"Damn it, not again!"
Jeff had never had to use those words after sex before. No matter what jealous guys at the old firm said to discredit his 'talent.'
There was no way he should have used those words now, after another round of intense, head-banging sex with his new girlfriend. Especially since that new girlfriend was Annie Edison.
And yet when the dust and fluids had settled down, and Jeff realized what had just happened, he blurted out his frustration without a second thought. He could have gotten away with not thinking about it further, if Annie hadn't overheard and asked what he meant. Apparently she wasn't too tired from their little marathon after all.
Jeff could have lied and sidestepped his way out of this. But ever since he could finally be together with Annie, and ever since they got together after New Years, his denial was rather rusty. So he had no choice but to make himself look stupid and idiotic by telling the truth. Although that tactic had worked well enough to finally let him be with Annie, it'd be more risky this time.
"We just fucked our brains out again," Jeff started, as stunned as ever that he was about to complain about that. Especially out loud. Yet he powered through and qualified, "I didn't want to….just do that again."
"Wait, you're tired of sex already? You?" Annie took the wrong way as she sat up in Jeff's bed – caring less about her nakedness than Jeff did. "Do you know what I researched to get all that sex stuff right, Jeff? I….saw things. Things my laptop can't unsee! No matter what virus programs I buy!"
"Yeah, that's not gonna help with that stuff," Jeff answered, speaking from experience. But that joke only bought him a second before he had to get back on topic.
"Look Annie, every time we've had sex, it's been hard core," Jeff credited. "I knew we'd be intense at first, because of three years of tension and all. But I thought by now….I figured that…" Jeff braced himself to sound particularly embarrassing. "I thought the sex would be…..deeper than that by now."
"Jeff, if you went any deeper, I wouldn't walk for a week," Annie said, sounding only a little shy in being that….graphic. And that was part of the problem.
"Annie, how come you haven't bugged me for romantic sex yet?" Jeff got to the point. "I've tried to go slow lately, but you're just too…..passionate! Yeah, that's a good save."
"Passionate? That's your problem with me?" Annie frowned.
"Well, you made it sound worse than I did," Jeff digged. "You're too…..irresistible? Maybe that works better."
"It's more confusing, if that helps," Annie interjected.
"Okay, let's try again, then," Jeff offered. "Annie, you know I love going crazy on you. Obviously you like going crazy on me, because you're a sane human woman. But we haven't had slow, romantic, lovey-dovey sex once! We just keep losing our minds by the middle of it and go blank from there!"
Annie predictably looked startled, and Jeff echoed her obvious confusion. "Normally that's a dream come true for me, we both know that! But….I'm trying to do things differently with you. I'm trying to have sex with you like a regular boyfriend, but you're making it too hard for me."
"Aren't I supposed to do that?" Annie said with multiple meanings. "Isn't it good that I drive you crazy? I mean, not in the regular crazy way anymore?"
"You've always driven me crazy in every way, that's not hard for you," Jeff noted. "I just want to thank you by giving you more…..intimate times. Like you probably imagined years ago. That kind of special, love-making crap I wouldn't be caught dead doing before you!"
Jeff hoped that the c-word didn't distract Annie from his more sentimental point. Once she appreciated it, her smiles and happiness would make him feel better about being such a girl, as it always did. But yet Annie didn't react that way.
"So you don't want hard core sex, because of what I would have liked back then," she theorized. "That's kind of presumptuous of you, Jeff."
"Is that good in your genius language?" Jeff asked, both to butter her up and clear up his newfound confusion.
"Jeff, I'm not that little girl who just needs romance anymore. I can handle dirty, sexy stuff now, in case you didn't notice," Annie insisted. "You don't have to give me that girly stuff anymore. And assuming I still want it is kind of ignorant."
As Jeff scrambled to catch up, Annie pressed on. "I don't want to have sex like a girly-girl, because that's not who I am now! I'm more grown up, and I want to keep having sex like a grown up! It's like part of you still thinks I'm just a girl, even now! And that's pretty insulting!"
"Annie, the days of me being that dumb are over, you know that!" Jeff pressed, now feeling a bit offended himself. "You think I like being that sappy in bed? Of course not! But I'm willing to do it for you! Like I've made myself change in every other way for you!"
"I didn't ask you to do that, Jeff. I like the new you and the old you just the same!" Annie insisted. "You should respect how I'm changing too!"
"I respect the living crap out of you!" Jeff said. "So why are we arguing?"
"I don't know. You had the problem with me finally growing up sexually," Annie stated. "You want me to sing like a brain dead Santa bimbo again? Or read romantic clichés into every little thing? Or be way too comfortable with being uncomfortable about sex? I'm not that embarrassing anymore, Jeff!"
"You never were that embarrassing!" Jeff started, before rethinking it and added, "Well, they weren't deal breakers, anyway." He backtracked again and corrected, "It's good you're expanding yourself on sex. But you don't have to totally abandon the sappy, romantic stuff. And you don't have to abandon it in other things, either."
"Who said I was?" Annie wondered curiously.
"Okay, table that," Jeff retreated. "The point is, you can be hotter in bed and be sweet sometimes too! Being just one thing or the other isn't necessary. And going to that other extreme all the time….well, that just isn't you."
"Maybe not being me is a good thing, Jeff! Maybe I need that, if you haven't noticed!" Annie exploded, then came back down just as suddenly. She then awkwardly got up and started to dress herself again, but when she was done, she just stayed and sat on the bed again.
Jeff had regrouped himself somewhat by then, and asked, "Okay, how did I act like a jackass this time?"
"You didn't, Jeff, it's not your fault," Annie reassured. However, Jeff didn't just take that for an answer, even if it let him off the hook. Instead, he used his newfound boyfriend training and stuck around to hear her out, no matter how emotional it would be.
When this got through to Annie, she sighed and started, "Jeff, I'm going through a lot now. Just because we're finally….working things out doesn't mean things are perfect for me. I mean, my new major is exhausting me, we're gonna leave Greendale soon, and I don't know what I'm gonna do after graduation anymore! I'm changing myself now, but if I'd done it sooner, maybe this wouldn't be so hard! And it's so obvious I could have done it much earlier."
"You weren't ready to. You needed to mess up and learn stuff the hard way to get to where you are now. So did I, you know," Jeff compared.
"But I'm different from you, Jeff," Annie reminded. "The way I was back then, the way I still am now….I'm not that proud of it anymore. I lost so much before I started getting it right, and I made so many mistakes. I mean, we were barely friends in sophomore and junior year because I didn't act any better!"
"Well, I kind of had some part in that too," Jeff took the rare step of taking responsibility.
"You know what I mean," Annie sidestepped. "Being an uptight, inexperienced, starry eyed little girl held me back. Now I'm just trying to find out who I really am. Who I really want to be. Maybe hard core, adult sex with you is part of that. All I know is I don't want to treat sex, love, you or me like I would have back then. Honestly….what did being that girl really get me?"
"Me! That's reward enough!" Jeff said seriously. "If you weren't that girl, I wouldn't…..like you the way I do now. I wouldn't be better without that girl, and I'd never want to….make love for any reason before! At least not for someone else's benefit!"
Annie let out a tiny smile, so Jeff tried to steamroll the conversation further. "You always tell me not to hate myself, so just take your own advice, okay? Maybe the old you was flawed, but she was much more than that! She wasn't all good or all bad, and neither is the new you!"
"Jeff, you're great at seeing how things and people aren't black and white. But I'm not that good at it yet," Annie lamented.
"Well, I may be a lousy student, but I can be a good teacher sometimes," Jeff assured. "Annie, whatever you're trying to be or figure out, you don't have to do it alone."
"I've had no choice for most of my life," Annie reminded him. "And I can't ask you to fix me, Jeff. The old me from two years ago would have tried and ruined everything, and we both know it. I won't get that carried away this time."
"And having romantic sex with me would do that?" Jeff inquired.
"I don't know. But it's not wrong to be afraid it would," Annie confessed. "If I let myself get swept away too much….it'll hurt so much more when it's over. Then new improved me will be dead and gone."
"I'm sorry, what do you mean by over?" Jeff frowned.
"I'm not saying we'll be together forever, don't worry!" Annie promised, although that wasn't why Jeff was worried at all. "And I can move on when we do break up, whenever that happens! But if I get too caught up in romance and love from you, like the old me would have….I might forget how. Then how will I live the rest of my life?"
Jeff was silent, but not because Annie won the debate. Well, maybe some of it was. But the rest was because he was in shock at how….similar Annie's fears were to his own. The exact same fears that were the real deep down reason he pushed Annie away for so long, despite all the cover about age and Jeff being a jerk.
The same fears that still made him think he'd get tooaddicted to Annie to move on when they weren't together. The same fears that made him worry he was too addicted to her body and sex, to give her the real romance and love she deserved. Maybe that wasn't the exact fear Annie had, but it was close enough.
And one of them living in fear of….liking someone too much was enough. One of them being afraid of their old self was enough – especially when there was nothing for Annie to be ashamed of. And Jeff would make an effort to prove it.
"Annie, I still want to try. You know how big that is coming from me," Jeff declared. "Let me help you get through this stuff. You're not alone in this anymore."
"I don't know," Annie admitted. "Me needing you to fix my hang-ups…..the Britta in me thinks that's kind of embarrassing."
"First of all, I've already told her she has no business in bed with us," Jeff semi-joked. "Second of all, I don't know how to have romantic, meaningful sex either. You'd be helping me as much as I'd be helping you. It's more empowering that way, isn't it?"
"Well, I can't ask Britta me now, you told her to leave," Annie got back into a joking mood. This gave Jeff room to press further.
"Annie, just let me take you out on a proper date. This Friday, maybe. Then if you're up to it, we'll come back here and I'll try to romance you in that….not hard core way. And this time I won't get carried away and skip over the sweet stuff. Okay?" Jeff proposed.
Annie thought this over for a while, then finally answered, "Well, the worst I'd get out of it is a good meal and some sex with you. That's better than nothing."
"That's the spirit, Edison!" Jeff said both sarcastically and with relief. With an accord made, it didn't take long to remember that they were still in bed, and only Annie had clothes on. And it wasn't quite time for her to leave and get back before Troy, Abed and Britta knew she was gone. Or rather, before Troy and Britta knew, knowing Abed.
Nevertheless, Annie laid back down on top of the covers, and Jeff stayed under them but brought her close anyway. "Trust me, Annie. Wanting love and sex like the old you did is nothing to be ashamed of. Not for you," he reassured once more.
"And what would old Jeff say about that?" Annie asked.
"Oh, he gouged his eyes out because of us long ago. Trust me, he's got way more to worry about right now," Jeff poked fun at.
This seemed to finish calming Annie down, as she tried again to take a nap. Jeff stayed up to make sure she was okay – and to deal with how his promise was finally sinking in.
Guaranteeing romantic, making-love type sex that he'd never given anyone was one thing. Containing himself around Annie's gorgeous body – and its newfound sex talents – without totally ravaging it was quite another, apparently. Doing both of these unparalleled things at once – that'd be impossible for someone who liked to try things.
For Jeff Winger, even the new improved version….this would be a tricky one.
