*This fan fic is to the song, "Kaze ni Naritai-(I Want to Become the Wind)" The lyrics are spread into a fic. I thought of this while listening to the song. These characters do not belong to me, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi.*
Don't ask of me
Don't bury me
Even now in my heart
From that day onward,
I wish I was the wind.
Don't blame me
Gracefully blooming,
From that day onward,
I wish I was the wind.
Haruka awoke in a cold sweat. Lately, she had been dreaming that her days of being a warrior were over, but she knew it couldn't have been true. Rei had even said that they had plenty more battles to fight. She also was being criticized with not fighting as much. But now for the past week, her dreams had been repeating. It seemed to her that everyday she had woke up screaming.
Haruka felt as though she was being buried, buried in the battles they once fought. Buried for not letting the Inners help them, buried.. Michiru than walked into the room that instant as Haruka tried to hide a startled expression. She sat down at the edge of the bed and stared at Haruka for a long time. If only she didn't do that, I can never hide anything from her when she does that.. "You didn't sleep well, did you?" Michiru asked sadly as Haruka sighed and turned her head away. Michiru didn't deserve to be upsetted like this, maybe if I just don't answer her she'll forget about it..
But she knew that was impossible, Michiru wouldn't give up until Haruka told her. Sometimes she could be really stubborn that way.. Haruka got up and ran a comb through her hair before walking outside and staring out over the city. Maybe if she did this, Michiru would guess that she didn't want to talk about it. Sure the dream wasn't that big of a deal, weren't that bad. But Rei was almost criticizing her for not working as a team. Oh why did this choose to bother her now? It never did before..why now? She sighed again as she closed her eyes and let the wind ruffle through her messly-combed hair.
Michiru stood in the doorway, a hurtful look on her face and in her voice. "Please don't be rude, Haruka..I just want you to tell me what's wrong, it pains me to see you upset.." She breathed in deeply as she held it and thought for a moment. She didn't want Michiru to be upset for not telling her. But all this time, she's never been able to hide anything from Michiru. She always wound up blurting it all out or telling it to her a little bit at a time. And this time wasn't going to be any different..
"I've had dreams.." She started, opening her eyes as she once again gazed out over the great city of Tokyo. A raging storm of anger welled up in her as she remembered being accused of not fighting properly, but once she looked over at Michiru, that anger turned into a million tears, welling up in her eyes. She used to be a strong person, but now she was losing it! Maybe it was for the better, maybe it really was never so good to keep things buried inside herself, to act cold and heartless when in fact she cared so much for other people.
Haruka turned around and leaned back against the railing as she looked at Michiru waiting perfectly calm for her answer. "Dreams that my days of traveling along the long road as a warrior, were over. Rei has also been accusing me for not fighting properly.. Michiru, it's never bothered me until now that we weren't fighting with them.." She let the wind blow her hair into her face before continuing. "I can't hide it anymore, it's too hard..I'm burying myself into a deep hole which there's only one way to get out of. Ever since you came along, I haven't been able to be "cold and heartless" anymore, Michiru..I could only manage that in battles where I had to be strong. You turned my life around, and let me look at it in a different way. No one had ever done that before..I never let them, but you were different, Michiru..Thank you." Haruka looked up at Michiru as she looked a bit startled. Had she really done that..?
She shook it off and nodded to Haruka. "You're welcome." Michiru walked over and stood beside Haruka as they both gazed out over the city. To Haruka, it felt like she had just burst out from under a pile of dirt. Burst out into the fresh air. She leaned dangerously out over the railing, if only the wind could take her..not away from Michiru, but away from the problems that they faced everyday. The problems of innocent people being hurt, and the problems of defeating horrible monsters. But she couldn't ask for that, because it would never come true. At least not now. She chose that path, she chose that path for her life to take. And now she couldn't turn away from it, she couldn't turn away from it anymore. If they were going to save the world, they had to finish their duties as Sailor Scouts.
She had always loved the wind, even when she was a small child. Loved the way it was so free, how it was so calm at times, but than could knock over a tree with a strong gust. Haruka felt like that sometimes. Sometimes she felt like she couldn't handle it anymore and just wanted to knock something over. But more times than that, she had been calm. A gentle breeze that harmlessly blew through the trees, taking a few leaves along with it. The gentle breeze that was never taken seriously. That was always thought as a dangerous element when storms approached. But the wind was just as calm as it was dangerous. People never took time to understood it, just like people never got the chance to understand Haruka. Understand how she really felt about things. She was a "heartless soul" that cared about nothing except for herself. She only raged on like a storm when she was provoked, or needed to be. Haruka wanted to open her arms and let the wind take her like a Great Eagle opened it's wings and sore across the sky.
Haruka wished so much that she was like the wind, the wind that flew all over without any worry. She wished she was more than just like the wind. Haruka wanted to be the wind.
to tell you where I'm from.
Don't bury me
in this wound
in the lost yesterdays.
Don't stop me
any further.
sleeps my dream,
like a storm
that raging still. But,
I turn my back
and within a blink,
like a teardrop
it shatters into pieces.
I made a choice
to fight day by day.
I wish I was the wind.
for not being kind
Don't cry for me
this heart of mine.
an innocent flower
whose day of a kiss
is still far away
Everyone has a dream
in a world they see,
and using this body
I promise to protect...
It's a long and distant
road as a warrior.
I wish I was the wind.
I wish I was the wind.
I wish I was the wind.
