that she had left the life of a spy behind her after S.H.I.E.L.D. had announced its resignment.
He looked up at the sky, staring at grey clouds which, in his mind, ebbed away to show a bright blue atmosphere. Vision, Rhodey and Sam were hovering mid-air, waiting for Wanda to give them the signal to start their aerial race. Of course, Vision would come in first, but it was never an easy win. Falcon would come in second, only by mere seconds. Rhodey came in third, after which he would always complain to Tony, telling him that War Machine's rocket boots were in desperate need of an upgrade. The playboy explaining to him, again, that the suit was more like a flying tank than a fast military aircraft.
Vision and Wanda had decided to start a life, together. They were now residing in a small town at the outskirts of the Sokovian capital, not too far from the cemetery where Pietro Maximoff was buried. Wanda seemed happy, at ease.
As for Rhodey and Sam, they each got their own apartment in Brooklyn. They started working for the United States Department of Veterans Affairs, helping any of their fellow veterans who were suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.
Grey skies came back to Tony's vision again as the memories faded. He shook his head and continued his way to the kitchen to get himself a much-needed cup of coffee. He looked up at the kitchen table as he entered the designated room, finding it completely empty. Normally, he would smile at Peter, who was sitting there, headphones blocking all other noises as he was concentrated on his homework. He could hear Thor and Bruce, standing in front of the refrigerator, amazing each other over the differences in cuisine between Asgard and Earth. Thor claiming that fish and meat go perfectly well together as long as there was a large glass of Asgardian liquor to chug it down. Bruce would beg the differ, saying that it should be either meat or fish, not both, though he reluctantly admitted that with a good BBQ, both could be eaten at the same time, leaving Thor to laugh in victory.
Tony has lost count on how many times these puny arguments had kept him from his work. He would curse under his breath or plainly shout at them, each time the two would come to him to settle another disagreement. What he wouldn't give to hear them raise their voices again.
But Bruce had disappeared, telling the remaining Avengers something about going to India, making everyone raise a questioning brow as he left right after Natasha. For as far as Tony knew, the two could be relaxing at the Bahama's right now, their toes digging into warm sand while the sound of the calming waves of the ocean filled the air. And why shouldn't they…
Thor had gone back to Asgard, something about finding a suitable heir to the throne… or it had something to do with Loki, or both, he couldn't really remember. As for Peter, he got enlisted into the greatest school for technicity. It came as no surprise to the playboy that the teen managed to get in all by himself. After all, he was very smart, inventive, and extremely curious. Tony could not be more proud of him.
Tony almost smiled as all the memories started to come back.
Almost.
He placed a small delicate glass on the grit of the coffee machine, selecting a Double Espresso as he absentmindedly listened to the slow ticking of the clock on the wall. He used to manage just fine, living on his own. He used to go to fancy parties and drink till he barely knew his own name. He would work, his company being his precious, and only, child. But now, now he felt like he had lost it all. The Avenger Initiative was over and so was S.H.I.E.L.D. This was what they had been fighting for all those years, to finally end the war against higher powers and secure Earth's safety.
"There was an idea"
God, it sounded like the beginning of a very bad fairy tale.
"To bring together a group of remarkable people"
Yeah, "remarkable", that was one way to describe them…
"To see if we could become something more"
The volatile and self-obsessed Tony Stark becoming a team-player. It sure was a risky move, Fury…
"So when they needed us, we could fight the battles"
Oh, how they have fought, how they have recklessly risked their lives in every battle.
"that they never could."
And now they had no need for them anymore…
Tony took a sip from his piping hot drink, not even noticing how it burned his tongue. He leaned against the counter top for a moment, wondering when it was last that he had felt this miserable, or better yet, this useless. His friends were all doing fine without him, the entire world was doing fine without him.
With a frustrated sigh, he threw away the coffee in the sink and reached for the cabinet above. He pulled out a bottle of expensive scotch and placed it at his lips, not even bothering to grab a glass anymore.
Here is to old times, to being a single player again.
A heavy sound coming from outside stopped Tony from tilting the bottle. He focused for a second, trying to grasp what made such a loud noise, a smile finally forming on his face as he realized what it was.
'About damn time,' he smirked as he placed the bottle back in the cabinet and started to walk towards the front-door. He peeked outside through passing windows, his smile only widening as he saw the familiar Harley-Davidson motorcycle on the driveway. Its wheels covered in snow.
'Cap.'
'Tony,' Steve smiled as he hanged his jacket on the coat rack. 'Missed me so much that you kept waiting by the door?'
'Like a good dog,' Tony let out a scoffing snort as he crossed his arms. 'Really though, don't flatter yourself like that, Rogers. I was just on my way to the kitchen to get some coffee, you want some?'
'Coffee would be great, thanks.' The blond chuckled, hanging his ocean blue scarf, which matched his eyes so perfectly, next to his coat. He blew in his cold hands, trying to warm his fingers.
'Forgot your gloves again?' Tony asked as he looked at the other man's white knuckles.
'As always,' Steve admitted, his cheeks coloring in a light pink blush, making Tony wonder whether that was because of the cold or the slight embarrassment.
'You're an idiot, Rogers.' A one-sided smile formed on Tony's face as he wrapped his hands around those of the blond. He knew Steve did not cope well with cold, not for long anyway. The captain would always put on a brave face during missions, just like he did during their search for Loki's scepter in Sokovia, but Tony knew better. Steve had told him a couple of years ago. The two of them were walking in the gardens, a cold breeze shifted through the air, causing Steve to fall quiet and huddle deep within the collar of his jacket, his hands buried in its pockets.
Trying to get the captain to smile again, Tony playfully jumped onto the frozen pond, pulling the blond along with him. It was at that moment that Tony saw true panic reflecting in the man's azure eyes. Once inside the warmth of the Avengers Compound, Steve admitted how he was terrified, how the cold constantly reminded him of the moment his plane crashed into subzero waters and consumed his body in an unforgiving and freezing darkness. How he could not move, how he could not breath. How he suffocated, slowly feeling the lack of air burning his lungs.
'Tony?'
…
'Tony?'
The playboy looked up as Steve's gentle voice pulled him from his thoughts. 'Hm?'
'You can let go now,' the blond smiled gratefully, gesturing to their still intertwined hands. 'I think they warmed up quite a bit, thanks.'
'Oh, yeah, sure,' Tony quickly let go of the hands, leading the way towards the kitchen.
He was grateful. So very grateful. All the Avengers had left the compound, all his friends had started to live lives of their own. All of them had left him, one after the other, except for one…
Steven Grant Rogers remained in the compound, staying by Tony's side. Whether it was because he had no intention to leave him or because he simply had no money to move on his own, Tony did not know. What he did know however was that he was glad to have the man by his side, making himself believe that the blond stayed just for him. As long as Steve was with him, as long as the man who he had come to love so dearly remained by his side, Tony just knew he would be fine. Somehow.
He was so very grateful, except for one thing…
'Bucky's place really is a mess right now,' Steve sighed as he sat down on the white leather couch, 'there really is nothing left of his kitchen, that fire burned down everything.'
'I see,' Tony managed to respond as casual as possible, handing the man his coffee and sitting down next to him. 'Tell me again, what kind of cooking causes a kitchen to explode? I mean, I know I'm no Gordon Ramsay myself, but…'
'Well, you know how he lives in that really old apartment, right?'
'You call that oversized closet an apartment?'
Steve shook his head with a chuckle and continued, 'Turns out the gas pipelines were no good. They were leaking, the cold brought in tiny little cracks until they nearly exploded. Well, that's basically what happened, Buck tried to turn on the stove and, well, now the entire kitchen is gone.'
'And you thought it was a good idea to spend the night at his place with all that gas leaking out? You really are an idiot.' Tony said jokingly, though a hint of sincere worry shot through his eyes. He then took a deep breath and calmly took a sip of his coffee. He saw from the corner of his eye how Steve had shifted in his seat to turn towards him, the blond's warm fingers now slightly fiddling. Tony raised a suspicious brow.
'Yeah, well, can't leave him there alone, right? Especially now.' Steve smiled somewhat. 'Listen, Tony, there's something I want to ask you…'
'I'm all ears.' The playboy said casually as he let himself fall deeper into the soft pillows of the couch, though he could not help an unsettling feeling to brew in his stomach.
'Well,' Steve started, 'the homeowners association came to Bucky's place yesterday morning to inspect what was left of the kitchen and the pipelines and… well, he won't be able to cook for at least three weeks, and he isn't allowed to use gas in any way so he can't use his heating or take a warm shower and, I was just wondering, since we have more than enough space here…' Steve stopped and looked the playboy in the eye, 'he didn't ask for it himself, he said he didn't need help, that he would be okay, but I really think he needs somewhere to stay, especially now that temperatures drop below zero, even during daytime. He said he would be fine, that it was just like being in the army again, but I really thi-'
'Cap,' Tony interrupted the rambling man. 'Are you trying to ask me if it's okay for Barnes to live here for the time being? Is that it?'
'… Yeah,' Steve nodded and let out a deep sigh. 'I know thinks are… a little tense between the two of you, after all that happened. The Sokovia accord, the Winter Solder, that he was brainwashed to murder…' Steve quickly shut his mouth, noticing how Tony had fallen completely silent and was just staring ahead of him, eyes empty. 'Tony…' the blond sighed, after which he quickly shook his head. 'Never mind, I'll just look for a hotel for him to stay, he can-'
'It's okay, Rogers,' Tony suddenly said, a smile now on his face again. 'For Barnes to stay here, I don't mind.'
'You really don't…?' Steve asked carefully, hardly believing the playboy's words.
Tony looked into the captain's deep-blue eyes which were tainted with worry. He looked at the slightly ruffled blond hair, wanting to let his fingers amiably play through it. He lowered his gaze, staring at the soft lips which were ever so slightly apart, wanting to…
Tony quickly blinked his eyes, focusing them on the mug of coffee in his hands.
Of all the people of his past to come live in the Compound, it just had to be James Buchanan Barnes. God, he hated him, loathed him. But he also knew that Steve loved him. He knew damn well that if Barnes would not come to them, Steve would make sure he would go to Bucky. After all, they would be with each other to the end of the line…
'I don't mind, Rogers,' Tony managed to conjure a smile. 'just because he's named "Winter Soldier" does not mean he has to live like a caveman during the Ice Age, right?'
Steve blinked at his friend for a few seconds, a bright smile following as the words finally hit him. 'Thanks, Tony!' he placed his empty mug on the coffee table and wrapped his arms around the playboy's neck. 'Thank you so much, you won't regret it, I promise!'
Tony froze for a second as he felt the man's strong body pressed against his own. Steve was surprisingly gentle, the warmth coming from his skin now penetrating through Tony's own clothing. He wrapped one arm around the blond's waist, inhaling his familiar scent. It was so warm, so comforting, so utterly Steve. 'Of course, Rogers, anything for you,' his smile than disappeared, 'and your boyfriend…'
NOTES:
And that's it for this first chapter, please let me know what you think in the comments below.
I'm always open to feedback and criticism, so if you have any ideas for me to improve my writing style, please let me know!
Hope you guys enjoyed reading it, next chapter will be up in 2 days!
