There was a loud crash as I threw bobby's desk with all my strength. It smashed against the wall, it's contents flying every where. Including at bobby who expertly ducked.
"Damn it! Why couldn't he listen to me? If he had just listened!" I finally gave up and flopped onto the couch. Running my hands through my hair I looked at bobby with tear filled eyes.
"if he had just listened to me bobby, he would still be alive. Why didn't he listen?"
I looked away. I couldn't stand the looks bobby was giving me. As if I were some child who was throwing a tantrum. Ok, maybe I was throwing a bit of a tantrum but that didn't mean he had to look at me like that. He cleared his throat and I turned, relutantly looking back at him. His brown eyes were now filled with concern and I kind of wished he'd go back to treating me like a child.
"what do you expect me to say kid?" he slowly began walking towards me, as of he were afraid i'd hit him or start throwing things again. I watched as he carefully bent down and picked up his favourite pictures and prized items, moving them away. I smirked, yeap he was definitely afraid i'd start throwing things again.
"look Dean, Tommy was a good kid. But you know he was never made to be a hunter. You shouldn't have tried to teach him. You should have just let him live his life." my smirk disapeered from my face as I turned to face bobby again, betrayal clearly showing on my face.
"so what? You're saying it's my fault? He was the one who came to me! All eager and willing. I never would have taught him if I didn't think he could handle it. He was actually pretty goood. Just like... just... like..." I stopped. Even after all these years I still couldn't say it. I still couldn't speak his name. I knew it was stupid. I should just forget and move on, but part of me wouldn't allow it. The part of me would always remember him. That would always... I buried my face in my hands. I didn't even need to look up to see bobby's expression. It was one that I had seen plenty these past years. One that was forever burned into mind. One that I hated and resented... pity. It had been like that for a while now. I would suddenly break down and bobby was always there to build me back up. I sighed, my fists grabbing handfuls of hair almost pulling them out with the pressure.
"You know that's not what i'm saying, ya idjit. It's just, maybe you should hunt alone for a while", my head jerked up and all I could do was stare. "yeah, yeah I know you don't like doing that. But think about it this is the 5th hunting partner in 3 years thats either died or ran out on you. Don't you think it would be best if you at least tried to be alone? I know it's hard but it's about time I stop babying ya boy. Your a grown man and you can sure as hell take care of yourself."
With that bobby turned around and stalked out the door. For a few minutes all I could do was stare at the space where bobby had been. Hunt on my own? I hadn't hunted on my own in... well, never. It had always been me and... and... I let out an exasperated sigh. Was I that weak? I still couldn't say his name. Maybe that was my problem. Bobby always said that the moment I could allow myself to mention him. I would finally begin to truly heal. I always argued that I was healed, but all he would do is look at me with sad eyes and I knew he was right. I'd never really allowed myself to grieve after his death. I just shut down. At the time I thought it was best, that it would allow me to continue doing what I was doing. Which at the time was hunting. Now on the other hand all I do is train innocent kids to kill monsters. And most of them end up dead anyway. I don't know why I do it. I just need some one with me. Someone to protect. I guess I just believed that it would make up for what happened to him. I couldn't stand it anymore. Just sitting here doing nothing. Besides I had a body to bury. I stood up, wincing as my muscells clicked with the disuse.
I turned around to go get the shovel when I came face to face with him. I thought bobby had thrown that picture out months ago, but apparently he just hid it when I was around. My apperance had been pretty sudden so I guess he hadn't had time to hide it yet. All I could do was stare at the photo. After being in the sun for so long it had started to fade. Just like my memory of him. Sometimes I couldn't even remember his face, it was all blured together in my mind. But now looking at his face again, I knew I could never really forget. Those mischevise brown eyes. I remember how they always used to crinkle around the edges when he smiled. And what a smile, stretching from ear to ear. Just looking at him you could tell he was, had, been a happy person. Full of life, now... well now he was nothing but a memory.
I felt my knees begin to go weak. I just, it's been to much in one day. With shaking hands I carefully turned the picture upside down. I couldn't deal with him anymore. It was time to bury it all down again. Sighing, I began walking down the hall. All around me were pictures of hunters, family, random people and even some weird paintings that looked like some kid had thrown food on them thankfully they were the only reminders of bobby's abstract fase. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. I whirled around ready to take on any incoming threat. Absently I realised that dad would have been proud. I had turned into the ultimate hunter dad always wanted me to be. Poised, ready for any attack and as usual always prepared. Dad had drilled into my head that I always needed to be prepared. To know what I was facing. Unfortunately for me that meant reading, lots and lots of reading. Thats why I always get my new hunting partners to do the research. Ive had enough books to last a life time.
Thankfully there was no need to be alarmed. Bobby had returned. I always wondered how someone like bobby could be so damn stealth like. I must have had a pretty freaked out look on my face because bobby raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "Calm down kid, you look like youve seen a ghost."
"If you were a ghost then I would have ganked your ass by now." bobby's chuckle turned into an out right laugh. He removed his hand from my shoulder and placed them on his hips. He looked like a house wife when he did that. Whenever he used to growl me growing up he would always place his hands on his hips. I could never take him seriously and I always ended up laughing, which of course equalled me running for my life. Suddenly bobby's voice snapped me out of my day dream. "you can try kid, but we both know you wont get further then two steps. By the way did ya find the shovel yet? I aint having a body sinking up my new rug."
"your rug? Thats what you're worried about? How domestic of you bobby, tapping in to your feminine side are we?"
That earned me a glare that, had he still been alive I would have called a full blown bitch face. I know I probably shouldn't wind bobby up but when I see an opportunity I take it. Been that way all my life. Must be why women love me, part of my charm. SLAP one minute I was thinking of women the next I was being slapped around the head by bobby.
"i ain't no women you damn idjit. No hurry up and get that shovel, we have your friend to bury."
Sighing I continued my slow, condemed walk down the hall. Welcome to the miserable life that is Dean Winchester.
