"And you may choose a woman," Neytiri said, subdued.
Jake remained fixated on the eerie lavender bioluminescence of the sacred tree, so unlike anything he'd ever seen on Earth. Thus was Pandora. Her words were nearly swallowed up in the pure silence of the forest, a strange phenomenon.
He had known that this moment would come. It had simply been a matter of when. Jake had hoped that this wouldn't have to be how it would transpire.
"We have many fine women," she said, still retaining that same subdued, determined tone. Neytiri often masked how she truly felt with empty words, but Jake wasn't blind. For over three months, they'd spent everyday by one another's side. He knew what was to come. "Ninat is the best singer..." she continued, her voice flat and listless.
Jake's heart ached for Neytiri. He had known that they would be faced with this when she was given the responsibility of training him. Had it been another Na'vi woman, Jake knew that this would not have gone much differently. He was different - alien, and utterly fascinating. He was the shiny new toy to an isolated community; Omaticaya women couldn't simply leave the tribe and seek out a new life. They were utterly limited to all that they knew.
He was still a dreamwalker, a demon in a false body. He couldn't bring himself to live a lie.
"But I don't want Ninat," he found himself stating blatently. It was true, he didn't.
Neytiri continued as if Jake hadn't spoken, "Peyral is best hunter.."
"She is a good hunter," he said, fixatedly. He decided that honesty would be the best course of action. Peyral was the most formidable of the Na'vi women, aside from Neytiri. She reminded him very much of Trudy, strong, beautiful, nonadherent, and independent.
Neytiri slowly turned to meet his eyes, her piercing, golden pair glistening with impending tears.
"Then what, Jake?" she said, her words suddenly venomous.
Her obvious pain over his seeming indifference made Jake's heart ache. He had never wished this breed of hurt on Neytiri. Seeing such a powerful woman, the woman who had made this chapter of his life all that it was, reduced to this level of vulnerability caused Jake to die a little inside.
Jake gently touched Neytiri's beautiful heart-shaped face, cupping it in the palm of his abnormal, four-fingered hand. He expected her to reject this gesture of affection, instead, she sighed deeply and pulled herself towards him. He embraced her slender body, wishing to remain like this for all eternity, wrapped in this innocent, simple expression of love.
"Neytiri," he whispered, "Oel ngati kameie." She looked upward into his eyes, her own pair seemingly penetrating his soul with their humbling vulnerability. He wished she wouldn't do that. Not now.
"Jake... I do not understand. Do you... choose me?"
Jake gently unwound her arms from him, still holding her hands. He kept her gaze, now confused and scared.
"I need you to listen to me," Jake said, his voice shaking, "like, really, really listen, because I've never spoken truer words in my entire life than the ones you're about to hear now. I care for you more than I can put into words, but we should never have happened, Neytiri. I'm not one of the Omaticaya, and I never, ever will be, not really-"
"But Jake, I - " she stammered.
"Tìng mikyun, Neytiri! " he said sharply. He had to finish the job. "All the ceremonies and titles of your people will not change the fact that I'm still a human, a dreamwalker. I can walk and speak and look like one of you, but I know that it's all a lie. I wasn't meant for this life, or you, and I can't kid myself anymore."
He felt a singular tear escape the corner of his eye. Neytiri gripped his hands so hard, he thought the small, delicate bones would crack under the pressure. She kept her gaze fixated upon him, but it was blank, glassy, and unreadable. She was somewhere else.
The beautiful, twilit forest seemed to blur around Jake, as all his attention was focused upon Neytiri, still seemingly paralyzed, as he searched for even the most minute indications of a response.
After what seemed like an eternity, she averted her gaze. "You are right," she whispered brokenly, "But why should that matter? That does not mean I cannot love you. Am I not worthy of you, Jake?"
"Neytiri, on Earth, we would say that you are 'out of my league.' I am not what you need. I never should have been here, for God's sake! Hell, you're too worthy for someone like me. You said it yourself, I'm a skxwang, a moron! You've known me for three months, how can you base love off of that? You hardly know me!" Jake found himself shouting. Neytiri recoiled, aghast.
"Jake, our Great Mother works in mysterious ways. She brought us together for a reason. I know, when I see you, that you are my tshashalia, the other half of me. I know, Jake!" her melodic voice choked with tears, raising in pitch. "How can you not see?"
He didn't understand how she could lie to herself in the bizarre way she did. Neytiri had a tshashalia, he knew it, and it was not him. One day, he hoped she would see the man that had been by her side for her entire life.
"Neytiri, please... It's not me that you love. It's the idea of me, and the idea of falling in love with me and defying everything that your life has been. And I can promise you that I won't be that. Ever. Sooner or later, you always have to wake up."
Jake knew that it was harsh and cruel to say such a thing to the woman who had made him her life for the past few months. The thanks that he gave her for her devotion was a true betrayal. He knew that she would see that, and would have every reason to hate him.
Jake didn't want to be the subject of Neytiri's hatred, but it was the only way. The only way for her to have the life she was entitled to. There was nothing for them, and Jake couldn't spend his life in denial. If you repeat a lie a thousand times, it's still a lie. He could never, ever convince himself differently.
Neytiri couldn't mask her anguish. She screamed something in Na'vi that he couldn't decipher and lunged at him. Jake made no move. He knew she couldn't bring herself to hurt him.
"Go away!" she said, sobbing. "Get away! Never come back!" She crumpled to the ground, shuddering in distress.
Jake wanted desperately to comfort her, but knew that at this point, the battle was lost. He turned away from Neytiri and walked back into the forest in the direction they had come from, praying silently and sincerely to Eywa that Neytiri would find true happiness.
