Before we start let me restate that this is a parody, a joke and, therefore, not to be taken seriously. I like Kingdom Hearts. It's a good game. I wrote this because one of my friends is obsessed with the game to a freakishly religious, Riku and Sora worshiping level. I'll mention a few of the heartless types in the story, obsessionists aside, that most normal people or casual players may not know the names of so I am including a link to a website where you can find pictures and descriptions of them: http/www.ryuuyume. and in case you didn't know pigeon has been given a new meaning that my friends and I made up.

Pigeon, Noun or Adj.,

1. A girl and/or guy who can't take care of themselves. They are either nastily sweet or annoyingly ditzy, sometimes both. They are almost always madly in love with someone, usually the hero. Sometimes they are known as Damsels in Distress. Examples of pigeons could be: Aerie from Baldur's Gate 2 and Shayna from Legend of Dragoon

2. Fat birds that you poison their bread and they pop.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, Kingdom Hearts, Destiny Islands, Disney, Mickey Mouse, Squaresoft nor Cloud (though I wish I did) except for a few original characters. They belong to Sqauresoft and Disney. So DON'T SUE ME! Thank you and that shall be all.

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"Sora…" Kairi's voice quivered.

Sora glanced at the red head girl, whom he had shared so much with. Her icy blue eyes seemed to lock his. He loved her. She loved him. Yet, they had never shared a kiss.

"Kairi," He began.

The sand was warm against their bare-feet. There was the gentle sound of waves lapping against the sandy shore. In short, it was a perfect day on Destiny Island.

She put a slender finger up to his lips to shush him. She was so close to him that he could feel her humid breath on his face.

"Sora," He watched her lips move. She was so beautiful. "Why do you have a girl's name?"

For a moment he barely registered what she had just said. Afterwards, He still didn't register what she had said but he still stupidly said, "I love y-…WHAT!"

"I mean it's just so girly…," She looked distant. "You and Riku both have girly names."

Sora blinked for a few minutes in confusion. For some reason, she just wasn't as beautiful as she had been before.

Suddenly, Riku jumped from behind a tree. "Girly name!" He puffed his chest out to look as manly as possible.

"Were you watching us this whole time?" Sora asked. He tried to puff his chest out as much as Riku. He knew that he was the manlier of the two.

Kairi didn't seem to notice. Both of the boys stopped their contest. What's the point of proving your manliness if the chick you were trying to impress wasn't listening?

She turned around to the two boys, a serious expression etched on her features. "You both have been through so much for me…" Her icy blue eyes seemed to peer into their souls. They shifted uneasily. "The truth is that the reason why they, the heartless, captured me…was because I'm…" She paused for a moment. Tears filled her eyes before she continued, "I'm HALF-PIGEON!" The last words came out a scream.

"Oh, well I could've told you that." Sora said proudly. He had suspected it from day one.

"Don't you care about me?" She asked tearfully.

"Oh…umm…not you personally…" Sora had no idea what effect these words would have on her.

Kairi stared at him for a moment. She then looked at Riku. He cared for her. He had to.

"Riku…," She began nervously.

"I'm busy, woman!" He said as he kicked around a rock. Sora, deciding that rock-kicking was more interesting than a girl, joined Riku.

Kairi let a few tears slip down her cheek before screaming phrases such as: "I'll remember you bastards in therapy!" and "I'm going to be in that episode of the Opee Show titled 'Boys: Why they are dick-heads!'"

Unfortunately for Kairi the two boys were too busy in there game of kicking a rock around to really care and probably wouldn't even care if they were listening.

This caused Kairi no end of anger as she gave them the finger and, immediately, stomped off. Not that the two busy boys really could care.

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Dr. Dumwittin sat in his huge office chair in his huge circular office, which was filled with huge circular plants and a huge circular window. The ironic thing was that Dr. Dumwittin was not huge nor was he even human. Matter-of-fact he was a shadow heartless. He wore white, doctor's coat, which was also huge. His body guard, a Large Body heartless named Fred Omega, was, naturally, huge.

Dr. Dumwittin was a notorious therapist. He had to change his name and residence over seven times. This was because, ignoring his claims of excellence, he was a crappy therapist. One of his better known aliases was Opee but ,as it would happen, some women already had that name and sued him for all that he was worth, which was the grand total of one munny.

Dr. Dumb, as most, including himself, called him, had a special talent for blowing snot bubbles. He would often do this during some especially long therapy sessions, which was in his book four minutes. He had once made the mistake of blowing snot bubbles during a session with an especially troubled Phantom Heartless client, whom as a child had been beaten with a fish.

He had managed to blow an exceptionally large snot bubble just as his client got to the part where he described how his mother gave him moldy cheese for supper. His client, not understanding the wonder of such a feat, had proceeded to kick his ass. Fred Omega was too busy ridding his nose of slimy invaders with his finger to save Dr. Dumb from his client. Needless to say, Dr. Dumb was none too happy about this.

There was a soft knock on the door that made Dr. Dumb jump in his chair in surprise. His neat, extra-large pile of papers had, unfortunately, been knocked a fraction of an inch in the process. He angrily tried to reach his oversized desk to fix this. His tiny hands worked clumsily with a very large ruler to make sure that his papers were straight.

"Well, what are you staring at, you dingbat? Answer the door!" He narrowed his large, yellow eyes in frustration at his bodyguard.

The Large Body nodded and hobbled over to the door. His fat made this a very difficult task but something about his tiny client's glare made him go faster.

He opened the door and before him stood a red-haired, blue-eyed girl. She couldn't have been more than fourteen years of age.

"It's a girl, boss." The body guard felt triumphant that he had been able to answer the door so quickly. His client, however, was not.

"I can see that, you noodle-brained, mold-growth! Ask for her name!" The itsy-bitsy heartless screamed.

"You're a heartless?" She asked fearfully. She prepared herself to run.

"You wouldn't say! I had no idea!" He saw Kairi's dubious look and continued, "No really! I didn't!"

"Really, Boss? What does that make me?"

"SHUT UP, YOU POOR EXCUSE FOR A LIFEFORM!"

The girl, by this point, looked as if she were about to run and with her, Dr. Dumwittin knew, would go her munny.

The tiniest heartless coughed and stood upright on his desk, so that he looked taller than he really was. "Tell me your name." To his ears his voice was deep and booming. To anyone else's ears his voice was a squeak.

"My-my name is Kairi." At first she stuttered but then her voice grew stronger, "And I HATE MY BOYFRIENDS!"