I Love You When You Can't
Summary
How could someone that hated themselves so much be so easy to fall in love with?
Paring
Ponyboy/Johnny
Main Characters
Ponyboy Curtis: 15
Johnny Cade: 17
Other Characters
Darrel "Darry" Curtis: 21
Sodapop Curtis: 17
Dallas "Dally" Winston: 18
Keith "Two-Bit" Matthews: 19
Steve Randle: 18
P.O.V
Ponyboy Curtis
Chapter One
Never Wanted Anything So Much
I felt stupid just sitting there and looking at him. Soon he'd notice something and pond me for acting queer. I just couldn't help it. It was only the two of us sitting in my living room, watching some stupid mouse on TV. Well, I wasn't watching the mouse as much as I was Johnny.
He just sat there, staring off at the TV, but it was easy to see that he wasn't really watching it. He was really thinking, hard. He did that a lot after he almost died last year. He was different, but the same. Johnny was still quiet and maybe even more scared, but he loved to ride around and see things, old and new. He went out a lot with the guys then again he stayed at my house with me. At night he went back home and would stay there until either his Dad beat him bad or his mom kicked him out.
"Hey Pony?" He asked, making me break my thoughts.
"What?" I asked, looking at the floor.
"Why do ya stare at me?" He asked.
"What?" I asked, trying to sound like I didn't know what he was talking about.
"Don't try and deny it. I see ya doin it all the time. How come?" He asked.
"I donno. I don't even notice I'm doing it." I answered, cheeks bright red and hot.
"Right. What do you think it would be like to be a bug?" He asked all of a sudden.
"Do what?" I asked, giving him a strange look.
"I mean what do they see? Are the blades of grass like their trees? Puddles of water are like their oceans? Do they have their own world? Have you ever thought about it?" He asked, not really caring about the look I shot him.
"I guess I have. When I was little." I answered. "When I asked Darry he just said they were insignificant and don't even need to be around. But he was only eight."
Johnny gave a weak smile. "That's how some people are."
"What do you mean?" I asked, running a hand through my hair that had only just went back to the right color.
Johnny was always really down on himself and almost dieing didn't help at all. His parents didn't treat him any better, but he just thought he deserved it. That's why he just went back almost every night, trying to stay out of their way and do what ever they tell him to.
"Nothin Pony. You wouldn't understand." He answered, looking back to the TV.
He was right. I couldn't ever understand how Johnny felt. I was never abused and when Darry hit me it really didn't scratch the surface. To Johnny I was spoiled. I may not have parents, but at lest they loved me when they were alive. Even without them I have Darry and Sodapop. Johnny had no family members to go to. He had use, but it just wasn't the same.
"You wanna go out tonight. See a movie or something?" Johnny asked.
"Can't. It's a school night. You know how Darry is." I said, with a smile.
"Yeah. Well I'm outa here. I'll be back for dinner." He said as he got up and grabbed his new leather jacket Dally lifted for him. He pulled a bottle wrapped in a paper bag out and took a drink of it.
"See ya." I said as he walked out the door. I got up, turning the TV off, and got in the shower. When I got out I heard someone come in the door. I was sure it was just Two-Bit or Dally.
I got out after I got dressed and was met face to face with a man. I'd seen him before, but couldn't put a name with the face.
"Where is he?" He asked angrily.
"Who?" I asked as he pushed me back. Soon my butt hit the dinning room table.
"You know who I'm talking about, kid!" He yelled, grabbing each side of the table.
I did the same, coming up with a way to get out the door at lest. "Get out." I warned.
"Tell me where he is!"
I kneed the man in between his legs hard, lifting myself on to the table. I rolled off the table quickly, being sure to kick the man in the head a good time. When I was off I ran to the door, tripping over the rug on my way. I looked back at the man and saw him getting up. I tried to get back to my feet, but pain shot through my ankle making it impossible.
"You're real stupid, kid. Just tell me." He said, walking over to me.
I felt like crying, but that wasn't going to help me. I drug myself over to the couch and used it to get myself up without leaning on my left foot. "I don't know who you're talking about."
His dark eyes danced with enjoyment at this point. He pushed me onto the couch and kicked my left ankle.
I bit my lip to keep from screaming. "Get out!" I choked.
Just in time the door opened and in came Johnny beside Dally.
"Hey Pony, I forgot…" Johnny stopped and stared at what was happening.
"There you are." The man said, turning around and grabbing Johnny's arm.
"What's going on?" Dally asked, glaring at the man. Johnny's dad.
I have no idea how I couldn't see the resemblance, but I hadn't seen Mr. Cade in years.
But really they looked alike. The same skin color, eye color, head shape. But Mr. Cade looked a lot meaner.
"I need the boy at home." Mr. Cade answered.
Johnny looked scared, I'd never seen him like that.
"Man let him go." Dally demanded.
"Dal, it's okay." Johnny whispered, letting his dad drag him out of the house like a rag doll.
Before the door shut I thought I heard Johnny whisper, "I deserve it."
Short for a reason. –Wink- -Wink-
