Journal Entry
August 10th 12 AM

It was a dark and stormy night as I walk into the realm of the unknown. As my fears magnify my hope diminishes until I glance up and see a soft light calling me forward leading me towards the exit of my own mind. Leaving behind the fears, the confusion and the pain of the unknown. Everyday I struggle to feel the happiness, the love and the comfort instead of the loneliness and pain of my life. Everyday I put on a smile just to show that I am ok. Everyday I laugh and joke with those who call themselves a friend. If they were truly a friend. They would know that I am suffering and hurting behind the mask and fake smiles. I wear daily, but alas they have no clue. Will I ever feel normal again? Will I ever have friends who truly accept me for me? Even though I am called a freak for my strange appearance, or the way I think. God knows I tried to appear how people wanted, or act a certain way so I wouldn't embarrass them. But no matter how hard I tried it couldn't be. Because that wasn't the real me. But who is the real me I wonder? Will I ever find out? Or am I destine to wander thru that unknown realm I call my mind. Night after night, day after day forever.

Allen Walker

Journal Entry

August 15th 12 AM

I had the same dream again tonight. About being in the darkness, but this time the light wasn't around to pull me back. Instead I kept seeing flashes of my past that's been haunting me. All the horrible things that has happened to me just magnified. I am so scared and I feel as if my mind is not my own anymore. I keep hearing voices telling me to do things that I don't want to do over and over again. It scares me because, I don't know how much longer I can ignore them. Why wont the voices quit I tell them to shut up, but it just seems to get worse. I tell them that they aren't real but the voices just get louder, as if to prove that they are. I try and cover my ears with my pillow. Hoping that it would help to quiet them, but it doesn't work. I start singing hoping that it would drown them out, but that doesn't work either. I want them to stop, I need them to stop but still they murmur on. I cover my ears and scream, Someone please help me! please make them stop I can't handle it anymore. I am drowning in the darkness I am losing myself into the unknown realm of my mind. Please somebody pull me out before its to late, before I lose myself entirely please somebody, anybody…HELP!

Allen Walker

Journal Entry

August 19th 12AM

It's been about three days since I slept. God my body's tired but my mind just wont let me sleep. For the fear of what I could do while I am unconscious. I am afraid, the voices still haven't stopped. I keep myself locked in my room so that I wont hurt anybody. I don't want to hurt anyone please just leave me alone….please, I just cant hurt anyone again not again please…. I just cant or I just might loose my sanity…. That is unless I already lost it. Because every time I look in the mirror, I see a shadow engulfing me little by little inch by inch till I no longer exist. Why is this happening to me? is it my punishment for killing Mana? Is it part of the curse that he burdened me with? Why I ask the heavens why must I be tortured so? I became an exorcist to atone for my sins. So why am I being punished…WHY? I scream but alas no one answers except for the voices only the voices. Murmuring your God has forsaking you, you are nothing but a monster, no one can love you, no one cares for you, you are ultimately alone. You were born alone and you will die alone they laugh. As tears streak down my pale face, I wonder if the voices are right? should I end my life to save everybody before the monster truly reveals itself. Before I am not strong enough to fight it off. I wonder….should I?

Allen Walker