Disclaimer: I don't own Zoey 101—Thank God.

Author's Note: I'm not against lesbians or anything else in this story. I just had to make it weird but believable. Sorry if I upset anyone.

I sound so boring…


"Zoey!" shouted their-too-old-to-be-teaching Math's teacher, Mr.Fuddlesworth.

Zoey Booger- (I mean Brook) who was drooling in a bucket jumped and knocked the bucket on Lola's head. "Yes, ma'am!" She shouted in a seriously lame Louisiana accent.

"I'm a guy!" Mr.Fuddlesworth screeched, spraying spit.

DRIIIIIIIING!

Chase and Logan ran as fast as their skinny, hairy stick legs could to propose marriage to Zoey.

"She's mine! Go make-out with a tree!" shouted Chase, pushing Logan out of the way.

"No way! She's mine cause' I've got loadsa money and armpit hair!" Logan screeched, jumping on Chase, trying to shave his head.

"What?!" shouted Lola. "I've got more!" She raised her arms to show how much hair she had.

"Whoa." Logan and Chase said simultaneously.

"How d'ya braids them into a rope?" shouted Dustin, who appeared out of nowhere.

"Secret!" she yelled and jumped out of the window.

"Did she know we're on the sixth floor?" Logan mused.

"Who cares?!" Chase suddenly yelled, launching into a catfight with Logan.

Meanwhile…

Zoey had gotten drunk on Kool-Aid and was trying to shave off her excessive back hair with a fork.

Quinn walked in, wearing a hot dog suit.

"Zoey, can I borrow your mustache tweezers? Mine got eaten by Lola."

"Duhhhhh…sure." Zoey replied, drooling again.

"Thanks." Quinn shouted.

After she hobbled out, Zoey drunk some more Kool-Aid and tried making out with her pillow, to get practice.

Chase and Logan had stopped fighting over Zoey and decided that she should choose between them. Chase and Logan, with black eyes, opened her dorm-room door to find Zoey making out with a cheap, scratchy pillow.

"Zoey!" They shouted in unison.

She appeared not to hear.

"She chose the pillow she puked on to make-out with?" Logan raved, his wig falling off.

"WHY?!" Chase had lost control and has started banging his head on the wall.

Michael walked by listeing to his iPod and ignoring everyone.

3 days later,

All was well.

Chase had found his own tree to make out with.

Logan bought a new wig.

Lola was still in critical condition, hovering between life and death.

Quinn broke up with her boyfriend and decided to turn lesbian for an 'experiment'.

Zoey had no-one to make out with because her pillow exploded and decided to become emo.

Dustin failed everything in his exams and joined Zoey in being emo.

Michael, still ignorant, decied to become a CEO and steal stuff.


Author's Note: Review, review!