Hi all. Obviously I couldn't leave Saturday night's episode alone.

Now you all know I'm a bit of an Ethan girl, but I have to say that I felt a bit disappointed in him when he told Zoe that he didn't think that Cal was up to being a dad to Matilda. I'm taking it to mean that he felt let down that Cal had run out when the going was getting really tough. That being said, I did feel like he was feeling a bit bad about what he said/thought later in the episode when Cal gave him the cards and had obviously been there for the baby during the lumbar puncture etc. Anyway, this is my offering - hope it's ok.

As usual I don't own anyone that you know - if I did, they would have had a hug!

Reverting to Type

"For he's a jolly good fellow..." was still ringing in his ears as he blew out the candle on his surprise birthday cake, "Aw thank you guys, that's really...great," Ethan told them sincerely. He was really touched by the fact that people had remembered his birthday, even though it was shaping up to be one of the worst he could ever remember. His niece was currently in REsus, fighting an illness that they still didn't really know what it was. He had seen Zoe have to drill into her leg to get fluids into her - seen her fitting and going through an anaphylaxis not knowing what it was that she was allergic to. And if that wasn't enough, he had had to deal with an extrememly distraught Cal, who had eventually done what he always did and ran away from the problem. Thankfully, after a talk with Charlie, the older doctor came back and hadn't left Matilda's side since.

Ethan blew out the candle and smiled the best smile that he could muster under the circumstances. Rita stepped forward and put a hand on his arm, "I know you probably don't feel much like celebrating..."

Ethan smiled once more, although the senior nurse noticed that it didn't reach his eyes, "Thank you Rita...everyone," he said looking around him, "Please distribute the cake to everyone - I really need to get back to my niece and brother."

Everyone nodded their understanding as they began to disperse. Suddenly, Ethan felt very alone, stood in admin staring at the cake in front of him. What was he doing?

Just for a moment, he stood, alone, in the uncharacteristic silence, mentally running through what had been happening during that day.

He took a few steps towards Resus. As he reached for the door, he stopped - looked through the glass. Cal was still glued to Matilda's side - he had obviously recovered from his meltdown and was now doing a bang up job of being the devoted father that Matilda needed.

A sudden thought hit him like a ton of bricks - they didn't need him now. Matilda was on the mend, Cal was on the mend - so he was surplus to requirements. He felt his eyes sting at the thought. Then he was overtaken by a wave of shame at his selfish thoughts - he needed some air...

Matilda was settled. She was starting to show signs of improvement. Everything was starting to fall into place. Cal finally released a long, calming breath as he watched his daughter kick her legs out in obvious relief. He smiled adoringly at her, tickling her under her chin and recieving the sweetest of giggles in return.

As she drifted off into a more restful sleep, Cal became acutely aware that someone was missing. Just at that moment, Charlie came in to do the necessary checks, proclaiming that everything was going in the right direction.

"You are such a good girl," Cal cooed to his daughter, who managed a small smile even though her eyelids was already drooping again.

"Charlie, have you seen Ethan?" Cal asked the older nurse.

"I heard that they got him a birthday cake..."

Cal smiled, thinking how their colleagues, no their friends, had made sure that his brother wasn't forgotten on his birthday, "You talking about Ethan?" Lofty broke into their conversation, as he came in to check on the baby's progress...and Cal.

Cal nodded.

"I saw him head outside," the young nurse told the older brother.

"Oh," he muttered, frowning as he looked from Matilda to the door, then back again.

"They've got a bed upstairs for her now," Lofty also informed them, so then began the arduous task of collecting all her things together. Cal busied himself packing the bag full of Matilda's clothes, blankets etc as Charlie and Lofty sorted the infant out, getting her ready to be moved.

As they pushed her bed along the corridor, many of his colleagues came up to pat him on the back or to voice their encouragement. He caught a glimpse of the chocolate cake left on the desk, reminding him that his brother was noticeably absent.

Charlie was aware of how preoccupied the young doctor was, "Cal why don't you go and find him - tell him where we're going. We'll get her settled so by the time you get back to her, she'll be as happy as Larry."

Cal smiled hesitantly at the older man, then nodded his agreement. He bent over his sleeping daughter, "I'm going to look for you Uncle Ethan - be back soon," he whispered. He watched them until the lift doors closed, blocking them from view.

He rubbed a hand through his hair, sighing deeply.

"He's in the peace garden," Lofty told his friend, noticing how his eyes were searching.

"Thanks Lofty. Listen, would you mind doing a favour when your shift is over?"

The curly haired nurse nodded, "Course Cal, anything I can do to help..."
Cal fished into his pocket and pulled out a bunch of keys, "Would you mind going to the flat and picking us up some bits - we'll probably both be staying the night. Oh and can you pick up the post - Ethan's birthday cards in in with that."

"No problem. I'll bring everything up to you when I get it."

"Thanks mate, I really appreciate it."

A few minutes later, Cal made his way over to the solitary figure, hunched over with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

"Not exactly how you expected to spend your birthday..." the older man started.

Ethan, surprised to hear his brothers voice, lifted his head up, revealing fat tears sliding down his cheeks, "Ethan?" Cal's voice broke as he saw the pain and fear on his little brother's face.

He sat himself down as close as he dared, knowing the younger man wasn't known for his tactile displays. He couldn't help but smile though, when he felt his brother lean into him slightly, so he slipped an arm across his shoulders.

"How is she?" the younger man asked as he dried his tears.

"Good. It looks like the worst is behind her," Cal told him.

Ethan blew out a breath of relief, "Thank goodness..."

"So are you going to tell me why you're hiding out here?" Cal tried to keep his tone light, knowing how defensive his brother could be.

"Just needed some fresh air..." the younger man answered, trying to muster up a smile.

"Yeah," Cal sighed, "Crazy day eh?"

"Mmm crazy day," Ethan agreed.

"So are you actually gong to tell me what's really going on? Or do I have to drag it out of you?" Cal turned towards his brother, who couldn't look him in the eyes, "It's nothing - I'm being stupid and selfish..."

"I would never put those words in the same breath as you Ethan - especially the latter - what's brought this on?"

"I feel so ashamed of myself," Ethan's voice began to crack.

Shocked to see his brother so upset, Cal placed a hand on his arm. This time Ethan did look at him, "I'm sorry Caleb...I reverted back to type...and I feel so ashamed of myself."

"I'm not getting this Ethan, what do you mean?" Cal was confused.

"When we took Matilda for her scan, Zoe was talking to me about you and about how hard it must have been for you to see your baby being so sick...all I could think of was how you had run out on us. I thought that you had reverted back to doing what you always do - I thought you'd run out on us - so I did the same...I told her that Matilda needed a dad and that I didn't think that you were up to the job..." Ethan sucked in a deep breath to steady himself, silently berating himself when he saw how hurt his brother looked at his admission.

"I can understand..." Cal agreed.

"But I shouldn't have said it Cal! Ever since she arrived on the scene, you have really stepped up! You're fast becoming an amazing father to her. I shouldn't have mis-judged you. Your daughter was very sick - of course it was going to affect you. I'm just so sorry I..."

Cal pulled him into a hug, "You were right. I had reverted back to my old ways, so it's only natural that you would too, so don't beat yourself up about it. I would have probably said the same thing in that position. But the main thing is that she's on the mend and she's got the both of us to look after her."

Ethan pulled away with a small smile.

"They are moving her upstairs..." Cal told him as he got to his feet.

Ethan looked surprised, "So why aren't you with her?"

"Well, for one, she's not about to run away is she? And two, I'm not just a daddy, I'm a big brother too and although I feel like I've been put through the wringer today, it's got to be doubly worse for you. You have been there for Matilda, looking after her when I couldn't and then looking after me when I was there. Thanks for that by the way," he finished with a chuckle.

Ethan rose to his feet, "Do you know what Cal? I really think you can do this. I think you're going to be the best father to our gorgeous girl," he told him sincerely.

Cal threw an arm around his shoulders as he swallowed a lump of emotion after hearing his brother say that, "Well I'm sure that with the help of the best Uncle ever, we can make this work!"

Had to get a hug in there! Still can't believe that we didn't get one. One thing I have noticed though, and this will be down to the editing, you see a touch on a hand lingering on a shoulder in some shots, then it cuts to a different shot (if you get my meaning). When Lofty tells Ethan that Rita needs him in admin, Ethan is turned away from Cal, yet when the camera rests on Cal's face, you can see Ethan's hand on his shoulder and he squeezes it before he leaves - yet you don't see any evidence of it in the shot of Ethan turning to leave. I'm always looking for little bits of brotherly comfort.

Sorry if this is a bit rubbish. It started as a good idea (to me) but I'm not sure if it reads as well as it should. I'm sure you'll let me know.

Looking forward to the next big story for our brothers, although I'm a little nervous about how it will affect them (even though really it shouldn't).

Til next time.