Prologue
"...ptain, Captain?" She turned around and looked at her first officer questioningly.
"Yes commander?" She was distracted by something.
"Are you all right?"
She nodded.
He repeated: "Would you like any other diagnostics? We've already done the usual."
He raised his eyebrows at the hesitation in her answer.
"No, it'll do for now. How is everything else on the ship?"
"I said the ship is in good condition, but her Captain should go for a diagnostic in sickbay."
She unconsciously gave him a genuine smile.
"Her Captain is just fine, only a little preoccupied this morning." She faced the view screen and moved her attention to the stars streaking by at warp six. He leaned over to her from his command chair, his shoulder only a hair's breadth from brushing with hers.
"Another nightmare last night?" It was only a whisper. She glanced at him briefly and then let her eyes wander around the bridge.
"They're getting worse, more extreme, I don't know why. I've even talked to the Doctor, he has his usual answer. But I know it isn't stress."
The Commander smiled wryly. "Or lack of sleep?"
"No, of all things, not lack of sleep." She resumed sipping her coffee.
"It may just be Neelix's newest caffeine concoction."
"Maybe," she nodded, "but it does taste halfway decent this time."
A small beeping drew the eyes of the command team to the consul. A message from engineering.
"Mr. Paris, go to warp seven." The Helmsman's fingers tapped a series of commands into his console.
"Present speed is warp seven, heading 9297, Mark 534, Captain." He turned for acknowledgment, receiving it from the commander.
A few minutes later a voice rang out: "Engineering to Bridge."
"Yes B'elanna?" A restless sigh laced the Captain's words. She'd almost forgotten she'd been anticipating this for the last few days.
"The new warp drive improvements are going smoothly so far under our present speed. By this time tomorrow we should be able to sustain warp nine long term."
Chakotay watched a glimmer briefly light up his captain's eyes, breaking the fatigue he say there, if just only for a moment. She may be sleeping, but she probably got no rest or respite. "Good work B'elanna, Janeway out."
If the long silences on the bridge weren't so heavy it wouldn't have been so disturbing when it stretched for minutes, even the breathing of the bridge officers lost beneath the thrum of the engine.
Trying to cut through, the Captain tried to lighten the mood: "Commander, what do you think about getting home a few years early?" Silence.
The smile faded from her face.
"Commander, I'd like to speak with you in my ready room for a moment."
She walked towards her ready room. Swiftly he followed.
"He's gonna get it." Tom faced Harry Kim right as the doors closed behind the first officer.
"I've been meaning to ask you Tom, what were *You* busted for yesterday?"
Tom turned completely around to face Harry, ignoring the Vulcan at tactical.
"Something about not giving the Doctor the respect he deserves." Harry smiled.
They all knew their captain had been on edge, erratic. They'd been sailing along with no interruption for the last three months. They'd enjoyed the break, but the quiet, the predictability…it let them think about all they'd left behind, all they missed, and all the mistakes made. They knew, even without knowing the medium, that these memories were pummeling their captain gradually down.
She was seated behind her full-sized desk before the doors closed behind her second in command.
"Have a seat."
He sat down and scooted the chair closer to the front of the desk.
"Are you happy on Voyager? Satisfied with your duties?"
Chakotay was surprised by her question. What brought this up? Of course I'm Satisfied with my duties and I'm happy, but satisfied with our lives? No. What set her mind off? She's been scolding so many bridge officers over simple things lately, I'd almost expect that right now. I want that to be what we're talking about now.
"I...Captain, yes."
Janeway rose from her seat and walked around behind him. She started pacing.
"Commander, you've been distracted. The quality of your work has decreased, I need to know if you're having problems with something...or someone." She unknowingly projected herself onto him.
She walked to her chair behind the desk. She firmly planted her hands onto the surface of the desk, shoulder width apart. She looked into Chakotay's eyes, as if she could dissect his thoughts.
"Captain there is no problem with anything..." She sat.
"I hear the exception coming. Please, continue Commander."
This time Chakotay took the liberty of standing from his seat.
"Captain, I'm worried about someone on board."
Her eyes looked up in interest.
"Tell me more Commander, which crewman?"
"She's been tired during duty shifts, almost to the point that she could be making mistakes that could affect the entire ship. Gradually her health has been slipping, I've been worried."
Janeway was alarmed, worry began to wrinkle her brow.
"Is it Seven? If it is, anything can go wrong. If an implant malfunctions...why didn't you tell me sooner Commander?"
His face flushed. "It isn't Seven."
He walked around the desk and approached her. "It's the Captain."
Janeway shot out towards the front of her desk, nearly knocking Chakotay to the ground.
"There's nothing wrong with me Chakotay, I'm in perfect health." She lowered her voice as she became conscious of how thin the walls were between the bridge and her ready room. All of a sudden, she switched to his name instead of his rank, a small hole in her defenses that only he might notice.
"Please, Captain," He was careful to avoid using her given name, "at least go to sickbay and talk with the Doctor."
She walked towards the door.
"After my shift, Commander."
Her voice had a bit more of a growl, underlying a thin threat. It meant he should drop the subject, though she probably wouldn't go, but rather conveniently forget about her well being. His captain could have quite a bark, but she tended to soften around him, even when he pushed past her defenses.
The Captain noticed Tom and Harry swiftly return to their work as she gracefully entered the bridge. The Commander strode in behind her and took his seat.
Janeway looked at the time read-out beside her in the corner of the screen in the command console. "Anything on sensors, Harry?"
"No Ma'am." He never failed. Ensign Kim was the only person on the bridge who still referred to the Captain as Ma'am on occasion. A small peeve, but why trouble the ensign any more. Actually, he only really reverted back to the Starfleet standard when he was nervous or anxious. Perhaps Chakotay was right. She might be the one setting the tone on the bridge rather than the other way around.
She frowned.
"Bridge to Engineering," the Captain paused for a moment, "how are the next set of warp core adjustments coming along?"
B'elanna's voice sounded back loud and clear. "Everything appears to be working normally. The matter/antimatter flow is more stable than we predicted. Thanks to Seven."
"Good B'elanna, keep up with the fine work. Janeway out."
After hours of smooth riding, Janeway stood and stretched her legs as she walked to the turbo-lift.
"Commander, would you like to join me in Engineering?"
He smiled back in her direction.
"I'd be glad to." Chakotay followed her lead.
"Engineering." The 'lift began its descent at her command.
"I thought we could see the core at work for ourselves."
Chakotay nodded in agreement. He heard her take in a sharp breath. When Chakotay turned around her saw the Captain stumble as if drunk, and nearly fall to the floor. He reacted quickly and caught her under the arms.
"Computer, halt turbolift!"
He kneeled closer to the floor lowering her and looked into her eyes. Her skin was pale. "Captain, are you all right?"
She regained her wind and pushed up to stand. She smoothed her uniform jacket down with shaky hands. "Fine. A dizzy spell, that's all. Resume turbo-lift." He voice was airy, but the color was returning to her cheeks.
Chakotay distracted his gaze, knowing all too well that is was almost never just a dizzy spell.
