Hello Resident Evil Fans, and especially those of RE4, which this fiction is written from (as if more RE4 fiction needs to be written, I know). This is just a random piece of fiction that I had to write because I'm crazy about the Merchant. I don't know why, I just love 'em. So I had to use him to pick fun at Leon and his sexiness. Enjoy this 300 word drabble of dry humor.


"Ah!" Leon screamed, having turned the corner only to come across the Merchant and his glowing blue fire posts.

"Good evening, stranga." Grins the Merchant through his grimy mask. "Got some good things for sale that might in-trest ya."

"Damn… you scare me each time." Sighed Leon, holding his chest to calm his heart. Walking up to the Merchant and all his coat glory, he stared at the gun of his fancy. "Well, let's see. I think I finally have enough for the Chicago Typewriter."

Glaring, the Merchant closed his coat. "Not enough cash!"

"Come on… can't you let this one go? It's a pretty kick ass gun." Leon frowned, putting his hands together.

"Not enough cash." Huffed the Merchant, folding his arms across his chest.

Tapping his chin, Leon sighed a heavy regretful sigh, unclasping his gun holster and reaching for the rim of his shirt. "Well… how about this?" he replied, removing his shirt for the Merchant to behold.

"Aaaah!" Glowed the Merchant, walking over to Leon and observing his chest as it were a beautiful jewel. "I'd be willing to buy that at a high price." He chuckled darkly, running a greasy hand over Leon's chest.

"A-aah! Don't you wash you hands? Oo-oh, my nipples are sensitive, don't pinch them!" batting the Merchant's hands from groping, fearing things would get out of hand, Leon grabbed his shirt from the ground, slipping it back on his slim muscled form. "There? Is that enough?"

"He he heh, thank you." grinned the happy Merchant, taking the agent's money as well. The deal was done. However, as Leon was finishing adjusting his holster and about to leave and fetch Ashley from her hiding place, the Merchant opened his coat and pulled out a flashy gangster outfit.

"I'll throw this in with your Chicago Typewriter."

Eying the sexy new glam, Leon couldn't say no. But he raised a suspicious eyebrow. "How much will it cost me?"

The Merchant's eye twinkled mischievously.