A/N: I finished marathoning all 10 seasons of Friends in 10 days about a week and a half ago, and I've kind of been stuck on Monica and Chandler since. So last night I dreamt a plot for this really really odd AU fic with these two that I just had to write down. I had to flesh out the story a lot and change a few things (because half the stuff that happens in dreams doesn't make even a little bit of real life sense), but this whole idea is a genuine thing that happened in my dream so I've kind of been sitting here cackling all day as I typed this up. Anyway, I really hope you all find this even a little bit as entertaining as I did. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I obviously do not own Friends. That would have been a really bad idea.
Chandler and Monica stepped out of their apartment building onto the sidewalk, heading to Central Perk to meet up with the rest of the gang. Now that it was March, the layers of sweaters and coats required by winter were no longer needed, and Monica stopped for a moment to look up and enjoy the warmth of the sun.
As she looked away from the sky, she saw Chandler roll his eyes and shake his head at her, a small smile on his face. Monica was just happy that Chandler had survived his breakup with Kathy in the end of January and his more recent run in with Janice, which had resulted in an impromptu trip to Yemen just to escape from his insane ex-girlfriend. Monica's closest guy friend had, for the most part, returned to his normal, generally happy (well happyish), sarcastic self.
"Come on, Monica!" Chandler practically whined, "I'm hungry!"
It was Monica's turn to roll her eyes. "Fine, you big baby," she replied exasperatedly, though she was really more amused than annoyed.
Monica began walking toward the coffee house, smiling, Chandler falling in step beside her.
Suddenly, a massive, dark gray shape filled the sky. Chandler and Monica stared up at it, awe-struck, along with everyone else in the street and even the city. Heads poked out of doors and windows, cars stopped, and people raced outside, staring.
It was some sort of giant circular air ship, like a blown up version of a child's drawing of a UFO. It had seemingly come into existence out of nowhere; one second it wasn't there, and the next, it was.
"What the–" Chandler started, but stopped as a bright spotlight suddenly appeared coming from the center of the ship's underbelly. It rotated around, sweeping back and forth as though searching for something, pausing every few seconds before continuing.
And then the spotlight shined down on Monica and Chandler, and that's where it stayed.
Monica and Chandler stared at each other and then back at the blinding light that was fixated on them. Chandler reached out his arm around Monica, protectively, as she, in turn, clung to him.
"MONICA! CHANDLER!"
The pair turned toward the shout. Ross was sprinting up the street, closely followed by Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe.
"Guys!" Monica called back, happy and relieved to see her friends. She and Chandler made to run away from the light and join their friends, but they found themselves unable to move out of the beam.
"What's going on?" Chandler said, pushing against the light. "It's like some kind of force field."
Monica punched the beam around her, but her fist didn't make it past the edge of the spotlight.
"We can't get out," Chandler said, his voice quiet. "We're trapped."
"No." Monica's voice came out even more quietly than Chandler's had.
"No!" Her voice grew louder.
"NO!" She threw her whole weight against the edge of the light, but it held like it was solid metal. She banged on the side over and over, but nothing changed. They were trapped. Defeated, she shrunk down to the ground, wrapping her arms around her knees.
"Oh my God." Chandler threw his head in his hands, as he leaned against the invisible barrier. "What the hell is happening to us right now?"
The rest of the gang had now reached Monica and Chandler. Ross and Joey tried to barrel into the light, but they both bounced off as though the beam was made of rubber. Rachel's hand went to cover her mouth in horror, staring at her friends through the translucent, but seemingly unbreakable, wall. Phoebe walked closer to the light, reached out to touch it, but found that impossible.
Then Monica and Chandler were lifted off the ground, traveling slowly but surely up the beam toward the airship. Monica stood up instantly and flung her arms around Chandler, as he did the same to her. The two peered down at their friends who were gaping up at them. Monica could see Ross's lips move, screaming her and Chandler's names over and over, but she couldn't hear anything. Rachel and Phoebe were huddled together, tears traveling down their cheeks, panic in their eyes. Joey picked up some rocks from the edge of the street and started throwing them at the beam, anything to try to stop the light from taking Chandler and Monica, but there was nothing to be done.
Monica buried her face in Chandler's chest, and she felt him press his face into her hair.
"It'll be okay, Mon," he whispered near her ear. "It'll be okay."
Monica could tell he didn't mean it. They were being pulled into some giant spaceship by a weird beam of light that was somehow surrounded by a force field. How could anything be okay?
As they approached the ship, the center where the spotlight was coming from opened up; it seemed they were to be taken inside.
Monica took one last look down at the Manhattan streets below, as she and Chandler were lifted into the belly of the mega-sized craft. She could barely make out four little pinpricks standing together before the hatch they had been pulled up through slammed shut. She and Chandler had lost the rest of the gang or, more accurately, the rest of the gang had lost her and Chandler.
Monica found herself standing once again on solid ground, still clutching Chandler as though she would float away again if she weren't holding on to him. She gazed around the inside of the metal ship. They were in what seemed to be a circular cargo hold, lit by a giant light coming from the center of the ceiling. Metal barrels, boxes, and what looked like a long curled up chain ladder were piled up against the walls, which, for half of the hold, was actually a long ramp. The ramp led right around the hold up to what seemed to be an observation deck complete with railings on the inside that ran around the entire circle. An unusually tall and thin doorway faced them leading away off the observation deck, and, as Monica turned around, she could see there was a matching one on the opposite side. The doors set in the doorways were glass with metal crossbars menacingly placed across them in such a way that they would need to be physically moved to allow the door to open. Monica didn't take that as a good sign.
She glanced around for another way out, but the hatch they had entered through seemed to be the only other visible exit. There were no windows.
From up above them on the deck, there suddenly came a loud bang, and Monica saw the crossbar from the glass door facing them fall to the floor. The door opened and onto the deck stepped a creature unlike any Monica had ever seen.
It was humanoid in structure, though taller and thinner than any man. As it picked up and replaced the metal beam effortlessly, however, Monica realized that its arms must have been incredibly strong. It was green and hairless, wearing a metal suit that covered its arms, legs, and torso. Its face was almost like that of a frog, with bulging eyes, but the mouth was much more human-like in nature. And that human-like mouth was grinning. Grinning so wide that pointed teeth could be seen peeking out from behind its lips.
Monica breathed in sharply, and she felt Chandler's arms grip her even more tightly.
The creature stepped over to the railing that surrounded the deck and began to speak, still grinning. "Hello, hello, hello!" the creature said perfectly, his booming voice filling the entire hold. "How nice it is to actually have humans up here in our ship. I've been down to visit so many times, but it's lovely to actually have company of our own." He walked to the top of the ramp that led down to the floor where Monica and Chandler huddled together.
"Please, please, your names! I wouldn't want to be a terrible host to you," he said as he strolled down the ramp casually. "My name isn't really pronounceable in your English, so you can call me Vootil for short."
Monica and Chandler stared at this "Vootil," frozen, as he reached the floor of the hold.
"Now, now, don't be impolite. Your names, my friends, your names."
"'m Monica," Monica managed to get out while shaking.
"Chandler," Chandler squeaked out, his voice much higher pitched than usual.
Vootil's grin became, if possible, larger. "Monica and Chandler, how lovely of you to join us! Myself and my people are, as you would say, not from around here. Aliens, I believe you'd call us."
Monica's mouth fell open as she shook her head in disbelief, while Chandler made a noise that Monica understood plainly to mean "are you kidding me."
"Yes," Vootil continued, ignoring his audience's evident shock, "we come from a long ways away, galaxies away really. We had some bad luck on our home planet, so we've been searching for another one. And how lovely it is that Earth seems to be perfect. After years of making contact with you humans by pretending to be part of your species, we now just need some first hand information before we can move in. That's where you two come in."
Monica saw Chandler beside her sputtering before finally forming a word. "WHAT?"
Vootil looked at Chandler inquisitively, his grin dimming somewhat. "Yes?"
Chandler stared at the alien incredulously. "You can't have Earth!" he said, trying to make clear that this was an obvious fact. "It kind of already has a pretty decent sized population. No room for you guys, sorry." Chandler removed his left hand from Monica and gestured out with it to emphasize his point.
Vootil's grin returned. "Oh Chandler, don't you see? The humans will take care of themselves; we just want Earth after they're gone. It won't be too much longer; there's always so much war and fighting. We'll just wait a couple thousand years in your time, and it'll be ripe for the taking. That's what happened back home for us, only we happened to be able to get off planet before everything completely collapsed. We could have gone back after everything was over, but really Earth is so much nicer than back home, so we have no problem with waiting."
"You're going to sit around up here and wait for a couple thousand more years?" Monica asked, finally finding herself able to form a sentence.
Vootil shook his head and laughed. "A couple thousand years down there is practically nothing up here, different place, different time. We'll keep you two up here for a year – there's lots of information we need to get from you both – and when we get back, we'll have a nice planet all for ourselves."
Monica's stunned expression grew cloudy. "But… but… our friends. Our families…" she trailed off, not knowing what to say.
Vootil adopted a sympathetic expression. "I truly am sorry about that, but that's part of why we took two of you. As long as you both cooperate, you two can stay together." The alien seemed to view this as a good deal.
Monica was not so convinced. "I have a brother!" she burst out, loudly. "Parents! A group of wonderful friends! A nephew! You can't tell me I won't be able to see them again!" Monica made to move toward the alien, but Chandler held her back.
"We'll figure this out, okay. Just calm down," he said to Monica, softly.
Then he looked up, facing Vootil head on, his eyes full of emotion. "If you need a human, fine, keep me. But at least let her go. She has such a wonderful life and so many people down there who care about her. You can't do this to her. Please."
Monica stared at Chandler wordlessly, staggered by her friend's offer to save her over himself.
"Chandler–" she started, but he shook his head.
"It's okay, Mon," he said simply.
Vootil smiled again sympathetically. "As nice as that sentiment was, Chandler, my friend, we actually need both of you, a man and a woman. But really don't worry, everything will be just fine, provided you do nothing to obstruct our operation here, of course."
Chandler hung his head, defeated, but Monica threw her arms around him nonetheless.
"Thank you so much, Chandler," she murmured into his shoulder.
"I didn't do anything," he replied, holding her tightly. "I couldn't save you."
Monica lifted her head up and locked eyes with her friend. "We'll figure this out," she said, echoing his words from a few minutes before.
He stared at her for a moment and then replied, "okay."
Monica inhaled deeply, and then turned back to face Vootil.
Vootil's grin had returned. "Are we ready to begin?"
Monica and Chandler glanced at each other before nodding solemnly.
"Wonderful!" Vootil shouted, almost jumping into the air. "Follow me then, my friends! I'll show you to your new home."
As Monica and Chandler followed Vootil to the ramp that led them out of the hold, Monica noticed a metal lever positioned at the top of the ramp. That has to be what opens up the hatch at the bottom, Monica thought quickly. If we could just pull it without Vootil noticing then we could grab that metal ladder and see if we can make it out of here.
Monica nudged Chandler and motioned to the lever with her elbow and then jerked her head back at the hatch.
Understanding dawned on Chandler, and he offered Monica the closest thing to a smile she'd seen from him since the arrived on the ship.
As Vootil reached the observation deck, Chandler sprang into action, grabbing the lever and pulling it as hard as he could. A loud creaking noise came from the center of the hold, and Monica found she had been right about what the lever controlled.
Vootil instantly spun around, grabbed Chandler with one arm, and reached for Monica with the other.
"RUN MONICA! GO!" Chandler shouted as he tried to wrestle away from the deceptively scrawny alien.
Monica stared at him wildly for a second, but as Vootil's hand snatched at her arm, she sprinted down the curved ramp and over to the ladder. It was made of extremely heavy chain, but she found that she was strong enough to drag it slowly over to the edge of the hatch as it unraveled slightly since it was attached to the wall.
Monica looked down from the hatch and found that the ship was thankfully still above the city. The ladder wasn't long enough to make it even close to the ground, but she was sure that there had to be helicopters and planes around the area considering the fact that aliens had just abducted two New Yorkers.
Just as Monica hauled the ladder over the edge, the hatch slammed shut, cutting through the thick metal chains like a knife through butter.
"Not so fast, Monica," Vootil's voice came from right behind her.
Monica whirled around to find herself face to face with the alien. His grin had completely disappeared now, replaced with a look of absolute malice.
"I said you two had to cooperate if you wanted everything to be okay, didn't I?" he spoke just above a whisper, his eyes flashing. "This isn't cooperating."
Behind Vootil, Monica could see Chandler being dragged away, bound and gagged, by another alien.
"What are you going to do to him?" Monica screamed. "Don't hurt him! Please don't hurt him!"
Vootil laughed mirthlessly. "You humans beg too much. Come along, Monica or you'll end up the same way as your dear friend."
Sobs wracked Monica's body, as Vootil tied her hands together, leaving her legs free so she could walk. He led her by her hands up the ramp, keeping her well away from the lever, not that she could have pulled it if she wanted to. The tears running down her face were making it nearly impossible for her to see where she was going, let alone try to escape again.
Vootil led her through the glass door opposite to the one that Chandler had been dragged through. After walking into what Monica discovered was essentially an elevator, Vootil pulled her down another corridor, ripped the binds off her hands, shoved her unceremoniously into a small room much like a prison cell, and slammed the door.
"We had nicer accommodations for you, but it seems this is all you really require." Vootil sneered through the metal bars that were set in the small window of the glass door. Instead of a single metal crossbar like the other doors, there were three at varying heights, which Vootil set up quickly. A small metal flap had been added in at the bottom, which Monica assumed must be for food.
"We'll start our sessions with you later, have a wonderful time!" Vootil's would-be kind exiting remark was tainted by the harsh and menacing sarcasm in his voice.
Monica had ceased crying, as she looked around the room hopelessly and flung herself down on the bed in the corner. It was extra long and extra thin, clearly made for an alien of Vootil's kind. What Monica had to assume were a toilet and a sink were situated in two other corners, and the door took up the last one.
It's over, Monica said to herself over and over. My life is completely over. I'm all alone, and I'm never going to get to see anyone ever again. Except maybe, maybe Chandler.
Monica thought about what Vootil had said before he had brought her to this cell. "Come along, Monica or you'll end up the same way as your dear friend."
Her chances of ever seeing Chandler again seemed incredibly slim in light of that remark. What could they be doing to him? Why are they doing this to either of us? Monica began sobbing again, burying her head into the not-at-all-comfortable pillow she had been provided with.
She thought of Ross screaming for her in the city streets. Of Joey throwing rocks to try to get them down. Of Rachel, horrorstruck, looking through the force field at them. Of Phoebe, trying to touch the light almost curiously, her expression shocked when she found it impossible. But mostly Monica thought of Chandler. Chandler, who had tried to reason with the awful alien to let her go, even if he had to stay. Chandler, who had told her to run and save herself as Vootil captured him. Chandler, who she had been going to leave behind to save herself. Chandler, who she needed to see one more time, just to say she was sorry for even thinking about going without him. Chandler, who she knew then meant more to her than anyone in the world.
Monica had nothing else to do, so she cried. She cried for her family and for her friends and for Earth itself, which apparently wouldn't be doing so well in the next couple thousand years. But then she found she couldn't cry anymore, so she slipped off, exhausted, into a fitful sleep.
