Chapter 1: Suicide.
Alex ran the cold steel blade lightly across the nape of her neck. There was no pain, not yet at least. She knew there would never be any pain, no more pain after this. All she had to do was press in with one swift motion and it would all be over. Finally she could be at rest with no more worries ever again.
No, no fucking way. She couldn't do this.
Alex dropped the knife to the floor and she collapsed down on the rough tile. The small bathroom was ugly as all hell; mold ran rampant over the thin plaster walls, gaping cracks spread over the entire ceiling and left sidewall by the mirror, and the ugly beige and lime green color mix of tiles on the floor and shower were absolutely obnoxious. It was a fitting place for her death, she certainly didn't deserve so noble a death. Yet, once again, she was too pussy to go through with it, a disappointment all the way to the end.
Tears she'd long suppressed welled up beyond the threshold where she could hold then back and with a sudden sob they burst freely in grooves from her dark green eyes. The trickling torrent tore down her cheeks to the miserable tile as she curled up in the fetal position on the filthy floor.
No she couldn't back out this time, she could go through with this to the end. The blade was sharp enough to do the deed, all she had to do was stop ruining the world and end it all. One cut and all her suffering would be over.
Alex sighed as she suppressed her sob and she rolled over to her knees. The jagged tiles cut into her as she did so and she felt her knees begin to bleed, but she no longer cared, soon she wouldn't have to care about anything anymore. She picked up the rusted blade held it up in the light.
Do it you fucking screw up, do it right fucking now! What you can't even kill yourself, you're even a failure at that…
"Stop it!" she screamed with rage as she sent the blade down and into her flesh.
She slashed the long line and curved mark deep into her arm. It wasn't fatal, but it felt so liberating, another scar to accompany all the others.
She wouldn't have to hide this scar like she'd hid the rest of them; soon only the make-up artist would care about it at her funeral and then she would be their problem.
Alex sighed and brought the blade up so the tip lightly circled her neck. Blood dripped down her outer throat as the steel moved over her, the feeling of death so close and intimate. But as she tried to press further into her neck the blade suddenly became steadfast and wouldn't budge a nanometer further; it was as if it were being held away from her, never to let her liberate herself.
Tears sprung free anew from her eyes. She just wanted it all to end so she could stop ruining it all, ruining everything she touched.
She'd been nothing but a burden to Dianne. While her mom worked 4 jobs so she could survive in her harsh life as a single parent with no education, all Alex had done was be a selfish brat; her mom had deserved much better than her.
Then she'd gone on and become a scum of society as well, a heroin dealer, selling poison away for profit without care. So many had died from what she did, many more lives ruined, that was all her doing.
Then there was Piper. God, when they'd first met in that bar so many years ago Piper had been her golden girl, a creature of pure light and innocence. She'd taken that blonde lamb to her bed and showed her love and made her happy, but like with everything else she fucked her up too. She'd pulled her into her illegal business, gotten her thrown in prison, lied to her, then the trial, oh it had all been so fast and she had put Piper through more than enough.
Piper could have done anything she wanted before Alex. She could have gone on and lived a life in a big house working a job she had passion and love for. But because of her Piper was dirt poor working as a typist for 12 hours per day. Because of her Piper's fingers were worn out all day instead of getting hand massages. Because of her Piper was suffering, and she couldn't let that happen anymore, she couldn't put Piper through that anymore.
"For you Pipes, my sunshine in the dead of night. I do this for you."
Alex felt the steel obey her now as she pressed it closer to her neck. She felt the flesh start to give as the blade began to sink in deeper.
Now she could do it, now she could die.
Author's Notes: So I wrote this story a while back and just started to look over it now in the new year. I haven't really done much with stuff recently so I wanted to toss this piece out there. I rarely see much darkness and real conflict in some of these fics, but oitnb is a lot better at dark than most anything else. There is always darkness and I love writing about it. I'm not the darkest of writers, but I like to play with hurt and misery. I hope you guys enjoy this one and we'll see how it turns out.
-TCAT.
