"I'm Batman."
The girl stared at him.
"Sorry sweetheart but I don't don't know you and to be honest I don't really want to." She said whilst eyeing up his black bat crime fighting garb.
She chomped on her bubblegum and went back to her magazine, thus ending the short conversation.
Batman sighed and walked away, humming 'Barbie Girl'. It was his favourite song. You see, secretly Batman liked to dress up in pink and don a blonde wig. He always dreamed of finding his Ken.
Batman bumped into someone and looked up to apologise when he froze in shock; it was his arch nemesis.
The Italian plumber with Japanese parents who liked to eat mushrooms; Mario.
"Batman! It's a-me! Mario!"
Batman growled in frustration as Mario's voice grated against his ears.
He hated that imp.
He pulled his fist back, getting ready to swing it forwards but Mario held out his hand; he was offering Batman some mushrooms.
Batman's eyes grew as wide as saucers and he forgot how to breathe; he could not resist mushrooms, they were his one weakness.
"Ah! A-go on! They will make-a you-a big and-a strong!"
Batman's bat suit suddenly started to smell like sweat. He was an addict when it came to mushrooms.
"No... I... I can't."
Slowly his hand edged towards the mushrooms.
Suddenly, Mario blew up.
Glitter and candy rained down on Batman.
He sighed in relief.
Candy-daisy-cloud was here to save him.
He pet the disgruntled creature on the head, avoiding his horn.
"Thank you! But how did you win the Hunger Games?"
"I stabbed everyone who was stupid enough to come near me with my horn." The unicorn took a swig of his Vodka.
"Why do I have to be so fucking pink? Fifty kids came up and hugged me while I was looking for your sorry ass! Do you realise how hard it is to explain to angry and confused parents that I turned their kid into glitter because children are the spawn of satan?!" The unicorn took a drag of its splint.
Batman tsked the unicorn.
"You know I don't like it when you kill children, take drugs and drink. Have you ever tried a more... pure lifestyle? Perhaps you should join The Church of Batman?"
The unicorn huffed angrily.
"Screw you Bat Boy. Nobody wants to be in your church! I'm out!"
With that the Candy-daisy-cloud vanished, leaving behind a cloud of glitter and candy.
Batman felt depressed and lonely. He fell to his knees.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"
Batman took a breath.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO-"
He stopped, panting, before taking another breath.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- oh screw this."
Batman jumped back onto his feet, whistled a jaunty tune and skipped down the highstreet.
He squealed in delight as he saw his favourite shop.
"OHH! GAP! I wonder if they have a SALE?" He exclaimed, running inside.
Just as Batman reached the SALE rack a dark haired girl jumped out of a pile of jeans and pulled out a bow and arrow.
"I AM LARA CROFT!" She screamed, promptly shooting Batman in the mouth.
That was the end of Batman's day at the beach.
So yeah... my friends convinced me to post it on here. I've also posted it on my facebook page: borntobelost fanfiction.
Reviews please! Tell me how messed up I am! ;)
-Steph
