Author's Note:

Flare: Yo! This is my first fanfic!!! If it's horrible and you hate it, don't kill me. I am trained in the ancient art of PANCAKES!!! FEAR ME!!!

By the way, I don't own Harry Potter, Star Wars, or bacon. Well, actually I do own bacon, since I've eaten it before... nevermind.


It had been breakfast at the Great Hall. Everyone was perfectly fine, until a small first year had noticed that something was missing. The bacon.

There was never a breakfast that was right without bacon at Hogwarts. Everyone knew that. Bacon was awesome, better than porridge, awesome, MUCH better than Slytherins, awesome, tastier than sausages, awesome, crispy, awesome, and awesome.

"WE WANT BACON! WE WANT BACON!!!" a mob had started forming at the fruit painting where the kitchen was. Clearly, Fred and George had tipped everyone off about where the house elves did their work. The mob grew steadily bigger of not only students, but teachers yelling for their lost bacon this morning, all their hopes and dreams of biting into the oh so perfect bacon, the taste filling their mouth…

Suddenly, there was a loud crack. A girl with long dark brown hair appeared right in front of them, grinning hugely. Momentarily distracted by a girl suddenly appearing in their midst, everyone went quiet.

"But you can't apparate in and out of Hogwarts!" Hermione whispered. Ron looked dumbfounded.

"Really?"

"Yes, A History of Magic was one of our first year textbooks, Ron! Don't tell me you haven't ever read it before!"

"One, two three, testing!" The girl spoke into her wand. It came out as a high, squeaky sound. "CHIPMUNK VOICE!!!" The girl cheered.

"Okay. I assume you all want your bacon." She said, her magnified chipmunk voice booming through the hallway. "Anyone heard of Star Wars?"

Nobody raised their hand.

"Ah, come on." The girl sighed. "Okay, Star Wars is probably one of the most awesome things there are." Her voice suddenly grew sad. "But… the SITH STOLE OUR BACON!!!"

Dumbledore, Harry, and Snape all yelled a war cry. The girl joined in, and continued for a few minutes until she stopped to draw breath. Her voice drowned out all the others. They stood there for almost half an hour until she stopped.

"Right. So I will take a few people to the Star Wars galaxy-aka, the realm of the protein cubes-to torture random people, and to get our bacon back! Unfortunately, I can't take all of you, sorry guys. So everyone up against the wall!" she thought for a moment. "By the way, I'm Flare. And I like candy. Candy is good. Candy is sweet. Candy is awesome. Candy is yummy. And most of all, candy is-"

"Get on with it!" Ron yelled.

There was a clattering of people smacking the wall with their backs. Everyone seemed extremely enthusiastic about fighting for bacon. Ah, well.

"Harry! Ron! Hermione! Snape! And Dumbledore! And Fred and George. I mean George and Fred. I mean-" Flare groaned. "Nevermind. So hop aboard, and let's go!" She pointed to a random speeder that had just appeared with a pop and dove in, head first.

Her head hit the gas pedal.

"Ow!"


Flare: Please PLEASE REVIEW!!!! Or else.... kekekekekeke... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA-*ahem*